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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 11/21/2015
Sherry loved her husband, of that, there was and is no doubt. However he seems to have grown so spoiled by her. Ok maybe the better word, so used to her, or accustomed to her, he didn’t seem to appreciate her.
When was the last time they had sit together under a tree on the sparkling green grass and have him look into her eyes and say I love you? When was the last time that the nighttime was a pleasure and not just a habit? You know when he would hold her close, gentle and find the right spots to touch, whisper the right words in her ear. No now it was, roll on, roll off after five minutes on a good night and two minutes later start to snore. What happened to those ideals of making sure she got not only what she needed but more?
She understood he worked hard, but dog gone it, she worked hard. Everyday she had the kids to get up and dressed. Breakfast to make, oh not just any old thing would do. He wanted fresh eggs and home made biscuits and gravy. Fresh home mixed sausage and if she took a short cut and bought sausage or used can biscuits he would through a fit worse than a two year old. She loved him and she loved his boyish look when he was asleep, she loved his muscles, well ok what used to be that anyway but now as age does to all a little more flab and a little less muscles. Yet he could always make her smile, find a way to make her feel better even when the kids were driving her nuts.
Today however he had crossed the line. He got up after eating and said the coffee was weak; gravy was lumpy, eggs over done. He had looked at her across the table and asked if she lost her hairbrush. Ok everyone is entitled to a bad day and when you’re a couple they will take it out on the one they love so all of that she put up with, with out a word. When she got up to get him more eggs, because even with his gripping he wanted more, he said, “looks like you been eating a few to many cookies. Getting a little more broad in the waist and that butt.” That was it, for that he must pay the piper.
She didn’t get mad, she didn’t yell, she would do what she has always done, get even. She had no ideal what she would do but she would get his attention and that was going to be the goal of the day. Revenge is mine thus say the Lord. That may well be, but to day he choose her to give her man a good dose of revenge.
After the kids were gone to school, after he was off to work, she began. She went and got all his pants out of the closet, she sit down and put a seam in the waist of every pair of pants, taking them up by a inch. When he tried to get dressed tomorrow he wouldn’t have a pair of pants that fit, he would know he had put a little on around that gut too.
Once that chore was done, she went into the bathroom, she took his tooth paste and carefully pressed the tube out till empty and then using a spoon refilled the tube using preparation H. Would be good for his gums and take the swelling out and such a nice taste, might help his morning breath which she never complained about. She took his pillow and went outside and got a hand full of gravel from the driveway, she cut the seam and added the stones to the feathers, sewed it closed again. Would be good for his snoring if nothing else, sides he must have rocks in his head to say, in so many words she was getting fat, the jerk.
She took his house slippers and put a nice thumb tack in the bottom point sticking up of course, that would give him something to jump up and down about. Then she took all the rolls of toilet paper and hid them behind the towels, leaving only a small amount on the spool.
She went down to fix his supper, tonight she made lasagna not just one pan but two. One for her and the kids using of course the best fresh ground beef from their own cow. His however would be getting a treat to remember, she took a can of Alpo that she had stored in the bottom of the pantry, there would be no ground beef for him. That night when he walked in demanding is supper ready, she dished his out of his own pan. She took hers and the kids from the beef pan.
The kids were all smiles mom this is the best. He took a few big bites, don’t know what you did different but this tastes different but I think it is the best ever. He soon was asking for more, after three plates full they retired to the living room. She did the dishes, while he watched the news. After only twenty minutes he was up and running for the bathroom. When he came back he had a funny look on his face, she just smiled at him, guess I ate too much. Ten minutes later he was on the run back to the restroom again. Then she heard him yell, Sherry we seem to be out of toilet paper what am I supposed to do. She smiled, “use your hand!” After a bit of holding out she gave in and gave him a roll of paper, knowing she wouldn’t be able to stand him touching her if he used his hand or the thought of the smell.
Bedtime came, he went to the bedroom, still complaining of his stomach cramping and slipped on his house shoes to make a new mad dash to the restroom. However he didn’t get very far, as his foot landed very firmly on the tack. He started cursing and using words that would embarrass the devil. As he got his shoe off she handed him a bandage, wonder how that got there, she said in ever such a innocent way.
When he made it back into the room limping she smiled, almost laughed, but found the strength to refrain from it. He made a face, I don’t see anything so funny about this. She smiled maybe you should look in your shoes before you poke your big foot in them, hmm, maybe you should think before you speak, before you poke your big foot in your mouth too.
To no ones surprise that went way over his head. He lay down and plopped his head on the pillow, darn what is wrong with my pillow?
“I have no ideal dear,” then she couldn’t help her self, “maybe the same thing that is wrong with my butt and waist. No maybe it is what is wrong with your head, full of rocks.” He held the pillow up, shook it, felt it made a face and like any typical guy slept on it anyway. Next morning he woke to find little indentions all over his cheeks where the stones had pushed against his flesh. He got up as she was getting the kids up, then she heard him yell.
“Sherry, none of my pants fit me, what in the heck happened, I guess I ate to much last night, you got to help me, do something.” She said brush your teeth and I’ll be in when I get done with the kids.
She soon heard him coughing and inventing new words, “something is wrong with my tooth paste.” Sherry went to the room, looked at his pants around his waist unfastened of course, she smiled, “Looks like your stomach has gotten as big as you butt.” He stood there, he got it, “ok what did you do to teach me a lesson?” She smiled told him take off his pants, she ripped out the pleat she had added. “I suggest you think before you speak, I’m your wife not your hunting dog.”
That breakfast he didn’t complain, that night he brought her home flowers, yes indeed maybe he learned his lesson, if not she would pull more tricks out of her bag.
