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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Novels
- Published: 02/04/2020
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Chapter 1: Jaxon’s Starting Point
Liquid Computer
By Jaxon Murphy
Transforming through love or pain. You get to choose. On the day I left for that secluded beach, I was sure I'd have another surfing experience as many others I had so far. Great waves, sun, salted water, and my maneuvers. I'm good at surfing, I wouldn't say exactly a pro but even as an amateur I can be considered quite good. Of course, we can always excel at something, this way I've been building up my practice through the years.
Funny is I started my surfing after taking swimming classes to help me with my asthma. I got rid of my breathing disorder and I became a water aficionado. At the age of ten my parents decided to move to the coastal community of Torrance, CA. Since then, I started to spend hours in the sea and found out about the close connection I had with saltwater. In my teens I even got some prizes at competitions and could really tell I gained respect from people when I popped up on a board.
Nevertheless, being a nature lover didn't make me a better man at all. On the contrary, I've always been called a first-class a-hole. But, to be honest, this title never bothered me for real. I don't believe in good or bad. Through the years while lapidating my surfing practices I became aware that our body is just a product of the macrocosm and we are a sack of mineral water, like the planet itself. As the Earth transits around the Sun, it leaves an expanding spiral orbit which means every little thing is fated to enlarge, which in my case was the jerk within.
That's why I love surfing when I step on the sand, I feel I'm more than this muscular tanned body. It gets even better when my warm trotter feels the refreshing feeling of the oceanic. While paddling I see myself as this mystical figure of the sea, half man half fish. I look good, I've always appreciated my outer me but I cannot say the same for the inner one. This way I developed layers and layers of the conceited prick I became. I turned an ego sensitive individual heartless about what was going on in life.
Pain was the path that I was placed to get to know myself better. I haven't had contact with my deepest man up to the day I saw myself in a surreal situation. It all started when I made my mind about going to a deserted paradise to surf and be all by myself. Life had been generous so far, although this adjective didn't use to be part of my terminology. I was not - I can even risk saying I'm still not - spiritual, if this is the expression adopted to describe more evolved beings.
Money flew into my life when I decided to create an app that allowed people to edit their pictures and videos. I was born in an era that digitalized services belonged to aliens and Sci-Fi movies, but I was smart enough to sense this soaring trend at the beginning, this way I jumped onto my board and I took on it like a pipeline. I became one of the pioneers in this area and like most first-place athletes you get to reap the accolades of being number one.
When you are on the top it gets much easier to embark on other well-succeeded waves. Of course, I wouldn't let the momentum aside and I made other apps and created some services and I started my own company and the sum of all my actions brought me enough dough to pour down the drain if I wanted to. Even so let's not forget that all this result didn't make me any better, on the contrary, it amplified the jerk within, like I said before.
As I was thriving on business, my second obsession went along, and I started to travel all around the world to surf at the best beaches a wave boarder could aim for. Athletic build accompanied by the almighty dollar put me in a position of being a desirable guy to be acquainted with. Parties, booze, and women were the perks that became part of my routine. I can't say that I didn't enjoy the effect of prominence.
During my journey through fun, my business was flowing as well as money and even love happened, but I was too self-centered to realize I was nurturing real feelings for a woman. I kept leading life as the way I had been, too full of myself to be aware of what really mattered. Willow was her name; can you hear the peace this name carries just from pronouncing it? Every time I said it, it felt like the tree dancing with a mellow breeze. Her voluminous light brown shiny breezy frizzy hair would reproduce it perfectly.
She was not only charming but able to even make me happy. Our symmetrical accord was fulfilling but still, my perception didn't allow me to abandon the habit of fucking around. It was not clear to me at the time but I was so blind by my so-called grandiose that when I realized Willow was the exact one responsible to arise deeper affection into my being, it was already too late and too broken. She was already gone, and I had no idea what to do to get her back.
Before ruining my duet with Willow, at some point, she moved in with me. My great big house, with all the comforts money can bring you, three cars in the garage, a pool, and a majestic master bedroom which allowed me to rest as well as to please my physical necessity to be inside a female. Willow came one night, then returned another, we had an encore and suddenly I liked seeing her over and over again under my bedspread and walking all over my place.
For a while I was able to return devotion at the same level she deserved. But then my father's voice began echoing inside my mind telling me how great it was to be free after divorcing my mom. I remember his place used to have different shapes and hair colors, curvy, tall, short, or even naked ones circulating in the hall while he believed his son was asleep. 'Liberty and Love are irreconcilable' he used to advise me every time he realized my eye was caught by a girl.
It got even worse when he decided to narrate his disappointment towards marriage, how it led him to lose his spark as the time passed and the children came and my mom put on some weight. I remember when he told me about the flings he had while still married and how he found out that sex could be a great source of achievement. He started to enjoy so much the female build that he decided to terminate the contract he had with my mother and began living a life to enhance his babe magnet's persona.
At first, I hated him for leaving a family just for the sake of answering his primal call. My mother sank eating and fattening while indulging herself on pints of ice cream, trays of cookies and brownies. My teenage years were the raging ones. I would spend night outs partying and surfing, acting out to get people's attention and building up my self-esteem in covers of illusion. I grew apart from my parents and siblings and that average middle-class life. I wanted to be extraordinary but didn't know how to do it wisely. From this repulse for my roots, I developed my flair for thriving no matter what.
Thanks to my charisma I met the right people and build the optimal network to manifest my business and the means to lead a life above the average. Willow came in a slight moment of presence when I started to question my lifestyle but unfortunately didn't last long. After a while, the old programming took over and I went back behaving in excess. A couple of years passed, and she caught a bunch of lies and cheating above her tolerance limit, and then she left after cleaning the drawers and closets which fitted her belongings and I would not hear about her for a big amount of time.
I kept dragging myself, transiting in my addiction to look the coolest besides the booze, parties, women and recreational drugs. Time was flying and in a random night after too much of everything I woke up on a wide step of an inground pool, naked and still intoxicated but conscious enough to realize how insignificant I was. I made a pact with myself that that kind of awkwardness would be the last. I've been trying to dodge my emptiness but that specific event showed me I was failing big time.
I took the rest of my pride, straightened my body and entering in my room I packed my stuff and left. I was aching too much inside which was an indicative it was more than time to act on it. Back home, I sat and planned my retreat to the perfect beach. While watching the photos I could feel the sensation of getting rid of my burdens. The salted water would heal my wounds and make me capable of living a more meaningful existence. H2O is not just an ingredient but an active participant in the making of my life.
Once I reached the place, I felt like the world only contained me, my board and backpack. Few business calls were lost in my cell screen but on that specific day, I was set to aim my attention at me but not as selfishly as I had been. I would be laser-focused on my feelings and manage them to stop being that hollow character devouring everything around with an impoverished soul. The sea was flirting with me, aqua blue, reflecting the light of the sun and forming waves that I knew would be great to ride. I was about to have another experience of being in communion with the ocean, the only ally that I had at that time.
As I stepped a little further into a cliff above the sea, I could really enjoy the alluring scenery. I wouldn't any longer deny how superior I had been acting while building that persona. But nature never lies and the surroundings were proving me how small I was and all that would still keep in the open even if I vanished into thin air. I smiled while picturing myself doing great maneuvers and only being, a state I would allow myself to be at best when I was dwelling within waves. No one was around this way I'd be the only one to experience and witness that promising day.
I was so absorbed in my mind that I didn't notice when the floor gave way causing my left feet to slip and then making my whole body hit the floor and even worst the back of my head. I assume I blackened out for some time, I cannot really distinguish, but when I woke up the scenery was far from appealing. I fell down the precipice and a pounding pain in my head was causing me to go insane. Searching with my hands I realized I had a bleeding bump on my forehead, right above the left side and another one on the back of my head.
How stupid I felt after realizing that the king of the hill had just fallen from a cliff. Not too deep, but high enough to cause damages. The sun was burning my skin pitilessly. I tried to get up but besides my head, a soaring strain in my leg started to bother. Slowly lifting my torso I could spot the area below my waist and I could see I was in a compressed part of the sand that it was not too soft. The worst was when I realized a rock was buried exactly at the height of my right thigh. I had a nasty oozing wound but even worst was the fracture I could acknowledge was caused by the fall.
A moment of hope arose when I spotted my backpack right next to me. I crawled towards it to reach for my cell phone, and supported by my elbows I opened to search for my communication device but when I took it I could notice the screen was shattered. My backpack had the same fate as my body, and with the fall it had collided with another buried rock. That moment I felt deranged how unlucky I could be for not only falling but losing my way of warning people about my situation.
Feeling dizzy probably from the damage in my body and the vulnerability of my status I decided to take a rest, after all, I was sure pretty soon someone would show up. I wouldn't be in that situation for too long. I've always been so prosper and surrounded by people! Despite being a secluded place, it was too beautiful to be on its own. An individual like myself no, even better than me, would decide to surf there that day finding the clumsy one -this narrator, in this specific case.
The hours were passing, I could tell by noticing the change of the Sun. This meant the evening was getting ready to turn up. Pain, shame, humiliation, resentment… All kinds of negative feelings were running through my system. Besides, I started feeling hunger and thirst. Probably after entering a state of delusion I began to picture my kitchen, my double door fridge always full of healthy delicacies. Suddenly I was standing in front of it, choosing what to have, some delicious chicken parm stuffed peppers leftovers and a glass of ice-cold kombucha in one of my hands. The perfect meal to close a perfect day… Being unable to do anything else I started to explore the tools I had available which in that scenario was my mind.
Surfing allowed me to experience how a high performer should behave, and optimizing the mind was a way to lead people to reach their goals. Visualization was handy in a time like this. But when the tide rose I lost my cool. How a smart man like me could be facing such an embarrassing situation. I was hurt, tired, isolated and unable to fulfill my primal needs of survival. Thoughts of unworthiness undertook my head and talking to myself I began to get convinced I was deserving of such cruel fate.
I think I was beginning to fall asleep, I can't be precise, to be honest, when my father's voice resonated telling me it was time to man up. I opened my eyes and searched around but anyone didn't seem to be there. It was when I saw displayed by the water screen, like in a video, the me-boy upset for not being able to go to the park for a bike ride and my father was voicing he was too busy to babysit a kid at my age. I was only eight or nine but he already considered me mature enough to do things on my own. I hated him for that and I remember thinking what could be more important than being with his son. Then I realized my 'mentor' was at that phase of exploring women's femininity and I wondered what could be so interesting about sex.
That episode led me to put on my 'to do' list to not stuck for too long in a relationship because it was not the best choice to be made. I wouldn't be controlled by pussy. I'd get acquainted with it, to get the right amount of satisfaction but not at a point of really engendering a connection to get some. I lost count of how many occasions I felt disappointed with my dad. I got so annoyed by those remembrances that I splashed the water which was already reaching my nose forcing me to grab a rock to pull me up to avoid getting drowned.
I could be at that time watching a surfing documentary on my big TV screen lying flat on my customized king-size bed. I wish I could take a shower and relax while scrolling down the several messages I got from females. Then, like in a dating app, several pictures of the women I slept with started to be swiped in a roll and I could realize even with a hall of fame like that I wasn't any happier. I began to dislike that experience, I had no idea that water contained that capability and it would be influenced by the thought.
Being unaware that water had a tremendous memory, I saw myself forced to deal with that situation. I was oblivious about the fact anyone could change its molecular structure only by thinking. Water has the power of changing the quality of everything in our system and the liquid computer was scrubbing in my face the tormented frame of mind at that moment. I didn't want to establish that connection but the fluid screen didn't have a switch off button. Damn technology…
How sucky it is when you have nothing else to do other than to get locked into your mind. How many voices there are in it haunting you daily. I started to ponder about that. To not get even more depressed, I started to sing, this way I could deviate from the bad episodes of my past. That moment Hoodoo Gurus was echoing and how happy I felt feeling that sound, 1000 miles away, exactly where I would like to be. Parties I've been in my teenage years, the feeling of shaking the body while being guided by the best tunes. Great band Hoodoo Gurus… If a get out alive from here I'll catch a flight to Australia to watch one of their concerts.
First kiss… I could see the cute girl, a blondie one with blue eyes, really adorable. I joined her and we exchanged few words while dancing 'Night Must Fall'. When I approached my lips to hers she welcomed it and then we kissed while 'Castle in the Air' was playing. Hoodoo Gurus really has been with me in my prime time. How good it is to rekindle the first things we do in life… I can feel my young foolish heart pumping like mad while kissing that chick. But I still remember the day I saw her exchanging saliva with another dude and then my heart sank and broke into pieces. I promised myself I wouldn't be those dorky guys who would instantly fall for gals bringing bouquets to woo them.
I started to party more and soon I would be introduced to sex. 'Oblectamentum!' like my father used to say, a delightful experience that came to stay in my life. I decided to explore hard my dopamine release while consorting with females varying a lot and this way I had been most of my years. In the 90s electronic music entered my life along with some MDMA too. It was alluring to listen to Robert Miles while hanging out with my gang. This DJ's tunes had a fairy effect in my system and I would dance feeling the beats and being jeweled by the blinking lights while caressing curvy bodies before mating with them.
The early 2000s were the breakthrough in my business, building a strong network that would lead me to create my first app and its peak would be the release of 'Sketch App' the one who would make people feel like professional photographers only by using a smartphone. In my mid-thirties I was already making more money than my parents could have dream of in a lifetime. Meanwhile, I had the precise connections I needed to access the best concerts, plays, movie premieres, night clubs and private parties ever.
Life was flowing quite well. I can taste it right now along with salted water. Coming back to my senses I realize that hot shot was aching physically, and even worst mentally, in a secluded beach in the middle of nowhere. Where were those people right now? Probably at some party at the coolest spots and no one would be missing me. While leading a party life you get too much absorbed by substances, light, music, and fog to care for someone else.
Time was passing: I could tell because we know it works this way. But for me, it seemed I was stuck in a nightmare being forced to deal with my physical limitations and loneliness. Thoughts about me dying there strengthened and when you face mortality you feel crappy. A new day was rising and the water fell back allowing me to lie down on the sand again. My leg was killing me but I was not bleeding in my back bump any longer. I didn't have a way to measure the hours and all seemed eternally torturing. Some seagulls popped in the area probably planning to eat my flesh, this way I scare them away with my screaming. They would only make me their feast after I was definitely gone.
Then accessing more memory data I started to search how long it would take for a human being to die after days without food and water. I knew that liquid tolerance was shorter than the solid, but I couldn't remember the figures with accuracy. From useful knowledge, I shifted my focus on time traveling to previous experiences. Unfortunately, it was not cool as the movies in which the action and the speed get alluring while you are watching the narrative. Mine was sluggish and mostly it would remind me of sadness, traumas and also planning where I could dig a grave to bury my body. How the mind can be our worst enemy, this I can tell.
Analyzing my current status maybe allowing myself to be carried away by the sea and be drowned until I could no longer endure seemed more appealing than keeping my injured body the way it was. This way I designed a strategy by which during the night, as soon as the tide was high again I would not use any rock to avoid being taken away by the ocean. While rewinding in time I would transit amid taking naps and being awake, at least that was the type of experience my mind understood I was getting. The distance between reality and fantasy is so thin that our brain capability cannot distinguish one from the other. How mortifying for a tall muscular man like me was to be in that fragile condition.
At some point, I heard a chopper passing and I waved and yelled as hard as I could but probably that vehicle never existed other than in the electricity exchanged by my neurons. One more night came and I had to deal with the fact I would surrender my aching body to the sea. When I was about to let the rock go, I spotted a great ass shaking while walking from my bedroom to my master bathroom. It was Willow's, I would never confuse that rocking body of hers with any other. I forgot about giving up and began to pay attention to what was being revealed.
The reason I was recapping that scene so vividly I couldn't tell. But as far as I could understand, that night we made love under the sheets and it was phenomenal like it always had been when my masculinity was inside her. Pity was I hadn't said 'I love you' as much as she told me, because I considered my hardness enough to let her know. Can you see now how people would call me a prick behind my back? I took for granted all the tenderness she directed to me and it was no surprise when I began to sleep with other women while I was away due to business or pleasure. I never drew a line to separate the two.
The night Willow found out few messages on my phone confirming the deceiver I had been, she cried and questioned the veracity of what she was reading. Not even at that moment, I was able to back down and ask her for forgiveness. My heart pointed for love but my analytical mind started to voice that marriage was an old fashioned institution that would make people so miserable that at least one of the sides would end up in a shrink taking prescribed meds. At least I hoped it wouldn't be me. Then the image of my mom overeating to calm down her sugar rush burst into my mind and I felt like I had to get out of that room.
I took one of my fancy cars and I drove for hours, parking at a stripper club and tossing money at those naked feminine dancing bodies. Regret. How truthful I can be admitting I was the one who ruined the only thing I had that was real. Willow loved me; I could see it in her eyes. But it was hard to trust the image of that guy I used to see reflected in her irises if it was me or someone she believed I was. That scared me pretty bad this way on the day she approached me with teary eyes announcing her departure I only looked at her and without saying a word I turned my back and went to my room.
Even being upstairs I could hear her sobbing while waiting for the cab. I knew she was deeply hurt but instead of coming back down and explaining myself while pouring my heart out, I simply took a shower and, lying down on my bed, turned the TV on just to muffle the presence of Willow in my living room. I was so narrow-minded that I was not even able to realize that my behavior right after was indicating how messed up I had been. Single again, I went back to partying hard.
A few months later I would act even worst when my best friend Peter came to me asking for a loan to buy an engagement ring. I laughed at him questioning if that request was a prank and Peter went on explaining he had found the one and he wanted to cause an impression. He was the human side of me, Peter used to party, surf and go wild but he didn't treat people like shit as I did. I envied him for being that way.
That afternoon my best friend was at my office and it was clear how much in love he was. The difference between us was that I had plenty of money to buy more than an engagement ring if I wanted to, while Peter was an employee in a company and would exchange his hours for a paycheck. I've found out at an early age that the mind technology was shaped to provide beyond the models that most people would use as a reference. From these types of mindsets, my entrepreneurial skills surfaced. Peter ended up surrendering to the traditional middle-class dream while attending college and getting a job, the old formula overused by many generations.
I had always been bolder, this way I submitted myself, in the beginning, to crash on his sofa until my crop started to bear fruits. I became wealthy through the years and probably most are questioning why not include a friend in the wave of abundance. The fact was that I liked the idea that I was smarter than Peter and he used to look up at me like I was a type of genius or something. Every time we went to a cool party or a trendy restaurant I would pay for it and Peter would humbly accept like I was a sort of Midas.
What type of a guy would let down a friend in a situation like that... Well, obviously me. I could have paid for the band and even offered as a gift for being the best man. But no, I chose to act like an a-hole and declined his request while lecturing him that I was against marriage and could no longer support a situation like that. Peter looked down to the floor clearly feeling upset but then he smiled thanking me for being honest and left. He even invited me for the ceremony thus I arranged an excuse even so I sent the most expensive gift from the wedding gift list.
Every time I used to think about Willow or Peter my pain would intensify. Instead of focusing on them I began to search for my music. Then the great Moby began to perform the soothing 'The Last Day', a song which used to freak me out. The video showed a Hindi elder which reminded me of the first and only time I attended a yoga practice. The lead man was an Indian who still carried a strong accent. One of my friends dragged me alleging it would be the best experience ever. How wrong could a person be!
Torture, this would be the word I used to describe if someone asked me about yoga. The old Indian would stretch people even if their muscles had to be ripped to align at the right symmetry of the posture. I've been one of the fortunate that day. When he touched me I felt like I was burning in hell and the man kept holding me and twisting my spine until I couldn't bear any longer and asked him to let me go. He frowned and looking into my eyes said that I was too resistant and life would break me. Fuck, here I am.
Inevitably I started to think about death again. Memento Mori. That was looping in my head. Time has come. At least it was playing 'Wait for Me' a great song by the great Moby. I like this DJ, his electronics are deep, the opposite of me. I respect that. I really do. The tide was approaching, one more night there. I started to make calculus trying to figure out how many days I had been there. I couldn't tell. It seemed I had never been human. That entrepreneur who was a great surfer and partied a lot never really existed. I was a bacterium living in that beach while I transurfed into a possibility of being who I thought I was.
Kafka. I was in Frank Kafka's story. I was a microorganism that turned into that entrepreneurial surfer who had lived an empty existence and then one day I bumped into a beggar and while giving some change for the poor soul, the vagrant asked why I looked so sad even having money and being well-dressed. Then I replied my life was miserable and the man looked at me with eyes of disbelief. That beggar got up and, being the incarnation in the human form of a Hindi deity, gave me a sentence. As soon as I failed at transcending the bestiality of the human condition I was doomed to turn back into that bacterium. There I was, a rotting microorganism at a secluded beach.
