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Story listed as: True Life For Adults | Theme: Drama | Subject: Self Image / Self-Love | Published here : 03/01/2015
Born 1979, F, from CLAREMORE, United States
She is still in bed. She's not quite asleep but not quite awake either. She is doing what she does every morning. Searching desperately for a reason. A reason to face the day. Fighting her mind constantly from the thoughts telling her nothing she does is going to matter or make a difference. She lays in bed with tears slowly running from the corners of her eyes but she doesn't even feel them. She hates this battle and is exhausted from a lifetime of it. She has no motivation. She is numb. She gets up anyway. She walks to the bathroom and turns on the light. She looks at herself in the mirror and just like every day doesn't recognize the person looking back at her. She starts brushing her teeth. She hates this person looking at her. She hates the monotony of the day. The rituals that have become her life. She finishes brushing and turns on the shower. As she undresses she remembers how she used to look before the kids. She hates this body. She steps in the shower and closes her eyes and lets the hot water run down over her head and down her face. This is where she tries to cram all the crap in her head into a tiny space in the back of her mind. She tries to focus on positive things. She runs through a list of things she is grateful for in her head. Her husband, her kids, her job, her home, being healthy, that her family is healthy, and so on. Then as she goes about her shower, questions start popping off in her mind like little bombs. Destroying her confidence. The what if's and why's that multiply faster than light speed. So many questions that she can't give herself an answer to. It becomes overwhelming. She stops to revel in the feeling of being overwhelmed because it's an emotion, and at least it's feeling something.

As she steps out of the shower and dries herself she wonders if she is crazy, and if anyone else can relate to her. She feels a strong desire to know that someone truly understands her. She wants more than anything to FEEL that someone else can feel her pain. She walks to her closet and opens it and stands there and just stares at the clothes. She daydreams about having a connection with someone so strong that they can see through the layers of emotional defenses she has spent years building.

She grabs some clothes and starts dressing. She knows her husband loves her, and she knows she loves him. Yet she wants so badly to know without a doubt that when he looks into her eyes he truly sees her. She wants to know that he sees past the person the world sees, he can push through the emotional burdens and walls she has built to defend herself and he can rescue that tiny little scared confused girl hiding in the dark recesses of herself. Hidden away so deep that she can't even find herself anymore. He will pull her out and protect her. Then she wonders....maybe he feels the same thing.
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