Whose Right to Die?(Peter J Barbour) “Whose Right to Die?”
Peter J Barbour
pbarbour324@gmail.com

Abby sat in a chair next to Jonah’s bed. She was restless and impatient. Jonah was sick, very sick. He was sleeping now, a sleep induced by narcotics to relieve his pain. At home, he had begun to complain of pain in his belly. His condition worsened and vomiting became intractable. He could no longer eat or drink. Jonah’s nurse dialed 911. Now, just hours after admission to the intensive care unit, critical decisions needed to be made. Jonah appeared to be at peace, narcotized, oblivious to his condition. He appeared to be resting comfortably. Abby was bored and just wanted to leave. She looked into the mirror to check her makeup in anticipation of meeting the hospital staff. As the surgical team entered the room, Abby sat up expectantly, anticipating an up-date on Jonah’s condition. Maybe, if things were stable, perhaps she could leave.

“Mrs. Morris? Jonah’s wife?” The surgeon asked, waited for Abby to acknowledge him, identify herself, before he continued. “How are you holding up?”

“Fine.” Abby responded, her tone was flat, disinterested, as she fidgeted in the chair.

“How’s Mr. Morris?” The surgeon asked.
“Sleeping quietly, I guess.”
“He’s very sick, you know. We believe he has a blood clot that is cutting off circulation to his bowels. We need to remove the dead bowel to prevent rupture and infection. This is a very grave situation. He needs surgery, right away.”
“What if he doesn’t have surgery?” She asked.
“He will die.” The surgeon responded.
“I don’t know if we should do surgery.”
“We don’t think he will survive without it.”
“His quality of life is terrible. I can’t imagine he would want to survive this. I want to discuss this with my father. You may know him; he is on staff here. Dr. Barnes, one of the internists.”
“We have a narrow window of opportunity here. If we are going to operate we need to operate now.”

Abby walked out of the room so she could talk to her father in private. She dialed his cell phone knowing that if he saw it was Abby, he’d respond, even if he were with a patient. The phone rang and rang until she heard the prompt to leave a message after the tone.

“Dad, call me right back. Jonah was admitted with a blood clot in his bowel, or something, and the surgeons want him to go to surgery right now. They say he will die without an operation. I think they should allow him to die. It would make everything easier. “ She hung up. Within a minute, her father returned her call.

**************

Jonah and Abby met in college; they entered the same year, different schools within the University. Abby was interested in journalism; Jonah was interested in business and eventually law. Jonah saw her for the first time as they moved into their respective residences, freshman year. He was immediately attracted to her. She was standing on the street, her back to him. She wore jeans and a T-shirt. Abby’s long wavy hair mesmerized him. She moved with grace, as he followed her hips and long thin legs. When she turned in his direction, he was awestruck. She was beautiful. Her dark brown eyes seemed to sparkle. She caught Jonah looking at her and smiled reflexively.

“I must meet her.” He muttered to himself.

Nancy: “Jonah was my brother, tall, a teddy bearish guy, soft and cuddly. I loved him dearly. He was always kind to me. He was my protector. He was very likable and had no problem making friends. I always found him to be humble, even when he got the highest grade on a test, or made an outstanding play in whatever game he was playing. He took compliments as if he were grateful for having the opportunity to receive them. Our family lived in a rural town in north central Pennsylvania. We have two stop signs and one gas station. Our father owned a bar. Jonah, our brothers, and I worked there on weekends. Jonah was my eldest brother. Our mother also helped out at the bar when she could. Education was important, and we were encouraged to study and do well in school. We didn’t have much, but we never wanted for much in any event. College was a big deal. When Jonah got the opportunity to attend college in the big city, as much as I knew I’d miss him, I was happy for him, in a sad kind of way. He always told me everything, and when Jonah checked in with me his first week of school, I remember the enthusiasm with which he described Abby. Of course, he hadn’t actually met her yet, but he was intent on meeting her soon.”

