You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Drama Stories / Human Interest Stories
- Subject: Coming of Age / Initiation
- Published: 06/26/2018
As God came down to earth, he disguised himself as a waiter and visited one uptown bar serving drinks in the United Kingdom. As he entered the bar, it was quite empty. The crowd was yet to fill in. It was a bar with six tables with six chairs each. There was a podium where retro music was being played. The waiters were all dressed in black satin and white cotton. As god entered he went straight towards the bar manager, Mr. Albert. Albert was eagerly looking for a good hand since Gaffe, his trusted Turkish waiter, had reported ill. In fact, he was down with measles as he had reportedly said over the telephone. As God wanted a little mischief, he had actually sent Gaffe for his dream holiday to Greece. After all, some good men’s dreams are always heard by God. God’s main intention was to get a first-hand peek into these petty earthling’s lives. See what they were up to these days.
As he reached Mr. Albert, he said “Sir. Please be kind enough to give me a job! I have been sent by Gaffe!”
Albert, shrewd as he manager, replied, “Well, Well what’s your name fella!”
God played it safe and said “Nathu”
“What!” replied Albert.
“Are you an Indian, you don’t look like one!
God replied “You also don’t look like an Armenian, Sir!”
“Then what do I look like?”
“Nicolas Cage!” spat came the reply.
Albert, who was a bit proud of his lineage replied “Well, you sure learn quick fella!”
Then he said “Do you know anything about those pointing to the “Strombergers, Heinekens and other drinks” arranged neatly over the drinks counter. God smiled and said “Well the place where I come from we also know how to make a drink or two! My customers have never been dissatisfied!”
Albert replied “We can always use a good hand! I will pay you eight pounds an hour for starting. If you can satisfy me, then I will pay you what Gaffe gets”
God smiled and said “Thank you Sir!”
By then the tables were getting filled. God went inside the drinks counter, Ray greeted him with a huge smile. Ray had overheard the conversation between Albert and God. God smiled back and replied “Sure, you are going to nail some babes tonight!” Ray who was actually thinking of nailing someone at that very instance was a bit taken aback. Ray straightforward as he was, asked “Can you read minds, Nathu!”
God smiled and replied “Sure I can provided you stop thinking of nailing Millie! She isn’t a virgin mate!” Ray was now a bit shaken since he had not even confided to anyone regarding this. Millie was actually Albert’s sister-in-law. Secretly Ray was fantasizing about seducing her. Quickly, God picked up the vodka shots and neatly placed them over the tray. He whisked them away in a jiffy. He bobbed along the alley, and reached the first counter, knowing fully well that this was a table filled with the Muslims. Some of them were having orange juice and some were having hard drinks as well. God knew Ray had the tendency of spiking the orange juices with vodka. It was a technique he used to seduce Arab women. Get them drunk then play a Good Samaritan and then seduce them.
As God approached the table, he found six Muslims sitting together discussing politics, religion and the changing times that the Muslim world was facing.
The muslims were from all over the world. One of them was from India, his name was Sheikh Jahangir Baba Sharif. He was a police officer by profession, the Indian government had sent him to learn about the superior techniques of policing from the Scotland Yard. He was from Hyderabad, India. One of them was from the far south east, namely Malaysia. His name of Akhtar Ali. He was a paralegal. Next was Yasser Arafat, the native from Abu Dhabi, Saudi Arabia. He was manager at a multinational bank. Mohammed Sayeed came from the U.S. He was a software professional. Amir Heptullah was from the Sind, Pakistan. He worked as a Truck Driver in the U.K.
As God approached them, he could hear Jahangir speaking “The Muslim world is facing decadence. There is no wholesome approach to develop the underdeveloped. The rich are getting richer and the poor the poorer. This balance is tilting.”
Akhtar said “Yeah, In Malaysia the problem is there as well. There is not a lot of spread of the modern education system there.”
Arafat his own cheeky self, added “Who cares about that, look at the gorgeous babe serving drinks! I have a huge crush on her!” Arafat was referring to Sandy, the lone woman in Albert’s protégé.
God watched over everything.