Pain and isolation were turning me into a storyteller, I could even write a tale about it. Truth to be told I was getting more and more delusional, this way I determined I would let go of my body and be taken away by the ocean for good. I've been developed in the water and to the water, I'd be coming back. Then I started to feel a strong light, my eyes were struggling to open and I could hear some voices but it was too muffled and distant. I was dead. That was it. Angels were assisting me, I even felt one of them pour some water into my mouth but I was so debilitated I couldn't drink too much.
Feeling a little bit stronger I noticed three bodies moving from one side to another and I realized I was still at the beach. Real people were there. Then I heard the sound of a motor and a boat approaching. A couple of men jumped into the sea with a rescue stretcher and not long after I felt my body being placed onto the portable savior. I was carried to the boat and me and others guys flew through the water up to a bay where an ambulance was waiting for me.
I remember flashes of being dragged and the hospital team surrounding me and pitching my arm with needles. Other procedures were performed but I still couldn't distinguish what was happening. I guess I went into surgery but only when I started to leave that period transiting between conscious and unconscious it was when I saw myself in a room. I asked the nurse how long have I been there and she replied it was my second day after the incision in my leg. The doctor was impressed by my recovery and I told him that happened thanks to my athletic discipline which he completely agreed.
Tears came into my eyes when I received my first visitor. Guess who showed up to cheer me up… To be honest, I wished it was Willow, my imagination even created a movie which she would enter in that room and smile seeing me safe and sound after all I had been through. Then she would say she missed me and also that she had been waiting for that moment of awakening which I would tell her how much I loved her in addition to having become a reformed man. Right after I'd ask her for a second chance and she would hug and kiss me passionately while whispering she loved me too and was aching for having me back. Fuck, this is too chick flick.
But that moment happened exclusively on the big screen in my head. My real first company was Peter. Spotting my best friend seated on a chair looking at me with those loving eyes even after a couple of years without talking to each other, brought me tears of joy mixed with sadness for remembering how jerk I had been towards him. We talked for a while and he surprised me when he declared he was happy for me being found and on the way to my full recovery. He told me three guys went to that beach to surf and called the rescue team. I was there between life and death after spending four days, one more I would be gone permanently.
Sobbing I described him my agony, at least the parts I still remembered and when I was finished probably for being softened by the intense experience I decided to ask him if he had any idea where Willow could be. He grinned and said he had already searched for her on social network and sending her a message which explained what had happened to me. I went speechless Peter was my best friend for sure. He knew me like no one would and admitted that deep inside he sensed that Willow was the only woman I had ever loved.
At that moment I hated him, how he could be so wise. Peter chortled and asked if I wanted to get a call from her and then I asked him if he really meant that. He talked to Willow on the previous night and she exposed her worry and sorrow for my whole ordeal. He gave her my number and she questioned him if she should call me. Fuck, yes! I couldn't believe I would talk to that beauty after so long. I felt embarrassed for being such a jerk with her but I would try my best to make amends.
A day later I got a call while I was taking a nap and when I saw an unknown number my intuition pointed to Willow. My heart was trotting like crazy and I felt spinning like riding a high speed merry go round when I slid the screen and there she was as beautiful as always with that prime smile of her. We talked like the old times and she looked genuine while asking how I had been and wishing me to get better soon. In a moment of weakness, or tripping with the strong meds I was being given, I confessed regretting the way I mistreat her. The worst was to listen to her telling me she had a hard time to forget about me but now she was healed and completely let go of the bad experience she had at the end of us.
When I was about to finish gathering enough bravery to ask her for a second chance telling her I was changed and would treat her the way she deserved, Willow interrupted my thoughts revealing she was married and pregnant. Gee, fucking serendipity was not on our side! I have no idea if I was able to disguise my disappointment while listening to her narrative, but she was classy enough to not point that up. She displayed her beautiful belly and parts of her house. It was a nice place, not as lavish as mine but quite pleasant and cozy.
I bet everyone is cheering with this last one event and I cannot disagree I deserved that. To make those who hate me even happier I'll tell the outcome of that call. After hanging up I put on Hoodoo Gurus and I cried pretty bad. Fat thick tears of sorrow that got even worse when 'Castle in the Air' began. I listened to this tune over and over while sobbing. I used to dedicate it to Willow and we would slow dance in my master bedroom while giggling like two fools in love.
I've been out of the hospital for eight months already and so far I'm not the stupid man I used to. I even went back to that yoga place, the one where I met that Hindi elder, and narrated to him what happened to me. I was searching for guidance and the old master realized I needed a little extra love. He recommended me some meditation and yoga postures and I become more open to these ancient tools of harmonizing our micro geometry with the macro one. I attend his workshops and I even started to read a few books about enhancing mind and body connection.
I hope I won't come back to my primal animal self and I'm starting to consider reaching the ideal frequency to attract the right duo to start a family with. My business is still flowing well and I even asked Peter to partner up with me. He is excited about being my associate and believes that he can make good money to buy a bigger house and have his first baby with his wife. By the way, Chloe is not very fond of me but I feel her. I hope with time she can forgive me seeing I really aim to make Peter to prosper providing her an even better life. Who knows she can even introduce me to one of her friends… Nah, I think that would be too much.
Since I wasted too much time with petty things, I decided to live life experiencing everything from new perspectives. I won't contaminate what my five senses capture with the pernicious old me. I still surf and eat healthy, I can even state my relationship with water became even tighter. My master, yes, I confess I became fond of that Hindi man, he says that the water has its own cellular structure which can change with even smallest inputs of vibration. This effect can occur in the form of touch, thought, emotion, a look, an utterance of a sound, a mantra… Water is an intelligent liquid and it's the most valuable computer on the planet. Every time I'm in the sea I feel like I'm having a divine experience and there are days I even chant some mantras in Sanskrit that my master taught me.
I learned the mind and body alliance brings benefits to our body and our life, getting more aligned with the cosmos is a way to open the path for bigger possibilities. I can barely recognize myself, what kind of idea is that… Learning how to manage memory and imagination is a way to enhance our thoughts which are the electrical charge in the memory-space field. When we reach brain and heart coherence, life becomes magic because emotion is the magnet charge which will help us to attract what we've been aiming for. That's really cool!
Who knows if I'm not about to meet a beautiful female who will enhance my happiness and then the two of us will be harmonized and able to build a life for two? Our body is a chemical factory, and those substances are the basis for human experience, that's why I've been working on mine. My master says we don't need anyone to be happy, we are a whole, but I still believe in the interaction of men and women. I've been exercising my visualization practices and designing the partner I'd like to share experiences with. This time I won't mess up and miss the opportunity to be happy.
I'm not partying regularly anymore and I can tell I'm not looking down on people as before. I even began talking to my family again and I saw that my mom lost a lot of weight and has been dating a man. She looks really happy. I got glad for seeing her to blossom like that. But who surprised me the most was my father who stopped fucking around and fell for a lady deciding to settle down after proposing to her. I promised him I'd attend his wedding and I meant to.
In a few days I'm departing to another surf journey to a secluded beach but this time I'm going with few buddies. At least this time if I fall and break any part of my body I won't have to endure such a quest because there will be people to assist me. Chuckles. The end for now.
Chapter 2: Cadence’s Starting Point
The Elixir of Truth
by Candence Zaffino
Lately, I've been thinking about the perks of being single. As soon as I wake up, I meditate and exercise. After breakfast, I leave for work. I live in a small one-bedroom studio, but all for me. I have silence when I want; I listen to the music I choose. I have no one to argue over a program or film I want to watch. My closest friends are already married, and some have small kids.
Every year we have a meeting. It became a tradition. Like it was expected, our gathering was getting close. I admit I tried to escape this year, but everyone protested, and I ended up confirming my presence. In the last few years, I feel I'm not as close to them anymore. All they do is to brag about their glorious accomplishments and family. My perception is I don't belong to that group anymore.
Anyway, my cell phone started to buzz, as usual texts, pictures, and videos from my friends started to pop. Everyone looks happy and excited, showing their partners, home, and children. Some of them made comments about their kids, such as sharing some doodlings, sports competitions, and even the children singing or doing some dancing. I see no fun on the colored scribbles, which seem to have no meaning at all. The prizes in competitions are only symbolical since the kids barely started to walk. Go figure!
One night I was walking back from work, and I spotted a small book store on the way. It was one of those old fashioned ones, not too big and the wood shelves stacked with titles. It had no famous cafe chain store in the corner; you wouldn't find stuffed animals or knickknacks for sale. Books. Only books. Tons of them.
I've always been crazy about books, so I decided to enter and browse. Few people were at the store sitting around on the floor, turning pages, and trying out this or that book. So exciting! The smell was definitely like a book store too. I noticed some titles I had seen at my grandpa's library. Also, it was possible to find new ones too.
A section of used books caught my attention, which contained mostly classics. A candy apple red cover stood out in a pile, and I took that book to check. It was Huis Clos and Sequestres d'Altona, a Jean-Paul Sartre one. Ironically I read years ago the English translation to the ‘No Exit’ play. My grandpa had it in French and English. The famous 'L'enfer, c'est les autres'/ 'Hell is other people' got branded in my brain forever; I've never known why honestly.
Walking in the two aisles of books, I could see at the bottom of the store a door. It seemed another room that was adjunct to the place. I approached, and it had other titles on a few shelves, not as many as the main store. Also, it contained a small counter with few souvenirs. A smiling old lady was behind it and greeted me warmly. I entered:
- What is this section?
The sweet lady answered kindly:
- Here is a special section. We have books of spells, tarot, magical recipes, and few gifts.
- I can see that.
I noticed half a dozen bottles of wine.
- Is this wine good?
- It’s Veritas wine. It’s good when you want to make people tell the truth.
- Yeah right.
I've never believed in those types of things. Probably that section was trendy for young adults. You could see a few magical wands, rocks, cloaks, wizard hats, and the wine. The old lady said:
- The wine is excellent. You should try it.
I was going to buy a bottle of wine for the reunion anyway. As a ritual, every year, the guests would bring drinks to the host's place. I decided to take a risk and buy a bottle of the Veritas one. Probably it would be my last year in that gathering anyway. I was not any longer motivated to join the occasion. This way, I was not concerned with the quality of the wine either.
The so aimed day for the event had come. The whole week my cell vibrated and got full of messages of my friends talking about the dinner. I haven't cooperated with the frenzy. I was not excited at all about our reunion. I have to work on my difficulty in saying no to people! I took a long shower, and I wore my new dress, and I also used curling iron in my honey brown hair. I was feeling pizzazz. I liked the way I looked.
The residence of our meeting it would be Amanda's. She was married to Carl; a well succeed financial advisor. The host for this year was a lawyer and worked for a 'boutique' law firm that only attended high-end clients. The couple lived in a 3,200 square feet house in North Manhattan Beach, CA, and the couple had a 4-year-old-boy. It wouldn't be the first gathering there. Every year the spot for the event would switch among the circle of friends. But mine was never chosen because I was the only one living in a one-bedroom studio.
When I got there, everyone has already arrived. At the entrance, I heard the same compliments "You never change.", "You haven't aged a bit," "You look smart," and such. I placed my Veritas wine among the others. My bottle was the only one that was not as expensive as the rest. This fact didn't bother me because I was not concerned to please anyone any longer.
The living room had two walls of floor to ceiling sliding doors. It was alluring to see the backyard and pool through them. I sat on the sofa, and Charlotte was the first to approach me. She asked how I had been doing, about my work and such. None of my friends took my profession seriously. They consider being a meditation instructor, not a real job. I like doing what I do despite making much less than my friends.
At some point, we were all seated in the dining room, serving good portions of food, which was nice. I became a vegan a few months ago, but for me, the salad and wild rice would be plenty. Some of my friends would make a few remarks I was not eating enough and such. But I wouldn't mind. For me, that occasion was to be with them, neither for the food nor the wine.
We were talking, laughing, and drinking when suddenly a strong wind began to blow announcing a storm. Some lightening started, and soon a heavy rain fell. It didn't last for so long and washed away the clouds. It allowed a beautiful full moon to be revealed. The storm was gone, but then a blackout in the neighborhood happened. Blocks were pitch-dark. Amanda took her cell phone flashlight and brought few candles and placed some in the dining table and also in the coffee table in the living room.
The effect was pretty impressive; all guests around the table lighted by candles. The moonlight also helped to give a special touch for the night. I appreciated the effect of candles and moon luminescence; at least it was something different to be remembered. Suddenly my phone rang, and I excused myself from the table. I had to take that call because it was about a significant training I would be giving next week in a company. I went to the hall, and when I came back to the table, my friends were drinking my Veritas wine.
For my surprise, no one was complaining or criticizing the quality of the alcoholic beverage. The bottle was gone, and everyone seemed enjoying its taste. At some point, the four couples were quiet. That was weird. I asked for some, but the Veritas one went dry. I only had the opportunity to take a sip from Charlotte, who handed her glass to me.
I remembered what the old lady said about the wine, and I thought how much bogus those magic stores used to sell. I looked at my friends, and all seemed a little gloomy. The atmosphere shifted, and no one was laughing and talkative anymore. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by Amanda:
- You know, I have been doing a lot of cosmetic interventions lately. That's why I look so good on my pics and my social media profiles. I usually choose carefully every item I eat and drink, I exercise every day, and I use lots of products to keep this good look of mine.
She stopped for a while:
- I also do teeth whitening, and I had a boob job last year. This way, I'm not having any more children whatsoever. I don't want to damage this body I invested so much on.
Silence, all went quiet. I felt bad because the old lady was right. That wine caused an effect on people. I've never heard Amanda talking about her appearance obsession before. Not even when she was at college and used to hide the tricks for her excellent shape from us. Her husband Carl was the next:
- You look great, Babe. But even this way, I cannot avoid having an affair with my co-worker. After our boy was born, you became a bore! You are so obsessed with your appearance and your career that I see no place for me anymore.
That was so inappropriate! I felt embarrassed that wine was my responsibility! I tried to voice something, but I was interrupted by Kirsten, another friend:
- I hate my job and my life. After I got married, I live this routine like a robot. Sometimes I feel I'm losing my mind! I look at my house, my car, my husband and I wonder how I got here.
Kirsten paused and then said:
- We have a small baby girl, but breastfeeding and having her crying interrupting the nights are not fun at all!
Pretty shocking! I wanted to tell my friends to stop talking, but it seemed impossible. Paul, Kirsten's husband, started:
- Well, I'm fed up as well! We both work a lot to pay the mortgage, health insurance, taxes, home insurance, and so on. We take only one week off every year. Life is not exciting at all. I feel I'm not living too; it's like dragging the days through the years.
I tried to mend the situation by saying:
- Hey, we should talk about the good aspects of our lives instead.
- How’s that?!
Alice broke in:
- It seems no one is happy. So, we don't have anything else to talk about it. After college, people get a job and start faking they are pleased with life, marriage, family, bills.
Damn, everyone was getting depressive. I wished I hadn't brought that wine! I was not comfortable with that at all. Alice added:
- When I graduated, I was so happy. I had a full life ahead of me. But you are right. Working and paying mortgage is so lame! I got pregnant last year, but I had an abortion.
Daniel, her husband, jumped out of his seat:
- What are you talking about?! I’ve never known you were pregnant!
- Yes, darling. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd have wanted me to keep the baby. I wasn't prepared to bring a child to this world, and I feel I'll never be! It's too much responsibility. A child changes everything in the life of a couple.
Everyone seemed surprised by Alice's revelation. Daniel was frowning; he looked upset with his wife. At that point, I didn't know what to do. It seemed it had no way to stop the Veritas after-effect. Matter a fact, only one last couple was remaining. Maybe none of them had anything to add. But I was wrong, of course. David declared:
- I'm attracted to men as well. I sometimes hook up with some, and I enjoy it.
"Oh my!" I thought. That was personal! Charlotte gazed her husband:
- I'm pregnant with a second child! How come you say something like that in front of everyone! You never looked gay at all.
- I'm not gay. I said I have pleasure with both women and men. But don't worry, dear. I want us to keep married. My adventures with men happen occasionally. I don't want to split up. I want to keep our family.
At least it didn't have anyone else to blurt out any more uncomfortable data. Another storm came, and the clouds covered the full moon again. A few minutes later, the light was back. Everyone cheered and seemed happy. I stared at each couple, and none looked annoyed anymore. I had the impression the Veritas wine stunt was gone, and no one remembered about anything. Phew! The dessert came, and my friends and their husbands kept talking as their usual. The night finished quite well. I was glad no one shared any other dark secret.
After that dinner, life took its course, and every one of us kept following our routines. A few days after that remarkable night, I went to that same book store. But for my surprise, that place at the bottom of the store wasn't there anymore. I asked for the clerk:
- What happened to that adjunct shop in the back?
The guy didn't remember about any. The book store never had another shop in it. How odd!
A year after, the same gathering was being organized. That time it would happen at Charlotte's. Like every year, people were sending pictures, videos, and talking about their great life. I was thrilled. No one but me knew that was an act. But it didn't matter since most people have their social profile and apart from their inner truth. That's part of the human experience.
I would join my friends one more year, and that time I wouldn't bring Veritas wine at all. I would buy a nice bottle and enjoy their company. I've been making more money after my mindfulness meditation book was published. I also started giving some lectures. Life has been flowing well, and I wanted to share it with my friends. Hooray!
I woke up and watched the time: 3:00 am. That dream was so vivid that I thought it had happened. It was about time. I had to stop living a life full of lies. I was not aligned with my inner truth. I was too focused on the wrongs aspects of myself. After reading that Richard Yardley's book about his roaming across sacred lands, I quit faking I was living and decided to plunge into the unknown. I bought my ticket and set my journey for a monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India.
Chapter 3: Different Dimensions
Bits about myself - Jaxon
My name's Jaxon Murphy, and my friends call me Jax. I was born in 1976 in Alexandria, VA. I have recovered from my asthma thanks to swimming classes, and it was when my parents decided to move to a coastal community and chose Torrance, CA. I was ten and discovered the fun and the pleasure of surfing. Since then, I started to spend hours in the sea and found about the close connection I had with salted water. In my teens, I even got some prizes at competitions and can tell I gained respect from people when I popped up on a board.
Even not being a professional surfer, I dedicate long hours to my hobby, and while building up my skills in the ocean, I developed my own business, which through the years, made me rich and even more arrogant. After creating an app for smartphones, money flooded into my life, and I kept traveling and surfing in the most beautiful and secluded places in the world.
It's easy to get deluded when you are on top. I began to party hard and also to use recreational drugs as a way to seize life. A couple of years ago, I met Willow, the woman who would make my heart sings, but after years of years practicing the jerk within, I wasted this great opportunity to be at the side of someone significant. Willow found out about my cheating, and she left me on a cloudy and rainy Sunday afternoon. Yeah, it sounds pretty much like a cliché.
Not knowing how to gain her back, I kept working like crazy, boozing, and consorting with beautiful females as a way to fulfill the hole I felt inside. But through the years, I felt so miserable that one night after partying hard, I woke up naked and alone seated upon a broad step of an inground pool in a mansion in Costa Rica. I rented that place to host a huge party full of beautiful people, and even the famous DJ Bryce Hartford, performed that night.
At some point, I approached Bryce, and we talked for a while, and he struck me with the words he was happily married with a baby boy and three stepchildren. While speaking about his wife Amber, DJ Bryce told me how transcending was to have met her. Amber was a talented writer, and some of her novels turned into movies, and I had no idea a cool DJ could be so orthodox. Bryce told me he had his wild days while partying and using some substances, but in his early 30s, that lifestyle was any longer serving him.
Listening to that tall, muscular build and quite good looking DJ, I could barely believe Bryce Hartford would finish that night packing his gadget and zooming back home to spend time with his family. It was undeniable the women would stare at him licking their lips with lust, and when I invited him to stay over, DJ Bryce chuckled and thanked me, but he would rather take his private jet to be with his gem-wife. That moment I saluted him for being there and went back to the dancing floor where soon after, I would score three beauties to spend the night in my master bedroom.
How I got naked and alone in that pool is still a mystery to me. But that episode was enough to pinpoint that my way of covering my emptiness was not working. I came back home on that same day after packing my stuff and leaving without looking behind. Back home, I planned my retreat at an alluring secluded beach oblivious of what was reserved to me. Stepping on that deserted beach, I had a stupid accident falling from a cliff, and after waking up, I noticed my broken leg and also two bumps in my head.
The worst of all was to deal with the voices in my mind. All the programming I developed to become that shallow man I had been, had to come to an end. I faced hunger, thirst, regrets, and a soaring existential pain, being the last one by far the hardest to handle. I talked about this episode with a lot of details already, so I'll skip to the part after leaving the hospital. A couple of weeks after being discharged, even with a cast on my leg, I looked for Abhay Srinivasan, an Indian yogi.
