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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Action & Adventure
- Subject: Drama
- Published: 09/16/2018
JACK NEWHOUSE (our own Giacomo Casanova)
Born 1947, M, from Zurich, SwitzerlandJack knew that Newhouse meant Casanova. Jack foolishly thought that bearing the name should be enough to become the person. Our Jack thought he was very successful in attracting the attention of the opposite sex, but did not reckon that he was often a target of ridicule not of desire. Often groups of girls would conspire to make Jack think it was he who had seduced them all, without even him thinking that they were running a betting game. The odds were high for Jack when a girl could turn him down – he always thought the declining was his choice not hers!
One day, one of the girls in one of the ‘Crack Jack’ groups told our Jack about their continuing mocking of his amorous attempts. The shame cracked-up Jack so much that he felt he could not show his face again in his small town out in the distant countryside. He decided that he should move to the Capital City where he was not personally known, and where there were lots of targets for his winning ways. Unfortunately for our Jack his luck did not go with him – or perhaps Jack never had luck but believed that his success just reflected his natural talents! In any case, for our Jack, events continually went wrong! For example, it happened more than once that Jack got stuck in a wardrobe, a lift, or a car trunk, while avoiding confrontation before, during, or after a date. Probably Giacomo never had the misfortune of our Jack during his passionate wanderings!
“Quick, my husband is coming up the stairs,” whispered Mrs. Smith to Jack. “I don’t think he will believe you are the plumber when he finds you stark naked in the bedroom!”
“I have an idea!” replied Jack, “I will hide in the wardrobe until he is gone!” Jack did not hear Mrs. Smith whispering “Don’t do that,” as he climbed into the wardrobe and closed the door behind him. Jack strained hard to hear the voices in the bedroom outside of the wardrobe, and heard Mrs. Smith exclaiming, “But you are not my husband! Why are you dressed like the plumber?” Jack did not understand any of this and when he scratched his back he realized he was not alone inside the wardrobe. A hand rested on his shoulder and he heard a man’s voice, “Don’t say a word Jack. I was hiding inside here to catch my wife with the plumber, and how I have caught you!” All Jack could say was, ”I’m on my way out!” as he jumped out of the wardrobe into the bedroom past a now naked plumber. When Mr. Smith jumped out of the wardrobe after Jack, Mrs. Smith began a near hysterical fit!
Another day Jack had set up a meeting with an apparently willing lady at a restaurant in another part of the City. Jack was so excited that he forgot to check his mails just before the meeting. He did not know that he would not meet the luscious Ms. Jones but rather the friend she had persuaded to go along in her place -- as she was not feeling well. If Jack had checked his mails he would have seen the photo that Ms. Jones had sent along of her friend. He would also have read that this friend was not coming to an amorous meeting with Jack, but rather as a friend doing a friend a favor. So when Jack appeared with his tongue hanging out, his hair smeared back and wearing his Giacomo-look all over his face, he was totally taken aback to see his new girlfriend Sarah standing in for Ms. Jones. It was indeed a pity that Jack had not read his mails because Sarah was not amused, and promptly finished their relationship!
This episode was unfortunately similar to another in Jack’s amorous adventures. In another event Jack turned up at the wrong address. It was not that Jack was standing there with a bunch of flowers held passionately with both hands. It was not that Jack was not polite to the woman who greeted him. It was not the woman did not understand him as she tried to convince him that he had called at the wrong address. It was just that Jack did not know how to explain himself to the nun at the door of the convent.
“Oh, Jack that’s wonderful,” sighed Ms. Wright, at their date. “You don’t know how much it means to me that someone listens to me and understands exactly what I like. It makes me shiver inside, and makes me want to give myself completely to my man.” Jack was flabbergasted. Never had he had so much success, with a simple bottle of perfume. It was true that he had followed her instructions: and had gone to the perfumerie; and sampled the one she desired; and was about to buy it -- when he heard the price! In the end he had asked the sales girl for a cheap perfume, and whether she had an empty bottle of the very expensive one. You can guess what happened next. Ms. Wright opened the perfume that Jack had just given her -- and after she put it to her nose, her face shriveled in disgust. That turned to distaste, and that turned to downright anger. She fumed as she threw the cheapened perfume towards Jack. The bottle hit him, knocked our Jack over, smashed against the wall, broke into a thousand pieces, and these flew through the air striking many other guests. Jack quickly excused himself to the men’s room, and decided to escape via the window rather than face the wrath of Ms. Wright!