Abby’s mother: “Abby, what a beautiful child, and how she loved her daddy. We raised her in the city, Philadelphia. We made certain that she was sophisticated, acquainted with all the finer things. We were affluent; she was entitled. Our daughter was bright, the brightest in her class. We travelled widely, and made sure she was comfortable in all situations. She was our only child, accustomed to being the princess at home and the queen in her circle of friends. She attracted an entourage at summer camp and at school. Everyone loved her. She was witty and had a way of making her friends feel special. My husband was a physician at the University Hospital. Although he had hoped his only child would follow in his footsteps, he accepted her desire to study journalism, though he allowed for the possibility that her mind could change. She found herself popular almost immediately at the University.”

Jonah sat on the steps outside his residence and waited for Abby to go by. He tried to address her on several occasions but barely got past hello. One of his resident mates had made friends with one of Abby’s resident mates. Jonah began to lobby for an introduction or perhaps a “chance” group meeting in which her friends and his friends could hang out together, informally. As fate would have it, he found Abby at the deli with her friends and some of his friends eating dinner. He walked up to the group.

“Hi,” he said to all. “Can I join you?”
“Of course.” was the response.
“I’m Jonah. Jake’s friend, same residence. I already know Sue, but I don’t know everyone.”

Abby looked up. “I’m Abby.” She said and resumed eating while engaging the woman next to her in conversation, oblivious of Jonah.

Jonah observed her intently, her almond shaped eyes, her high cheekbones, and her heart shaped face. She was even more beautiful than he thought when he first saw her. As he listened to her sultry voice, he was enraptured. Jonah ordered a sandwich and ate, but was unable to re-engage Abby. He watched her surreptitiously consuming her with his eyes, imprinting her image in his memory. At the end of the meal, he waited for Abby to get up to leave. As they walked out the door after paying for their meals, Jonah mustered the courage to say, “Hey, Abby, how are your courses so far.”

It was a simple beginning. But, two hours later they were still talking. She told him about her aspirations to become a journalist or writer. He talked about his family and his father’s bar. She found him different than any of the boys she usually hung out with. He was earthy, nice, easy, but not the kind of boy that she, or her father, expected to attract her. The more Jonah spoke to her the more convinced he was that he wanted to spend more time with her. She was bright, and she seemed so knowledgeable about things in general. She was an encyclopedia of experience compared to him. As he walked her back to her residence, he asked her if they could meet again. She kissed him on the cheek, and touched his hand.
“Maybe,” she said.
“Okay,” he returned. “How about, a movie, tomorrow night?”
“I’ll see.” She turned and walked up the steps, opened the door and entered.

Jonah continued to look for opportunities to cross Abby’s path. She would stop and chat with him briefly. She agreed to go to the movies, and then to dinner, and subsequently to parties. Their friendship blossomed; for Abby, he remained an acquaintance, perhaps a friend. Jonah pursued her and tried to endear himself to her. She continued to date others, but he interfered by showing up where ever she was and insinuating himself into the moment if he could. Abby wasn’t sure whether she liked this attention from him at first. His caring was infectious. She soon found that if she acted aloof to Jonah his interest and attention would increase, and she enjoyed this manipulation. They continued to see each other through the school year. She enjoyed her game of cat and mouse; but, for him, she was intoxicating, and his need to be with her continued to grow.

Abby’s mother: “Abby called home weekly, sometimes more. I remember her telling me she’d met this boy at school. She sounded anxious about my reaction to this news. She told me that he comes from north central Pennsylvania. His father owns a bar. He’s in the business school. I told her father. “Really,” is all he said. Neither of us was impressed by the boy’s pedigree. We decided to show little interest, thinking that if we showed little interest, our daughter would lose interest.“

Abby’s father’s hopes were fulfilled. That first year at the University ended. Abby did not want to be committed to one relationship and had continued to date others. Now, she found herself away from Jonah for the summer. Perhaps, as her mother had told her, absence would make the heart forget.

Her parents arranged a trip for the family to tour Paris, London, and Rome, that summer. Jonah’s parents arranged for him to work in the bar. He thought about Abby constantly. Abby enjoyed her trip to Paris, London, and Rome, with her parents; and, by its end, she was fairly convinced that she needed to meet the “right” boy, and that was not Jonah.

