“So, what’s your story about?” I asked, after she sat down at my table in the lunchroom. I was taking a coffee break; she had come in, she said, because of the sign I had put up on the fridge asking for any weird experiences. I thought it might be fun, for a change, to have someone else tell me their story instead of me always trying to come up with short story ideas on my own.
She looked at me, and with a completely straight face replied, “How about being abducted by aliens and then going out for pizza and ice cream with them?”
My mouth dropped open and my eyes nearly popped out of my head. “You were abducted by aliens and then all of you went out for pizza!?”
“And ice cream,” she added.
“And this is supposedly a true story?”
“Absolutely!” she replied, motioning with her hand to show she was sincere.
“OK,” I said after taking a deep breath, “go ahead and tell me what happened.” This was either going to be one hell of a lie, or the most amazing story I ever heard.
“Well . . . I was on my way to The Pizza Freeze to get pizza and ice cream.”
I couldn’t help but make a face. “That doesn’t sound like a very good combination.”
“I know,” she admitted. “But I was hungry, and I had seen this ad in the newspaper that said this was their grand opening, and that everything was going to be half price for a day, so I decided to check it out.
“Anyway, I was driving down Old Route 23 when I saw this bright red light in the sky. Right away, I knew it had to be a UFO.”
“Why did you think that?”
She sighed as if I had just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Well, what else could it have been? It was bright red!” I nodded like I agreed with her.
“OK, so what happened then?”
“So after I pulled off onto the side of the road, I kept watching this red light coming closer and closer, all the while debating with myself whether or not I should leave, but before I could do anything—”
“You were kidnapped,” I said, interrupting her. She nodded. “And you remember everything about it?” Again she nodded. “Strange, most people say they can’t remember their abductions unless they’ve been hypnotized.”
She shrugged. “All I know is I must have been beamed up or something, because the next thing I knew, I found myself strapped down to this table in this strange-looking circular room. When I glanced around, I saw two aliens arguing with each other.”
“How did you know they were arguing?”
“You could tell by the way they were waving their arms around.”
“So what happened next?”
“A third one showed up. He must have said something to the other two, because suddenly, they stopped waving their arms around.”
“Could you understand anything they were saying?”
She shook her head. “That’s just it; I couldn’t hear a thing. I think they were talking to each other with their minds.”
“You mean they were using telepathy to communicate!”
“If that’s what you call it,” she replied.
“So how did you end up going for pizza with them?”
“Well, by then, I had become a little annoyed, so I asked them if they were done with me, because I wanted to go get pizza and ice cream. That stopped them. They turned and smiled. Have you ever seen an alien smile? It’s a little creepy, to tell you the truth.
“Anyway, that’s when I heard a voice inside my head ask if they could come with me? I thought, if it would get me off this spaceship. So I said why not? But first I told them that there might be a slight problem, because it looked as if they weren’t wearing any clothes. People would think they were naked and might not want to serve them. That put a frown on their faces until suddenly, they smiled again and, just like that, the three of them were wearing suites! Granted, they looked like they were going to a Mexican wedding, but at least, they had clothes on.
“Next, I told them they were going to have to do something about their faces, too. I said that if they went into The Pizza Freeze looking like they did, they’d probably scare the crap out of everyone.”
“Why? What did they look like?”
“Just like all the pictures: big head, big eyes, small skinny bodies.”
“So, what did they do then?”
“They looked at each other and then, suddenly, all three of them turned into the cutest looking college guys with buzz cuts you ever saw. I told them they looked perfect. They smiled at me. I smiled back at them then I asked if one of them could untie me?
“Excusing himself, one of the aliens rushed forward and began taking off the straps from around my wrists and ankles. Meanwhile, the other two must have done something I couldn’t see, because suddenly, an old Woody Wagon, complete with three surfboards strapped to the top, appeared right there in the middle of the room. I pointed to it and asked if we were going in that? They nodded. I told them I thought it was a great idea, except for one thing. Since this was Wisconsin, I didn’t think there would be any surf or surf boards around.
“They just shrugged. Then I asked if any of them knew where The Pizza Freeze was? When all three of them refused to look at me, I asked for the keys to the woody and told them that I would drive. They smiled again then, after handing me the keys, all of us piled into the Woody. The next thing I knew, we were heading down Route 23 again.
“Once in the restaurant, they had me order for each of them two whole pizzas apiece, not to mention, extra large ice cream sundaes. Not for me, of course. All I could handle were two slices of pizza and a small dish of ice cream, which I barely finished.
“I’ll have to admit one thing though. Even while they were putting away enough food to feed an entire army of aliens, they remained perfect gentlemen throughout the meal. They used their utensils when they needed to, and none of them burped or farted once. But there was a problem after we finished eating—”
“They didn’t have any cash with them,” I said before she could finish.
She nodded. “That’s right, but they promised me the next time we went for pizza and ice cream, they’d make sure to bring money with them.”
“They’re coming back?” I asked, surprised.
She nodded. “Yeah, but first they said they had to go to some place called Kronos Nine for a Star Trek convention.”
Once again, my eyes bugged out of my head. “A Star Trek convention! You have got to be kidding me!”
She shook her head. “No, I’m serious. I too was shocked that they knew about Star Trek!”
Then after a moment, she stood and asked me, “So, what do you think? Is that enough information for something to write about?”
“More than enough,” I said then watched as she turned and began to walk towards the exit.
After she left, I sat there and wondered if there was any way I could possibility turn her story into a book . . . maybe a book for kids? I thought that in the book, I could have the female character go with the aliens on their space ship and fly around the universe visiting other civilizations just like in Star Trek.
It felt like the perfect idea to me, but the publisher I approached didn’t agree, so I self-published. Made a good chunk of change! Now the same publisher is begging me for more stories. I told him I’d have to think about it, but I’ll probably agree, because, just like in Star Trek, I want to live long and prosper—A LOT!