There are some things we are better off not knowing. Some truths should never be told. Some adventures should remain private. Some things remembered should be forgotten.
She was not a bad person was she? Well I guess that depends on what you know, and perhaps you should stop right here, this might alter how you think about her. Oh she is a fine actor, she goes through life with a smile, her blue eyes flashing light, her smile warm and tantalizing. Her soft long brown hair has the smell of honeysuckle and soft as silk.
I suggest that is all you need to know. Her body you can admit to me you notice it. I mean would you be man or even a woman and not notice the smooth tanned skin on of perfect breasts showing in those low cut blouses. It's not your fault her tight blouses show a belly that is just plump enough to make you dream of laying your head on it as she strokes your head. Legs of perfection, if there is any flaws the pantyhose hide them. It's not lust you feel, it is simple admiration, and a little low that such a beauty would never give you a chance.
Oh no, I apologize, I am not going to tell you her name, because you know who she is. You see her often, you notice what she shows and you smile and even sometimes say hello. I don't need to describe her more, her soft voice that might remind you of a angels choir. Where she works you know, and yes, your wife knows you know. She looks too, and between you and me. I will let tell you this, hear come closer so I can whisper. She lusts for her, she feels jealous and yet she longs to touch, she dreams of their lips touching.
So sure, she see the look in your eye when she walks past. She knows the way you turn your head, she knows you know, you are a coward. For she knows she would not give her love or body to you and she knows you know it. She knows your knowing will always keep you from pushing further then trying to win a smile or get that joyous ringing of her laugh. Now listen close, that is what make your wife so hot, moist in places I need not mention. One last thing, yes your straight wife sometimes thinks of her when it is you doing, you know.
So if you knew, if you go on reading, one of two things is mostly likely to happen. You will find a uncontrollable burning in your loins and want her with with gross unbridled lust. Seeking her power, tantalized by her wickedness, feeling strong and tough because of her. Every kinky desire, you know, those late night dreams, will be as nothing and any excitement from them lost forever.
Oh the road it may take you down scares me. See you are my friend, so I tell you with the passion of my heart, this is not a safe road for you to travel. Walk away now, I know you, you will not feel disgust but lavash in the knowing. For once, at least in this moment you will feel her superior. This maybe just be to much for you to know.
On the other hand you might feel fear, and we both know when you feel fear it opens that locked door in your soul. A door I rather would see remained locked. My friend, stop, take pause, we both know fear drives you to do things, think things, act on hate and bitterness. You readily admit you fall short on job, day dream, goof off. You do not hide from co workers that part of you that would like to let you cross the line beyond just talk.
Why we have all heard you brag about your single days and the drinking and the sex and the man you once were. Ok, I will confide with you, that is why I hesitate to tell you, I think the man you were before is still there. I think you have buried him in a shallow grave. If unleashed I worry about your inability to control what it might do. Would you go to the authorities? They wouldn't believe you, there is no evidence, none and you would look the fool.
Perhaps you might feel so powerful you would confront her. Might be you would feel you now would be justified in opening the cookie jar of lust. Yet, knowing you like I do, listen to me, don't do it. Do not take the law into your own hands, don't.
Oh your good fellow baptist and Pentecostal brothers and sisters might lift you up as hero when you tell the why. Yet to tell the why, well you would have to be allowed ample opportunity. I strongly doubt they will grant you the time needed. Now stop getting aggravated at me, I will tell you, I will get on with it.
Yet I caution you, you are not one that can hide things, keep silent. Remember this firm warning the law will not see you as hero. The law knows no friends. The jury will find you guilty and you will surely lay on that cold steel bed as they inject you, and your life will be no more.
So you have placed a great weight upon me. If you were a stranger, if then I would not feel heart broken no matter which way you go. Yet I will tell as it is the knowing that is driving me to a point of insanity. Some things once known are to heavy to carry. I know her and I know you, I have set at your table and hers and I have seen your wife smile and cry.
I think perhaps I have a way out, for me and for you. Let me tell this thing, but not as a fact, though it is. Let me tell it and you accept it as nothing more then a rumor, pillow gossip. Then maybe we both can find relief.