When the sophomore year began, Abby made it clear to Jonah that she would continue to date other boys. She tried, but somehow Jonah would always show up at the party or restaurant, as if he were stalking her, which of course he was not. Abby found his attention cute, and he gradually insinuated himself back into her life. He coaxed her into study dates, then lunch dates, and eventually she found she dating him exclusively, again. He was content and happy and in control. She was conflicted.

Sarah, one of Abby’s suite mates: “I could see how happy Jonah was when he was with her, but Abby would look uncomfortable with herself. She was restless. When she would return from the library in the evening after studying with Jonah, she was quiet and kept to herself. I think she really liked him but was being smothered by his constant attention. He was so cute, however. They looked great together. I know that was important to her.”

Etta, Abby’s classmate from high school, also attending the University: “Jonah and I had classes together. He seemed like a nice sweet guy. I would see Abby walking to class from time to time with Jonah. He seemed so intent on pleasing her. I don’t think he realized he was with the Queen. I was never part of her entourage in high school or at the U. She was used to being pursued by many, and I’m not sure that she was happy pursued by only one. “

Justin, a roommate of Jonah: “Yea, Abby was beautiful. But I wasn’t sure there wasn’t something dead in there. I never thought she was as into him as much as he was into her. “

As Abby and Jonah said good night on the steps of her residence, Jonah asked Abby if she were going to her early class. Abby turned to him.
“I think we should take a break. Maybe see others.” She said.
“Is there some other?” Jonah said taken aback by her response.
“No.” She said. “I just want some space.”
“I can give you space.” He said, and took two steps back. “There, now you have space.”
She smiled. “That’s good, but I was thinking I needed a little bit more space.” She pulled him back to her and kissed him good night in a friendly way.
“Does that mean we won’t be seeing each other any more?” His eyes opened wide, moony, hungrily focusing on hers.
“No, not exactly.”

Somehow he always made her waffle, become indecisive, unwilling to cut him off completely. She’d be content stringing him along. What did she really want? She wasn’t sure. Jonah was fine, but still not the ideal she had set for herself or her parents had set for her. Their expectation was that she would eventually marry a doctor whose father was a specialist. Still, she couldn’t just shut him out. She enjoyed his attention and liked to be pursued. What did, “not exactly”, mean anyway. She didn’t want to turn off his attention completely, and she didn’t want to loose the way his “love” stroked her ego. He was like a dog, poised to please its owner, she, a cat who enjoyed being petted because it made her feel good. He validated her ability to be desired.

“Then, we don’t have to see each other everyday.” Jonah continued to hold her eyes with his. He had been here before. He knew with a little perseverance he would be with her as before; and, as she met his gaze, she knew she could create distance between them.

Sarah: “I knew the minute Abby came to the Dorm that night that something had changed. She seemed happier, and more relaxed.”

Etta: “I saw Abby at a party the other night. She was with a group of women. She appeared to be having a good time. I stopped to talk to her, but she appeared to be holding court and had little to say to me.”

Nancy: “I heard from my brother. I hear from him when things aren’t going well with Abby. Appears she is breaking his heart again.”

Justin: “Jonah didn’t talk much about it; he just seemed less enthusiastic about things. He seemed to study that much harder. I noticed he was hanging around with us more. I noted he was with Abby less. Maybe that was a good thing.”

Jonah gave Abby some space and time. But, he didn’t date others and still “kept an eye” on her as he had before. Abby became bored; there was no one else, and she missed Jonah’s attention. He always seemed to be there, and, once again, she found herself spending more and more time with him.

Abby’s father: “I thought it was over, but somehow that boy just keeps hanging around.”

Nancy: “Okay, one minute it’s over and his heart is broken, the next he’s with her, and all is well. All he talks about is Abby. My poor brother, she doesn’t deserve him.”