Mohammed Sayeed added “I have some issues which I face in the U.S. I have to undergo a lot of scrutiny from the aiport authorities, every time I go and visit Turkey. They think we are all terrorists!”
Amir now added “You will always remain a terror in the neighbourhood with the bat” Referring to Sayeed’s skills with the cricket bat. God watched as the topics changed and then went on to discuss about the how the Muslims were being discriminated across everywhere.
Now God ambled across to the next table. This table was filled with the Christians. Arnold Tucy was sitting there sipping some red wine. He was gently shaking his glass and sipping the wine. He was an Australian multiplex owner. Beside him sat Jim Davis, the British archeologist. He was a staunch Christian. Next sat Noel James, the American. He was a businessman of leather goods. Next came James Rowling, the renowned Mathematician. Beside him sat his wife Joana Harris.
Arnold said “Look at those Pakis! Sitting there sipping orange juice. I bet they would dip their fingers in the beer mugs when they lift them”
Joana was not at all amused.
She said “Arnold stop speaking like a wanker!”
James also not amused added “Arnold what if your daughter married a Paki?”
Arnold retorted “I'm not bringing up my kids to become philosophers like yours!”
Noel ushered in peace saying “All right, no need to get so hyper man!"
God passed on to the next table. This table was occupied by the Hindus. Sharad Gupta the merchant from Gujarat sat sipping orange juice. He was a vegetarian. Next sat Joon Chatterjee, Bengali by Origin, the chemical engineer from Nebraska. Originally Indian but settled in the U.S. Next sat Rajender Krishna, the guy from Andhra Pradesh, India. He was a computer professional from India. Sher Singh the child prodigy from Nepal, the only Hindu Country in the world, sat next to Rajender. Sher Singh was a doctor by profession. Elin Dev was a guy who actually grew up in Pune, Maharastra. He was an oncologist by profession. Abhishek Dabral the Punjabi sat beside Elin. Abhishek was a biologist by profession.
Sharad said “Do you think, the whites hate us because of our skin colour!”
Joon said “No man, it is not what it is!”
Rajender added “Look, who is saying what! The Bengalis who themselves act like crabs and pull everyone down are saying lofty words of idealism! A “Bong” will always remain a “Bong”!”
Elin interjected “Look Rajender, I know you are a Bengali Hater, this doesn’t mean we should always try to prove that Joon is wrong everytime. Sometimes we people use racist terms like Mallu, Bong, Bihari, Gujju etc. We Indians don’t have unity together, that’s our biggest drawback. We always say these when we are being discriminated against but not when we discriminate!”
Sher Singh added “In Nepal, there are always so many tourists, you rarely know who is what!”
Abhishek said “How does it matter, everyone looks the same in his or her birthday suit! I would rather prefer some Chowmein indirectly referring to the Chinese sitting in the next table!” Everyone laughed at this except Joon.
Joon spoke up and said “We should not make fun of the Chinese since they are the ones who actually provide the world good quality cheap electronic products. Chinese people are brilliant and they should not be underestimated.”
God liked this and passed on to the next table.
The next table was occupied by the Buddhists. These peace loving people had assembled to meet in the weekend and talk of the burning issues of the Buddhists’. Shui Zhang and Ning Wang were from China. They had come to visit Hou Yen Fei their relative in the U.K. Hou ran a massage parlour in Manchester. Ning said “Uncle Hou, do you think there is scope for computer professionals like us in the U.K?”
“Well depends on what is your skill set!” replied Hou.
Xiou Chang an acquaintance of Mr.Hou replied “Well, Wang I have a friend Jay Chin who works in Oracle, Belfast. I will ask him to speak to you if you want.” Then he took out a small Laughing Buddha and placed in on the table and said “Well Shui, I know you have been brought up well, but we old timers still believe in Feng Shei and I give this as a gift to you for luck! I wish we could have some green tea together but this is not the time and place for it. We can only offer you some beer, for the time being!”
Shui replied “Well Uncle, that’s kind of you, you should visit us sometime in China! I wish I had gifts for you too. I didn’t know you would join us, so I didn’t bring anything for you!”
