Something about one's life and energy

Something about one's life and energy(N. Ph.) Have you ever felt like someone is sucking out of you all the energy you have??

I have. In fact, I am feeling it right now. It really isn’t a great experience… You feel sad, tired, completely fogged, and from time to time drained altogether. You do not have a reason, and that makes you quite angry. A weight falls constantly over your head, while pain and difficulty in breathing is also present. Yes, that is exactly how I am feeling right now. And it is not that people around me can see that. No… People only see what they lack, or what they can mock. To me, they see both. And that is when they drug me out of my positive energy…. And really, I don’t mind sharing! On the contrary, I love to help; however, this feeling is sickening for me… I do not have that good of a power source and I am completely drained if 2 or more start taking it…. I know a certain someone that probably does this a lot. They do not see how much effort, time, hours without sleeping I put into…. They cannot see how much I worked during the whole year, with never having the chance to take my time to cover my gaps, or get prepared for anything whatsoever. No…. They only see me smiling, having my health (thank God for that!) and a family that can support me without thinking about money problems… And that is true! And I am blessed to have those parents and my brother, that do everything and exhaust themselves for me to have everything I may want! But this doesn’t mean I am having it easy in other sectors. I run to catch life.; and I might have had the chance to go slower because I have the money capacity to do so. Nonetheless, none can see that I do not want to waste any time. I am not here for me… No… I am here to help…. And to do so, since I have been blessed with all of these, I am only taking advantage of them to help me help, but I choose faster. Otherwise, I live for me alone. Otherwise, it would mean that I am not thinking of my parents’ struggle, or of the people suffering every single day, since I will take my time to be more relaxed and leave them waiting. I am not saying that without me the world is screwed though. It probably sounded so, but no, I am really not saying this. It’s just that “those who have the power to do something to better this world, they have the duty to do so”. If we all waited for someone else to take a stand then we would be a fallen world. I was given the opportunity to be raised in a loving home, with everything I ever wanted, and my health all my life. I was given all those, because this way I can focus on giving back. It may be just me, but that’s how I feel and how I see life.

But even so…. People that love me, dear friends, just stay on the fact that I am having it all, and it is my choice when I make it harder than what I could have on me… They do not see the world the same way I do. And that is ok! Only if they didn’t feel angry for this at me… I am a “princess” … That is true. This is how my daddy raised me to be, and how my mom was covering me all my life till recently. Yet, how is it that everyone only sees this, and do not slightly get my path? The path that I am creating for myself, under a lot of doubt, and pressure, one that is not all that easy, nor all rainbows and white horses. They choose to see only my fortune in life, which is indeed huge, I do not blame them. It only saddens me… Cause people never saw me for who I am or what I am choosing to do. They defined me by my condition, and my social status. And funny as it may sound, that puts extra load on my struggle. Cause they drain me out of my energy. Energy I am investing to help whoever I can.

Maybe I am down the wrong path… Maybe I won’t be able to help all that much like this. I made a choice, according to what I thought (and still do think) was the best and most proper way to get me where I can help the most. And it is a rather difficult path… One that I could avoid if I wanted to and still help. But would it be real if I did avoid it? Would my willingness be strong enough if I did not test it? Even my mom thought I do not want to tire myself out. She believed – and I am quoting here – that “You should admit that even though you have a lot of potential you do not like to tire yourself; that you are quite lazy” … Little did she know…. Of course no one likes to tire themselves; but I chose to do so when I found the purpose. Till then, I was just enduring… It was not what expressed me, and I could not see how I would help with what I did in my Bachelors, where creativity was shot down every single moment, like in school previously. Where every time I had a new outlook in things, teachers said to stick to the syllabus and the book, shutting down all ideas, all hope, all trust in myself.

I have imagination… I am feeling in my heart all people around me: what their best qualities are, or their potential. None is born bad. You only need to look for their reason behind their behavior. But to do that, you really have to want to look and be patient. No one does that. Everyone is quick to make assumptions and judge. And if one took some time to really see, then maybe someone would end up doing something great for the world. But now they get lost in the cruel process of being part of a “deaf” and “blind” society.

And you will probably ask: “why is she saying all those things now?”. Well, it is quite simple: I am tired. I try, I struggle to work, and I am drained. This of course won’t stop me from trying all out, but it saddens me… Because I know I could do more if I didn’t feel like this…

I am in a room with huge sayings from great people all around the world and throughout its history… And I am going to share with you some; share it with all of you who feel drained too, and wished for people to really see you, and stop defining you by an outer cover that gives away the wrong feeling many times.

“Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas”
“We need men that can dream of things that never were”
“genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration”
“Always be who you are, for both my benefit and yours”