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Story listed as: Fiction For Teens | Theme: Love / Romance | Subject: Ethics / Morality | Published here : 01/17/2018
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Perfect 
 
By Zoey Joseph
Born 2003, F, from PA, United States
Perfect
Perfect

You know when you meet that perfect person? The one part of your life that you didnít know was missing until it was found? That was what it was like to meet Julie. My parents had taken me down to the beach for the summer. That meant 7 whole weeks of mom drinking wine and complaining about how she wasnít happy. 7 whole weeks of dad eating out his feelings and secretly lowering my moms wine supply. 7 weeks of just me. Donít get me wrong, I love being an only child, I have everything to myself, all the time, attention, and quiet.... Sometimes though, at times like these, I could really use a brother or sister to hang out with. Someone to walk along the boardwalk with, to have fried oreos and ice cream with, to have a catch with. At least I get to surf down here, the one thing I loved more than soccer. This was all before I met Julie, before everything changed.

I saw the wave over the horizon before it even lifted off the surface, and I was under the water before god himself had a chance to form it. I broke the surface and inhaled the salty air, the warm atmosphere welcoming me back to the Earth I was born into. I gripped the sides of my board, steadying myself, timing the ripples coming towards me. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. Focus, something I wasnít always good at. My mind had a tendency to wander, except in the ocean. I was in my own world, just me and the waves. Listening to the rushing of the water in my ears and I looked up, as mother nature herself, stood over me casting me in a world of darkness. I turned my back to the monstrous wave, hoping, praying it would cradle me instead of sucking me into its deadly mouth. I got lucky, like most times, although it was all a matter of science and timing. The wave crashed over me and I was enveloped in a tunnel. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, I watched as day turned to night, the deep abyss of the ocean cascading over me. Then the sun came back and I welcomed it, watching as the water-thinned, matching the sky, and melting into a warm blue. I smiled, closing my eyes once again, feeling the light spray of the ocean cleanse me. Becoming clean by the water that was fading into a dull, foamy white, that was my favorite part. I could see the opening of the tunnel, becoming blinded by the light on the other side, I strained to see the world outside of this one. I was close, so close. I reached out, desperate to feel the warmth of the sun again. The ocean, however, had other ideas. I had leaned too far out and was pulled back onto my board when water had overlapped it. I felt a bump and was sucked into a airless sea of salt. When I had finally resurfaced I was on the beach, face down, coughing up what the sea had shoved down my throat. As I was gasping for air I felt the sun go away again. I looked around, the tips of my fingers still yellow from the sunlight, but the rest of my body was darker, covered in a shadow, That was when I looked up I saw her. Julie.

ďUm, are you ok?Ē She half asking half giggling. I was so dumbfounded by her beauty that all I could do was stare. The breeze was blowing around us, moving her blonde waves into thousands of tiny cascading mountains. When she smiled, it filled me with this warm feeling I couldnít even begin to describe, because I had never felt it before. She reached out her hand toward me and smiled. Oh, god that smile. I pushed myself up and took her hand. As soon as the sand traveled from my fingers to hers, I felt a shock. Not an electrical one, a real one. Like some of my actual energy had just gone to her. She must have felt it too because she jumped and looked at me to her hand, which was still holding mine.

ďSo.. you are ok? Right?Ē She asked for the second time, with a smaller smile this time, raising a perfect eyebrow and revealing an almost challenging gleam in her eye. I realized that I still hadnít answered and stood there trying to focus on anything but her lips.
ďUh.. yeah Iím.... Iím fine, sorry. I just um.. I just got caught off guard by the uh wave, and the crash, and the wooshÖ and-and the pow and theÖ..Ē I trailed off hearing myself, noticing I was making hand gestures to go along with the noises coming out of my mouth, making them sound even more stupid. ďDid you really just say woosh and pow??Ē Somewhere in my head asked. Choosing to ignore it, I stood there, my hand still holding hers, waiting for her to walk away, call me a freak or something. But she didnít, she just laughed. Cocking her head slightly to the right and looking me up and down-studying me-, almost like a confused puppy, She took her other hand and held it out for me to shake.