Hou said “It’s all right kids, no need to be so very formal! Let’s have some beer!” Then he signaled to God or Nathu who just brought in some Budweiser’s and placed them on the table. Before God could leave Shui asked “Where is the washroom please!” God just replied “You see the gentleman at the counter there referring to Ray, it is to his right!”
God knew fully well that Shui had planned to dupe Wang of his money and run away with some British individual, so that she could stay in Britain. It was her plan even though Wang hadn’t a clue about it. He was so much in love that it had blinded him. God knew Ray worshipped the so called “Exotic South Eastern Babes!” and wanted to teach him a lesson so that he could be taught what shrewd and cunning women can be. God knew Ray would like to hook up with Shui since she was what Western men called “Classic South Asian Beauty”. Shui was planning her getaway and this was an apt opportunity for her.
God passed on to the next table as one African gentleman waved his big hands to attract his attention.
Jeremy Tikolo had just arrived and wanted to meet his brother Brendan Tikolo who worked as a waiter in the neighbourhood. Jeremy was new to this place yet, he knew how to carry himself. He had arrived from Zimbabwe by flight, he was just more than excited to meet his brother Brendan after four long years. Brendan, who was married to Alva Gomez, the Mexican waitress, arrived, but late. Brendan was accompanied by Adisababa Fikru and Ottaya Peri his friends and Alva. Jeremy greeted Brendon in his own traditional way. Then gave a high-five to him just as the cricketers do! Brendon introduced Alva, his better half and then introduced his friends one after the other. Once they settled, they summoned Nathu or God to serve them some drinks. When God joined them, Jeremy started speaking how, the British Airways flight crew couldn’t find a replacement for his broken earphone attached to the seat. Brendon interjected whether he actually complained at the helpdesk for refunding some money since they didn’t find a replacement.
Jeremy replied in the negative stating that “I didn’t know that!”
Mr. Fikru, the Ethopian gentleman, stated that “Well, you should have asked them to refund it, most people don’t and these airlines get away with anything!” Ottaya who had been a victim of a racial attack in the U.K asked “Well, may I ask you a question?” Jeremy replied “Why Not Mate!”
Ottaya continued “Well the airhostesses were all white I guess!”
Jeremy replied “No One of them was an oriental, one African origin and the rest were all Caucasians.”
“Whom did you ask?”
“Well initially I asked the oriental origin airhostess, she said she would provide me with something if they have some spare! Then after sometime I asked the African-British airhostess, I guess! That too didn’t bear fruit and then I didn’t ask anyone else after that!”
Alva who was silent so long said “You could have asked any of the Caucasian airhostesses too!”
“Well, all are against us” said Mr.Peri.
Jeremy was amazed at this and said “Why should they all be against us, I guess to err is human!”
Mr.Peri said “The airhostess are trained to do this job, why should they fail in this!”
Alva interjected “Well Ottaya, I know you have serious grievances against the so called “Whites” rather one should use the word Caucasian but not everyone is like the “White trash!”
Brendan interjected “Please Alva of all the people you shouldn’t use the term White Trash. It is demeaning to some people.”
Jeremy agreed to this and said “In Africa, there were some african origin people who actually called the Caucasians white baboons because they were too greedy for diamonds and exploited the natives! It is plain simple jealously that is the cause of all this”
By then Mrs. Albert had just arrived from her friend’s place with her son Obama and was at her wits end since she wanted a manicure at the parlour and she needed Gaffe to look after Obama. When Mr.Albert told that Gaffe was absent she was annoyed and asked who could take care of her son then. Albert thought “Why not ask Nathu to give it a try!” He then summoned Nathu to take care of the nine year old Obama. The idea of placing her son in the hand of a new fellow was not at all appealing to her, yet she agreed once Nathu appeared. The calm and demure appearance of Nathu soothed her nerves and she left in a jiffy.
Nathu gave away his tray and then made himself comfortable in the chair beside Obama. Obama was an inquisitive fellow. Obama asked “What is your name?”
“Nathu” replied God.
“Where are you from?”
“Although, I am from India, I am half Armenian like you!”
“Really, I have never seen you around, this is the first time I see you here, and generally Gaffe takes care of me!”
“I know, but you have to learn to take care of yourself. You are nine now and soon you will reach double digits!” said God.