Jack had escaped from the same window some weeks earlier during another amorous escapade at the same restaurant. At that time our Jack was so excited that he confused red rose and white handbag with the other color combination. Consequently Jack ended up with the wrong date. The red-rose lady was not amused when Jack started his Giacomo routine, and told Jack so. The white-rose lady at the next table stood up immediately when she realized her date was a Casanova! Jack fled then to the men’s room, and you know the rest!
Jack was becoming well known at several other restaurants in that part of town. Once Jack ignored the message from his date warning of her allergic reaction to shellfish. The lobster and shrimp dinner did not impress her. She emptied the dish into his lap to impress him with her anger! On another date, Jack’s credit card was not accepted. His date was not impressed when her credit card had to pay for their expensive dinner!
One time, Jack was very impressed with an opera singer. He met Mary at a party given by one of his friends, Gilles Blast, who had toned down his amorous life. Further Gilles had married a famous musician, Trudi Trussardi. Mary was Trudi’s best friend. Gilles and Jack were very precise in exchanging details of seduction of women, but not very careful in distinguishing between this or that artist. So following what he thought was Gilles advice, Jack studied all the opera works of the Italian opera composer Puccini. Most probably Jack’s memory froze because Puccini was also called Giacomo. Jack bought Mary Puccini flowers, Puccini chocolates, Puccini eau d l’opera, Puccini sunglasses? and a Puccini T-shirt! Jack sung to Mary, arias from the best-known pieces. For a gigolo Jack had quite a good voice, this Mary told him without the gigolo reference! But just as Jack was about to announce that he had invested in Puccini just for Mary, the lady reminded him that she preferred Verdi! Jack had missed the point of course, because he could not stand the name Giuseppe! Jack was certainly heartless to Mary, and to the famous beloved opera singer, when he referred afterwards to ‘Mary Callous”.
In their much earlier years, Gilles and Jack used to exercise their ‘charm factors’ by seeing which of the two could first seduce a particular inviting lady. Jack had devoted weeks to seducing one particular Melissa. He had wined, dined, and whined until he was convinced that Melissa was just about to faint into his ‘charm web’. He had worked so hard that she told him to wait in the lobby while she went ahead to her room to freshen herself. Five minutes later Jack was bouncing along the corridor to Melissa’s room, just to see Gilles disappearing ahead of him through Melissa’s door. Jack wondered after that, just how one defines ‘friendship’? Gilles gave the usual reply about ‘all being equal in love and war’. Gilles did not understand Jack when Jack asked, “Well which one won?”
Perhaps the best known of Jack’s escapades is the one that we all know about. ‘Casanova and the Masked Ball’. Jack had worked for weeks to seduce one beautiful Gemima. The said Gemima promised to meet Jack at the upcoming masked costume party, and be entertained by him afterwards. Jack went along dressed as the typical ‘medieval rogue’ --swashbuckling pants, floppy boots, padded jacket, dripping moustache, hat with feather, and alcohol riddled breath. Gemima wasn’t quite wearing the flower in the right place, the fan was not the right color, and as said -- Jack was certainly riddled! The not-quite-Gemima was flattered at all of the attention the ‘medieval rogue’ was giving her. She did not object when the ‘riddled rogue’ invited her to a private party afterwards. We do not know exactly whether undressing occurred before the unmasking, but neither party was impressed. We do not know whether they parted friends, or just parted, but we know that neither wanted to talk about the encounter with their friends!
We could present the painful details of Jack’s later career: about when he was knocking on her door, but there was someone else already there; when he thought she was actually flirting with him -- but it was with the one standing behind him. There was the time when his hair got dyed the wrong color, and then when his expensive designer clothes proved to be fakes, and the countless times when Jack’s car broke down at the wrong places!
One final tale might explain why Jack retired from the gigolo business and became a tour operator to distant places. Jack saw in a magazine, an advertisement for a ‘gigolo training school’. When he was sure that Gilles and a few other ‘wide boys’ were not involved, he applied to attend. Jack went to a meeting in a hotel room with a ‘beautiful blonde’. The blonde promised that she would teach Jack how to seduce any lady, 'willing or not’! At the end of the session, a man appeared from behind the curtain and presented Jack with a video-disc of his performance! The blackmail costs were horrific, and Jack had to take out loans to pay his oppressors. Furthermore the blonde turned out to be an activist as well as a seducer! Jack was prevented from his own schedule of seductions by the blonde - who appeared each time Jack had found a new unsuspecting victim!
Jack now enjoys very much his world travels. He occasionally meets beautiful women but somehow they all seem to be acquainted with the ‘beautiful blonde’ of video-disc fame. He is convinced that one day, in an unexpected place, he will meet the ‘love of his life’. He knows he will recognize ‘true love’. Jack says he is willing to share his secrets!