ďOk then, well my name is Julie, Julie Bartlett. And you are..?Ē She stood there, waiting. I almost expected her to try and guess it right then and there and seemed like she was going to turn away so I quickly answered.
ďScott, Iím Scott Hutson, itís nice to meet you, Julie Bartlett,Ē I smiled, hoping I didnít look stupid, covered in sand and probably peachy red from the blushing and the sun. After a moment, we realized that we were still holding both of each other's hands. We let go, laughing nervously. I looked down at the ground not sure what to say next. As I was working on digging little holes in the sand with my big toe I heard someone call out her name. I looked up and saw Julie facing the other direction. Waving at someone in the distance and then turning back to me.
ďOh well, thatís my mom so I.. I am gotta go, but maybe Iíll see you around? Ok?Ē
She said it more like a question, but I hoped I would. She didnít give me time to answer as I was once again speechless, only able to watch her turn and run back, disappearing into the jungle of umbrellas that were laid across the beach.

I decided to head to the house after the water became too cold. The one good thing about the house was that it was right along the beach. I stepped inside and got into the shower, rinsing the sand that had covered me during my wipeout. I scrubbed until my skin became raw, hoping my awkwardness would wear off, as well as the ocean smell. When I got out of the shower, I went onto the balcony for some air. The sun was just setting, casting an array of sun-kissed oranges and pinks across the sky.

I decided to go for a walk on the beach before dinner. I skipped every other step, almost falling into the kitchen. I stopped myself at the railing when I heard the faint, yet familiar voices of the one and only Mr. and Mrs. Hutson, at it again. ďI don't care if we are Ďon vacationí thatís enough wine Abigail!Ē I peaked around the corner to see my father swiping at a wine bottle my other is holding to her chest for dear life.
ďOh like you know about Ďenoughí, look at you! Your a thousand pounds.Ē I watch him, expecting his face to fall, but it seems as though it doesn't affect him anymore. I guess she has used that one one too many times. He swipes as a final attempt to get the wine which resulted in it crashing to the floor.

I stepped around the kitchen, going out the backway, hoping they wouldn't hear me. I had been in such a rush to get out of the house that I had forgotten shoes, but I didnít really mind it. The sand was cold against my feet, and it was almost soothing. I shoved my hands in my pockets, deep in thought when I tripped over someone's legs. I was again, for the second time, lying face down in the sand when I heard a girl speak.

ďHey watch where you're goiÖ Oh my gosh! We have got to stop meeting like this!Ē The girl giggled again and I immediately recognized the voice. It was Julie. Why must every time we meet I have to fall? I groaned and pushed myself up, laughing a little myself. She moved over on the towel she was sitting on and looked at me. She slowly moved her hand to pat down on the spot next to her and I crawled over next to her to sit down. I saw her hug her knees to her chest and shiver. I took the light sweatshirt I had on and put it around her. She blushed and said thank you. We sat there in silence, watching the waves crash over the sunset. It was now a dull yellow and glowing orange at the edges. We must have sat there for at least an hour or two, watching it disappear over the horizon and melt off of the edge of the world. Suddenly she turned to me. She didnít say anything, she just stared. I wasnít sure what to do, so I stared back. I stared deep those bright green eyes mimicking that churning, passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm. I closely watched them dart back and forth, searching for something. Somehow, suddenly, I felt like she could see into my mind, reading it, and I knew she was looking for something, I didnít even know what, but I didnít want her to find it. Suddenly she sighed, obviously not satisfied with her soul search and laid back, putting her hands behind her head.

ďDo you believe that everything happens for a reason?Ē She questions, looking up at the sky. I wasnít sure what to say or how to answer, worried she wouldn't like it, so I decided to go with the truth.
ďSometimes,Ē I state blatantly, sounding more disinteresting that I meant to.
ďWell, I do.Ē She paused, thinking for a moment. ďDo you believe in miracles or perfect things at least?Ē This time I knew the answer she was looking for just by the sound of her voice. But still, I decided to go with the truth.
ďTo be honest, no. I think that most things that seem to perfect are too good to be true. That they arenít real, they are just an allusion. Something we want them to be so bad, that in our head we make it exactly that.Ē

The funny thing was, I had never said that before-at least, not out loud - mostly because no one had ever asked me that, but also because I thought it was crazy. Saying it out loud though, in the open, the breeze taking it and accepting it, it was hard to see any other outlook on the subject. Julie, however, didnít feel that way. She shifted awkwardly on the towel, facing me, propping her head up on her bent arm.