I've met yogi Srinivasan through a friend, but at first, I hated him and his yoga class. Fortunately, that one-time experience was enough for that figure to brand my mind when he frowned his face telling me I was too resistant to the practice, and life would break me. I went back to his studio on a day and narrated my ordeal on that secluded beach. He warmly listened to me, and after I finished the narrative, Abhay smiled and said that I was ready to start my practice. As soon as my leg got healed, I started being mentored by that peculiar Indian elder.
My start with yogi Srinivasan happened almost a year ago, and now I'm prepared for another retreat on a beach, and this time I'm bringing a few friends. But this next journey is going to be described in another narrative. Chuckles. The end for now.
Debut - Cadence
Hi, my name's is Cadence Zaffino, nick Cady. Born in 1987, I'm currently 33 years old, and a few years ago, I started teaching meditation, and now, I've been giving lectures and training at companies. But things haven't been so fluid like nowadays. When I was 28, I was broke and miserable. I had to reach rock bottom to be able to wake up and make a meaningful shift into my life.
After I resigned from my job even when drowning in debts, I took a flight to India, where I met Angyo Banko, a monk who changed my life. I was a tormented soul, anxious, and my mental state was precarious. I was in the middle of lots of monks, and Angyo stood out because he was a Western individual like me. My first weeks were a nightmare. Literally! I could barely sleep and eat. But the worst was the crying. I used to weep for hours, and in one of those terrible days, Angyo Banko approached me.
That monk's soothing voice calmed me down, and he started to talk about when he first moved to the monastery. He was British and had protruding brown eyes that would transmit peace while someone would stare at them. How surprised I felt when this monk told me when he first joined the monastery, he was a troubled individual who endured long nights while experiencing insomnia and chronic pain all over his body. Migraines would bother him regularly, and he told me he even had suicidal thoughts.
I could barely believe that man was telling me his entire life story, and while he was doing it, most parts resonated with me. On the following days, I would be warmly welcomed by this incredible man who had the guts to leave society for good and start living in a monastery situated in a valley in Northwestern India. I would wake up at three in the morning, and along with Angyo, I would do my first meditation and chant of the day among all monks.
A few days passed, and Angyo Banko invited me to join him as a volunteer at a hospital in the nearest village. I promptly accepted because I went to India determined to return home as a reformed woman. Being born and raised at Manhattan Beach, CA, I got used to being dressed up and always with some make-up on since my teenage years. My parents were well succeeded, being my dad, a luxury car salesman, and my mother, a real estate agent. We were not the happiest as a family, but living in a nice neighborhood in an upper-middle-class condo made me believe I had it all.
That illusion was wiped up my from my life when I entered college, and I felt lost and lonely, having no idea if I was doing right. I graduated in marketing, and I got a job as a real estate agent, which I hated from the guts of my being. I was so sucky at it that I could barely make ends meet, and then I decided to take a Reiki course and become a therapist even after my parents calling me to ask me if I had lost my mind.
As a Reiki therapist, I didn't do much better still, which led me to develop low self-esteem and self-loathing. I was born with a rare condition called heterochromia iridis, but the name sounds worse than the abnormality itself. I have a pair of blue eyes, which most people consider incredible, but in my left one, I have a honey-colored stain under the pupil. This unique characteristic interfered in my self-confidence, and when I was 13, I started to be bullied due to it.
I had a hard time to handle the teasing and nasty commentaries. This way, I ended up working out and dieting a lot to reach the perfect body. I would check every inch of my waist, thighs, weighing myself several times a day, and keeping track of everything I used to intake. Besides this obsession with my body, I would spend most of my earnings with clothing, shoes, and accessories in a way to look fashionable and flawless.
Through the years, I got broke after spending more than my income allowed and getting credit card debts. And then, I became depressive and robotic in a way that my parents interceded and checked me into a psychiatric clinic. I was 25 already, and I would hate everyone and everywhere. A couple of months later, I was discharged, and I had few jobs trying to make something meaningful with myself.
The zombie Cadence was dragging herself through the routine of life precisely like that Radiohead's song 'True Love Waits' which says that one's not living but just killing time. Walking randomly through the streets, I bumped into a charming café when I saw a group of people watching a guy on a stage. That man was a mindfulness coach and opened my eyes.
Skipping some paragraphs of my story, I'll let you know how I ended up in a monastery in India if you are still interested in listening to my storytelling. I talked too much for now. It's late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. That's it, over and out.
Chapter 4: Plunging
Retreat #2 - Jaxon
As I said it on my first chronic, I planned another retreat on a beautiful beach. One year ago or so, I had the same experience, but that time I was all by myself, and I had an accident, which resulted in a significant shift on my perspective. I'm a well-succeeded entrepreneur who surfs as a way to experience life on a different level. After being in the sea, I feel more centered and ready to make it happen.
Let me tell you about this other experience. I went to an exquisite beach in New Zealand. Three surfers that I know for a couple of years were with me, and one of them brought a friend. It's impossible not to remember the guy. He had a unique name, and talking to him sounded like tripping on a mushroom journey. Truth to be told is this time, no drugs or any substances were used. I've been detoxing from my old self this way I have been only drinking a little at a few social events.
When you change your values, old friends start to question you. I've been teased already about not using MDMA or even partying hard anymore. But I don't give a damn. I chose these new habits consciously, and I'm committed to myself on not feeling the emptiness that has been haunting me since the past. Anyway, this retreat at the beach proved to me I'm in a transitional state. My surf mates in this last expedition were unlike the usual type of people I'm surrounded by.
Amit Ananda. That is the name of the guy who made me enjoy even more this journey to New Zealand. Amit is a seeker, and he defines himself this way, as he has traveled to all kinds of places. When Amit told me he had been a fashion photographer and dated models, I could barely believe it. But he admitted that was his old self, the one he started to dislike so much that ended up leading him to the ER of a hospital believing he had a heart attack. That resonated with me in some way. I'm looking for ways of changing my previous identity because after getting injured and alone during four days in a deserted beach, I realized I had reached rock bottom.
But back to Amit, he told me about his great wanderings at the most exotic places, and when he first started, he was aching pretty bad inside. While he was exploring India, he saw poverty, diseases, death, but he met humble people that would have some brightness in the eyes that would impress him. He lived in NYC at that time and believed he had it all. But then after that panic attack, he started to question himself if all that he thought was true. Wow, the guy is intense. At least for me.
I confessed to him I was new at that kind of tour within. He laughed enjoyably and said that everything in life had a starting point, and I had just found mine. We surfed and chatted a lot. One day Amit Ananda said his name meant 'endless bliss.' I asked him if that was his birth name, and he chuckled, saying that obviously, he was not Indian. He was given that Sanskrit name after spending six months in an ashram. Spending this amount of time in a place like that sounded too crazy for me, and Amit replied that everyone had one's sacred place to be. I liked that.
Amit sounded a little bit kook, but he was a captivating man to be with. He would talk a lot, using music, movies, and art as doorways to go beyond, and I'd listen to him and think some things sounded insane but others poetic and inspiring. We listened to Moby a lot, and Amit liked this DJ too, like me. But he was crazy about the classic rock band 'The Doors.' He would joke that he was always 'Stoned Immaculate' thanks to Prophet Morrison. It's how Amit calls Jim Morrison, the band's lead man. I would laugh at that.
Magical days I had at the beach surrounded by good company and bonding with this unique figure. Amit narrated the friendship he had with the great pro champion surfer Chesney Henry Wright. I thought that was cool. When Chesney was living in Australia, they bumped into each other at a party and started a close friendship. At that time, the Hawaiian pro champion surfer was looking for ways to help one of his best friends who was facing a hard time in his life. It was the pro champion skater called John William Carter. Those guys became legends in Southern California some years ago. I used to listen to tons of stories about them, Chesney Henry, John William, and Joseph were a triad of friends, and they nominated themselves as 'The Dauntless Boys.'
Amit Ananda confided to me that when Chesney met him, the jazzy surfer was looking for answers, and thanks to his girlfriend went on a spiritual quest, which led him to connect with a neuroscientist and an IT prodigy. That sounded cool, and I was interested to know what happened after that reunion. Amit told me great episodes he lived in Australia along with the fantastic pro surfer Chesney Henry.
What I learned from Amit's experience is how amazing and mysterious the universe is while connecting people and unfolding situations. Thanks to that movement based on the love of the Dauntless' brotherhood, the great entrepreneur Stephen Reed was able to emerge on Silicon Valley. I was amazed to notice that Amit Ananda witnessed this prodigy since from the beginning. Stephen Reed is a rising star nowadays launching services and products that improve the life of a lot of people. I had no idea that everything started with Chesney Henry and the search for a solution to his buddy John William.
That story moved me. I had no idea that an influential pro champion surfer and movie stunt like Chesney Henry could be so profound. Amit told me that Chesney was in a moment of questioning his core values. Exactly like I've been doing now. Meeting Amit Ananda didn't happen at random. I could feel it. After hours of surfing and talking, Amit invited me to go to The Puzzled concert. He had VIP backstage passes because the wondrous bassist Joseph Turner was one of surfer Chesney Henry's soul brothers. This way, Amit had the chance to meet the musician.
This rock band is one of the most well succeeded of all times, a fantastic trio formed by the guitarist and vocalist Cooper Hammond, drummer Zander Dragonet and bassist Joseph Turner. Their lyrics have wisdom because the band members are committed to consciousness expansion. I couldn't say no to such an offer. Amit said Joseph meditates and also became a vegan a few years ago. Everyone knows Cooper Hammond has been heroin-addicted, but after treating himself with the famous Ayurvedic doctor Jayesh Chakrabarti, the rocker changed his fate.
This Amit guy is well connected, and the good part is that he turned into a bridge for me to access different profiles of people. I've never considered myself a meditation sort of a man, but after my accident, things are changing. Being able to meet famous rockers who I find cool and also related to healthy lifestyles is a great opportunity for me to renew my beliefs. I've always thought that you had to get high to have fun. Amit told me Joseph and his bandmates are not following the rock and roll cliché whatsoever. That's why their music is getting better and better at touching people's souls.
I end for today feeling great after an incredible surfing experience at one more incredible spot on this planet. I've been in contact with Amit Ananda, and I think he's going to turn into a real friend. We are arranging to go to NYC to watch the band The Puzzled alive. It will be the first time I get acquainted with famous rock stars. Meanwhile, I've been meditating and practicing some yoga, and my mentor Abhay Srinivasan says that I'm already showing signs of my transition. That's pretty cool. The closure. For now. Chuckles.
Beginning again - Cadence
Even after being at intensive therapy at the age of 25, I kept broken. I've found a way to manage my obsession with my fitness and fashion consumption up to the day I fell for a guy. We move in together, and after a year and a half, he dumped me for another one. Truth to be told, I was not so much in love with him, I was passionless about myself. When we don't have a harmonic relationship with ourselves, we search for love on somebody else. Life became a burden, and I went back shopping and working out hard.
On one sunny afternoon, while walking on the sidewalk, feeling a total loser and lonely, I bumped into a charming café. In that place, I could see a lot of people there, not only drinking tea and coffee and having brownies and muffins but listening to a guy on a small stage. I felt compelled to come in and took a seat. The guy had fabulous communication skills, and he was talking about mindfulness meditation. I've never meditated in my entire life, and the idea of being standing still watching your breathing sounded impossible to me.
In the end, the man took everyone to a guided meditation, and I was able to close my eyes and relax. It was for about ten minutes only, but enough to make me feel good. Finished, people got up and approached the lecturer to compliment and thank him. Curious, I came nearer too, and next to the small stage, it had a stack of books with that man on the cover. I bought one, and he signed, saying that I should explore my potential better. That intrigued me, I went back home, and I started reading.
The book was catchy, and I read it in a few days. It was when I decided to search for some info, and I saw that Richard Yardley had been a Silicon Valley entrepreneur that had lost everything and went into an inner journey while traveling through exotic lands. I checked his website, and he would be giving a talk in a few days in Santa Monica. I bought a ticket, and there I went to see that man again. I noticed he was becoming popular, and I could see his audience was made of all kinds of people. Young adults, middle-aged people and, elderlies too.
When I went to speak with Richard, he recognized me from the café. I got amazed by that, but he explained he had some techniques to memorize names and faces. I laughed at that. It meant I was no special at all. He said we all mattered, but the most important thing was how we would deal with ourselves. I think he could see I was screaming inside. Under my make-up and fashionable outfits, it still had the real me. I asked him how he had shifted from an entrepreneur to a meditative man. Richard smiled and told me it happened after his journey to Thailand, India, and China.
Richard Yardley invited me to have a café with him. This way, we had plenty of time for him to narrate his experience after failing big time with his Startup Company and then backpacking while visiting sacred places. At some point, I thought he would make a move on me, but I misread the situation. Richard was not into taking advantage of a woman due to his charisma. I confess I would effortlessly sleep with him, and I feel he was aware of that. He paid for our café, took an Uber, and left not without giving me a tight hug, but nothing in a sexual manner to be honest.
After that encounter, I spent the whole night trying to figure out who Richard Yardley was and what kind of thoughts and aspirations he would have. According to his book, he was committed to the awakening of people. He wanted to make a difference showing that anyone could reach goals and turn their dreams into reality no matter how difficult they seemed. It was a matter of getting to know better the straight relationship between mind and body. That did not convince me, but even this way, I started to attend some events related to it. And when Richard Yardley teamed up with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, I couldn't miss that occasion, and I bought a seat very close to the stage. A meditation coach and an Ayurvedic physician together in the same event, I thought that could turn into a precious way of spending time.
I appreciated the presentation, explanations about the effects of meditation on the body, the release of natural chemicals, and the state of mind that people would reach when keeping a disciplined practice. At the time to leave the event, heavy rain started, and while I was in the lobby about to call a cab, a man who also attended the same lecture approached me. We started chatting uncompromisingly, and he told me about his time of meditation and even the seminars he had been participating in lately.
That interaction was pleasant, and when I called for an Uber, we ended up exchanging contacts. A few days later, we would go on our first date, and as a pattern in my life, we started to see each other regularly. It didn't take a couple of months for me to be already in a relationship. Life was flowing fine, and while working and trying to establish meditation in my routine, I was seeing Terry, the man I met at the lecture.
Time passed, and suddenly in one night, I caught myself awake at Terry's apartment naked and staring at the sky from the balcony. I felt something was wrong. I was not any happier, and eventually would surrender to my addiction to shopping and building the perfect body. I wouldn't talk to anyone about any of it, and I would feel that relationship was going nowhere, either. Terry didn't know who I was. I felt like even I didn't know me too. That loneliness would haunt me from time to time, and I felt like screaming and running through the streets.
Suddenly Terry was awake and approaching me, we kissed, and soon after we would be in bed having sex. Meanwhile, I was noticing that things were just fine, and that was it. I was not pleased with my work, neither my routine. And Terry was not wrong, but not I searched for in a man either. And there I was tied up in another meaningless relationship. I noticed I would settle down for less too quickly. I always looked for the sensation of waking up in the morning feeling motivated to start another day. I wanted to have a fulfilling endeavor that I could help people to grow as much as I had been in pursuit of. I wished to be with a man who would make me feel thrilled to be with, and intimacy time would be sublime. Speaking the truth, I was not getting any of it.
To not drag any further that moment, I faked I was enjoying Terry's moves inside me and soon after he would be lying by my side smiling and believing he had made me feel as pleased as him. When the sun started to rise in the sky, I promised myself I would not face another day like that. Nothing was working for real. This way, I had to shock myself with something that would eject me from my comfort zone for good. I took Richard Yardley's book, and after turning several pages, I reached the one he described his period in India.
At that moment, I made my mind about going to that place too. I would design part of the journey Richard Yardley had done and visited the ashram he exposed in the narrative. That was the prelude of the awakening of a woman. I wouldn't be one more in the flock anymore following a robotic routine, which would only bring out the same old frustrating results. Just by the thought of that, I would feel every cell in my body to get electrified like listening to good jazz as Coltrane!
That morning after breakfast, I broke up with Terry telling him I was about to depart for an expedition, and I didn't know when I would be back. I remember he looked at me with a question mark on his face. I bet he believed everything was flowing well between the two of us. Gee, I was getting tired of being led by the word MIS-TAKE. I had taken so many wrong roads, that nowhere land was the only destiny I would get.
A few hours later, I would be resigning from the company I had been working for the last year, and even under my parents' protests, I bought the ticket and set my backpack to that monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India. That moment was significant to me, and I had to find the appropriate soundtrack for it. While listening to 'Necrology' by The Cinematic Orchestra, I could sense the old Cadence was about to die.
Even petrified by panic and about to have an anxiety episode, I boarded the plane anyway. When I was on my seat, I felt like I was about to suffocate and faint. Despite the dizziness, I longed for getting rid of keep living in fear of angst. People get fixed on mental models and build a whole life around them. How long I have been living like that, always anticipating the worst, expecting pain and disappointment in return. I was bringing my prescribed meds but aiming deep inside to get rid of that pillbox case. Regarding my time in India, I'll talk about it in my next narration. Hope to see you there! Bye!
Chapter 5: Renewal
Evolving - Jaxon
After meeting the one and only Amit Ananda, I started to build new friendships. That retreat in New Zealand was quite a shift in my perception about human connection. I, Amit, and a few other guys arranged to go to a Hoodoo Gurus gig. I would finally accomplish the commitment I made at that deserted beach while hurting physically and emotionally. I promised myself if I had the chance to get out of there alive, I would watch the band in Australia. Step by step, I've been accomplishing the pledges I made towards my transformation.
By the way, Amit lives in Aussie land and loves it. It was there he had met the famous pro surfer champion, Chesney Henry Wright. Chesney had adopted that country as his home for a few years, until the time he decided to move back to California to be closer to his buddy, the skateboarder John William. Their friendship was so beautiful that it generated a documentary. Recently, Hollywood bought the rights to turn into a movie. I bet it's going to be a great motion picture. Like it happened to the Z-Boys one.
Can you picture the scene of a bunch of 40ish surfers and Hoodoo Gurus on a stage? That night was remarkable. Maybe it was me, I'm not sure, but the band still has that energy of raising your heartbeats in a way that it would be impossible not to sing and dance. Amit and I had a blast! I felt grateful for meeting guys who I could bond with after so many years of shallow informal contacts. That night I drank a little, but I didn't get altered as I used to when attending social events. Amit was pumped and joked being always high, tripping in his substances. He is hilarious.
At '1000 Miles Away', I experienced what Amit uses to preach precisely; we don't need to get high other than with our biochemicals. I felt like a teenager, but even better, that time, I used to drink and use recreational drugs, searching for a way to enhance my experience of partying. But at that concert I felt sober and present, enjoying every tune and getting aware that music is quite tripping itself.
On the following day, we went for a tour, and Amit asked if I'd like to meet Chesney Henry's former house. I agreed, and we both went to a charming cottage at Bells Beach. What beautiful scenery, the beach looked perfect for surfing and some young ones were seizing their waves. Entering the place, Amit introduced me to the rising star Stephen Reed. The prodigy entrepreneur had bought the home from Chesney Henry when the surfer decided to move back to California.
Stephen is quite young, but his company is currently one of the most successful at Silicon Valley. He was courteous and insisted on us having lunch with him. Stephen showed us the place, and when I saw the office, I asked if he was writing a book. I could see a manuscript on the table, and I felt curious. Stephen chuckled and said that his uncle was there writing one about how thoughts can change the structures of our brain. I got intrigued by it, and the young prodigy said his uncle was venting on the beach but would be joining us soon.
Jackpot! How lucky I could be meeting not only one of the most influential entrepreneurs in the world but also his uncle, the neuroscientist, author, and also lecturer Dr. Alan Caspari. Stephen started narrating the time he designed a project to develop a program to influence people to change their brains. The beginning was when Amit Ananda contacted him to develop a way to assist a young man. The guy was the renowned skateboarder John William, one of the pro-surfer Chesney Henry's best friends. From that, Stephen Reed's stood out with his findings, and several companies wanted to hire him and invest in developing his products. Stephen had the assistance of not only his uncle, Dr. Caspari, but also the Ayurvedic physician, Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti.
Dr. Chakrabarti is famous in the US, continually attending TV shows and lectures too. While talking to Stephen, I felt the importance of community. The bond among the physician, the neuroscientist, and the IT prodigy, along with the physicist Dominic Murphy generated one of the great companies of all time, Android Mind. Meanwhile, Dr. Alan Caspari was back from the beach, and the neuroscientist joined us in a great conversation about personal growth, business, and body-mind relation.
I could barely believe while listening to those men talking about their businesses and how they achieved such a position at Silicon Valley. I spoke about my business too, and Stephen was humble and generous enough to give his opinion of how I could improve even more my venture. I asked about Dr. Caspari's next book, and the neuroscientist told me shortly it would be at the stores, but as soon as it got printed, he would send me a copy as a gift. Wow! I felt honored by that.