Jonah and Abby separated for the summer again. He missed her terribly. He wanted to see her, to drink in her beauty, to touch her hair, to hold her hand. He longed to kiss her and hug her. He wrote her frequently, and she responded; but as the summer waned, he found her letters to be fewer and shorter. It appeared that absence wasn’t making the heart grow fonder as he believed. He wrote her and asked to see her. She responded that it wasn’t a good time. It was never going to be a good time.

Abby’s father: “I didn’t like the fact that that boy had dirt under his fingernails. You know what I mean. I just had higher aspirations for Abby. I was glad that Abby had the good wisdom not to invite him to stay with us. I would have given him a blanket and sent him to sleep in the basement. “

Abby’s mother: “I thought Jonah’s attention was cute and flattering, but I could tell that Abby didn’t really love him. I didn’t see that spark. I didn’t mind if he came to visit, but I wasn’t sure Abby’s father would have dealt well with that. “

Summer ended, and Abby managed to postpone Jonah’s visit so it never happened. Jonah returned to campus several days early and posted himself in front of Abby’s residence at regular intervals and waited expectantly for Abby’s return. On the day prior to the start of classes, he began to see Abby’s roommates arrive.
“Hey, Sarah. Has Abby returned yet?” Jonah asked.
“I think so. She took an apartment with Debbie and Millie on 40th and Chestnut. Didn’t she tell you?” Sarah said.
“No, I don’t recall her telling me.” He had a sinking feeling in his gut. He longed to see Abby, and he was concerned why she hadn’t told him she had changed residences.

Sarah: “Wow, It looks like Jonah is on the chopping block. I guess she felt he didn’t need to know where she was going to be living this semester. “

Jonah left Sarah and headed for 40th and Chestnut to find Abby. He was puzzled. How could she have forgotten to tell him that she was going to change residences? Perhaps it was a last minute thing. Maybe she had mentioned it in a letter, but it is unlikely he wouldn’t have registered that. He wasn’t sure where on 40th street or Chestnut she was going to live. He began to pace up and down the block becoming more and more agitated and frantic. He was sweating profusely in the hot humid air of late summer. There was a large multi-floor apartment building on that block that had been converted into student housing. In the lobby there were a few names on the mailboxes. Abby’s name was not among them. There were some old brown stone university buildings and several fraternity houses on the block. He kept vigilant watch for Abby as he walked up and down the street.

Etta: “I saw Jonah walking up and down Chestnut. He looked like a caged animal. I didn’t know what he was doing. It wasn’t much of a stretch to think that it involved Abby. How she controlled him. I decided to ignore him as pathetic as he appeared. He was too absorbed in what he was doing to notice me.”

“Abby!“ Jonah shouted as he saw her turn the corner onto Chestnut Street. She didn’t respond at first, but took notice of him as he broke into sprint and ran towards her. He was elated to see her but fearful of how she would receive him.
“Jonah,” she called as he approached her. “You found me. Sorry I didn’t have time to tell you about my change in housing. I was going to tell you.”
She allowed him to hug her but only gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek. He was just relieved that she was there and he was with her.
“Is everything okay?” Jonah asked, uncertain how he was going to handle the answer. Abby was on and off again throughout their relationship, if that is what you called it. Each time she had pulled away, he had worked his way back into her life. He decided no matter what she was going to say he could win her back.

Sarah: “So, Jonah got his walking papers, again. Abby told him they were no longer going to be dating. And, I really think that when she told him, she believed it. I was happy for her. I never thought she was going to stick with him no matter how good they looked together. I expected that he would find someone else. I even considered dating him. Would that be disloyal?”

Etta: “I bumped into Abby on campus shortly after the semester started. She told me she was no longer seeing Jonah. I wasn’t sure why she was telling me this. I was happy for him.”

For Jonah, however, he gave Abby a little space but moved in her circle as often as he could; and, although he was living several blocks from her, managed to bump into her infrequently enough not to be accused of stalking. He seemed to know where she’d be when she was with other guys, and somehow suddenly appear by her side as she walked to class. Then one day he asked if she had some time for lunch. Her afternoon class had been cancelled.
“Why not.” Abby said.

