Feeling nostalgic uh?”. My husband pulled me into a cuddle.
“Well, you know.”
He gently brushed his hands in the scar inside my palm. It was created during a Fire accident in my home a few years back. That was the first day I met my husband, but in a rather aggressive and unwelcome circumstances. There was a gas explosion in one of my neighbour’s apartment and it had burnt down the entire building. I was living alone and I was sure I was going to die at the time. I didn’t know what to do, with my legs struck , fire spread over my entire place and I couldn’t even move. That’s when I met my husband. While I was screaming for help, he appeared among the smokes, told me it’s going to be al right, and lifted me in his arms and fought his way out of the place with all the ceilings and fire falling down.
There had been a severe burn in my palm when I pressed on the Fire for balance when I was struggling to get myself up. Even after various treatments, I was told that the burn went too deep and the Scar, a huge line in the middle of my palm, will be visible for the rest of my life. No one like that right? Having a stupid scar that makes you remember a tragic day every time you look at it.
But then, my husband, who was at the time a charming young man who was trying to win me over, cleverly told me that “ Scar are a lot of memories, mostly associated with sadness, but it doesn’t have to be that way, it can also represent a beginning, a new beginning, a new life.”
A bit filmy isn’t? Maybe. You don’t see such kind of bravery every day. But that’s what he does. That’s what his job demands from him. He was a Fire Fighter, and he was true to his job.
I remember him saying that true courage isn’t about not being afraid, but it’s rather about being afraid and yet not giving up on the situation and finding the courage to save others.
I always admired him for that.
Yesterday ,was our anniversary, and I had asked my husband to try and put the day off for us. That is me, and our son.
When I woke up, I saw the smiling faces of my husband and son playing catch with each other.
This is a moment I can cherish forever. My husband playing with our son. There’s nothing but pure joy and bliss in his face, and our little boy is always excited to play catch with his daddy. He is 5 yrs old.
It wasn’t long after that the phone buzzed. An Emergency. My husband has been a Fire fighter for 25 plus years now. He was about to celebrate the “Silver Jubilee”.
“ I got to go honey. People need my help.”, he hugged me tightly when I buried my head in his chest.
“I know…”, I whispered.
“Be safe, alright?”.
He has never answered that question, I know why. It’s his job to prioritize the safety of others, not himself in the field.
It’s hard you know. Really hard. While I am presented with the brimming pride I have with the work he does, it also comes with a huge worrying package. Every time he gets an emergency call, I am very anxious until I get his call when he tells me he is al right and so is all the others involved in the incident.
But the truth is, the chances are always 50/50. It’s a job filled with unforeseen and unpredictable circumstances. No one knows what’s going to happen. But you should be ready for it. I can’t help but think to myself that this might be the last time I see him smile, walk away from me but I can’t show that. I want him to do what he loves to do, and I want to be supportive.
Yesterday was no different. He received an emergency call in the middle of the day. A day that I had asked him to put aside for us. But I knew that won’t happen. It’s his duty to be there and he will do it no matter what. He promised me , once he is back, we will go out and celebrate the anniversary.
I knew he had to go, I wanted him to go, but I needed him to stay. It’s funny, the difference between “want” and “need”, even though they are used interchangeably by some people, they are entirely different. I must have got emotional or something. I couldn’t help but tear up, even though I tried hard not to. He told me it’s going to be al right, and that he will be home soon.
That moment, the last glimpse of his smiling face at the door way his imprinted in my memory, forever.
After a few hours, I got the news that my husband had been severely injured during the rescue operations. I didn’t receive much information but I was told to rush to the hospital.
I didn’t know what to do, It felt like I was struck by thunder. I didn’t know if I had to take my son with me or not. I was battling a lot of feelings inside me but it was time to act. I decided to take my son with me, for if it was the last time he is going to see his dad, then I am going to give him that chance. I owe him that much. And well….I was really hoping it wouldn’t be but as it turns out, it was.
This Scar in my palm used to mean something beautiful, the day I met my husband, my hero. It’s funny. A scar, typically seen as ugly and unattractive, can have such an intense and emotional capacity attached to it.
Till yesterday, when I see the scar, I felt happy. I saw it as the miracle that united me and my husband.
When I look at it today, I don’t feel happy. I feel proud. I feel proud that I had a husband who saved lives until his last breadth.