We had a great lunch, talking about mindset, neuroplasticity of the brain, synapses, and active learning, besides business and the beauty of the neighborhood. When Amit and I left, I thanked him a lot for being able to meet such bright minds. He chuckled and nodded, Amit Ananda was acquainted with the coolest individuals in the world. I had to give him that! Then he said he would be in NYC in a few months for The Puzzled’s concert. This way soon, we would be meeting again in the backstage area. I was pretty excited. It would be my first time among famous rockers.
The Puzzled has become one of the biggest bands, but no wonder the members are mentored closely by Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti. The doctor treated the leading vocal Cooper Hammond due to his heroin addiction. Using Ayurvedic medicine and meditation, Dr. Chakrabarti had cured a lot of people, and many famous were among them. He was a celebrity doctor and joined Stephen Reed's team thanks to the project the young entrepreneur developed for the skater John William. Joseph Turner, the band's bassist, was John William and Chesney Henry's best friend, and the musician summoned Dr. Chakrabarti to assist on the skateboarder's treatment.
I got amazed to see how everything is connected, from a beautiful friendship among three friends, a neuroscientist, a doctor, and an entrepreneur teamed up. From that union of brilliant minds, it generated a company that would develop great products and services to serve people worldwide. Stephen Reed had been investing a tremendous amount of money in advancing on the field of brain-computer interface, quantum computing, and sources of renewable energy, among other things. Android Mind is just starting, and I tried to picture in my mind what outcome it will get in the future.
That was something I really would like to reach with my company, to make a real difference in people's lives through my apps and services. My values had been changing a lot, and my meditation and yoga mentor Abhay Srinivasan said it was expected. As soon as I altered my habits and some thinking, I started to experience new things. I have chills in my face just by remembering his words. Gee, this man is intense! Abhay has such a presence that when I talk about him, I feel like he's looking at me right now. Creepy! Chortles.
The yogi Abhay also told me we could have a quantum leap in how we experience life by only thinking differently, not through working harder and smarter, as most people believe. That is something I have to learn how to apply in my life. I asked him if he had read neuroscience literature about the brain and such. He chuckled and said no. I questioned him how he would know so much about everything, and Abhay replied only by meditating and getting aligned with the cosmos he would download all the information he needed.
That sounded crazy to me, and we talked for hours about that. But this is a subject to be discussed another day. Let's call it a day!
Rewiring - Cadence
I slept during most time of my flight to India. I admit I reinforced my sleeping pills, but the conveyance was too long for a troubled woman like me. I woke up a little before landing at the time for breakfast. At the airport, I took a cab for the mountains where the monastery was located. It was a foggy, rainy day, and that made me feel depressed. It was cold, and I could not perceive the colors and the beautiful environment the monastery was in.
A monk was expecting me and showed me briefly the surroundings and the area destined to the guests. My room was tiny and had a TV available, which I was determined not to use at all. Even though the place also offered a good wi-fi signal at almost every room, I also committed to myself I would use my smartphone the least I could. On the following day, I began my routine, which was arranged previously of my arrival. My schedule was developed according to my goals set.
On the first days, I was so nervous that I would do meditations and studies without thinking. But soon, my mind and body got used to the idea of being so far away from home, and then I started to present doubts and disbelief about what I had been doing. I understood that was a pattern in my life, to get bored quickly and even to give up on my plans. At that monastery, I could notice how small I was compared to the cosmos. Some days the guests would attend lectures in which a few monks would explain some sacred scriptures and concepts of spirituality. It was my first contact with that kind of subject.
After dinner, I would go back to my room and cry. I didn't know why I would feel that way, but then I would take my pills and sleep. That season contained only a few guests because it was fall and cold. One morning during meditation, my tears started to run down my face, and suddenly, I felt a hand giving me a tissue. Opening my eyes, I saw a Western look-like man dressed as a monk. I got surprised by that. Later that monk would approach me again, introducing himself as Angyo Banko. I could notice his accent was British.
From that day on, whenever Angyo had some time, he would talk to me. Some days he would be freer, and we both would talk for hours. Then I started to pay more attention to my way of behaving and thinking. One day I confessed to being tired of feeling useless. I would see myself as a defeated woman who had a few mediocre jobs and also average relationships. Angyo remarked I was too identified with that frame of reasoning. And that was the motive I had been so depressive. That made me feel uncomfortable at the same time I felt like agreeing with it too. Angyo said I had layers and layers of accumulation in lousy thinking. My present life was precisely a reflection of the sum of all my past choices. Ouch! That made me feel in a way I don't even know how to describe.
While living in the ashram, everyone had chores, including me. Besides cleaning the meditation room, I also had to assist in the kitchen. I would reply to emails, which came from all over the world. The bottom line, I engaged in activities like all the other guests and monks there. After few weeks, I had an opportunity to go out of that place for the first time. Angyo invited me to join him in a hospital where he would do volunteering time to time while giving meditation practices to the staff and patients and also some mindfulness talks.
I liked the idea of being his assistant, and there I went, dealing with injured and sick people. After a couple of days there, something struck me. While I was cleaning and feeding some patients, I realized my burdens were not as significant as I used to think. When we get too focused on our lives, we start to get a distorted version of reality. That happened to me and also to a lot of people I knew. In one of those days, a little boy who was hit by a car approached me. He was about to be discharged from the hospital. That kid was already walking and looking well, but something in me stood up for that boy who started to follow me around.
I couldn't talk to him because that boy didn't know any English, but he would be right behind me whenever I went. One afternoon, while I was working at that hospital, the kid looked into my eyes steadily. He had a remarkable pair of dark brown ones and said something I obviously couldn't understand. A nurse who was nearby approached me and translated. I got so touched by his words that I had to excuse myself and hide in a restroom. I felt like crying pretty bad for a while. Angyo, noticing my absence, went after me and entering in the bathroom, found me seated on the toilet, shedding fat tears.
At first, I could barely talk, and Angyo serenely waited for me to settle down. It's impressive to see how those monks can transmit love and steadiness only by the way they watch us. Finally, I could tell him the words, and when I said to Angyo that intriguing boy declared I had a beautiful pair of eyes and I was so sweet that honey would be pouring from my soul, the proof of that it would be the stain in my iris, Agyo smiled widely. How beautiful it was to see the concept of a child towards my fixed idea of imperfection. That night back in the monastery, I could barely sleep. I would look through the window and see that beautiful waning moon looking identical to a grin. It was like the cosmos would be sending me the message that I was perfectly flawed.
I've spent years trying to compensate for the defect in my eye, and that attitude showed as a waste of time and energy. At last, I felt right about rebuilding my self-esteem. That episode was a significant shift. My honey-colored stained iris turned into uniqueness, and people would love me exactly the way I was. By the way, at the monastery, I was only dressing comfortable outfits. And most of all, I wouldn't care about my appearance. It was liberating to be able to wear sweatpants and t-shirts. My hair would be mostly back in a ponytail or bum. I would look myself in the mirror and really like that person. I was feeling nice-looking for the first time, and it was rooted somewhere else - not in my make-up, fashionable attires, and lean, toned body but at the reflection of an ordinary woman in a journey within.
In the meantime, while volunteering at the hospital, hosting visitors in the monastery, and talking to Angyo, I realized I became a set of behaviors that would lead me to a life of failure and disappointment. I would allow myself to live by accident letting existence flowing through the mess I was within. I developed crippling anxiety, and the consequence was depression and procrastination. I stopped learning and hoping, turning into a system of fixed beliefs that inevitably would cause me suffering. Angyo told me that ignorance was what caused us to feel stuck, and from it, we would be racked with pain. No wonder I had to take prescribed meds. I reached a point I didn't know what to do and where to go.
But we can cause a shift as soon as we figure out we can make new decisions and get different outcomes. Facing pain, shame, regrets, and so on, I started feeling more energetic, and I got involved in improving the ashram too. Along with the monks, we built a helpful website displaying services which were offered there. If you want to learn how to master your mind, there would be no one else better than a monk. Those guys' training was terrific. The monks would offer workshops, guided meditations, and breathing techniques for a general audience. While I was there, I would be hosting the visitors, and the classes were becoming fuller and fuller!
Some nights alone in my room, I would waltz with myself while listening to the beautiful 'Arrival of the Birds & Transformation' by The Cinematic Orchestra. For the first time in my life, I would enjoy being only with me! Finally, I was learning how to apply the concept of solitude. In the mornings, before departing for my meditation, I would wake up without the alarm on my cell, and I would stretch my body while doing yoga poses. I could barely recognize that woman who was me personally. I was living as I had precisely pictured in my mind several times, but I was never able to reach that state so far.
The monks and I had been working for hours, but I couldn't even feel the time passing. I got so absorbed by the moment that when I became aware, I had already been there for almost four months! Hardly could I believe I had endured that amount of time. When I first got there, I was so scared and sure I would not last more than a couple of weeks. But there I still was, without using any meds, meditating, studying, and building something meaningful for me and all around.
One of those days, while talking to Angyo, he complimented me for being able to experience and to apply the flow state. I looked at him, trying to understand what he meant by that. Later on, I searched for articles about meditation and its benefits, and I could find valuable information through the work of the neuroscientist Dr. Alan Caspari and also the Ayurvedic physician Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti. I got amazed while finding out how much science was exploring the field of consciousness. I felt so passionate about that I ended up buying some books and studying more. The best thing was to see that those incredible monks were able to do entirely like the scientists were saying. They were able to change their brain patterns, which were called on the literature neuroplasticity.
I asked Angyo if I would be capable of causing modifications to the physical structures of my brain. He laughed and said that I had already done it. I questioned him of how he could know, and he replied only by looking the way I would behave. He pointed up the difference in the brightness of my eyes and the way I was walking and smiling. That night back into my room, I got amazed while staring myself in the mirror and noticing the observations brought by that monk.
But on the following day, I began to feel going back to my old self when I noticed my time there was getting close to the end. Confessing to Angyo my state of mind, he calmed me down, telling me it was impossible to be back to square one. I insisted on how he could be sure I would not present the anxiety and depression again, and he replied he just knew. That was not satisfactory to me, but I stopped talking about it. I scheduled my flight, and in a few days, I would be leaving back to LA.
On the flight, I had mixed feelings of joy and sadness, and I even cried a little remembering all the things I had done at the monastery and the friendship I developed there mainly with Angyo. Before departing, I crushed Angyo between my arms and weeping I said I would miss him a lot. He smiled and said he would always be with me. It was only a matter of whenever I felt his absence, I would bring back the time we had been together, and the truancy would vanish. I liked that tip, and I told Angyo I would apply it. My parents were anxiously waiting for me, and I hugged both at the airport. My father remarked about me being beautiful, and my mother noticed I was poorly dressed compared to my usual standard.
On the way to my parents', I told them some things I had done in India. I could read my mother's mind thinking that moment of myself would be temporary, and soon I would be back to my old habits and behaviors. Only time would show if she were right about that or not. Let's stop for now. My challenges after returning home are worthy of another chapter. I'm drained, and I have to go to bed to wake up early to meditate. Giggles. That's it, over and out.
Chapter 6: New Experiences
Rockfest - Jaxon
After that Hoodoo Gurus concert in Australia, Amit Ananda and I kept talking, and we arranged to go to The Puzzled's show in NYC. Amit was acquainted with Joseph Turner, the band's bassist. As a teenager, Joseph has been a member of the famous triad known as 'The Dauntless Boys.' These kids became legendary since then, partying, surfing, and skateboarding. Joseph soon would have his first band to start his bass performances, playing at parties and other events.
The leader of the teen trio was the world champion surfer Chesney Henry Wright, son of one of the most charismatic and talented surfers, the legendary Larry Wright. When I was a kid, I was a massive fan of Larry. I had a poster with him riding a gigantic wave at Teahupoo in my room. Many guys I know who surf grew up having Larry Wright as their role-model. Besides being a majestic surfer, Larry acted on movies not only as a stunt but also as an actor. Watching his performances, the man didn't do bad at all. I've heard Larry Wright was committed to his sport and disciplined, and when he was invited to act on movies, he even took some drama classes. That was the kind of man Larry Wright was.
Anyway, I would be pretty soon meeting in person the three The Puzzled rock stars: Joseph Turner, Cooper Hammond, and Zander Dragonet. The year 2019 was a milestone, not only for the new friendships but also for a social life without getting intoxicated with synthetic substances. Like Amit Ananda uses to say, "Always high thanks to our dealer endocannabinoid system," meaning we can own our brain and get it to work for us as an alchemist.
I've been full of ideas and in a remarkably creative period. I'm considering making some changes in my business, and I want to start with my leading skills. I've been reading the outstanding Simon Sinek and his brilliant 'The Infinite Game.' This consultant and speaker is admirable at what he does, and that's the precisely kind of mindset I want to have around. Peter, my best friend, has been working like crazy, taking care of my business. This way, I've been freer to create new formulas and methods to expand. It was a great idea to bring Peter to assume my office, and he trusts in my skills to make us more prominent and also profitable.
What is lacking in my life is to have a steady female companion. I have been hooking up far less than before, but I still haven't reached the level I want in this area. I want to have less sex and more lovemaking, but so far, the women I've been with are not matching the profile I'm looking for. I want someone physically attractive but also smart and able to cause me 'mindgasms' despite obviously pleasing my masculinity.
Let me tell you the day I went to New York to watch the magnificent The Puzzled. What a remarkable night. I owe Amit big time! He's been introducing me to amazing people in all kinds of areas. The Puzzled's guys are cool rockers but totally into meditation and healthy eating. Joseph Turner is a humble guy, and when Amit presented me to him, Joseph smiled and welcomed me warmly. The bassist is so tall in person that I felt a dwarf beside him.
At some point, a beautiful brunette showed up, and she and Joseph hugged tightly. I thought she was Joseph's girl, but actually, the bassist is married, and his wife stayed in Seattle, where they live, taking care of their first baby. Accidentally I eavesdropped part of the brunette and the bassist's conversation at the dressing room. The two were talking privately, and without any intention, I accessed part of what they exchanged. I know it's not polite, but something about that gal caught my attention. She was charming, with admirable bright brown eyes, and told Joseph that after two years, she was ready to go on her first date. She was freaked about it, but she thought it was about time to move on. Then I could see she was crying, and Joseph hugged her tenderly and agreed on her investing in another relationship.
Then I walked away from the door because my real intention was to get some refreshments. Approaching the table, I connected a few dots and realized the mysterious gal and the bassist were talking about getting over someone who she genuinely loved. That's something I'd like to experience. I had it with Willow, but I messed up. I aimed to get a new experience of being connected to my feelings and deepest intentions. Amit joked why I looked so stern and punched me gently on the shoulder. I smiled and deviated my mind from the drifting.
I asked him about that brunette, and Amit told me she had spent some time in India at an ashram where she met a monk who helped her to get the strength to rebuild her life after a significant loss. Her partner had passed away a couple of years ago. Tough! The brunette also has done some volunteering in third world countries and assisted people in need. Lately, she has just opened a meditation center in Venice Beach. I couldn't get surprised by that. Currently, I'd be only meeting people who were transforming their lives through this ancient tool. I was one more of them.
The concert was terrific, and The Puzzled deserves the success and awards they get. The three musicians are incredible while performing, and their lyrics are brilliant and make us think. My favorite ones are "We Are All X-Men" and "What's your poison." At some point, Joseph gave a solo and played "Wildness of Youth" and "The Dauntless Boys," compositions he wrote when he was only a teen and some songs he wrote to his two best friends, the surfer Chesney Henry and the skater John William. While he was playing the Dauntless' pieces, pictures of the jazziest triad were shown, and the crowd went crazy.
A couple of days passed, and a package from the post office arrived at my office. I had just gotten the latest Dr. Alan Caspari’s book “Collective Consciousness and the Mind.” I opened it and saw he had sent me a signed copy.
“To my new friend Jaxon Murphy,
With this book, I hope many people can revolutionize themselves and the world.
Regards,
Caspari”
I got thrilled to read it. A few weeks later, the official day of the release happened, and it didn't take long for becoming one of the nonfiction best sellers at Amazon and The New York Times. I watched some interviews with Dr. Alan Caspari, and the neuroscientist has been involved with some musicians and also writers. Then I noticed he had teamed up with DJ Bryce Hartford and his wife, the writer Amber Hartford. I downloaded one of Bryce's albums called 'Into Your System,' which contained holistic music for mind pattern change. Gee, neuroscience is flourishing in all kinds of areas! I can barely wait to see what this DJ's tunes are going to cause in my brain.
But this is a topic to be displayed in another narrative. I'm tired after many discoveries and connecting the dots. I went to bed and started to think about Willow. At that point, her baby had already been born. Then I wondered if I could turn into the type of man to get married and also to have kids. Willow was the only woman I had loved so far, and I felt like it was time to experience something deeper again. But this time, I wouldn't act like a jerk as I had been to Willow. I was willing to be monogamous and cultivate alluring talks to a significant partner — the end for now.
Plan of Action - Cadence
A couple of weeks after returning from India, I went back to my apartment to put in action the project I had designed. I confess I got freaked! I would be coming back to live with my parents to save money to pay my debts and move forward with my life. I got a day job at a small company that designed websites. The paycheck was decent, and it would be a restart anyway.
For obvious reasons, my friends were kind of avoiding me, but I didn't feel upset because since I set my goal to go to India, no one supported the idea of me taking a break from my chaotic life. People believe I had to struggle harder to be able to overcome the hardships. Also, my friends considered weird of me going deeper with meditation, something atypical and distant from them. But I had a goal in mind, and I would not lose my focus. I had to terminate my credit card debts for good, and my first step was to cancel all of them, only keeping one which didn't give me a big-spending limit. My purchasing power decreased a lot, but that was necessary.
Second, I had a closet clean-out while putting to sell online the excess of shoes, bags, and outfits I had. I charged a fair price, and I was able to end my stock in a few months. I won't declare this action was smooth. I had so many high-quality items, but most was not necessary due to my line of work, and also I was back at my parents, which didn't give me too much space either. The third resolution was not to date anyone and invest in my personal growth. I took a financial management course to learn how to deal with money in a savvy way.
In less than a year, I was debt-free! Which, for me, it was surprising but also liberating. But I was still at my parents, and this made me feel small. I would wake up early every day to keep my meditation practice and workout through online video classes, which were cheaper than going to the gym. At some point, I felt like a hermit, even being in one of the great places in the world. My parents had a comfortable life and wanted to lend me money and to assist me with what I needed, but that time I didn't allow them to interfere. I had to deal with my burdens by myself. I was pretty aware that the entire situation was created by me, exclusively me, and my messy state of mind.
One day, after work, I was walking on a sidewalk in downtown Manhattan Beach, looking at the stores and restaurants and watching people living their life while I was feeling a loser. I had just turned 29, and I was way behind the experience I had planned. But then I noticed a small retail space above a hair salon for rent. I entered and asked if someone had details about that room, and the owner of the place said she had the keys if I wanted to check upstairs. Entering the area, I could see it was a like a lounge, and in the back, it had a small kitchen, with a tiny bedroom and bathroom.
Leaving the beauty parlor, I went straight back to my parents and announced I would be moving out in a few weeks and starting my meditation center. My father smiled, and my mother frowned and asked if I was sure about the steps I was taking. I nodded, feeling confident about making the right decision. I painted the whole room, and then I hired a company to install a partition wall to separate the tiny room and the kitchen from the rest. I started giving meditation classes in the morning and evening after I was back from work. Weeks passed and turned into months. I was working all the time practically, and the meditation center was doing okay.
Using the expertise from the company I was working, I built a charming webpage that showed my schedule and space, and even a few videos giving tips for people who were looking for a pleasant place to meditate and also some of my classes. But growth is innate in humans and even a drive which pushes us forward. I wanted more than only working, paying the bills, and teaching people how to meditate.
Feeling confused about what step to take, I went out one night to vent. I spotted a charming café nearby, and I entered. Seating on a table, with a copy of 'Wellbeing Realm' by the meditation coach Richard Yardley, I ordered an herbal tea. I was focused on my reading when I heard a male voice asking what that book was about. When I raised my eyes to check if that question was for me, I saw a charming tall, muscular build man seated right next to my table staring me in a sexy way.
I couldn't take out of my mind I had been sexless for quite some time, and that testosterone tone was enough to cause some effect on me. I smiled and started thinking about what to say, but to be honest, I couldn't come up with anything. I was living in a commercial loft, above a hair salon, making ends meet after living a whole year with my parents to end with my shopping addiction debts. That man was not looking for a gal like me. I could sense his delicious perfume, and he was wearing casual but in a cool and fashionable way.
I had always believed I suffered from some unknown syndrome because when I didn't know what to say, I usually would utter something not adequate. That night was not any different, I was still working to change my old patterns, and some hadn't been solved yet. The charming man insisted on asking me about the book, and I replied, telling him I was a meditation instructor who had a day job at a website company and also had spent four months in an ashram in India to deal with some personal issues. That author was the one who had inspired me to make my journey within.