Lunch went on for hours and Abby began to find herself attracted to this kind man with big brown eyes and who had the power to look into her soul. Once again, lunches became a regular thing, then dinners, study dates, and parties; and, before she knew it, they were together all the time.

Sarah: “Abby and Jonah are together again. Glad I didn’t date him last fall. Awkward.”

Etta: “I guess Jonah and Abby are back together. Jonah seems like such a nice guy. I wish he could see beyond Abby’s looks.”

“Jonah, I need to get to my seminar tonight. Why don’t you go get some exercise, play basketball or hang out with Justin or Jake and Elan?” Abby suggested.
“No problem, “ he said. He never minded blowing off a little energy. “We could meet up later in the evening. “
“Not tonight. I have an early class tomorrow. I’ll see you later in the day,” she said.

They went their separate ways, Jonah to get some exercise, Abby to her apartment to change into a tight skirt and blouse. She liked the teaching assistant who ran her seminar, and he had very generously offered her some extra time to discuss a project she had in mind. Jonah so well complimented her; they were so handsome a couple; but she was bored, and a little flirtation would spice up her life. No harm, no foul. It wasn’t like she was going to hop into bed with him. She’d just tease him a little, arouse him. She missed the attention of many men competing for her attention. Jonah was so easy. She loved to be pursued.

Jonah was waiting for her when she emerged from the building where her seminar was. He noticed her shirt was uncharacteristically not perfectly tucked in and she appeared flushed.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes.” She responded. “I’m okay.”
He walked her back to her residence and they said good night.

Sarah: “I spoke to Abby’s roommate. She told me something was up with Abby. She thinks Abby is working on some extra credit for that seminar course she is taking if you know what I mean. Poor Jonah doesn’t have a clue.”

Etta: “Jonah hasn’t seemed himself. He seems distracted. I haven’t seen him with Abby as frequently. “

Abby continued to allow Jonah to pursue her. She would make dates and meeting times, show up late, call at the last minute and cancel, and on occasion purposely give him wrong place to meet. He remained loyal to her, sincere in his quest to be with her. He suspected she had met someone else, but that only motivated him to try harder. Abby’s attention span was short, and once she conquered, and the pursued became pursuer, she lost interest. Once again bored, Abby would allow Jonah back into her life. He remained easy, easy to be with, easy to talk to. He grew on her, like a stubborn fungus that couldn’t be cured, but, also, like old shoes, kept because they remained comfortable. Their on and off relationship survived the summer before their senior year. By the end of the first semester, Jonah was accepted into law school. Law was not a serious profession according to Abby’s father, but better than bar tender. As the senior year waned and concern over the prospect of their going their separate ways, Jonah decided to propose to Abby out of fear of losing her.

Etta: “I overheard Jonah talking about asking Abby to marry him just before class started toward the end of the semester. I’d be surprised if she’d say yes. He, however, seemed very confident, though I’m not sure why. I think the only person she could make a lifetime commitment to is to herself.”

“Abby,” Jonah started, “you know I love you, and you know that I would love to spend the rest of my life with you.” He paused unable to look into her eyes for fear that she would reject him. “Will you marry me?” He looked up, his eyes meeting hers. He held her gaze as he held her hand.
Abby looked back at him. She couldn’t reject him. She knew he was sincere, that he would protect her and care for her. “Okay,” she said and accepted his ring.

Abby’s father: “It wasn’t the biggest diamond. Okay, lawyer is something. Not a doctor of course, but he should be able to earn enough to keep Abby as she deserves. I hope he doesn’t expect me to put him through law school.”

Abby’s mother: “I don’t know what I’ll do with his parents at the wedding. I hope he doesn’t have a large family.“

Sarah: “I’m so happy Abby accepted Jonah’s proposal. I hope she asks me to be a bride’s maid.”

Etta: “Not surprised he asked, but I can’t believe she said yes.”