JACK NEWHOUSE (our own Giacomo Casanova)(Alan Bruce)
Jack knew that Newhouse meant Casanova. Jack foolishly thought that bearing the name should be enough to become the person. Our Jack thought he was very successful in attracting the attention of the opposite sex, but did not reckon that he was often a target of ridicule not of desire. Often groups of girls would conspire to make Jack think it was he who had seduced them all, without even him thinking that they were running a betting game. The odds were high for Jack when a girl could turn him down – he always thought the declining was his choice not hers!
One day, one of the girls in one of the ‘Crack Jack’ groups told our Jack about their continuing mocking of his amorous attempts. The shame cracked-up Jack so much that he felt he could not show his face again in his small town out in the distant countryside. He decided that he should move to the Capital City where he was not personally known, and where there were lots of targets for his winning ways. Unfortunately for our Jack his luck did not go with him – or perhaps Jack never had luck but believed that his success just reflected his natural talents! In any case, for our Jack, events continually went wrong! For example, it happened more than once that Jack got stuck in a wardrobe, a lift, or a car trunk, while avoiding confrontation before, during, or after a date. Probably Giacomo never had the misfortune of our Jack during his passionate wanderings!
“Quick, my husband is coming up the stairs,” whispered Mrs. Smith to Jack. “I don’t think he will believe you are the plumber when he finds you stark naked in the bedroom!”
“I have an idea!” replied Jack, “I will hide in the wardrobe until he is gone!” Jack did not hear Mrs. Smith whispering “Don’t do that,” as he climbed into the wardrobe and closed the door behind him. Jack strained hard to hear the voices in the bedroom outside of the wardrobe, and heard Mrs. Smith exclaiming, “But you are not my husband! Why are you dressed like the plumber?” Jack did not understand any of this and when he scratched his back he realized he was not alone inside the wardrobe. A hand rested on his shoulder and he heard a man’s voice, “Don’t say a word Jack. I was hiding inside here to catch my wife with the plumber, and how I have caught you!” All Jack could say was, ”I’m on my way out!” as he jumped out of the wardrobe into the bedroom past a now naked plumber. When Mr. Smith jumped out of the wardrobe after Jack, Mrs. Smith began a near hysterical fit!
Another day Jack had set up a meeting with an apparently willing lady at a restaurant in another part of the City. Jack was so excited that he forgot to check his mails just before the meeting. He did not know that he would not meet the luscious Ms. Jones but rather the friend she had persuaded to go along in her place -- as she was not feeling well. If Jack had checked his mails he would have seen the photo that Ms. Jones had sent along of her friend. He would also have read that this friend was not coming to an amorous meeting with Jack, but rather as a friend doing a friend a favor. So when Jack appeared with his tongue hanging out, his hair smeared back and wearing his Giacomo-look all over his face, he was totally taken aback to see his new girlfriend Sarah standing in for Ms. Jones. It was indeed a pity that Jack had not read his mails because Sarah was not amused, and promptly finished their relationship!
This episode was unfortunately similar to another in Jack’s amorous adventures. In another event Jack turned up at the wrong address. It was not that Jack was standing there with a bunch of flowers held passionately with both hands. It was not that Jack was not polite to the woman who greeted him. It was not the woman did not understand him as she tried to convince him that he had called at the wrong address. It was just that Jack did not know how to explain himself to the nun at the door of the convent.
“Oh, Jack that’s wonderful,” sighed Ms. Wright, at their date. “You don’t know how much it means to me that someone listens to me and understands exactly what I like. It makes me shiver inside, and makes me want to give myself completely to my man.” Jack was flabbergasted. Never had he had so much success, with a simple bottle of perfume. It was true that he had followed her instructions: and had gone to the perfumerie; and sampled the one she desired; and was about to buy it -- when he heard the price! In the end he had asked the sales girl for a cheap perfume, and whether she had an empty bottle of the very expensive one. You can guess what happened next. Ms. Wright opened the perfume that Jack had just given her -- and after she put it to her nose, her face shriveled in disgust. That turned to distaste, and that turned to downright anger. She fumed as she threw the cheapened perfume towards Jack. The bottle hit him, knocked our Jack over, smashed against the wall, broke into a thousand pieces, and these flew through the air striking many other guests. Jack quickly excused himself to the men’s room, and decided to escape via the window rather than face the wrath of Ms. Wright!
Jack had escaped from the same window some weeks earlier during another amorous escapade at the same restaurant. At that time our Jack was so excited that he confused red rose and white handbag with the other color combination. Consequently Jack ended up with the wrong date. The red-rose lady was not amused when Jack started his Giacomo routine, and told Jack so. The white-rose lady at the next table stood up immediately when she realized her date was a Casanova! Jack fled then to the men’s room, and you know the rest!