Oddly he didn't leave and seemed curious after tilting his head to the right. He asked if he could join me, which I unquestionably accepted after all the man was attractive, and I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I had been missing physical interaction. He introduced himself as Brody, I liked his name, but he could call any stupid one that I'd still consider him charming. I told him about Richard Yardley's lectures, the first book I read that he wrote, and briefly my experience at the ashram. But I skipped the part of living with my parents for paying my debts. After all, I felt like I had already talked too much.
Brody was attentive, making some questions about meditation and how I was able to endure my time in India. I figured it was getting late, but I didn't want to stop talking to him. He was a gripping man to be with, not only for his look but his talk too. He told me he was a music producer working with famous rock bands and other musicians. He was the one who had discovered The Puzzled, but Cooper Hammond’s heroin addiction led the group to a hiatus. But the band was able to rise again because Cooper had treated himself with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti.
I told Brody I had attended a lecture with Dr. Chakrabarti along with Richard Yardley, and he felt intrigued that meditation had been surrounding him. We laughed, and he kept narrating some bands he had been acquainted with and concerts and tours he had attended. His life sounded not only fun but alluring, far away from mine. I told him I had to go. Brody took me by the arm and asked if he could see me again. His grip was enough to picture me in bed with him. I gave my number and left the cafe feeling dizzy.
Back to my place, I couldn't stop recollecting Brody's pictures in my mind. But I was aware I hadn't been with a man for quite some time, and that was the cause of me behaving ridiculously like that. I was sure he wouldn't call me, probably he had millions of phone numbers to dial to, and if he had a rank like Billboard probably, I'd be among the less popular hits. I took a shower and jumped into bed, feeling horny and thinking it was about time to have some sexual action in my life.
A couple of days passed, and I decided to socialize a little bit. One of the hairstylist from the salon under my meditation space invited me to have a girls' night out with her friends. She also attended some of my classes and had been enjoying it. I decided to accept her invitation, and I would be meeting her group at a bar. The place was noisy, full of people drinking and swinging their bodies with loud electronic music, but I was determined to endure it anyway. I was not a nun, and I had to be back to social life again. We were all chatting and laughing, the girls were funny, and the talk was flowing when my phone buzzed, and I saw it was a message from Brody.
Naomi, the hairstylist, took my cell from my hand and checked Brody's picture. She stared at me and declared I should reply and arrange a date with him; otherwise, she'd do it. I laughed and let my phone aside. That night was about me rebuilding my own identity and enjoying the girls. What happened, later on, it's something to be shared on another episode of my timeline. Night nighty!
Chapter 7: Welcoming the New
Prime Your Brain - Jaxon
I've been improving my mindset and also listening to 'Into Your System' DJ Bryce's tunes. One morning I was at Abhay Srinivasan's studio, and we were meditating. It was 5 in the morning. A year ago or so at this hour I'd be coming back from a celebration. Now, I'm a cerebration kind of man. On that specific occasion, I saw a blue light vibrating and expanding at the height of my third eye. I've never believed in this kind of thing, the previous version of me used to mock about those people who preached about meditation.
I talked to my mentor, and he said I had been into a deep state of relaxation. Was it any good? Well, unpleasant, it was not. That was sure. I used to be totally against meditation and those people who would go to India or wherever. I used to consider them silly flower children and hated to see those individuals who would sew their outfits, bringing containers with vegan non-gluten and non-dairy food, dried fruits, and nuts while gathering to hug trees. And here, I am now talking, reading, and practicing meditation. I see lots of business people doing it too. Only now I can relate to what Steve Jobs was talking about. I used to think he pretended to be a meditation guy just for the sake of his products' marketing.
Anyway, leaving Abhay's yoga place, after a couple of hours talking about the symmetry of the Solar System, made me feel so pumped and excited that while I was driving to work, it just hit me a great idea. I entered the office and summoned Peter, my associate and best friend, for a one-on-one session. He got all thrilled. Peter knew I was on the verge to make something good. It was like when I was surfing. I used to see a wave and knew it was the right one. I don't know how or why, but I would tell myself I had to ride it because it would be a great experience.
Peter had his eyes wide open, waiting for my delivery. I told him while stuck in traffic, instead of cursing and complaining, I started to breathe, and an idea downloaded into my brain. He stared at me like trying to follow what I was saying. My mentor Abhay Srinivasan would get me. He told me about his experiences while capturing algorithms from the space-memory field. That's why Abhay would talk to anyone about anything. The yogi accessed information from the outer space. The great geniuses like Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla used to do the same. Well, I was no mastermind, but I believed in the product I had just created.
I explained to Peter that the app would help people to cultivate mini moments of mindfulness into a day. When someone faced a moment of anxiety, pain, or annoyance, the program would bring a short message of wisdom and a timer causing the person to feel motivated to stop to breathe for a few seconds. Peter liked the idea but questioned who would be able to create the notes. I had no idea because I was not a good writer and didn't have too much knowledge in that field either.
Back home at night, I ended up thinking and thinking who would be the right person to do the writing part for my new app. The silence in my house started to bother me. I was sick to be by myself. I began to see Willow's ghost again, circulating throughout my place. She was already long gone, married and with a baby. I considered going out and getting some woman to sleep with me. I never had any difficulty in achieving that. But I was tired of sex. I wanted some lovemaking instead. Fuck, that meditation was making me too soft. I didn't use to be like that. For me to party and have sex was something fluid like drinking a glass of water or taking a shower.
I started to check the women I had on my mobile. I had so many, but lately, I was getting slower. The problem was the change in my core values. Maybe it was better to be back to my old self. Nah! For a moment, I even considered going to a strip club or an inferno like I used to. But that was a short-term reward. As soon as I released the pleasure substances, it would be already gone. How about watching some porn while jerking off then? Fuck it, lizard brain. I'm going to transcend my previous rules of thumb. My drivers won't be sex, thirst, hunger, and fear anymore.
Instead of seeking physical pleasure, I went to have 'mindgasms' while reading Dr. Caspari's book. The neuroscientist proves humans are designed to grow and adapt, and the brain is the tool which would make them possible. We can develop in any area we aim, acquiring new skills at any time. I know that because I have been working correctly to become an even better entrepreneur. Meanwhile, I want to become a new man and find a female companion to spend some idle time with me, a steady partner to improve lovemaking, and also to have startling conversations while tasting good food and some wine.
The belief system is our soil, where we plant our lifestyle. I used to lead a life of mating, taking recreational drugs, and making money. I liked to get the attention and to feel popular. I made money because I knew it was the best gizmo for freedom. Through currency, you can get where you want whenever you want. But every time we reach a goal, we want more. It's innate for us. We are always looking to evolve — this time, I want an expanded consciousness that would make me create better services. Of course, I aim to profit even more but not only to provide for my self- pleasure. I also want to make my partner prosperous while my customers get happier and more satisfied.
While listening to an electronic remake of 'Indian Summer' by The Doors, recommended by my new friend Amit Ananda, I spread my body on the couch and started to relax. Amit used to say that prophet Morrison was a doorway to trip on acid without taking any. Amit Ananda likes so much the leading man of the band The Doors, that he has a huge portrait of the guy in his room. He told me there are some days that he looks at the picture and feels Jim Morrison is talking to him. Get out of here! Amit swears he doesn't take any substance while experiencing his extra sensorial moments.
Suddenly I felt a feminine body on my top, and it was almost real. I surrendered to the beats and the music, maybe it was all in my head, but it didn't matter. I was rehearsing what I precisely wanted to get in the material world — a sexy brunette, with a toned body, fair-skinned, and compatible sexually speaking with me. Then 'You are My Chocolate' by Savages began to resonate in my room, and I was aware I was pretty hard. While using a hand to satiate my sex drive, in my mind, I had the picture of that beauty riding my masculinity rhythmically with her hips. When she moaned, my volcano erupted, and I was done.
I opened my eyes, looking for her. I could vouch she had just left. That was the first time I wouldn't use anything material to help me to fantasize. That was interesting. Visualization could be compelling. I went straight to the shower and then to bed. I had to wake up early to meditate and allow myself to be guided to find someone to assist me on my next app. That's it for today.
Back to Womanhood - Cadence
I've made up my mind about going on a date. It's been more than a year without being in active social interaction. Since I came back from India, I focused mostly on changing my mental models and turning a life living unconsciously by accident to a more present one. I didn't want to keep going as an automatic set of behaviors, which would make me suffer most of the time. I ceased my excessively shopping habit to invest more in my personal growth. I still worked out but as a way to keep fit and healthy, letting aside the concept of 'the perfect body.'
Satya Lounge was doing well. I had full classes in the morning and evening. But I still had to keep my day job at the website company, which caused me to be working all day practically. At night I would feel tired and not in the mood to go out. That situation had been changing since the day I met Naomi, the hairstylist who worked at the salon under my meditation space. She used to drag me to some of her social gatherings. She was charismatic and outgoing and would often have events to attend, not only on weekdays but weekends also.
I decided to reply to Brody's message, which was on standby since last night. But before pressing the send button, I set my mind to not be in a relationship whatsoever and that music producer would be only an experiment. I would go out with him to have some sex, and that was it. He was attractive and cool, with a profession that would make the most popular bands surround him, but I wouldn't get attached. He would be the perfect guy to have a one night stand. Well, maybe a couple of nights. Here I went!
Surprisingly Brody didn't take too much time to text me back and asked me if I trusted him enough to allow him to take me on a surprise date he had designed for us. Aww, that was cute, he had been planning to go out with me! Cadence, compose yourself! I had just met him, and I couldn't tell if he was worthy of trust. But matter a fact he was charming, and his perfume was soooo good, what harm he could do to such a woman like me. Well, pretty bad damage! Giggles. At that time, I hadn't been with a man for quite some time and had just gotten rid of a ton of debts. But I still faced a delicate emotional condition. Hmm, not the ideal scenario.
After spending some months in the ashram, I learned I had to face my fears. Everything was risky and involved a particular type of exposure. I ended up accepting going on a date, and on a Saturday afternoon, in a cafe near my neighborhood, I met Brody. As soon as I entered, he welcomed me with a bewitching smile, and I felt like it would be hard not to fall for a man like that, and my logical mind started to calm me down. It was just a date to get some sex and period. When I was about to sit, Brody asked if I was ready to go. I showed a question mark in my face, I had just gotten there, and we would be already leaving. He said it was supposed to be a surprise.
A limo was parked outside, and a chauffeur opened the door and drove us to Staples Center, where a The Puzzled's gig would be happening. On the backstage, I could hear the crowd excitedly calling the band and screaming the names of the three members. Soon Brody and I were at the dressing room, and he introduced me to the guys. Joseph Turner, the bassist, was the first to welcome us. I laughed. I couldn't believe my sister's first love had become a famous rocker.
Joseph stared at me like I looked familiar, and I asked if he remembered Mia Zaffino from Manhattan Beach. He took his hands to his head, and his mouth fell open, he was incredulous that I was Mia's older sister. Joseph turned notorious since teenage times because he and his two best friends were 'The Dauntless Boys' and used to attend the most popular parties in Southern California. I was not in the habit of partying too much, but their names reached my ears anyway. I had already started college, and to be honest, I always considered them jerks. The Dauntless had always been too full of themselves, showing up at places like they were gods.
In one of the parties, Joseph and my sister got acquainted and started dating. In the deep, he was a sweetheart, and he and my sister just split up because The Puzzled's leadmen, Cooper Hammond, discovered the bassist, and Joseph had to move to Seattle. He was only 16 at the time, and my sister 15, she was not mature enough to join Joseph in his musical journey. I remember Mia cried her heart out for weeks. I was not too much into rock and had forgotten entirely about Joseph's fate. He hugged me tight with his towering body and asked about Mia. I told him she had graduated from college and was living with her boyfriend in New York. He smiled and left like having good old time memories.
Brody looked at me surprised knowing I had met Joseph a long time ago, but I said to him I had just seen him a few times, and I simply hated his best friends, the conceited surfer Chesney Henry and the skateboarder John William. Brody laughed and commented Chesney Henry was living far away in Australia, and John William was still in the LA area. I said we were just kids, and being popular at an early age could be quite tricky. I admitted I had never been cool, and my big mouth pronounced that probably I was not his type. Brody chuckled and told me about his nerdy times as a teenager. He had no idea he would become a music producer and also be that close to the coolest guys.
We both started to chat about the past, and I couldn't believe Brody had been a goofy shy kind of boy. Probably he was cute even back then, and I could imagine him approaching girls at parties feeling awkward and embarrassed. Teenage years could be the worst, at least mine were. It was the peak of me being bullied at school for having a honey-colored stain in my irises. Brody said that it was part of my charm, and I blushed. Then I went on talking about my time in India and how I got over my shame with my eye because of that Indian boy's observation. Brody was staring at me intensely, and I began to think if he kissed me, it would be terrific.
Then Cooper Hammond, the lead man, and guitarist entered noisily in the dressing room and ruined the magnetism was happening between Brody and me. Cooper was a good looking guy, with his fashionable customized black leather jacket, ripped indigo jeans and messy medium length hair. Brody introduced me. Cooper Hammond looked nice and asked if I liked his band. I confessed I wouldn't listen to rock too much. Then he wanted to know what kind of music I was into. I said I had been a Spicy Girls kind of a gal in the past, and lately, I had been mostly listening to mantras and some chill electronics.
The rock star got up and took something from a bag and gave it to me. It was a Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's book about mantras and the effect they caused into the mind. I liked that Ayurvedic doctor, I told Cooper I had been in one of his lectures with Richard Yardley. While the opening band was on the stage, Cooper Hammond narrated to me his struggle to cease his addiction to heroin. I admit I liked his perspective referring to this episode of his life, and after being treated by Dr. Chakrabarti, he was finally able to finish his chemical dependency. Cooper Hammond showed lyrics and poems he wrote about it, and I could notice he was a deep man.
Cooper said I should keep that book, and I took one I had in my purse, Richard Yardley's 'Connecting Memory-Space Realm,' and gave it to him. The rock star nodded and smiled. It was time for them to perform. Zander Dragonet, the drummer, went after him. Cooper winked at me and said I would be watching the show from the best seat in the house. I was thrilled to attend a live concert. I hadn't been in one for years. When I got up to approach the stage, Brody pulled me back by the hand, and I fell seated on his lap. He smiled and kissed me. Wow, I felt like being electrified in every cell of my body.
When our lips got apart, we both laughed, and I shrieked and said we had to go to see the concert. I danced almost the whole time while feeling the power of the amplifiers shooting musical notes into my skin. I reached an altered state, and most people probably thought I was high on some illicit substance. Meanwhile, Brody and I would kiss a lot too. That osculation made me got even more inebriated. Brody was a great kisser, and I could picture in my head how sex would be. Phew! I talked more than I should for today. The end of that night will be described in another episode. Giggles.
Chapter 8: Interactions
Getting Ready - Jaxon
After having the idea for my app, I sent an e-mail to Dr. Caspari asking for his opinion about the core concept I had created to build the whole system around. I have been recommending his books and seminars to everyone I know. My friend and associate, Peter, started to attend some. I needed a broadminded partner who would allow me to be freer to get involved in other businesses too. I didn't want to keep only acting in my area of expertise because we get in the comfort zone and stagnate. And getting stuck is something that freaks me out.
Dr. Alan Caspari was generous enough to arrange a meeting in Seattle with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, the famous Ayurvedic physician. I really can't thank enough this chain of people who are pushing me forward. It all started with Abhay Srinivasan, then the second link was Amit Ananda, and it keeps growing. My mentor is right, the universe is a connection of every piece, and we were not meant to thrive alone. I didn't use to think like that. Before my accident at that beach, I used to believe I was the creator and owner of my business. My perspective was so narrow that I used to see me in the center of everything. Today I can even dare to declare that my broken leg and isolation were a real gift.
Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti is an Indian immigrant who arrived in America in the 1970s with a few bucks in his pocket. When I entered his clinic, I got amazed by the environment. You don't feel you are about to get an appointment with a doctor. It's a sophisticated atmosphere where you can find a big meditation room, also yoga practice, and Ayurvedic massage. I bumped into the rock star Cooper Hammond, I've heard Cooper adopted Dr. Jayesh as his guru, and both are always in contact.
Cooper Hammond lived a rock and roll cliché life until getting consumed by his heroin addiction. Nowadays, he is clean and also married with a first baby on its way. The rocker recognized me from the gig in New York, nodded, and smiled. I signaled back, and soon after, the secretary announced Dr. Chakrabarti was waiting for me. The doctor welcomed me with a warm smile. I have to admit that man has something which makes him stand out. But I don't know how to put in words.
We talked for three hours. It all started with Dr. Chakrabarti's story since when he arrived in the US up to the current day. Dr. Jayesh explained to me some concepts from Hindi sacred scriptures, which are way far from my world. Then the physician talked about his experience with meditation and also pranayamas, practices of breath control in yoga. My mentor Abhay Srinivasan has already taught me some of it, but Dr. Chakrabarti was kind enough to give me a lot of attention.
The great Indian doctor suggested his daughter could develop the messages in my app. Dr. Jayesh said she travels a lot and is a wellness lecturer and even used to model when she was younger. His daughter is committed to consciousness expansion and has been assisting some writers and moviemakers in developing new concepts for the entertainment industry. Dr. Chakrabarti noticed I was paying attention to his hall of fame. Behind his desk, on the wall, it was displayed an enormous amount of pictures. I could notice the rocker Joseph Turner and the skateboarder John William was among them.
Dr. Jayesh went through some of the images and afterward showed his family. He pointed to one frame saying it was his daughter Adhira who could be teaming up with me on the development of my app. I hope the good doctor wasn't able to read my mind, because while seeing that cinnamon skinned beauty, I thought she could conjoin me in bed. Phew! I had to be focused on the business. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. It was not the best attitude, but thoughts are not controllable, at least for me.
At the hotel, I couldn't take Dr. Jayesh's daughter out of my mind. Adhira could be the right one for me. She was not only attractive but also committed to meditation and personal growth. In a couple of days, she would be back from Indonesia, and Dr. Chakrabarti would be introducing us. I watched some videos with her, which Adhira would be giving interviews and exposing meditation and other techniques to reach wellbeing at the highest level. She sounded quite smart, the type of woman who would be able to give 'mindgasms' to a man beside the carnal ones too.
I called Peter, and he warned me that Dr. Chakrabarti's daughter shouldn't be an option. I could ruin the whole deal if I took a personal approach in that situation. He was right. I decided to vent while going to a bar where I could meet someone to spend the night with. Being a hermit was not in my blood, and I had been horny, maybe caused by the decrease of my interaction life. I didn't have any difficulty to get an attractive woman to be with me in my hotel room. But while I was in action, I would see Adhira's face. Fuck! My mind was getting too mess up with this new lifestyle of mine!
The day had come and I would soon be meeting Adhira Chakrabarti. I put a nice jacket with social pants and shirt, I wanted to impress her. I knew it was all in my head but fuck it! No one could tell. Adhira was even more beautiful alive and her scent was so pleasant that sometimes I had to apply some mindfulness technique to bring my mind back to the present moment. Abhay Srinivasan's voice would echo in my head 'Breathe! Breathe!' Then I would inhale and exhale, ceasing the drifting in my mind.
That afternoon I left Dr. Chakrabarti's clinic feeling frustrated. I wanted to understand why I couldn't find an interesting woman to please me both between my ears and my legs. According to my mentor, I had exercised too much my lower head instead of the upper one. That Indian yogi is a character! Maybe Abhay was right. It would take some time for me to change that pattern of having shallow relationships. That night I was fed up. I went to a disco and boozed a little. Leaving the bar area, I decided to move my body on the dance floor while scanning for beautiful women.
It's easy to find attractive gals wearing tight dresses at that kind of place. I have lived too much of it already. I was getting tired of having only sex, and I wished for something more profound. I was aiming for carnal knowledge, but that type I had while tripping on my sofa. That imaginary brunette had an intense hips move, which would make me hard only for remembering. What a moron! That was all in my head! I was aiming for a non-existence thing. Suddenly a tall curvy blonde was dancing close to me. I understood she wanted me to approach her. She welcomed me with a smile and not long after we were kissing and caressing each other.
Then my eyes widened big time when I saw Adhira next to the bar, looking at mine and my blondie's performance. Fuck! That was bad! She could say to her father that she saw me dirty dancing with a woman at a disco and… So what?! I was a man, and there wasn't anything wrong with it. Office hours were gone, and people would be in the comfort of their houses or hunting like me. I was a single healthy athletic build male. I deserved some fun. The blonde was really into me. I could feel that while she was rubbing her thighs on mine and grabbing me with her arms. I would soon be fucking her brains out in my hotel bed.