ďHow could you say that? There are plenty of perfect things in this world! If you canít see that then your life will be so unfulfilling it wonít even be worth living!Ē She yelled, out of breathe, excited and surprised at her herself. Realizing what she had just said, her face reddened as she looked to the ground.
ďOh, Iím, Iím sorry.... I didn't mean that.... I meant um.. Itís just that-.Ē She looked up, her eyes looking into mine once again, hoping I would forgive what she had just said. What she didnít know was that it didnít phase me. Staring into her eyes didnít make any of that matter. When she said how there are perfect things in life I smiled, thinking of her. She was the perfect thing in my life, the girl I met on the beach. Suddenly, before I knew what I was doing, I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed me back, surprising me a little. We lay there, under the sky, the waves around us, and that, right there, was perfect.

As human beings, we need necessities to survive. Those necesites- meaning scientifically- are food, water, shelter, air, warmth, and other things that keep us alive. Alive, a word used so often, that no one really knows that it means anymore, or if they do then they are probably using it wrong. What is being alive without living? We need the scientific necessities to survive, but not thrive. What scientists miss, or choose to ignore is that we also need comfort, compassion, and most importantly love. Although we donít need it to keep our hearts beating and our blood flowing, we crave the very taste of it. It acts as a savior to all mankind, one breathe, and we are hooked. We find ourselves depending on it, needing it, wanting it more and more, and no matter how much we have, we just canít seem to get enough. It is our air, we trick ourselves into thinking we need it, because something that good, must have to be necessity, at least thatís what the fools think.

When I got back to the house, it was around 1 am, I snuck into the shower once again and when I got out, I lied in bed for a little, thinking about her. I couldnít stop picturing her laying on the beach, her hair waving back and forth, mimicking the waves, her lips on mine, tasting the salt from the ocean. I wanted to see her again already so badly, but I didnít know where she was. I cursed myself for not asking for her number. I grabbed the sweatshirt she had used and went to hang it up when something fell out of the pocket. It was a crinkled little piece of paper that read Julie - 215-620-0459. Her phone number! She actually gave it to me! I immediately put it on my phone but didn't text her yet, she was probably sleeping. I wanted to wait until after breakfast. Finally, my parents woke up, too hungover to notice how fast I was scarfing down breakfast. I was out the door before they could sober up from the coffee. I took out my phone and texted her.
Me: Hey! Whats up
Julie: Hi! Nothing much right now
Me: You wanna hang out?
Julie: Yea! Iíd love to, when?
Me: How about tonight, Iíll meet you at the rides
Julie: Great! See you around 7!
Me: See you then

I spent the rest of the day surfing and thinking about tonight. When it was around 5 I went home to take a shower and get ready. I spent more time on my hair than on my own clothes and shower combined. I stared in the mirror until my eyes started to glaze over and everything but my pupils started to blur. I had to look, well, amazing. When it was 6:30 I headed over to the rides. I stood at the ticket shop, waiting for her. Constantly catching my feet mimicking the overly played boardwalk music as I tried to breathe. I caught at least four other couples staring, probably thinking I got stood up. Eventually, I was starting to believe the thoughts surrounding me, thinking she wouldnít come when I heard my name ring out over the rides. There she was, standing in the middle of the park. The red and blue lights, bouncing off her, making her look animated, almost like a hallucination, an allusion. She ran over to me and giving me that gorgeous smile I craved so much, which I returned before asking her what she wanted to do first. We must have ridden all the rides there, over thousand times.

We didnít stop until we felt the cotton candy and corn dogs bubbling in our stomachs. The whole night was a blur, I mostly remember the lights, the music, and her. How she danced in the middle of the park like nobody was watching. How her laugh made everything so much funnier, even when it wasnít. How beautiful she looked, even when we were being whipped back and forth on some stupid ride she loved, and especially how she grabbed my arm and held me close every time she got scared. The next few weeks of the summer went the same way. I was in a daze 24/7. Always being with her, on the beach, at the boardwalk, at my house. I was in a world of my own, it was only Julie and me. I had become obsessed with her ideas and positive outlook on everything. How she saw the good in everyone, no matter their actions. I was amazed how easily she gave people a second chance, how trusting she was. And no matter how ugly a person's intentions were, she just couldn't see past a personís mask to see their true colors. She wanted everyone to be good and pure, everyone to be equal, everyone to be happy. She was so innocent, almost naive.