Jack was becoming well known at several other restaurants in that part of town. Once Jack ignored the message from his date warning of her allergic reaction to shellfish. The lobster and shrimp dinner did not impress her. She emptied the dish into his lap to impress him with her anger! On another date, Jack’s credit card was not accepted. His date was not impressed when her credit card had to pay for their expensive dinner!
One time, Jack was very impressed with an opera singer. He met Mary at a party given by one of his friends, Gilles Blast, who had toned down his amorous life. Further Gilles had married a famous musician, Trudi Trussardi. Mary was Trudi’s best friend. Gilles and Jack were very precise in exchanging details of seduction of women, but not very careful in distinguishing between this or that artist. So following what he thought was Gilles advice, Jack studied all the opera works of the Italian opera composer Puccini. Most probably Jack’s memory froze because Puccini was also called Giacomo. Jack bought Mary Puccini flowers, Puccini chocolates, Puccini eau d l’opera, Puccini sunglasses? and a Puccini T-shirt! Jack sung to Mary, arias from the best-known pieces. For a gigolo Jack had quite a good voice, this Mary told him without the gigolo reference! But just as Jack was about to announce that he had invested in Puccini just for Mary, the lady reminded him that she preferred Verdi! Jack had missed the point of course, because he could not stand the name Giuseppe! Jack was certainly heartless to Mary, and to the famous beloved opera singer, when he referred afterwards to ‘Mary Callous”.
In their much earlier years, Gilles and Jack used to exercise their ‘charm factors’ by seeing which of the two could first seduce a particular inviting lady. Jack had devoted weeks to seducing one particular Melissa. He had wined, dined, and whined until he was convinced that Melissa was just about to faint into his ‘charm web’. He had worked so hard that she told him to wait in the lobby while she went ahead to her room to freshen herself. Five minutes later Jack was bouncing along the corridor to Melissa’s room, just to see Gilles disappearing ahead of him through Melissa’s door. Jack wondered after that, just how one defines ‘friendship’? Gilles gave the usual reply about ‘all being equal in love and war’. Gilles did not understand Jack when Jack asked, “Well which one won?”
Perhaps the best known of Jack’s escapades is the one that we all know about. ‘Casanova and the Masked Ball’. Jack had worked for weeks to seduce one beautiful Gemima. The said Gemima promised to meet Jack at the upcoming masked costume party, and be entertained by him afterwards. Jack went along dressed as the typical ‘medieval rogue’ --swashbuckling pants, floppy boots, padded jacket, dripping moustache, hat with feather, and alcohol riddled breath. Gemima wasn’t quite wearing the flower in the right place, the fan was not the right color, and as said -- Jack was certainly riddled! The not-quite-Gemima was flattered at all of the attention the ‘medieval rogue’ was giving her. She did not object when the ‘riddled rogue’ invited her to a private party afterwards. We do not know exactly whether undressing occurred before the unmasking, but neither party was impressed. We do not know whether they parted friends, or just parted, but we know that neither wanted to talk about the encounter with their friends!
We could present the painful details of Jack’s later career: about when he was knocking on her door, but there was someone else already there; when he thought she was actually flirting with him -- but it was with the one standing behind him. There was the time when his hair got dyed the wrong color, and then when his expensive designer clothes proved to be fakes, and the countless times when Jack’s car broke down at the wrong places!
One final tale might explain why Jack retired from the gigolo business and became a tour operator to distant places. Jack saw in a magazine, an advertisement for a ‘gigolo training school’. When he was sure that Gilles and a few other ‘wide boys’ were not involved, he applied to attend. Jack went to a meeting in a hotel room with a ‘beautiful blonde’. The blonde promised that she would teach Jack how to seduce any lady, 'willing or not’! At the end of the session, a man appeared from behind the curtain and presented Jack with a video-disc of his performance! The blackmail costs were horrific, and Jack had to take out loans to pay his oppressors. Furthermore the blonde turned out to be an activist as well as a seducer! Jack was prevented from his own schedule of seductions by the blonde - who appeared each time Jack had found a new unsuspecting victim!
Jack now enjoys very much his world travels. He occasionally meets beautiful women but somehow they all seem to be acquainted with the ‘beautiful blonde’ of video-disc fame. He is convinced that one day, in an unexpected place, he will meet the ‘love of his life’. He knows he will recognize ‘true love’. Jack says he is willing to share his secrets!
JD
09/16/2018Silly, funny story! My guess is that there are a lot of men in the world who fancy themselves a casanova, but succeed in only making fools of themselves, or worse. You've captured one such personality quite well, Bruce. Thank you for sharing your stories on Storystar! :-)
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