I invited the woman to leave with me, and she accepted. Then she went after her purse and also to tell her friends she would be going. Meanwhile, Adhira approached me and said she liked to see the fire I was emanating. What was that supposed to mean?! I don't know if it was the alcohol or my lust, well probably both, but then I replied I wish I would take her to bed instead. She stared into my eyes naughtily and said what was keeping me. I took her by the hand and vanished. I have no idea what happened to the blond woman, but that night I had the pleasure to experience the Indian flavor.
While listening to that electronic beat 'Indian Summer' - thanks Amit for that! – I had one of the best sex nights ever! I lost count of how many times my masculinity got acquainted with Adhira's femininity. But every time I was inside her, it was like some days of my meditation. I would feel burning and calm at the same time. I would see swirls of liquid lights, and the electricity would run through my cells like I was attached to Tesla Tower. On the following day, I delayed my flight back to LA and spent the whole day in bed with Adhira. I asked her if she would like to see me again. She smiled and nodded. Aah! I would be soon back in Seattle. I would meet that woman wherever she went to! Denouement for now!
Finding a Common Tangent - Cadence
I know it was not fair to end the previous narrative at the point of Brody and me kissing while The Puzzled was performing. But my editor made me promise my episodes wouldn't last more than three pages tops. If you want to find someone to blame, now you know who to go after. Giggles. Anyway, I won't flourish too much. We enjoyed the gig as much as our smooches, and when the band was about to be back on the stage to answer the encore chanting, Brody greeted the three rock stars for the presentation and told them we would be leaving.
The bassist, Joseph Turner, smiled and looked at me with excitement, realizing what Brody and I were aiming for. In the limo, we started to kiss more intensely and to make out. Brody's hands would run through my body, and I enjoyed being touched by that firm grip. I could feel sex would be promising that night. The chauffeur stopped at an astonishing house in front of the beach. Brody opened the entrance door and pulled me in the hall hurriedly while kissing me.
I asked if that house was his and he said it was from a friend who was out of town. Brody had a place in Seattle and another in New York. But he said maybe it was time to settle something in Southern California too. I smiled, and we kept kissing and undressing our pieces of clothing. At some point, we were in a fabulous master suite and right after naked on a king-size bed. The mattress was incredible as much as Brody's masculinity inside me. That night the match was 4 x 2 for me. I had a fantastic time experiencing sex after a long period of remodeling my mind software.
When Brody and I woke up late on a gorgeous sunny Sunday, we kissed and had more sex, and I would feel more than pleased by Brody's tongue and appendage. Still naked, both had breakfast at the kitchen counter, and we could barely talk due to the fact our lips would be glued most of the time. It was much better than I expected. It seemed our bodies had met a long time before. We spent the day listening to good music. Of course, The Puzzled was performed in the topnotch sound system, and we danced and kissed and had more sex. Lots of physical interaction is predictable when a man and a woman start.
In the evening, Brody asked me if he could see me again. Then my analytical mind yelled it was supposed to be a one-time thing. I hesitated for a few seconds and said we could arrange something, no strings attached. The truth was I wanted to see him again. But if I did, I knew I would fall in love with him, and then I could face the menace of the old Cadence resurfacing back. I had to think and act differently to rearrange my neuron network. I was missing sex, but I could get some with other men in the area. It had plenty of good looking guys available.
Back to my place, I cheered and made some celebration moves. And as arranged previously, Naomi sent me a message asking how my night had turned out. I told her everything, and she wondered why I wouldn't want to see Brody again. I explained it was due to my history, but she considered that stupid. Naomi couldn't understand that I had to prove to myself I was transformed. And not being emotionally involved after having sex with a guy it would be quite a change. Naomi kept her opinion about me being silly.
Brody texted me that same week. He used to travel a lot and not be for too long in the same spot. I was pretending I was cool with that. One night I went out with Naomi and her girls, and I ended up sleeping with a guy I met at the disco. The dopamine release happened, but it was not as alluring as with Brody. Here it went, Cadence the romantic nut job who couldn't detach sex from affection. Probably at that time, Brody was doing the same, rocking his hips rhythmically while on top of a gal. Mmm, but Brody was so good at moving his body during intercourse! Gee, I was in some guy's bed thinking about attending an amorous congress with another one!
I looked at the guy beside me who was deeply asleep and sort of snoring. I decide to pick my clothes from the floor, get dressed, and leave. That was the first time I had acted like that. I was not very talented at one night stands. I didn't know what to do and how to respond. I used to feel awkward waking up in a stranger's bed after having sex and then acting like it meant nothing and leaving as I had just had a cup of tea. Damn it!
I kept working and giving my meditations, wondering the day I could be freer and laboring less living an abundant life while being settled in a lovely two-bedroom apartment with a double door fridge full of healthy delicacies. I got so absorbed in my thinking that I frightened when I heard someone calling aloud my name. When I turned back, I saw Brody on the other side of the street. He smiled and crossed the street hurriedly. At that moment, a treacherous breeze blew, and I was able to sense his perfume. Darn! That man smelled soooo good!
Brody asked if I was avoiding him, which I was, but I couldn't admit that. Then he questioned me in an adorable way if I didn't like being with him. Whaaaat?! Which type of woman wouldn't want to attend a rock concert with a cool music producer as Brody and ended up the night having great sex in a mansion in front of the beach! Then my undiscovered syndrome decided to act, and I told him it was not him but me. Soon after, I revealed the problems that made me go to India, such as debts, depression, and emptiness. My big mouth! Oh my!
I admitted that after living for a whole year with my parents, I started my own business, which led me to reside in a tiny space and to be able only to make ends meet. I wished to expand my meditation business because I was tired of hustling and hustling. I finished saying I had no exciting life like his, and surely I was not the right girl for him. He stared me while frowning and said he was the one to decide which type of woman would be appropriate for him.
I couldn't believe in his words and how a man like him could like such an ordinary gal like me. I quietened, and Brody approached me. We kissed, and I felt like melting on the sidewalk up to the gutter. He suggested us grabbing something to eat, but I said I wanted to make love to him instead. We went to my place, which I considered not appropriate to have great sex with a hunk like Brody, but he didn't seem to care. Our bodies were aching for each other, and soon after, we would be ravishing in bed.
The thing was, Brody was too hot to resist, and once again, I felt pleased more than a time after some interaction. When I was trying to catch my breath, Brody put some music on his phone, which made our lovemaking even more enjoyable. After we got worn out, Brody fell asleep, and I searched on my phone to see if I could find out the name of the music he had chosen for us. Thanks to the efficiency of technology, I was able to track the musician. By the way, I had never heard about that guy, but I ended up adding some songs in my playlist such as 'Can't Find Love,' 'Midnight Blues,' 'Long Distance Loving,' and 'That Certain Thing' by Snowy White.
That night I knew it would be the start of a relationship between the two of us. This way, I had to select the music I would be listening to while cultivating flashbacks of our bedtime while Brody was away.
Chapter 9: Bumpy and Smooth
Spicy India - Jaxon
When I told Peter what had happened on my last night in Seattle, he panicked and said that would ruin us. I would break Adhira's heart, and her father would crush our company as we were ants. Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti was an influential man, even overseas. He used to treat celebrities, business people, politicians, all kinds of prominent individuals. Gee, Peter could be a bore. I told him I enjoyed my interaction with Adhira, and I had been serious about going steady with someone. I considered Adhira a strong candidate for the position. Peter was not so confident. He thought my lady-killer persona hard to cease.
Not resonating with what Peter had stated, I texted Adhira. I had to see her again. A couple of days passed, we would be communicating with each other when one night she showed up at my door. I loved that, I grabbed her by the waist and soon after we would be on my customized king size bed having hot sex. That woman was pepper. I've never been too much acquainted with India culinary, but after Adhira, I started to explore it.
A few weeks passed, and it was my turn to go to Seattle. Adhira and I started to meet each other whenever we could at the most diverse cities in the US. It was exciting and fun. We would talk about my app, and she was writing great messages for it. I was enjoying her more than I predicted. One day I asked about her father, and she said she had not been raised in India. I felt surprised when she told me traditional Indian people would choose their children's spouses. Adhira said she was an American citizen with Indian ancestry. Her physicality resembled a lot her father's roots, but she didn't connect with Indian social rules.
Adhira was extraordinarily charming and would kill in any outfit because her silky cinnamon skinned toned body was what people would call, perfect! I would get lost when her long voluminous dark hair was all over the sheets while we were having sex. When she was on my top, I would land my hands on her hips, and then she would make moves, which would make me fly high. One day, speaking with Amit Ananda, he said I sounded like under a spell. You bet!
A presentation was set, and I had to fly to Seattle. Adhira would present her writing to my app, and I was delighted not only to meet her again but also to check her excellent work. She slew at the messages, great content showed in a summarized way and undoubtedly smart. Fuck, that woman was phenomenal. In the end, I felt bad for being sleeping with her without Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's consent. That man was so generous and kind to me, and there I was dating his daughter. I wanted to make it right — at least one time in my life.
I approached Dr. Chakrabarti and asked if he would like to go for lunch. It would be on me. He chuckled and asked if that was related to his daughter. Fuck! He knew! Dr. Jayesh declared he and his daughter were open towards each other. Adhira would tell him not so detailed reports about her doings. I assured him I liked his daughter pretty much, and I committed to treating her right. Dr. Chakrabarti smiled, saying he knew that and could see it in my eyes. Then he turned his back and wished me luck. I didn't understand that last part.
Anyway, I stretched a whole week at Seattle. Peter was flipping out, and I calmed him down, telling him Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti was okay with me dating his daughter. That week I took Adhira to lavish restaurants, and I even bought her a couple of gifts. I was determined to go steady with her if she wanted it too. On the bed, she would make me the happiest man ever, and I couldn't ask for more. Finally, I was able to live something more meaningful than only sex.
Back to LA, I would daydream about seeing Adhira again. I would send her messages while she was traveling all over the world. One day I decided to surprise her in Paris. Best French journey in my life ever! From our suite, we could spot the Eiffel Tower all lighted up at night while we were rocking the sheets. My favorite part was watching that fantastic naked body walking around or seated on a chair, using her laptop. That woman used to work a lot and give consultancies and training for important people.
Everything was flowing harmoniously, and my app got launched. It was a big event! Adhira was there and gave a great talk while presenting the program. I was proud of having a woman like that. Her presence enhanced the occasion, and it generated significant PR all over the media with articles about her involvement. She was not only charming but also renowned among the business community. While Adhira was on the stage, I would picture what I would do with her in bed later on.
I had been so inspired that I was working more and also networking with entrepreneurs from other areas. I was considering acting in the food business. Food is something that needs attention. Currently, people are overweight, unhappy, and this could be associated with the manipulation of nutrients. Most individuals don't have time to cook and then see themselves without options towards the genuine healthy. I have been talking to high performers' athletes, physicians, and even scientists. Adhira suggested holistic nutritionists, and I had been contacting some. That woman was brilliant!
Adhira had to do some touring in Australia and Japan, and I spent a whole month without seeing her. Man, I missed that cinnamon skinned beauty! I didn't go out and even sleep with anyone else. I told Peter, and he was proud of me. I felt so pleased that I demanded him to go for a second honeymoon at a resort in Thailand. I gave him as a gift for working so hard. Peter and his wife Chloe spent a couple of weeks in a luxury bungalow and a month after the couple found out they were pregnant. Chortles. Exactly like they have been planning to. Way to go, Peter!
Finally, Adhira was back to Seattle. Hooray! I was not used to staying sexless for too long. But I was willing to break records at it. Adhira was worthy of my monogamy. I decided to act like the dork I never intended to and even bought a bouquet for her. As a surprise, I showed up at her place. But a tall blonde muscular build tanned man answered the door, wearing only boxers. Fuck! The guy looked like coming out from the 300 motion picture. He was bulky and symmetrical with a pair of green eyes. If I were a woman, I'd sleep with him. Seeing me with a bunch of flowers in one hand and feeling awkward was something entirely new for me.
Not knowing what to do, I turned my back and dashed to my rental vehicle. I tossed the flowers in a dumpster and started the car. Then it blasted 'I Need Some Fine Wine And You, You Need To Be Nicer' by The Cardigans. Fuck! That was suitable for the moment! I was so pissed that I went to a bar and got hammered. When I used to be a jerk, I had all the women crawling after me. Now that I decided to act cute, this happened. I couldn't understand the logic of the situation.
That night I fucked a blondie's brain out. I was mad with myself. I was not meant to be a romantic kind of man. Now, I could understand why Dr. Chakrabarti wished me luck. Damn! That was it! I wouldn't work on finding a nice woman to be steady with anymore. Fuck the world! It's exactly like my father used to say: 'Liberty and Love are irreconcilable.' Still intoxicated, I texted he had ruined my life being a manwhore during my boyhood. My father was about to get married, but fuck him! Finally, he decided to settle down at the age of 67!
His fiancée was a good looking 50ish-year-old woman. I wondered if my father would be faithful this time! Huh! My ass, he would be in an exclusive relationship! He could be at first, but then his stupid motto would hit him, and then my father would start to fuck around as he did to my mother. My cell rang, and it was him. I said an aloud FUCK YOU and hung upon him. I bet he didn't understand a thing. I left the bed and went to grab more booze at the minibar. Then Adhira called me. Great! Meanwhile, the gal I had slept with, woke up, and asked if I was okay. I shouted NO, and she started to put on her clothing and left. FINE!
Adhira remarked she was not set for an exclusive relationship at the moment. Humph, I was the expert at no strings attached! She used to travel too much and was not the type of woman to be sexless for too long. Really? That was also my philosophy! I knew what was going on! Abhay Srinivasan's Indian accent voice stated in my head that was an example of karma. Fuck universal laws! I'm not an enlightened being. I would never be one. I was only trying to act as one. But it was clear it was not working. It was not in my system.
The truth was, my head was drifting all over. Not only due to the booze but also for bad emotions. I was in no condition of dialogue. I listened to Adhira's explanations quietly, and at the end, I just said in a drunken tone: 'Okay.' I went back to bed and passed out. On the following day, I had a massive hangover and was feeling crappy. I took a flight back to LA and stayed home for a couple of days. Talking to my mentor, he said that having a setback was part of being human. I went back to meditation and also to work out. I was not willing to party hard anymore. I would design a middle-term schedule for me to have a social life and sex. But less chaotically that I used to lead in the past. Not a hermit, not a philanderer. That was it.
My father called, and I talked to him. I excused myself for acting like that. He apologized for being such a lousy role-model to me. I felt he was genuine in what he was saying. My father got softer after growing older. He told me to wipe that Indian beauty from my head and move on. Man, I miss that rocking body of her! Adhira - a beautiful name that means the moon!
Firing and Wiring - Cadence
Brody spent two months in LA straight. While Snowy White was on, we would have sex several times at night in that tiny room I lived at the back of my meditation lounge. I knew I shouldn't have gone on a date with him. I felt the potentiality of us turning into a relationship. But the fact was I felt happy as a clam. Naomi would laugh at my silly face, and I would nod and smile. Brody was intense, charming, and smart. He would get me in a way that, okay, okay! I admit. I was totally into him.
One night while walking holding hands with Brody, a masculine voice called me. When I looked, it was the guy I had slept with trying to not go on a second date with Brody. The fellow approached me and asked what had happened to make me disappear like that. Embarrassed, I told him nothing took place, and Brody realizing the situation felt upset and let go of my hand. He started pacing, and I had to rush to reach him. We talked, and Brody said he didn't want me with any other guy. I told him it was only at the beginning, after our first night together. Wow, that man was reciprocating at the same level the affection I had for him! That was new to me.
One afternoon Brody said he had to go to Chicago. I whined, telling him I would miss him. He invited me to join him, but I said I couldn't abandon my job and lounge. Brody said he would be waiting for me on the weekend. I took a flight on a Friday night, and soon I would be in his arms at the hotel room. I concluded Brody was good with women because he was raised by a single mother and had two older sisters. Females had always surrounded Brody, his sisters would bring their girlfriends, and suddenly shrieks and laughing would be resonating throughout the house. Brody wouldn't care at all. On the contrary, he appreciated that.
I came back to LA aching for him. Brody had this effect on me. I would want to kiss him all the time and also to have my body glued on his. The bad part was his traveling. He would be gone for days, even weeks while moving throughout the country, and sometimes Brody would be abroad while pitching new bands or helping with the albums' productions. In between, Brody would arrange a couple of days for us to be together while he was going forward and backward from his touring. A few months passed, and one day Brody called me saying he was waiting for me at a particular address.
Entering in the apartment, I spotted Brody smiling and with his arms wide open. He said it would be our new nest and I was supposed to give my two weeks' notice at my job. This way, I would get only focused on improving my personal growth and expanding my meditation lounge. I questioned his attitude. After all, I had never been dependent on a man before. Brody had no right to decide that without talking to me first. He frowned, and looking at me declared I was not open to receive despite all my meditation and monk's teachings.
I got narrow-minded by my reactivity, and I said I hadn't been working a lot to be under a man's wing. I turned my back, slamming the door behind me. I returned to my tiny place with my head spinning. I didn't know what to think. Naomi, noticing I was not at my best, pulled out of the hair salon for a while and came upstairs to check on me. I told her what had happened, and she gave her perspective. She said Brody had taken such measures to help me to grow as a meditation coach and not be limited by my survival needs, having to hold a day job to be able to support my shelter and utilities.
Truth to be told, I felt scared. I was already too much in love with Brody, and we had just started. Moving in with him was a huge step, and I couldn't afford such a lovely place by myself. If Brody decided to dump me, I'd be broke and homeless. Naomi stared at me and remarked my weak line of thinking. As far as she could see, I would have more time to take courses and to improve my real mission, which was to spread the seeds of meditation. I also would have some gaps during the day to be filled with reading and training. Well, she sounded right. But I didn't want to make a move like that. I was feeling confused.
That night I could barely close my eyes. Then my phone buzzed, and it was a cute message from Brody telling me he was sorry and promising he wouldn't barge into my life again. I could keep living the way I had been, and he would find a way to break the apartment lease contract or something. I replied, asking him to come over because I wanted to make love to him while listening to Snowy White 'Midnight Blues'. Minutes later, my intercom was ringing, and Brody would be at my front door. We kissed and went to bed. I wanted him inside me.
Brody was the terraforming of the Cadence I became. From him, I began to feel sexy and strong like I had never been. I could notice people staring at me while walking on the street. Men would check me differently than before. I even dared to buy some new outfits, and I would wear short flowered and charming sundresses, with comfortable, elegant flats. I could feel a renewal of cells, tissues, and organs. And of course, neurons too. A couple of days passed, and Brody said he would figure out a way to get rid of the apartment. Taking him by the arm, I said no. Then I agreed on resigning from the office I worked at, and invest money in a business course. I would look for partners to co-working and set my meditation project to expand.
He smiled and kissed me. I melted while interacting with that man's tongue. He had such a light, such strength. No wonder he was a well-succeeded musical producer at the age of 35. He was one of the biggest names in that area, and I couldn't be more proud of being beside such a man. I could feel he appreciated me and was genuine when he planned on giving me more comfort and time to be able to improve my life. After moving to the apartment, I was able to buy some new clothing and accessories. But nothing excessive as before. I started investing in my brand: Cadence.
Brody kept traveling a lot, but when he was back, we would make love and have a pleasant quality time while watching a few movies, reading, and planning my next business' moves. He had contacts, and soon I was offering meditation at a yoga studio. The owner was kind of a celebrity on Instagram, and she had a vegan restaurant and Ayurvedic massage as complementary services. I almost doubled the number of my students in three months or so. I wouldn't have to be concerned about paying rent, and the fridge would have plenty of healthy food available. To be honest, I liked being spoiled by Brody. He used to make me feel special.
Even with lots of wandering, Brody would finally be back home. Manhattan Beach, my favorite place in the world! He usually would bring cute souvenirs such as a rose gold Sanskrit mantra bangle, tea mugs with meditation quotes which I collected, and even cool things such as bags, sunglasses, shoes, and other pieces of clothing. I began to agree with that British behavioral expert and author, Marisa Peer. She uses to say, 'Know you can have it all.' When I listened to it for the first time, I scoffed and disagreed. But at that time I would yell 'Yes, Marisa! We can have it all indeed!'
One of the gestures I'd like most about Brody it was when he would take me on short getaways on weekends and holidays. One day we were at Napa Valley, in a charming resort. He knew all kinds of places, and I loved that! I had always been such a fixed individual, continually working and worrying about the future, that I barely enjoyed my teenage and young adult years. But there I was at 31 and feeling magnificent. Time flew, and Brody and I had been together for almost two years! And we still seemed to be in love like at the beginning. 'Yes, Marisa! We can have it all!'
On our last night at the resort, I spotted a small box on my pillow. While opening, I could see a cursive 'true love' white gold dainty ring. My heart started throbbing madly. I had never received such a demonstration of affection from any men. I put on, and it fit my pointed finger perfectly. Brody was not in the room, and I had my suspicions that he had planned that stunt. It was so typical of him! I was trembling and left the place, forgetting even to close the door. Brody was talking to a bartender at the pool bar, and I zoomed to kiss him obliterated that it had people dining and drinking all over the area.