Nancy: “I must admit I’m not really happy for my brother. I did let him use the diamond from our great grandmother’s ring for the engagement ring. Perhaps that will bring them some luck. I’ve never quite hit it off with her, even after all these years. How many times did she break his heart? I saw their relationship as pathological. His relationship to her was colored by an obsession to control her, and her relationship to him by having her ego stroked. Now, I’m afraid he will drift away from our family once he marries into hers; and, then, we’ll lose him completely.”

***************

They were married. Jonah attended law school, even made law review. Abby got a Job with the newspaper writing local interest stories. She had bigger aspirations to write fiction and to be famous. At first they did well together. They lived in Philadelphia near her parents, in the right neighborhood, and travelled in the right circle of friends. They had a house with a three-car garage and a dog. Jonah was as attentive to Abby’s needs, as he ever was, but the demands of law school and then of his practice, left Abby alone and bored. Abby remained a stunning woman, coquettish, and flirtatious.

One day Jonah came home from a five-mile jog. He felt dizzy and off balance. He lay down to rest hoping the dizziness would pass but upon attempting to rise he collapsed on the floor unable to move his right side. He attempted to call for help, but his speech was severely slurred. When Abby returned from shopping, she found him lying on the floor; he had urinated. She called 911, and he was taken to University Hospital. He was found to have had a stroke that left him weak, off balance, with difficulty swallowing and speaking. His language function remained intact, but his speech was almost unintelligible. His ability to communicate was severely impaired. He was no longer self-sufficient. Abby was devastated, she felt trapped, worse than ever before.

“Dad,” she said, “I can’t do this. I’m not ready to be a nurse. We‘re only 34 years old. Who has a stroke at 34? I can’t imagine that this is going to be my life.”

Her father looked at her. He knew the reality of her situation. They were set for the time being financially, but he wasn’t sure how Abby would adjust to this change in life style. His heart went out to his daughter.

Abby tried to be a wife and a nurse, but she became more and more resentful of Jonah. She hired around the clock nursing care to ease her burden, but she remained angry with him for creating the situation in which she now found herself. She took off on business trips as frequently as she could. She “worked “ late, and often went out with “friends.” Jonah’s recovery progressed slowly; his speech remained barely discernible, painfully slow and deliberate. His strength never fully recovered and he could barely assist with transfers and remained unable to walk. Jonah was needy, dependant, depressed, and no longer able to attend to Abby’s needs. Abby would look at him with contempt. He was weak and ineffectual. He still looked at her with longing eyes. One day, while on a business trip, she decided that she wasn’t going home. She got an apartment and decided she would file for divorce. That same week, the nurse contacted her.

“Jonah has been taken to the hospital,” the nurse said. “He appears to be very sick. Please go to the hospital, the doctors needed to speak with you immediately. “

Abby was standing outside Jonah’s room waiting for her father to return her call.

Abby’s Father: “When I received her call, I immediately listened to her message, I always did. She sounded conflicted. What should she do? If he didn’t have immediate surgery, I knew he was going to die. His quality of life was terrible, now. Would we be able to restore him to something better than his current state prior to this set back? I didn’t think so. What then? She goes though an expensive divorce, and remains burdened by him. I’m glad he had that life insurance policy I’d recommended. I called her immediately.”

“Dad, you got my message? What do we do? I think he should be allowed to die. He has no life. I have no life. This is the simple way, and we can both be free. “
There was silence as neither spoke.
“Let him pass.” Abby’s father said.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
The Surgeon was standing at the bedside when Abby walked back into the room. She asked if she needed to sign something. She was opting for comfort measures only, no surgery. She sat in the chair next to the bed as the nurses removed the monitors and prepared to move Jonah to a regular floor where he would await death.

Sarah: “I saw the notice in the obituary section of the paper. So sad, he was so young. He had some kind of blood problem that lead him to get blood clots. Who knew? I hope I don’t have something like that.”

Etta: “Wow, poor Jonah. I wonder how Abby is taking this.”

Nancy: “Can you imagine? We didn’t hear about Jonah’s death until they had made arrangements for the funeral. Years go by and that’s the only communication I get from her about my brother?”

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