Obama smiled and said “I know India is a far off place where there are snake charmers, elephants and beautiful butterflies. It has big tigers and big mountains and huge rivers. It has dense forests. Gaffe told me these. Can you take me there?”
“Once when you grow up you can go alone.”
Suddenly there was a brawl outside in the street and Obama asked “Why are they shouting at each other Nathu? Why do people shout?”
God replied “According to Hindu mythology, people shout at each other because we are actually souls embedded in your outer self which we call the body. When people get angry the distance between their souls increases. To cover up this distance people actually shout, feeling that the other person will not be able to hear, even though they may actually be very near to each other! Here people are shouting because they hate each other!”
“What is hate?”
“Well, Hate is an emotion created by the devil! It pits people against people, nation against nation. Where all reason is lost and there is only empty voidness of harming the other individual. It also gives rise to racism.”
“What is racism?”
“You see that there are so many different people sitting in this room. Each one is different from the other, however they are still the same! There are actually quite foolish people who love to think that they are superior than the others because they think they possess some qualities that the others do not possess. However, pride tricks them into thinking that they are superior maybe due to the colour of their skin, maybe they think that their genes are better. Racism is the seeds of hatred.”
“How is that possible?”
“You see, there are the Africans!” pointing to the table where Brendan and group were sitting.
“Next comes the Asians. Then there is also the Caucasians like the fair skinned people that you generally find in U.K. God didn’t create different races. God didn’t plant seeds to create different races. Well God created the earth and left the humans to fend for themselves. It is the climatic conditions, food habits, natural calamities which transformed the looks of the humans living in different climatic conditions and this transformed the initially evolved humans into having different looks. The fiery sunrays which shone around the equator made people living in and around those places as dark skinned. People became fairer as you go away from the equator. Yet people tend to forget these and conjure what they like to think is correct. But at the end of the day they are actually all humans. ”
“But why would people of different races hate each other when they know they are all humans?”
“It is actually not the races which matter, mostly it is the motive which matter for the humans!”
“What is a motive?”
“Well, do you love chocolates?”
“Yes! Why not!”
“Well actually suppose there is one chocolate and there are five children like you. The question remains how do you intend to divide this chocolate amongst yourselves? You divide it equally or some bully might beat you up and eat it all by himself. I am sure that you have seen that happen.”
“So love for chocolates is like a motive! Humans have different motives and if you are in their path of achieving that motive, you become their enemy. It is the seed of greed! It is never good to have enemies or to hate someone. So it is never wise to hate to love or love to hate!”
I didn’t understand what you mean when you say “Hate to love and love to hate!”
“Actually, some people tend to love so much that after some time if they are not successful in achieving their motive of love then they tend to hate the concept of love. There is always a set of people who will tend to hate since they lack in fulfilling some of their motives. Be it love for someone, be it love for some material wealth, be it love for power.”
“You explain so well Nathu! Just like Gaffe”
“Thank You Obama!”
“Well the earth is just like this bar, you know. There are different people and different ideologies with different outlook as well. Yet, people still do not learn to live together in peace. They fight for that chocolate which does not exist. Obama, one day you might be given the power to change and so be the change!”
By then Mrs Albert stepped in and relieved God of his duties but not before asking “What were you speaking about Obama?”
Obama innocently replied “He was teaching me about hate and racism!”
Mrs. Albert shrieked out “Albert, what on earth is this fellow doing teaching a nine year old kid about hate and racism! Where on earth do you get these niggers or pakis”
Mr. Albert, sensing trouble, pushed Nathu out of the bar onto the street and said “Bugger off fella! I'm not allowing some asshole to teach my kid to hate.”
God saw the devil smiling from behind the counter, and he knew that now Albert was under the influence of drinks and the devil and so now he couldn’t actually reason what was right and what was wrong. So he turned away as the abusive bouncers were gratefully assisting Mrs. Albert. God turned and walked away but turned again and said “I was only trying to teach a kid how not to hate! After all, I hail from the nation of Gandhi and Vivekananda!” He was earnestly hoping that the seed of thought he had planted in the nimble mind of young Obama would bear fruit in days to come.