When our lips got apart, people started to clap, and I blushed like a tomato. I was wearing only a silky robe and panties, that was so inadequate! Brody smiled and figured why I was acting crazy. He held me by the waist, and we started walking towards our room, and some people howled and woo-hooed while we distanced ourselves. Back in the room, The Cardigans were still on. I loved that band and turned up 'For What It's Worth.' Then I pushed Brody gently onto the bed, and I still can't find words to 'sexpress' what happened afterward.
Chapter 10: Monkey Mind
My First Monk - Jaxon
Noah Robert Patterson was an entrepreneur and also lecturer, the founder of a company that produced and distributed branded video content at scale. I've been acquainted with him for a while, and he invited me to attend an event in Venice Beach. Noah's girlfriend had a meditation center and brought from India a monk to give a talk assisting people in performing on their full potential. It would be my first time dealing with a man who lived apart from society. The monk was British, and I wondered how a Western man ended up living a reality like that. His Sanskrit name was Angyo Banko, and he had been living in the monastery for almost 20 years. How remarkable!
Angyo Banko's master before departing from this life had lived in a cave for several years. Picturing in my head, I could not understand how an individual can quit about having a house, a bed, and a fridge to be in the mountains even worst without a feminine companion. I have been going out and sleeping with some women, but nothing that would stick for too long, though. I used to think a little bit about Adhira, but we were not tuned in to the same frequency anyway.
I felt curious to know that British monk's story, and it was when someone from the audience asked him precisely what I wanted. I got surprised when Angyo said he used to be a punk rocker. No way! He had lived a life of partying, skateboarding, and even using a few drugs. He used to have spiky blue hair and wear ripped jeans. One day, after a meltdown mixed with feelings of fear, anxiety, and terror, he was invited to go to a Buddhist temple to meditate. Watching the monks on the first row, he asked for guidance, and soon after, the British punk began his spiritual life deciding to depart to a monastery in India. Get out of here!
Arriving at the monastery, Angyo got welcomed by the head of the place. Instantly the monk-to-be knew that man was his master and owed devotion and discipline to him. On the same day, Angyo started meditating and chanting, and on the following day, he had his hair shaved and began to wear a robe. He embraced the monastic life. Get out of here! The elderly master mentored him for ten years, but then the guru went back to his life in the cave because he knew he was about to leave this, Angyo's words, material realm. Holly molly! What a crazy story!
Then Angyo Banko went on talking that people were addicted to 'the about to happen.' Hmm, I admit the monk was interesting and reinforced my mentor, Abhay Srinivasan's teachings. This Indian yogi rocks! Anyway, Angyo said that what used to make us hungrier and unsatisfied was the need to get 'the high' while we expected something to happen. Fuck! The guy was right! I loved feeling the adrenaline of being about to create a valuable product or even the maneuvers at surfing. Much better while performing pelvic thrusts with an attractive female in bed.
Then the monk explained what meditation was about. Pretty cool! The mind is used to go all over the place, and this meant one moment we are doing something then right after we get in a different situation. The human mind is volatile and hard to tune in what we want to do. This way, we should use meditation as a tool to educate ourselves to be present at the moment. That's poetry! I liked this Angyo Banko already.
Angyo also talked about his latest endeavors, and he was a pop monk. He would attend private and public talks, and soon he would be joining a Hollywood casting crew to train some movie stars on a production. Get out of here! The monk seemed cool. When he finished, I approached and thanked him for sharing his wisdom. I told Angyo a little bit about my bio, and he chuckled. He knew I was a jerk, but I was on my way to make a difference in the world. I asked Angyo if he would be open for a talk in my office, and he accepted. We exchanged contacts.
My company is not any Google, but I like the idea of bringing content to my employees as a way to make them even more motivated and also wiser. By the way, Peter is about to become a dad. He's been pretty excited and such. I can't picture myself as a father. Mine was so sucky that I know I won't be a good one as well. When people are small, they operate in higher frequencies that are called by the scientists 'as super learning.' I imagine how much crap I absorbed from my parents, mainly my dad. I don't want to be responsible for ruining any kid's life.
By the way, I attended my father's wedding. The old man looked pleased. The bride was beautiful in her gown, and I hope this time, my father can be a more suitable partner. My mother is also doing good, traveling with her boyfriend, and such. She's seizing life mainly after losing a lot of weight gained over marriage and divorced years. She suffered a lot while parenting four kids. My siblings are all married and with children too. I differ from my family, but at least I've been able to talk to them more regularly and feel okay with it.
I'm thinking about going to another surfing expedition. Amit and I are arranging something. My kooky friend is still single but has been dating an Aussie beauty. Amit sounds interested in the gal. She is a YouTuber and influencer and gives tips about healthy diet and work out. In some of her videos, the girl shares valuable tips on how to get fit. Way to go, Amit! You deserve the best!
Despite the business, life is flowing, but so far, no significant other to spend some quality time with. Peter decided to set me a blind date with one of his wife's friends. Gee, it was sucky. The woman is a workaholic feminist who uses to criticize the male community all the time. I appreciate all types of females, mainly the smart ones. But if someone gets too attach to their concepts, it can get a little bit exhausting. It didn't work out, and I ended the night alone in my place.
One of these days, I watched Adhira giving an interview. Man, that woman is hot! Phew! She even called me, asking me if I wanted to hook up with her. To be honest, I felt tempted, but casual sex is not what I'm looking for anymore. I declined. For the first time, Jaxon Murphy turned down an offer with a hottie! I'm starting to believe I'm going to India and turn myself into a monk. Get out of here! The end for now.
Pop Monk - Cadence
Time to time, I contact Angyo Banko, the monk who opened my eyes while I was in India a few years ago. He has been traveling a lot, giving trainings and talks about meditation. I got happy for him. It's incredible to see how many people, Angyo has been helping through the years. A year ago, he started to attend events all over the world. Angyo deserves it. He was about to come to the US, and I arranged to meet him.
Angyo Banko was gentle and kind, as always. It seemed the time wouldn't pass to him. He would always look the same. But talking to him, I could notice he was wiser and stronger. Angyo asked me how happy I was. I said extraordinarily jolly, but my boyfriend used to travel too much, and that part I didn't like it. That week, Brody would be in Europe, producing a British DJ album, and then he would go to Sweden to work with a pop-rock band. Then Angyo said something I would never forget his words:
"We can always craft our life the way we want. The life you have is your making. What comes in our hand is beyond us, but what we make out of it is on us. It's up to you to sink in your loss or make something valuable from it."
It was a long sentence, but I asked Angyo if I could write it down. He chuckled and nodded. When I went to India, I was unsuccessfully in dealing with life. I would feel frustrated in practically every area of my life. I had low self-esteem, and I was also addicted to shopping and exercising excessively. But through meditation and educating myself with books and courses, I set and built the path for becoming a meditation coach. Richard Yardley, who inspired me at first, was growing bigger and bigger. I would follow his videos and check what was going on with him.
Regarding love, I wished to have a good relationship, and I was getting it. Everything seemed perfect and balanced. I talked to Angyo about Brody and even showed him some pictures of us. He said he was proud of me. Wow! That monk was glad at me because of what! Angyo was the one who would improve a lot of people's life. My meditation space was doing well, and my co-workers were expanding. Paula, the owner, was taking a few courses in Seattle at Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's center. I was helping her to take care of everything while she was away.
Angyo left, he had to catch a flight to Tucson, Texas. People had invited him for a talk there, and soon after, he would be acquainted with a hotshot in the entertainment industry and give consultancy to big Hollywood celebrities during the production of a movie. Way to go, Angyo! You deserve that. The money Angyo used to make from his events would go to the monastery he lived. The monks were planning to build a school to attend the children from the city to help them to thrive. I would be contacting people to give Angyo some assistance on that too.
When Brody was about to come back home, Joseph Turner had a conundrum to deal with. I told him even crying inside that he should go to assist the rocker. Brody, instead of coming to my arms, went straight to Seattle. I dived into work because I missed him a lot. After a couple of weeks, Brody was finally back. When he stepped into the living room, I jumped over him, and soon after, we would be in bed, making lots of love. We spent hours interacting. After that period of absence, our bodies had a lot to catch up.
Exhausted, we fell asleep, and when I woke up, Brody had already ordered dinner for us. I took a shower and joined him at the table. While we were eating, he invited me to go to Aspen, Colorado. Brody always loved practicing adventure sports, and from time to time, he would go surfing, motorcycling, scuba diving, and such. It was a way for him to face new challenges and detach from work. Some of his friends would be going too, but he thought it also would be nice to have me. I smiled at that.
Then Brody changed the topic, asking about my business. I told him I felt it was time for me to grow. I have been at that yoga center for a couple of years already. I used to see how well Paula was doing, not only making money but also setting her signature. I felt I had to dare more. If I kept that way, I would be only one more piece of her engine, and I had to go further to build my place and identity. Brody used to encourage me in whatever I wanted. Then he talked about being with Joseph and his family and how cute the rocker's baby girl was. Then Brody questioned if it was time for us to get engaged and set a date. I felt like not precisely understanding what he said.
Marriage. That was a big step. I've always wanted to settle with a significant other and build a personal project to last. But even being already 31, I was not financially secure as the way I pictured. Brody said he could invest in a venue for me to start. I got up and said no way! When we first started, he had helped me. But now it was different. I had to do it by myself because meditation was my business and his path music. He insisted on saying that after being married the money would be ours anyway. So far I hadn't thought about it, this way I didn't know what to do.
Brody said I used to be too hard on myself and should be more chilled about my career because he knew I was good at what I did. Maybe he was right but I didn't want to agree on him giving me any money to my meditation place. Brody asked if I loved him, and I said he was bothering me, and I left, banging the door behind me. I texted Naomi, the hairdresser, and both arranged to meet. I asked her if I could crash at her place for a couple of days, and she agreed.
Arriving at her apartment, I was feeling bewildered. Naomi flipped when I told her about Brody talking about marriage. She said she wouldn't hesitate to accept it even for a split of a second. That was what I didn't like about people, in moments like that we were not supposed to be led by impulsive emotions. Naomi and I talked for hours, and I knew I loved Brody. But I wanted to build my business path on my own. I knew a gal who started her business with only five thousand bucks, and five years later, she had a profitable expanding business. Naomi didn't get impressed because she was not as ambitious as me.
A couple of hours later, my cell buzzed, and it was Brody telling me he would be going to Aspen on the following morning. If I wanted to join him, I would be more than welcomed. I knew Brody was upset. But I felt like I had to set boundaries. Otherwise, it would be too late. If we would get married, I had to reach clarity on what grounds we would be deeply involved. I felt like, regarding business, we had to follow our paths independently.
After two days at Naomi, I was going mad. She, realizing my state of mind, asked what I was doing there. I missed Brody so much! I texted him. I even kept the message for a while on my phone:
Hey Sexy,
I know I can be a drag sometimes. I love you, and I’m thinking about meeting you in Aspen. What do you say?
He replied not long after:
Babe, I’ve been waiting for you. It’s too cold here, and I don’t have a second body to help to keep me warm. I’ve already set your flight, attached your ticket. True love.
Brody signed precisely like the ring he gave me in Napa Valley - what I had in my mind! Really! I rushed back home, packed, and on the same night, I flew to meet him.
Chapter 11: Defiance
Love Retreat - Jaxon
One more surfing adventure in an alluring secluded beach was set. But this time the atmosphere was totally different. My surfer buddies were all in a steady relationship but me. I went anyway. For me, it was about the ocean and getting aligned with my aqua skills. Amit Ananda was in love and took his Aussie beauty with him. Evie was her name, and she was a fitness, health, and lifestyle YouTuber, founder of the blog 'Mutants,' which she would tell her path towards wellness.
Evie had a degree in nutritional medicine, but when she was a teenager, she used to be overweight and suffered tremendous bullying because of that. Nowadays she had a killing curvy body and would have an Instagram booming with followers. She had the motto 'We are mutants, and we can shape our body and mind the way we want.' Way to go Amit! He looked happy with her, and thanks to his background as a fashion photographer, Amit Ananda improved his girl's pictures and videos, making her even more accessible and being able to attend popular TV shows in Australia.
A few days passed, and the couples would spend hours in the huts making love. I would wake up early, grab my board, and ride waves for hours. My friends' girlfriends brought some of their female friends. One night two were flirting with me blatantly. A year ago or so, I would take those hotties and fuck their brains out in my bungalow. But since I've been changing my values and working on priming my brain, I had to make it different. I kept focused on my surfing.
One night I woke up with one of the gals caressing me on my bed. We started to kiss, and obviously, I got a big hard-on, but suddenly something made me stop. The girl protested, she could see clearly I wanted that too. But then I told her I had lived that too many times already, and I was looking for something more profound. She stared at me like I was insane, which I also started to agree. Who was that Jaxon? I could see I was changing. When the woman left my hut, I kind of regretted not having sex with her, but what the point was anyway. It would be something short-term, which would last a few minutes, and it would be gone as soon as I was finished.
Fuck! Sometimes I hate myself for being this new me. Life was so much simpler when I used to party and hookup without questioning my beliefs and behavior as I do now. But then I understood it was part of the process I had after that accident. I started to remember me with a broken leg alone and hurt. My father's programming began to haunt me, and then I realized I was not truly happy. I was a well-succeed entrepreneur and also a great surfer, but I would be a man hard to connect. I had no real friends despite Peter. Even with him, I acted as an a-hole. Then my mind drifted to Willow.
I put some music, The Black Crowes, a great band. And acknowledging I had lost my sleep, I started recollecting my time with Willow. How stupid I had been throwing all I had with her for short term reward as having sex with women that I couldn't even remember their names. A video in my mind began, and I could see Willow smiling and tickling me on our bed, making me got up because she wanted to go to an ice cream parlor in Santa Monica. I appreciated when Willow provide me small gestures such as a kiss or scrubbing her feet on mine to keep hers warm.
It was clear why I got that accident. Those days on that beach were a way for me to face who I was for real. An empty selfish son of the b… While I was at the hospital, I cried alone because I didn't want anyone to see I was fragile and scared. After facing death, I really could see how insignificant I was. If I had died on that occasion, how many people would miss me for real? I bet that no one — not even my own family.
Reframe, release, and forgive that was what Abhay Srinivasan used to say to me. Abhay means "fearless," and the man is a real fortress. But my mentor said the result he accomplished, happened after a life of meditation and yoga. Abhay uses to say both are the same things. The postures help you to develop the ability to stand still while doing the meditation. Sometimes Abhay would sense I was upset, and then he would remark how we think of the worst things that happen to us determine our state of mind. I had to let go of my past, my reactive attitude towards everyone. I had difficulty in trusting people, and I would get defensive even before facing adversities. Fuck, that Indian elder was right.
Lately I have been thinking about love. Fuck, and here I am in the middle of couples. While they are making love, I'm here thinking about the jerk I am. No, I have been, but not anymore. I can be a generous kind man. I even helped my friend Peter to prosper. He visited me while I was at the hospital and forgave me for not attending his wedding. Yeah, Peter is this kind of man. He has a noble heart. My mentor Abhay says I have to learn to create new values. I feel I've already done it. Tonight was proof of that. I didn't have sex with that hottie.
Then my mind went to Adhira. That hot Indian beauty, smart, and well-succeeded entrepreneur. I never loved her. It was a good chemistry in bed. Adhira is fantastic, but in the deep, I always knew it was not meant to last. I wonder if I'll be able to find a woman who will love me and I will love her back. And together, we are going to have great moments and then go to bed to make fiery love. I want to burn and to be burned while inside of her.
I could notice my hardness back again. Chortles. An athletic man all by himself in a hut on a deserted beach. Fuck! I got up and went to the sea. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. The starry sky was bewitching. Creating an exciting vision for my future, that was what I kept in mind while catching beautiful waves. Then I saw Amit Ananda on the shore, waving at me. I left the ocean and joined him. We talked for hours. I really appreciate him. He is my 'Neil Cassady'. In the end, Amit stared into my eyes and said: 'Jaxon, you are ready. A significant other is about to enter in your life.' I asked him if he could see how she looked like, who she was. Amit nodded and smiled, replying I would know who she was just looking at her. I chuckled I've never believed in this bull about love at first sight.
Amit got up and went back to his hut. His beauty was asleep, and he wanted to make love to her as soon as she was awake. I chortled and said I could relate to what he was saying. That occasion was really different. I spent some time on my own, reflecting and setting what I wanted. My business has been doing quite well, and I started new enterprises. I have a vast network. Now it's time to be with someone that stimulates me not only physically but also intellectually. I'm getting ready to be ready.
Living and Learning - Cadence
Arriving at the hotel, Brody was waiting for me in our room. It was freezing outside! I didn't know how he could stand skiing while being so cold. I'm not into low temperatures, to be honest. At the door, Brody opened and pulled me inside, kissing me right after. The bellboy kept looking down, seeming embarrassed while waiting for his tip. Brody gave the guy some money, and he left. Then he took me and tossed me on bed. I loved that strong man who would make my head spin while we were making love.
As usual, we spent an unreasonable amount of time exploring our physical interaction. After satiating our lust, Brody and I talked about getting engaged. I said it was not the best time, and we could wait one more year. I would start my next venture, and then we would get married. Brody insisted on saying that an engagement ring wouldn't be all bad. I said yes, and back to LA, we would choose something charming but nothing too lavish.
Then we made more sweet sexy love and felt asleep pleased and naked. On the following morning, I woke up with Santiago's voice calling my name and his hand shaking me gently on the arm. Santiago was one of Brody's best buddies, and I opened my eyes, saying what the f…! I was naked and in MY room! Santiago apologized, he looked weird and asked me to put on something. I took a sweatshirt and pants and even complaining, I got dressed. I wondered how Santiago dared to barge in like that!
A commotion was happening in the lobby, people talking loudly, hotel employees running back and forth. Some people started to stare at me. I asked Santiago what was going on. He replied, saying that Brody had been involved in an accident. My heart started to throb madly, and I demanded more details. Santiago looked devastated and said my Brody was gone. Those words caused in me a rush of stress chemicals. I lost my cool. I couldn't believe in his words and yelled at Santiago, stating he was a moron and had no right to prank me!
I saw some paramedics and police officers, and I paced to approach the team. I would look at those red lights blinking and believe I was in a nightmare. Nothing was happening for real. Santiago held me by the arm and said maybe it would be better for me not to see Brody. He and his friends would take care of everything. I shouted that I wanted to see Brody! An officer asked me if I didn't have a more appropriate outfit to go into the snow, and I replied him to fuck off. The policeman realized I was not being myself at that moment and looked down.
Right after, I took the handle briskly and entered the vehicle. The police officer drove briefly up to a ski path. As soon as the car parked, I dashed into the snow. Probably I looked mad. I cannot precisely recollect that episode. Walking for a while, along with a couple of police officers and Santiago, I could see paramedics and other officers. I spotted Brody's body lying down on the floor. I screamed and jumped over him, hugging his motionless and already lifeless body. I got all wet and frozen. I started to shiver pretty bad, and a couple of police officers asked me to calm down and not to alter the scene. I told them to fuck themselves. They took my arms and pulled me back, and I started to fight against them.
Santiago came hurriedly, and people were looking, and some were crying, and I would shout and howl. As I said, I cannot remember too many details. I was out of my mind. That's for sure. I have some scenes registered, but scientists say that memories are not to be trusted. In a traumatic moment like that, your brain is jolted with panic and irrationality. Karl was another of Brody's friend, and with Santiago, both took me by the arms, and I would struggle to get rid of their grip. Karl was tall and robust, bulkier than Brody, and he grabbed me while I felt a sting in my arm, but I couldn't care less. I would shake my body and shout while being carried, but then Karl locked my body in a way I can't explain. He used to practice martial arts and was able to subdue my hysteria.
Then I felt tired of resisting and let Karl took me away. It was when I could notice tears streaming down his face. I tightly crushed Karl with my arms and asked why. I remember he only shook his head silently. I was sobbing continually. Karl was the one who took me back to my room. I was soaked and ice cold. My body would shiver, and my teeth chatter. I didn't know what to do. Karl asked me to get changed because I could catch pneumonia or something. I just asked to die. Soon after I started to feel dizzy, a paramedic had given me a calming medication shot, but my altered state delayed the effect. When I woke up, I felt like being knockout by Conor McGregor, the champion fighter. It was when I spotted Santiago, who was seated on the couch. He looked gloomy and exhausted.
I called him, and Santiago got up and approached me in bed. Grabbing him by the shoulders, I asked how the accident had happened. He said Brody was crossing a piste, down a hill, but then he fell and hit his head on a rock. Despite wearing a ski helmet, the impact was enough to cause him an injury. Later on, the autopsy report would indicate Brody's death due to a blood loss, caused by the collision on his head. I asked Santiago about Brody's body, and it had already been taken. Karl was handling with all the bureaucracy. This way, Brody's friends would take him back to Seattle, where his family lived.