Most nights, I lie awake thinking of her. Replaying every date and encounter we have ever had. Thinking how differently things would have turned out if she hadnít seen me fall that day on the beach. My life, without her, seemed different, plain, dull. She had come into it and in just 5 weeks, she had already painted it with new colors. Bright ones that blind you no matter where you look or what you do. I lie alone, in the house, with the only sounds being my breath and the subtle creaks of the floorboards. Itís times like this again, I wish I had siblings. That would be better than this because itís always so quiet. Itís just me and my thoughts. And most times, I don't like to be alone with them. I become obsessed with certain things, ideas, and words. I rethink conversations over and over again, trying to think of different meanings hidden behind what people actually say and what they mean, and usually, I can, but there is one that I was never able to crack. That conversation I had with Julie that first day on the beach. She asked me if I believed in miracles, in perfect things. How could she? I didnít, and I told her that. Then again, she is living proof to me that there is. Thatís what I don't understand.

For all my life, I have strongly believed in my philosophy, and now one girl comes into my life for a few weeks and completely turns that upside down? How is that even possible. It wasnít. WaitÖ. It wasnít, It isnít. It couldn't beÖ Itís too good to be true. She is too good to be true. I canít be as naive as her, I canít let myself fall into the hole that every other person is trapped in. I have to stay smart, stay in my world. The right world, the real one, My world.

The morning I found out, was like any other. I came downstairs, my parents were not awake yet. I scanned the kitchen, looking for broken glass or plates, which is usually what I wake up to find. Today, however, I didn't have to carefully step. It seemed as though things were finally turning around for my parents. I made myself a quick breakfast and went for a run.

By the first mile I already felt my low endurance catching up with me. I tried to focus, focus on anything but my lungs which were burning with each step. I looked down, focusing on the boardwalk, how the different shades of brown melt into each other, becoming one smooth surface. I focused on each nail, uneven and digging into my worn out sneakers. I focused until I got dizzy, and then I got unfocused, and then I heard the sirens. I was able to hear them before I even got close to the beach. It was covered by hundreds of people and police surrounding something. I decided to go see what all the commotion was about hoping to see a whale or some animal. As I pushed my way through the crowd I was blocked by yellow tape and flashing red and blue lights. I flashed back to mine and Julieís first date at the rides, knowing we would never be able to do that again. What happened next was something of a blur. I was pushed back by a cop, His hands gripping my shoulders. Even now, as I think back, I can still feel the pressure of his hands forcing me away. His lips were moving but I couldnít hear what he was saying. All I saw was the girl behind him, over his shoulder. I immediately saw the blond waves on the ground that belonged to Julie, my Julie. The person that lay lifeless on the ground, however, was nothing like the Julie I knew. She was pale and lifeless, there was no life in her, no color, except for the faded blue that had taken over her lips. How was this possible? How could this have happened? They say they found her in the middle of the ocean but that didnít seem right. She should have sunk to the bottom or taken away by the current. She shouldnít have been found, not like that. They lifted her lifeless soul and began to zip up the body bag. That was the last glimpse I ever had of her. And as quickly as it had come, the color that she had created started to drip away from my life. Everything was dull again, it was so familiar, and almost.... Nice.