Sherry's Revenge(Rich Puckett)
Sherry loved her husband, of that, there was and is no doubt. However he seems to have grown so spoiled by her. Ok maybe the better word, so used to her, or accustomed to her, he didn’t seem to appreciate her.
When was the last time they had sit together under a tree on the sparkling green grass and have him look into her eyes and say I love you? When was the last time that the nighttime was a pleasure and not just a habit? You know when he would hold her close, gentle and find the right spots to touch, whisper the right words in her ear. No now it was, roll on, roll off after five minutes on a good night and two minutes later start to snore. What happened to those ideals of making sure she got not only what she needed but more?
She understood he worked hard, but dog gone it, she worked hard. Everyday she had the kids to get up and dressed. Breakfast to make, oh not just any old thing would do. He wanted fresh eggs and home made biscuits and gravy. Fresh home mixed sausage and if she took a short cut and bought sausage or used can biscuits he would through a fit worse than a two year old. She loved him and she loved his boyish look when he was asleep, she loved his muscles, well ok what used to be that anyway but now as age does to all a little more flab and a little less muscles. Yet he could always make her smile, find a way to make her feel better even when the kids were driving her nuts.
Today however he had crossed the line. He got up after eating and said the coffee was weak; gravy was lumpy, eggs over done. He had looked at her across the table and asked if she lost her hairbrush. Ok everyone is entitled to a bad day and when you’re a couple they will take it out on the one they love so all of that she put up with, with out a word. When she got up to get him more eggs, because even with his gripping he wanted more, he said, “looks like you been eating a few to many cookies. Getting a little more broad in the waist and that butt.” That was it, for that he must pay the piper.
She didn’t get mad, she didn’t yell, she would do what she has always done, get even. She had no ideal what she would do but she would get his attention and that was going to be the goal of the day. Revenge is mine thus say the Lord. That may well be, but to day he choose her to give her man a good dose of revenge.
After the kids were gone to school, after he was off to work, she began. She went and got all his pants out of the closet, she sit down and put a seam in the waist of every pair of pants, taking them up by a inch. When he tried to get dressed tomorrow he wouldn’t have a pair of pants that fit, he would know he had put a little on around that gut too.
Once that chore was done, she went into the bathroom, she took his tooth paste and carefully pressed the tube out till empty and then using a spoon refilled the tube using preparation H. Would be good for his gums and take the swelling out and such a nice taste, might help his morning breath which she never complained about. She took his pillow and went outside and got a hand full of gravel from the driveway, she cut the seam and added the stones to the feathers, sewed it closed again. Would be good for his snoring if nothing else, sides he must have rocks in his head to say, in so many words she was getting fat, the jerk.
She took his house slippers and put a nice thumb tack in the bottom point sticking up of course, that would give him something to jump up and down about. Then she took all the rolls of toilet paper and hid them behind the towels, leaving only a small amount on the spool.
She went down to fix his supper, tonight she made lasagna not just one pan but two. One for her and the kids using of course the best fresh ground beef from their own cow. His however would be getting a treat to remember, she took a can of Alpo that she had stored in the bottom of the pantry, there would be no ground beef for him. That night when he walked in demanding is supper ready, she dished his out of his own pan. She took hers and the kids from the beef pan.
The kids were all smiles mom this is the best. He took a few big bites, don’t know what you did different but this tastes different but I think it is the best ever. He soon was asking for more, after three plates full they retired to the living room. She did the dishes, while he watched the news. After only twenty minutes he was up and running for the bathroom. When he came back he had a funny look on his face, she just smiled at him, guess I ate too much. Ten minutes later he was on the run back to the restroom again. Then she heard him yell, Sherry we seem to be out of toilet paper what am I supposed to do. She smiled, “use your hand!” After a bit of holding out she gave in and gave him a roll of paper, knowing she wouldn’t be able to stand him touching her if he used his hand or the thought of the smell.
Bedtime came, he went to the bedroom, still complaining of his stomach cramping and slipped on his house shoes to make a new mad dash to the restroom. However he didn’t get very far, as his foot landed very firmly on the tack. He started cursing and using words that would embarrass the devil. As he got his shoe off she handed him a bandage, wonder how that got there, she said in ever such a innocent way.
When he made it back into the room limping she smiled, almost laughed, but found the strength to refrain from it. He made a face, I don’t see anything so funny about this. She smiled maybe you should look in your shoes before you poke your big foot in them, hmm, maybe you should think before you speak, before you poke your big foot in your mouth too.
To no ones surprise that went way over his head. He lay down and plopped his head on the pillow, darn what is wrong with my pillow?
“I have no ideal dear,” then she couldn’t help her self, “maybe the same thing that is wrong with my butt and waist. No maybe it is what is wrong with your head, full of rocks.” He held the pillow up, shook it, felt it made a face and like any typical guy slept on it anyway. Next morning he woke to find little indentions all over his cheeks where the stones had pushed against his flesh. He got up as she was getting the kids up, then she heard him yell.
“Sherry, none of my pants fit me, what in the heck happened, I guess I ate to much last night, you got to help me, do something.” She said brush your teeth and I’ll be in when I get done with the kids.
She soon heard him coughing and inventing new words, “something is wrong with my tooth paste.” Sherry went to the room, looked at his pants around his waist unfastened of course, she smiled, “Looks like your stomach has gotten as big as you butt.” He stood there, he got it, “ok what did you do to teach me a lesson?” She smiled told him take off his pants, she ripped out the pleat she had added. “I suggest you think before you speak, I’m your wife not your hunting dog.”
That breakfast he didn’t complain, that night he brought her home flowers, yes indeed maybe he learned his lesson, if not she would pull more tricks out of her bag.
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