Tinder for Old Ladies – Part 2
“Oh. So there is no young Jenny?” I curiously asked. “Nope, but thanks for the chocolates and flowers.” She said as she ripped open the chocolates and put her wrinkly nose into the flowers. I could barely say a word as we looked over the menu and the waitress brought over more breadsticks. I could feel the awkward eyes looking at us from all directions. I signaled the waitress over because I just wanted this night to be over. “I will have the chicken parmesan. And a glass of the most alcoholic drink you can find.” I say as I hand her over the menu. “One parmesan and a glass of bourbon.” She said. Then she looked over at the old lady and snickered to herself a little. “I will have a bowl of your house soup and a salad on the side.” She said. “Of course, I will put those right in for you.” The waitress said as she walked back to where the kitchen was. “What do I even ask her? What do we talk about?” I thought as I sized up the old lady in front of me. She was trying to eat a breadstick, but it took out her dentures and now she was struggling to get the bread out of her dentures.” I’m going to go to the bathroom. I will be back in a little bit.” She said as she got up from the table and hobbled her way to the bathroom. I looked around the main dining room while I waited for her, but the terrible décor of the restaurant didn’t offer any satisfaction. I mean it was super dark in here, there were waiters running in all directions, and the place looked like it hadn’t been updated since Italy was discovered. I was so busy debating whether to offer to fix up this place myself, I didn’t see the waitress come with our food. “All right, one chicken parmesan and one house soup with salad.” The waiter said as she placed the plates on our table. Coincidentally, Jenna came back as soon as the food came and struggled to get back into her chair, making a whole lot of squeaking noises in the process. “This looks so good.” She said as she sniffed her soup, she was so weird.
“So…. Jenna? Do you have any grandkids?” I asked as I cut into the chicken. “Yeah, I have three. Andy, Luke, and Jennifer. They all live in Rhode Island though and I sometimes get to see them but only when my daughter is around. They are very active and do a lot of sports.” She explained, but I wasn’t really listening to her because something seemed off as I looked at her. Is her nose coming off her face? No, it couldn’t be. It was as if the steam from the soup was loosening the glue from her nose. She slurped the soup so loudly I felt like everyone was staring at us now. “Can you maybe take the slurping down a little?” I politely asked. “Sorry.” She said as she wiped her nose, tearing it off in the process. “Ahhhhh! Her nose!” I screamed as I tried to back away from her and the table, knocking over my plate chicken and watched it as it fell on the floor. “Jack. Stop. Please don’t make a scene, no one can know.” Too late for that, I think as I looked out at the people around our table, quietly watching us. “Nothing to see here. Everything is fine.” I said as I retook my seat and waved the waiter over. “Yes, I had a little accident and dropped my food on the floor.” I said as she rolled her eyes at me. “Explain.” I coldly said to Jenna as she took off the nose completely. “I will. Just not here. Let’s go someplace more private.” She said as she got up and dropped some crumpled up 50 dollars bills on the table. “Wouldn’t be so expensive if you didn’t get the whole bottle of bourbon.” She said snakingly.