I hope she understood why this happened. Nothing in life can be perfect. There are no miracles, just coincidences. Nothing perfect, only allusions. As soon as you start to believe in miracles and perfect things, you start to melt into that plastic reality, the one most people already live in, too afraid to see the real one. Not me, I wasnít going to let that happen, I wasnít going to be blinded. Never again would this happen. I have to admit, she was gone too soon though, I wish I had more time to be around her, but I was leaving in three days. I would never see her again, and I would never have gotten the chance again. So I texted her and told her to meet me at the beach at 1. She didnít even question the time, she came, smiling and giggling. I told her to come surfing with me, I wanted to show her something. Something magical, something I knew she would want to see. I told her to sit on my board behind me. We started paddling into the middle of the ocean and waited. I was once again, one with the waves and I felt one coming. The water pulled us towards it and I got ready. I told her to hold on and we stood up. We road it at the last second. We were under it and in the tunnel again. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, the deep abyss of the ocean, melting into a warm blue, and then fading into a dull foamy white. I could see the opening, the light on the other side. I was so close, so close. I reached out, desperate to feel the warmth of the sun again, hoping it would drive away the cold that was eating away at my insides. This time though, I turned around and grabbed her, pulling her in with me. When I resurfaced, it was dark, darker than I remembered. I looked around and couldn't find her. I screamed out her name once, twice, then, there she was, right in front of me. When she came up, She gasped for air. Seeing my face, she smiled and started to laugh.

Before she could take another breath again I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her down again. I saw blood surface from her panicked hands scratching ever part of my body, desperate for air, but I couldnít feel it. The water had turned cold and I was numb from head to toe. She resurfaced again after successfully moving away from my arms. For a split second, I stopped. I waited to push her down again, knowing this was the last time I would see her, alive at least. I started into those green eyes, the ones that made you hope and made you believe in things you shouldn't. I used to love staring at them, except now, they were wide and frightened with mascara dripping underneath them. She uttered a cry, reaching for my face, but I was too quick. I pushed her under for a final time, this time gripping her shoulders hard. I could feel my nails digging into her shirt, I squeezed harder, pushing her farther down. The water muffled most of her cries, but I could softly hear the distorted screams. I waited until all the bubbles disappeared and let go of her now lifeless neck. She floated up to the surface, face down and still. I went under the water myself and just stayed there. I let myself sink down as far as I could go before my own lungs burned. When I had finally resurfaced I was on the beach, face down, coughing up what the sea had pushed down my throat. As I was gasping for air I felt the sun go away again. As I looked up I saw nothing. Only gray. I crawled onto the beach, laying on my back, breathing in air that burned as it went down, and thought about Julie.

Everyone is filled with darkness. It consumes the human race, it consumes all of us. For some people, it hides in the shadows, waiting for their host to hit rock bottom, before taking over. For others, it is already inside us. The young ones, forget itís even there until itís too late. No matter when it comes, and what it does, itís always there, waiting, watching, consuming. Some choose to ignore it, get rid of it, destroy it. But darkness cannot be destroyed, only used. I used mine for good, to destroy the mask of the thing people call life and hope. Most people, the ones living a lie, fear the darkness. The fear what lurks under the bed, and it in the shadows, the unknown. They donít know that the real danger, is the world they choose to live in. They walk blindly into what they think is safe, happy. Idiots, they're all idiots. Thinking they can escape the darkness, you canít escape it. It is already inside you, after all, you canít run away from your own shadow.

You know when you meet that perfect person? The one part of your life you didnít know it was missing until they filled it? That was what it was like to meet Julie. My folks had taken me down to the shore for the summer. 7 whole weeks of mom drinking wine, and dad making jokes about mom drinking. 7 weeks of just me. This was all before I met Julie though before everything changed. I forgot to mention, that I didnít like change very much. I liked things the way they were. No color, no hope, no miracles. If you donít expect anything, you will never be disappointed, itís as simple as that. Everything in my world makes sense, because itís sensible, it's real, and its tangible. Why believe in something you canít see, something you canít prove? It was my own little world, the real one that I was all alone in because I was the only one willing to live in it.... But that was ok because even though it wasn't Perfect, It was mine. There were no distractions, nothing questions my thoughts. Julie almost took that from me. She wouldn't understand my world, no one would. She almost ruined it, but I knew the truth. She was my allusion, the one thing I had almost dared to believe was Perfect, NO. Nothing is perfect, it's impossible.

Thatís why I had to do it. I lied alone on the sand, watching the sun grow and seep over into the sky. As the world got brighter, mine got darker, but no one knew the truth. That little world of mine, the gray one with no color? Thatís the real one, the one I prefer to live in. The other one? The perfect one? It isnít real, it's all a lie, because nothing, nothing can absolutely be perfect.
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