My love- It hurts, please understand(PK) My Love- It hurts, Plz understand.
12May, 2011 - The day you proposed me I was like flying in the air. I came to my room after Get-together. I couldn’t stop the exciting thoughts that were going on in my mind. Then you came near my hostel, I couldn’t stop blushing. It was the best moment in my life. After two days I accepted your love in front of you. I could feel happiness in our silence at that moment. I could feel your heartbeats also. I had respect for you in my heart. I was very short and you were a tall guy. But it couldn’t stop our love. You were the best thing that happened to me. But I was not able to meet with your expectations. The difference in our thoughts lead us to fights more often. You wanted to talk with me all time. You used to get angry at very casual things. Then our vacations started and we had to go home for some days. For the first time I was not feeling happy to go home. Even you were not happy too. Then I started missing you in my home. We used to talk secretly at night when our parents slept. You used to wait till night just for talking with me. Our holiodays were over and we came back to our hostels. You had come earlier than me because you missed me. We started meeting with each other everyday. We used to talk whole night. I remember when we used to talk in the phone and if I cut the line first you didn’t like it. You said once that you don’t like me to cut the phone first. It was you who used to cut the line and then call again. Slowly you started scolding me for not giving time to you. Then I felt that Next time we have our holidays, we will stay together in some hotel and spend quality time with each other. And both of us were excited. We stayed in a hotel in rayagada. We both had a wonderful time. I could feel only love around us. Nothing was much beautiful than this. Then, I had to go to my home. We were waiting for my bus. I kept my head on your shoulder and you said You were very happy. You thanked me for spending time with you and giving you such a beautiful moment. Then, after I came from my home things started changing. You were busy playing carom all the time. I used to wait for you till night 1 or even 2. Whenever I got angry on you, you said I was lucky for you, if I got angry you were losing game. So not to get angry and hope for you. Though it was just a joke, I still believed you. After your match we used to talk till morning. But slowly we had less talk. You were looking forward for your career and free time while my love for you grew more and more. Gradually, I started fighting and you started ignoring me. Then you said you will try to change and I believed you. But it didn’t last longer. Then we started compromising with each other. In-between we had spent many memorable moments that cannot be compared. We got close when we were in Bhubaneswar meeting daily. We had a great time there. Then I came back to my home earlier than you. You said you missed me badly. I felt happy. In the fourth year we met regularly, and spent lot of time with each other. Even we had less fights. Whenever I used to fight with you, you said that we make a very good couple. There is no problem with us. I felt we are made for each other. One day you asked me, “What is your ultimate wish in your life?. If you want your wish to be fulfilled close your eyes and with whole heart just ask god to fulfil it. It will be granted for sure.” I said my only wish to god is to get you.” You said If my wish was real and my feelings were pure, I will get you. That day I felt I almost got you. Only fear was our family. You said you will try your 100percent and if still our parents don’t agree then we will control ourselves. I believed in you. Then our college days were coming to end. We were not placed in campus yet. You were preparing well for your interviews. The last few days in college were very hard. The feeling of getting apart was making me weak inside. For Last time in Gunupur you came near my hostel and cried a lot. I felt bad. How can I see tears in your eyes. But soon we met. Then you went to Kolkata. New place, new friends and everything was exciting. You changed a lot there. Positivity was growing in you. But we were getting apart from each other day by day. Then I came to Pune for job. But you didn’t like my coming to pune. You said now we will have less chance of meeting. You said to look a job in Bhubaneswar or so. But I had to come Pune for my career. Even I started changing. I made new friends and was very happy. We both stayed busy in our lives. But had time for each other. I could make time for you. We had planned to meet on May 3rd in Bhubaneswar. But I came with one of my Pune friends who had already proposed me. But I had no feelings for him at that time. I remember you were waiting for me in the station from night 2:00 pm. I reached in the morning. After seeing my friend with me you got very angry. I acted like I don’t know you. But you came forward and talked with him. We went and had a fight. It took time for patchup. For the first time in my life I felt I have done something very wrong. I was feeling guilty deep inside. I could feel your pain. I promised myself that hereafter I will not hurt you ever. After coming back to Pune I gave you your space and time. You said I have changed and you liked it. Everytime you would text me or call me you said, “Love you, miss you”. I believed you. We hardly talked to each other. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 15minutes. But we used to share our feelings. I became busy with life. One day I asked you just casually, do you love me? And you said you had no more feelings for me. But you never want to leave me or hurt me. I got hurt. You cannot feel the pain I got that day. How can someone be so harsh to the one who loves him like crazy. Actually the fact was that time you were involved with someone else and I was unaware of this. It was 2016. All my dreams were getting scattered eventually. First I had no job, I qualified in the written exam in opsc for civil AEE but then I lost in the interview. Next I had chance in ASAL for Higher post but even this didn’t happen. But I thought you were with me. You will never leave me. You started talking to me more. Everyday you would call me and say you love me and want to meet with me. You were trying to shift to pune. I was very happy. When you said that even you feel like talking but I am not giving you time, I thought my wish was getting fulfilled. One of my college friend asked me about my relationship with you and I replied him by saying that with time we are getting closer. I was feeling so proud. After this in February 19, I felt lost. My biggest wish got broken. I found out that You were cheating on me. You accepted your fault. You even had sex with that girl. How could I listen this or accept this truth? I couldn’t control my anger. With broken heart and scattered feeling I met with my friend Ganesh, who had proposed me earlier and accepted is proposal. I thought of breaking up with you. But I couldn’t. I could never take you out of my heart. All time I thought about you. You apologised me and said henceforth nothing wrong will happen with me. You will make everything alright. I believed you. Now I had made a mess of my life by accepting someone’s proposal in gross. I wanted to come out of the situation but couldn’t. Soon we met and you broke my heart again. You said you never loved me. You were playing with my feelings. You were just acting. You have no feelings for me. You proposed me to forget someone. You played with my emotions. Everything was lie. If I never cried you would never be with me. The person who was everything for me said I meant nothing to him. He even met me not because he wanted to meet me but because he felt I would get hurt. You said you cared for me. You are a liar. If you ever cared for me you would never leave me alone. It is not great to love someone, but to give love to someone is the greatest thing. Instead of wishing god to get you, I wish I could ask god to erase all my feelings for you, I wish I never met you, I never loved you, you never existed in my life, I could cheat you whole heartedly. I wish you could love me someday the same way as I do. I wish someday you would come to me and say that you love me finally. People say their last wish before death. I am almost dead. I am saying my last wish will be to hear from your heart that you love me too. May be it sounds filmy, but dear I am not a good actor like you. So believe me once. Maybe I get older with someone else, But I will always live with regret that whole life I loved you and waited for that moment when you would love me back. My feelings were true for you but you lied in every moment of our relationship. But you don’t deserve anybody’s love. If u could disrespect my love for you, you can never succeed in your love life ever. I wish you suffer for what you have done to me. Apart from this I feel you are not a good person. If you could pretend that you love me for years, you should get award for this because not even a good actor can act so well. Your acting was really superb. Even I got carried away. You are not trust worthy, you can cheat any person, anytime. I have also done a mistake by involving a third person in gross. But I thank god that I will not make the mistake you did. Ganesh loves me more than anyone else can do. His love for me is more than mine for you as I always wanted you and my happiness, but he always wanted my happiness. He has done a lot for me. When I asked him whether he would ever live without me if I let, he said he would get most hurt. He can never any other girl in such manner. He said with time he may forget me or his pain may get reduced but he will never forgive me. He says he loves me whole heartedly and he will make every effort for our future. He said he will try to fulfill all my wish. You asked me who has given that teddy. Yes it is he who gave me the teddy. But we were not in relationship. Maybe god couldn’t break his heart so he broke mine. But I wish you could understand this earlier. I wish I could hate you.
My message to you: It is said that Don’t be with the person whom you love, but be with the person who loves you. You will live happier.
I am not saying you to be great person. But you are also a human. Don’t play with someone’s sentiments just because you are not sure of yours. If god exists you will have to pay for your deeds. I am sure I will stay more happy than you. I will get more success than you. I will get a better husband than you. My height is short but my intention is pure than yours. Your GF said she was sorry for being more prettier than me. You proved she was right. But say your wife that I am sorry for being more lucky and happy than her. I realised I was only suffering with you. Not one day I felt your love. Not one day I was happy with you. Remember when god slaps, it doesn’t make sound but it hurts more than anything. When you realise this please say me once, I will always be there for you. I will feel that my wish has come true. I know after reading this you may feel like killing me, but you have already killed me inside. I am alive for the ones who love me. Once I thought of ending my life, then Ganesh rang me. He asked me is everything alright. He met me and tried to understand my situation. I couldn’t say complete truth. But he said that I met with you. He is very sad. But I will take care of him. I will not repeat the mistake what you did with me. I will live for my family and my love.

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