School isn’t the same anymore for me. It has almost a depressing haze over it. I walk through the halls and everything just seems darker. I go to class and sit beside an empty desk now. Honestly it is really hard to concentrate on anything in class. The world around me freezes and my thoughts race and I can’t grab onto one individual thought. They move too fast. Filled with questions. Why?
Asher. Asher. It sounds like a whisper, barely audible. Asher. Then I feel the hand on my shoulder, placed there by my teacher.
“Asher, are you okay? You haven’t started your assignment.”
“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I’ll start now.”
The teacher stares me in the eyes, clear empathy throughout her, and gives me a slight smile and nod and continues to walk around the room, checking the other student’s work. This is the same thing everyday. It is like a broken record. Or that one song you find that hits you in a spot no other song has ever done before, so you listen to it repeatedly, back to back, until it has no more meaning, or you have released so much emotion you feel empty again, and the song doesn’t make you feel anything anymore.
I can’t help looking over at that empty desk. I know I shouldn’t look but I can’t stop myself. Part of me hopes if I look over maybe, just maybe, things will go back to how they were and I’ll see her. Maybe I’ll see her smiling. Of course not. There’s nothing there. Just like there was nothing there the last time I looked.
As I look around the classroom, I see everyone focused on their papers. Writing answers and trying to hurry to finish before the bell rings. I glance at the teacher, who is sitting at her desk in the front of the room, probably grading older assignments. Suddenly she looks up and her eyes land dead on me and I look quickly away and down at the paper in front of me that I still haven’t begun to work on. I pick up my pencil as the bell rings. Finally. I gather my things quickly and run out of the room, crashing into the sea of other students in the halls. I run into a bathroom stall and just cry.