As I am sure once I tell you, you will look at all women and wonder is that the her of which I speak. You will argue away the bulk of them because you know who she is, you know the one, you have even noticed and not admitted how your wife gets a flush when she sees her.
It started when you all were in eighth grade. Oh I should not tell, oh my, oh my, but if I can't tell you, who? Remember that school field trip, yeah, the one at that big park. The day was warm, birds were singing, sun shining and you were busy teasing other girls, laughing with your buddies. She was not so beautiful then, you gave her little notice if any.
Her long hair then hung down to cover the pimples on her face. He breasts were more like oranges then watermelons. You knew then what you have forgotten now when you see her. She was not one of the smart ones, just barely passed most classes. She had few friends, some called her trailer trash, yeah she was poor. Got those free school lunches and wore secondhand clothes.
It was that day she stood on the cliff overlooking the river and the idea came. She knew in that moment she must do it. She did not do for you or her mother, no she was doing it for herself and her sister. Now she was not trash, though, yes you labeled her that. She was not dumb either and in fact then and now she never misses a Sunday morning church service.
Yes she has had a lover or two, but her own self loathing would not allow love, so a better way to say it, she tried sex a few times. Yet, see it took her to the place of horror.
Her daddy worked lots of jobs, I bet your poppa worked with him. He never lasted long any place, he was that big mouth which thought every woman wanted what he had in his pants. Loved to brag about how he could drink a well seasoned sailor under the table.
He was a drunk of the worst kind. He beat his wife, he did what left his daughter what she become. He did more then look in the bathroom door when she bathed. He hurt her body, her mind, her soul. Oh she is so soft and beautiful now, but her daddy saw a hard, mean, ugly side. She in that moment on the cliffs edge made a plan, a decision and she never regretted it.
She quit fighting him, maybe you want to judge her harshly now, but you are not her. She might of even learned to enjoy the physical sensation, yet I doubt that, because she felt sick, disgusted and hated who she was.
So when she got pregnant, oh he was so understanding. He took her to that old woman that pimped out girls at his favorite bar. She used a clothes hanger and eliminated the baby. In fact she insured that girl would never be a momma. She bleed, oh how she bleed, she almost died. They gave her stolen antibiotics and cocaine. They told the school she had chicken pox, her momma nursed her.
Now I will tell you something else, her momma didn't try to stop it, never told the police. She was just happy it wasn't her that he was poking and she wasn't smelling his stink. Those months, about a year, was the first time since 14 when she married him that she felt relief and yes, it's true, even happy.
She lived, came back to school, you didn't notice then, you didn't care. Yet she now had a plan and worked the plan.
There are two kinds of strength that are unmatchable, hate and love. She had both, still does, oh yes look at her strong face. Study her hands, watch her confident determined stride. She hated him, but she loved her sister and she loved her momma. She has never laid a moments guilt on her momma's back, she knew her momma was sacred enough.
So she pretended, she would even dress as sexy as she could, even stole a cheerleaders uniform. She became the best actor that ever lived, and her drunken daddy believed in her. She got him to take her to the park, she promised a sexual enjoyment of kinky delight he could not say no too.
On that July 4th they went to that cliff to watch fire works and make some. As he stood on the edge his back toward the drop off, the bottle in one hand, his other on her head as she knelt. Then yes, then she did it, she hit him in the dangles, when he stepped back and bent over a curse dripping from his lips. She pushed, she barely heard his scream as she walked away.
They found his body the next day, she had the first warm smile she had ever known on her face as she hugged her momma. Now who can blame her, he got what he deserved.
Here it is, since then, she has helped at least five other daddies in this town get the justice that some might say they deserved, others however would call it murder. By what right does she become judge and jury? She would argue the right of the abused.
The girls she has saved, the momma which now live with peace. They might call her a angel, a hero, if they knew. Yet even some of them may of called her a murder, often the abused love in some crazy way the abuser.
Now I will not speak of this again, I judge her not. I suggest you carry this knowledge as I do and leave it alone. When the day comes it grows to heavy, then you find a friend, a great friend you love, then share the load as I have. Please no, do not ask how I know these things, just trust to the knowing I do.