Dear longing

Dear longing
By Ayush

Dear longing,
I know you have been with me for all these years like a great friend and I appreciate that. But I sincerely feel that it’s high time you should leave me. I don’t really know what I feel you for but I know I feel you and that it’s a genuine feeling. I will miss you but I had never desired you. You have always made me feel under confident, true but you have never made me feel alone and for that thank you. In the hardest of the times, I knew there was ‘something’ within me that I can rely upon, and that ‘something’ was you.
Aunt Cassie knows you as well. She had watched me talking to you, when I sat alone in my room. She thought…she still thinks that I didn’t see her then, but I did see her and enjoyed being joined by a third friend in our company. Though Aunt Cassie never confronted me about that yet I often noticed that suspicious look in her eyes whenever I went inside my room for some solitude. She knew it was not the solitude that I wanted. It was you. When you will be gone, she will miss you too.
Do you remember that black cat that was friends with Aunt Cassie? So you do remember… it was that cat that had jumped past our wall and sat by my window. The cat was the reason how Aunt Cassie came across our friendship. She in an attempt to shoo the cat off had come by the window of my room. She stood there…watched me talking to myself. Didn’t make a call, nor did she come in. All she did was staring.
I remember then I walked in mom’s room. She sat there tied to her chair. Her eyes red with blood. Her fists clenched searching for her prey. Her mental illness had made her a demon. I sometimes think, Aunt Cassie doesn’t ask me questions about my ‘apparent’ talking to myself as they say my mother did the same before acquiring this animal trait. Aunt Cassie has always been on her side though. She gives her food, medicines and everything she needs. She looks after me as well. It was Aunt Cassie who prevented mom, from attacking people. She was the one who saved my mom from the tortures of a mental asylum, by of course not admitting her in one. I feel this strong bond with my mother. When I look in her blood thirsty eyes, it excites me. I don’t know why but I always find myself looking for my identity in her eyes.
My girlfriend Tina often visits me and it was in one of her visits that I found that I was much like my mother. I remember it was a cold evening and Tina had visited. She had asked for a glass of water. I really like when she asks me to do something. So, I came back with a glass of water. It was then I felt it. It was then I felt ‘You’. She sat with her back towards me. I don’t know why but I felt I wanted to tear her apart. In two equal parts. Two equal parts tracing down her backbone. I just felt that urge. I was not being able to control my breath. She turned towards me, and seeing my face go red, she rushed to hold me. I felt that urge dancing across my entire body. The glass in my hand fell on the floor. It didn’t break but the water spilled over the floor.
Aunt Cassie stepped from behind and poured a red powder in the spilled water. It made the water red. For some reason I found that water, then a red liquid, very soothing. It reminded me of blood I think. After that incident, Tina didn’t visit for some days but then she did. She does visit now; she speaks nothing of that incident.
Now, that I am talking to you for the one last time. I have finally identified you. You have lived inside my head for so long like a familiar close friend who had no name. But you do have a name. You are a longing for blood and you will only leave me or my mom for that matter, if I satisfy you so does my mother. That’s why without telling Aunt Cassie I untied my mother. I really enjoyed the screams of Aunt Cassie a minute ago but then they died out. I think mom has slain aunt’s tongue or maybe she has chopped her with the chainsaw in the garden.
Anyways, her urge has satisfied and you must have left her by now. My prey is also here, its Aunt Cassie’s friend the black cat. It has jumped over our wall. I think it will be a perfect goodbye present for you. All I have to do is find my axe; I don’t remember where I kept it.
The End