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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Death / Heartbreak / Loss
- Published: 06/23/2015
4 am came and went, silently ticking the long echoing seconds by, just the same as 3 am had done and 2 am before that, and still she stared up at the darkness as she laid in bed, her brain refusing to stop it's all singing and dancing cabaret act to close down for the night and let her sleep as it used to do, long ago in the days before "he" came along.
Another scenario played out in her mind, another long episode of how they had met, how he stormed into her life like a tornado and turned everything upside down, how he gazed lovingly into her eyes for hours on end and whispered that he had loved her for as long as she had loved him.
The scenario was false of course! A made up fabrication of the actual truth which somehow had been forgotten over the last two years along with the actual truth of how they had met and just what this man's place was in her oh so lonely life. Why she fantasised about him so much that he had become an obsession that had steadily turned into an addiction? Was she just so insanely alone that she had made him up to compensate for the life she so desperately wanted, or did she truly and honestly love him as much as her heart screamed at her on nights like this, when she was unable to sleep without dreaming about him first?
Reality had long since been lost in the fantasy of this man, right to the point now where she wanted it to stop just so she could start to function like a normal person again and not a crazed stalker, constantly searching for any information about him that she could, just so she could feel closer to him. What's next, going through his bins? Collecting enough pictures to make a shrine? Secretly planning the murder of his wife so she could take her place in his life and his family?
The big question was, did he love her? Did he think about her, want her, need her, even know she liked him in her crazy stalker like way? The answer, even though it wasn't something she wanted to hear, was no, he did not! She had hero worshipped him from afar and that was fine because she needed someone to worship at the time, she needed at least one man in her life who wouldn't let her down and would always remain perfectly unflawed, but when no one real came along to take his place, when she used the fantasy of him to comfort herself during her darkest days when depression very nearly killed her, that was when he stopped being her dream man and turned into a nightmare of a monster who took over her life and forced her terrible solitude firmly down her throat.
She can't go on like this, watching the clock every night, crying herself to sleep in the early hours of every morning, not wanting to face another day without him by her side. She can't continue with this lunacy that is threatening to send her over the edge of her already frayed sanity. So she knows, as she stares into the darkness, she knows that when she wakes up after just 2 or 3 hours of hell bound sleep, that she will have to finally, and for good, let him go and that's why she doesn't close her eyes, because when morning comes, she will want to die.
It's a crippling fear she faces now and she doesn't want the pain she endures to leave her because feeling even as bad as she does sometimes, at least she knows she is alive, at least she knows she still exists in a world where she is lost and always in the dark. If she lets him go, she'll have no one, but at least she'll be free of the nightmares and the loneliness that comes from not having him. If she let's him go....
You're my obsession.(Sara Cambridge)
4 am came and went, silently ticking the long echoing seconds by, just the same as 3 am had done and 2 am before that, and still she stared up at the darkness as she laid in bed, her brain refusing to stop it's all singing and dancing cabaret act to close down for the night and let her sleep as it used to do, long ago in the days before "he" came along.
Another scenario played out in her mind, another long episode of how they had met, how he stormed into her life like a tornado and turned everything upside down, how he gazed lovingly into her eyes for hours on end and whispered that he had loved her for as long as she had loved him.
The scenario was false of course! A made up fabrication of the actual truth which somehow had been forgotten over the last two years along with the actual truth of how they had met and just what this man's place was in her oh so lonely life. Why she fantasised about him so much that he had become an obsession that had steadily turned into an addiction? Was she just so insanely alone that she had made him up to compensate for the life she so desperately wanted, or did she truly and honestly love him as much as her heart screamed at her on nights like this, when she was unable to sleep without dreaming about him first?
Reality had long since been lost in the fantasy of this man, right to the point now where she wanted it to stop just so she could start to function like a normal person again and not a crazed stalker, constantly searching for any information about him that she could, just so she could feel closer to him. What's next, going through his bins? Collecting enough pictures to make a shrine? Secretly planning the murder of his wife so she could take her place in his life and his family?
The big question was, did he love her? Did he think about her, want her, need her, even know she liked him in her crazy stalker like way? The answer, even though it wasn't something she wanted to hear, was no, he did not! She had hero worshipped him from afar and that was fine because she needed someone to worship at the time, she needed at least one man in her life who wouldn't let her down and would always remain perfectly unflawed, but when no one real came along to take his place, when she used the fantasy of him to comfort herself during her darkest days when depression very nearly killed her, that was when he stopped being her dream man and turned into a nightmare of a monster who took over her life and forced her terrible solitude firmly down her throat.
She can't go on like this, watching the clock every night, crying herself to sleep in the early hours of every morning, not wanting to face another day without him by her side. She can't continue with this lunacy that is threatening to send her over the edge of her already frayed sanity. So she knows, as she stares into the darkness, she knows that when she wakes up after just 2 or 3 hours of hell bound sleep, that she will have to finally, and for good, let him go and that's why she doesn't close her eyes, because when morning comes, she will want to die.
It's a crippling fear she faces now and she doesn't want the pain she endures to leave her because feeling even as bad as she does sometimes, at least she knows she is alive, at least she knows she still exists in a world where she is lost and always in the dark. If she lets him go, she'll have no one, but at least she'll be free of the nightmares and the loneliness that comes from not having him. If she let's him go....
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