Santiago recommended me to catch a flight back home and added I should rest. All I could think was that it was unbelievable that my Brody was gone. My sister Mia, who lived in NY, came to rescue me. She took me to my parents. I could barely sleep and eat. Brody's funeral and burial were set, and my parents took me to Seattle. We stayed at Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's guest house. I looked like a zombie and wouldn't talk to anyone. Brody's mother and sisters were devastated too. He was the only man in the family and used to help them. His mother hugged me, but I wouldn't react to anyone. I was not able to deal with my loss and also had been under strong medication.
The Puzzled band members were there, and Joseph Turner approached me. The bassist hugged me tight, and I knew Joseph had lost family a few months ago too. But I was not able to express anything because I had become an empty cocoon. Cooper Hammond wrote a beautiful poem and read it. Joseph played a song, and Zander spoke about Brody beautifully. I couldn't still react to anything. All I could think about was the loss of my Brody. I was living in a loop, thinking about not having my fiancé anymore. I also would stare at our half-empty bed. Brody has brought me light and love. I hated myself for not accepting getting engaged instantly to him. Maybe if I had said yes that night in our apartment, he wouldn't have gone to Aspen. The pain was consuming me.
A lawyer contacted my parents talking about money and assets Brody had left to me. His family would get the most of it, but some percentage got destined to me. I cried fat tears. Since from the beginning, I never wanted Brody's money, but I would get it anyway. I wanted him. I wanted Brody back even if we had to live in that tiny room I used to when I first started my meditation place. But that I would never get no matter what.
A few weeks passed, and then another terrible event happened. When I was gathering strength to leave the bed, I got summoned along with Brody's family to attend a court session. A woman alleged having a relationship with Brody in New York and was asking for part of his money after living with him for a couple of years. That almost killed me for real. Brody had someone else besides me. I had been at his place in New York, and I couldn't notice any trace of a woman there.
I began to hate Brody profusely and became poisoned. Liar! I passed by our apartment at Manhattan Beach, my parents had been emptying the place because I wouldn't renew the lease, but I couldn’t handle it on my own. I entered there searching for something that would prove Brody was garbage. My fiancé was cheating on me, and I had to know who he was! Brody was gone, and I couldn't shout and slap him anymore. I would oscillate between anger and sadness.
In the middle of the almost vacant apartment, I started to shout and curse. I didn't know what to think. Then my phone rang, and I was about to smash it on the wall when I saw it was Joseph. I felt I had to take that call. I said hello in a zombie-like tone. The bassist asked me to pay attention to what he was about to tell me. Joseph said the woman was lying about Brody and her. They were not in a relationship whatsoever. Brody was a kind soul and allowed her to live in his New York apartment because she was broke. In the deep, Brody was a soft-hearted man towards women.
Joseph admitted Brody and that woman tried to be together, but that happened a long time before he had met me. They didn't work as a couple, but after seeing she was broke and vulnerable, Brody allowed her to be at his place when he was away. After me and Brody started dating, he would barely go to NY and had no idea he would depart so early. This way, Brody let the woman there. I began to cry aloud. I was sobbing so much that I would have to catch my breath. Joseph asked me once again to listen to what he had to say. He, Cooper, and Zander had hired a lawyer to solve the annoyance with that woman. She was a gold digger and wanted to take advantage of the situation.
After hanging up, I kneeled on the floor and cried a lot more. My Brody was not a deceiver. He was perfect and loved me, even me being selfish and narrow-minded. The only thing I could think was about work, and I wanted so bad to prove how great I was, that I didn't say yes to his engagement proposal at the right moment. I hated me for that. Anyway, I took a break from the meditation space I had been co-working, but that was not an issue because someone I trained filled my spot. I had to settle down my mind again. I had to thrive no matter what. I owed this not only to myself but also to Brody. After all, by his side, I had the best years I could have aimed for.
Chapter 12: Straightening the Paths
Introspection - Jaxon
I haven’t been too talkative. Besides working a lot, I haven’t been doing too much. For the first time, I haven’t been feeling too social. My 44th birthday is close, and I’m not in the mood to celebrate. Every year I used to throw a huge party, an occasion where I would drink and get high surrounded by a lot of people who wouldn’t care less about me but appreciated drinking the best booze and meeting the most beautiful people who would attend my events.
I’m sick of it! This year I’ll be on my own. Solitude is something that I’m learning how to apply. I used to freak out when I had to deal with myself. But nowadays, I like Jaxon. I feel I changed a lot, and I appreciate this new me. This way, I’ll face the fact that I have no family and no significant other, and I’ll stay home. I even considered going to a surf retreat, but I gave up. My surfers’ friends are all in a steady relationship, and I won’t ask them to leave their partners to surf with me.
I talked to Peter about our business, and my partner is happy and pleased with the results we are getting at it. I started other ventures, and they are flowing. I've been reading and always searching for new ways of leadership and also to make profits at corporations. I video chatted with the 'wonder dealer' Amit Ananda too. The guy always gives back inspiring experiences that make everyone ecstatic. Amit is fucking generous. He's all the time finding ways to serve other people. I even shared some personal reflections I have been cultivating with him. Amit remarked I'm more centered. The guy is a loony but a wise one. I give him that! Chuckles.
Then my mentor, Abhay Srinivasan, said that my introspection phase is transitory. But Abhay considers being essential to cultivate moments of individuality. The yogi never had family. This Indian elder is 100% committed to his practice and rituals. I would never be able to live like him. I appreciate being alone, but to follow an austere routine like Abhay Srinivasan is not for me. I'm pretty sure of that. Abhay wakes up every day at 2:45 and sleeps only four hours and a half. He also only eats plant-based food, and he has his vegetable garden, which he takes care of. Abhay lives in a small house, and in the backyard, he has a big room where he offers his workshops and practices. I look at him, and I respect his lifestyle. But I know I was not meant to live like a hermit.
I went to a party a couple of days ago, but I left early. I felt annoyed by the loud music and people trying to show off themselves while flirting and boozing. Believe me or not, I slept alone without bringing a beauty to have sex with me on my bed. It's been a couple of months since I last slept with a woman. Wow! But I didn't plan this to be honest. I want to have sex, as always. But I don't believe anymore that having lots of sex is a synonym with being a man.
No one knows, but I've been listening to this song 'Better' by SYML. It's ridiculous, but I feel this is my moment. Chuckles. I found out this SYML guy recently, and I'm enjoying his tunes. I've been looking for an emotional connection with a woman while having lots of sex with her. And this ‘Better’ melody is for her whoever she might be. Maybe I've been daydreaming with something unreal, but I'll give it a try. I want to be wanted for real. For now, I made my mind about working and focusing on my businesses. That's it. Without further ado, I'm closing for today.
Beating Sorrow - Cadence
I won't say it was easy to surpass the loss of the man I loved. I had ups and downs. I faced a hiatus while not working and living with my parents. It had already been six months of Brody's demise. That woman in NY ended up quitting suing Brody's family and me because The Puzzled band members proved she was lying. She even apologized for doing that. I couldn't care less. I loved Brody, and at least I was able to spend a couple of years enjoying the man he was. I'll drink to that!
During the whole ordeal, I never stopped meditating and priming my brain. I was living a low-key existence but already planning my comeback. I wanted to design my next venture, and one of those days, I decided to take a walk looking for inspiration. Passing through an enormous wall, I saw a beautiful graffiti that hit me. It was Keanu Reeves' face with colored swirls around and the quote:
“Even in the face of tragedy, a stellar person can thrive. No matter what’s going on in your life, you can overcome it! Life is worth living."
Man, I loved that actor! Keanu Reeves was my first crush, well, every girl's crush. Giggles. My favorite movie with him was 'Little Buddha.' Of course, I reckon Matrix trilogy as one of the best movies in the film industry history ever! But when I watched 'Little Buddha,' something hit home. I was eight or so, and that story stood out for me. Despite Keanu Reeves being splendorous as Siddhartha Gautama, I remembered feeling amazed by the story of that boy being the reincarnation of a great master. I went back to my parents, and I watched the movie all over again. It had been ages since I last saw it. I realized my connection with monks happened way before meeting Angyo. While viewing the monks in the movie, I could tell their ritual and posture got branded into my mind.
Then I sent an e-mail to Angyo Banko asking for his guidance. Angyo had been traveling a lot, giving talks, and he even had videos of his wanderings showing his work was getting more and more popular. I felt happy for him. My dear monk replied a couple of days later:
Dear Cadence,
Good to hear from you. I feel for your loss. But the way you are going to deal with it, it's on you. Don't drag for too long the pain. Focus on what is essential for you, which is to spread the seeds of meditation. Don't let aside your 'why.' The core of what you do is what makes you move on.
Compassion drives us to be at the service of the world. People need what meditation has to bring. Happiness is available and assured to all. But most are lost in the darkness, feeling lonely and disempowered. How much you conquered after departing from the ashram. You were able to set your meditation studio and also to experience love at a high level.
Pay attention to the fact that the multi cortex is the part of the brain which is related to intention to act. Remember when you got here feeling lost and weak? Then you went back to the US, paid your debts, and started Satya Lounge. Satya means truth. What's your inner truth? To be messy and unable to add value to our planet? I don't think so. The Cadence I met was pitta! Every action we have to do, we have to intend first. Clean your mind from rubbish and set your real intentions. You can start from scratch how many times you need. You've done it before, and you can do it again.
Practicing meditation creates compassion and love, which become the fuel for us to go beyond our small existence. Don't forget to bring micro-moments of mindfulness to your day. Look for being fully present in the moment. When we are entirely in a situation, this attitude brings us joy. Happiness is a trainable skill, and being present generates love and acceptance. We are hardwired for contentment. Mindfulness means to be in the present moment without judgment, without changing it, to be there with total acceptance. Keep progressing with your life and become a beacon to those who are in the dark.
I felt like burning inside while reading it. Angyo's words were able to rewire my brain. I could even see sparks! Angyo has been evolving as a monk through the years, and I could sense that. At the monastery, you can experience different energy. There I could undergo something impossible to translate into words. Angyo also sent me the contact of a woman who had a meditation lounge in Venice Beach. Her name was Melissa Zabaleta. I contacted her, and not long after I started teaching there.
After a few weeks I had been working at Venice Lounge, one day, Melissa was with her boyfriend. And the couple looked adorable together. When Melissa's boyfriend left, I told her I had lost my Brody, and I wished to be able to experience love again. Melissa revealed it would be possible because she had also lost someone a couple of years ago. Angyo Banko! Melissa had been at the ashram with Angyo precisely like me! She spent four months too, and then she went traveling to do some volunteering in a couple of third world countries. Her current boyfriend, Noah, was an entrepreneur, and both started dating a few months ago. I wished her good luck.
A year later, I would start my own business again. Prema Wellness Center was founded, and soon I would be launching online training as well. I've bumped into Richard Yardley one of these days, and he recommended me a website company to help me to develop a state of the art webpage. It had big clients like him, Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, Dr. Alan Caspari, The Puzzled band, and many others. I felt so excited that I contacted the office, and I have a meeting pretty soon with a man named Peter Stewart. I'll invest the money Brody left for me to build my brand. I'm so thrilled!
I’m going to bed to get some rest because a new cycle is about to begin! I started to believe I can be happy even after losing the man I most loved. Yes, Marisa! We can have it all!
Chapter 12: Serendipity
Intersection
Jaxon:
One morning I decided to stop by in my technology office. I've built other businesses, and Peter is taking care of my apps and websites' place of work. I'm always creating this way I transit among my businesses while surfing and meditating too. At the same time, I've been attending social events, and some female company happens. For now, no one was able to catch my attention, but I'm chilled about it. Eventually, I'll meet someone worthy to build something more meaningful.
I was seated on my desk, checking some charts and reports when I turned my eyes to the hall and spotted a charming brunette leaving Peter's office. My heart started pacing just to look at her. That woman had something. Her dress was a killer, a short multi-colored patterned sleeveless one. I rushed into my partner's office, asking him who was that beauty. He frowned and shook his head, telling me I had to keep away from her. The brunette was a client who had just hired our services. Come on! I told him he would deal with her, and I wouldn't show up at this office when she was in. He gave me a NO WAY look. Damn it!
Cadence:
Today I went to an office called 'Applied Science and Advanced Technology.' It's a big name! Giggles. But people say ASAT, which has no meaning at all to me. It's a company that offers multi types of services in the area of technology. I hired them to build an outstanding website. This time it didn't take too much time for me to prosper. I’ve already known the path I must take to make my meditation center happening. I've traveled on it before. I'm laser-focused on building a strong identity. Meditation is gaining more adepts daily. I couldn't be any happier.
I'm still in touch with Melissa, and she is happy for me. She even invited me for a happy hour, and we are going to toast our success. Melissa has her space in Venice Beach, which is fantastic, and mine is back to Manhattan Beach, where I first started. I rented a lovely apartment for me, and I've been enjoying my solitude. I sometimes get myself missing Brody, but it is okay. It is how the mind works. Memories and thoughts are always transiting into our system. Time to time, his mother and sisters talk to me, and they root for my happiness.
Jaxon:
Today I'm going to attend a happy hour. Noah invited me, and I'm excited. He's a brilliant guy, and his business is doing quite well. His girlfriend is a cutie, and she is the owner of a meditation place in Venice Beach. Exactly the one I went to watch that monk, Angyo Banko, to give a talk. I told Noah I'm also into meditation, and he said he has been practicing since after he met his girl, Melissa. He admitted succumbing to the practice and has been enjoying it. That's good to know. More people are joining the chain. I wonder how the world is going to be when almost eight billion people who live on this planet begin meditating. The globe will turn into a colossal Tesla Tower! Chortles.
At the happy hour venue, a trendy vegan-friendly bar in LA:
Jaxon and Peter arrived and approached Noah's table that was full of jolly and chatty people. Everyone was laughing and talking excitedly. Jaxon fist-bumped Noah, who introduced him and his associate to the people at the table. Jaxon himself didn't know every person who was attending the occasion, but he took a seat right beside Peter. Then Melissa started to wave, and Cadence noticed her. She approached the table and kissed Melissa and Noah on the cheek.
Peter stared at Jaxon, not believing Cadence was there. A few hours ago, she had just left their office. Jaxon chuckled, and Peter shook his head. Melissa introduced Cadence to the group, and everyone smiled and welcomed her. Jaxon promptly offered a chair to the newcomer by his side. Peter was staring at him with a disapproval look in his eyes, and Jaxon ignored him. Cadence thanked Jaxon for being a gentleman and took the seat. It was when she spotted Peter and declared:
- What a coincidence! We have just met this morning!
Peter didn't know what to say and smiled, nodding. Jaxon was grinning and using his arms, signed for his partner that it was fate. Peter stated:
- Jaxon is my partner.
- Really? – Cadence turned to see Jaxon better. – Well, I’m your new client then.
She stretched her arm, and both shook hands. Jaxon was smiling widely:
- I don’t deal with Peter’s area. I have other businesses, but we might bump into each other occasionally.
- Okay. - Cadence replied.
Good food, some drinks, and lots of talk were happening among the group. Jaxon began a conversation with Cadence, and both talked about their business and briefly exchanged some personal info. At some point, Cadence announced her departure. She asked for her check, waved to everyone, and after hugging Melissa, left. Peter remarked:
- I can’t believe it! You are a hoodoo man, Jaxon!
Jaxon laughed and said:
- I’m going to call her.
- Remember about Adhira! - Peter observed.
- Well, I was the one who got disappointed. Not Adhira. Dr. Jayesh even became one of our clients.
- I know, I know. But Jaxon, I don’t want any problem with clients. You have plenty of options. Look at this place. It’s full of beautiful women.
- I liked Cadence. That’s it.
Peter knew Jaxon was a strong-willed man. He gave up on talking to his partner. A few days passed, and Jaxon set an appointment with Cadence to show her webpage layout. The presentation was a success, and Cadence got pleased with the result. Peter was also attending the meeting, and she turned to him and said:
- It's not at random that your company is so well recommended. Richard Yardley was right about you. You captured what I wanted.
Peter smiled:
- My partner and I are always searching for new ways to innovate and to cause an impact. I have to admit I owe this to Jaxon. He's the one who is continuously a step ahead towards creation.
Jaxon chortled:
- Meditation is the tool I use to prime my brain, along with surfing.
Cadence gave a beautiful smile, and everyone started to talk about their experience with meditations and retreats. At some point, Peter excused himself; he had another meeting to attend. Jaxon and Cadence kept talking, and Jaxon exposed his other businesses. Cadence liked knowing Jaxon had a restaurant where its mission was to offer a pleasant environment designed for well-being, which provided healthy food to improve people both physically and emotionally.
Cadence expressed her approval to that concept, and Jaxon went on explaining the partnership he had with producers who used a holistic approach while cultivating fruit and vegetables. A lot of talking happened between the two of them, and Jaxon was trying hard not to get distracted by Cadence's perfume and charm. At some point, he asked her:
- I see you use perfume. Give a hint about something that is not toxic. Sometimes we want to present someone, and we run out of options when we look for something sustainable and eco-friendly.
After being with Brody, Cadence became a fan of scent essences, but she knew it was time to shift the manufacturing of harmful products for the ecosystem. She exposed Jaxon her passion for beauty products, which had a natural and organic approach. She knew a small company created by an admirable single mother who was searching to expand and offered a wide range of products in that area. Jaxon got interested, and both arranged a meeting with the newbie entrepreneur.
A couple of weeks later, Cadence and Jaxon, after keeping contact while exchanging business and personal growth tips, arranged going on a date for the first time. Jaxon invited Cadence to have dinner at his restaurant. He prized for her evaluation regarding how the place was able to accomplish its concept. Jaxon was excited, and Cadence uneasy. For her, it would be the first date she would go to since she had lost her fiancé. At the time Cadence was about to get dressed, she felt her heart pumping madly and took her phone to call it off.
While typing the message, a lot of excuses ran into her mind. Jaxon was a great business acquaintance, and she didn't want to leave him upset. Cadence acknowledged she also feared to get involved again. She started to remember the occasions she had with Jaxon and admitted to herself he was quite charming and smart. She liked talking to him, and his business expertise was precious. She noticed her hands were cold and a little bit trembling.
Before taking any action, Cadence sat on her bed and started to breathe. She could feel her eyes tearing. It was time, she would say to herself. She would breathe and repeat that mantra. After inhaling and exhaling for a while, Cadence could tell her heart had quieted down. Even after being mentored by a monk and leading a meditation center, Cadence still had challenges to overcome. Mostly in the relationship area. Jaxon represented the new and the unknown, something that the mind doesn't appreciate. Cadence deleted the message she was preparing to him. She would go and jump off a cliff. She trusted a parachute would open for her at some point.
Arriving at the place, Cadence was still working on her awareness. Seeing Jaxon waiting for her made her heart change its pace again but not wildly as before. She had to expose herself to danger, step by step. Cadence was strong and also meant to endure. Jaxon was dressed up and feeling majestic. He was happy to have Cadence as his companion. When she approached the table, he got up, and both kissed on the cheek. Jaxon could tell something was going on with Cadence and asked:
- Are you okay?
Cadence feeling her unknown syndrome was active back explained:
- I'm sorry. I have to be honest. I almost canceled the night because I still have some remaining of my primal brain active when the issue is dating.
Jaxon laughed, Cadence was funny, and he appreciated that. He took her by the hand and calmed her:
- Tonight is about you and me having dinner. That's it. I like your companion, and I'll be completely okay if we just talk and eat. I'm not creating any expectations.
Cadence sighed:
- I know I sound crazy and misbalanced. It's just that, the last time I went on a date, soon after, I was in a relationship. And then I got engaged, and... It's been two years already but…
Jaxon caressed her hand, and Cadence appreciated that. She was feeling stupid, but she wasn't able to pretend she was okay about going out with a man. Jaxon started to talk about the options in the menu, what they could drink, and soon after, both were talking and acting fluidly. Cadence relaxed and went back to her talkative and jolly way of being. A couple of hours passed, but none could tell. They were enjoying and absorbed into the moment. While waiting for the dessert, Cadence caught herself appreciating Jaxon's smile. She liked his stories about the surfing retreats and talks with his mentor Abhay Srinivasan.
When they were about to finish the roasted mango with coconut, Cadence noticed Jaxon had great hands, and probably it wouldn't be bad at all to be grabbed by them. Then her mind started picturing both kissing and soon after it shifted to bedtime. Cadence would cut and try to be focused on the conversation. Jaxon was being a real gentleman and probably wouldn't touch her because she had started their date in a very freaky way.
Jaxon stopped talking a little to observe how appreciative Cadence looked to be. She seemed enjoying the dessert. The meal would not demand heavy digestion, and he would love to kiss and take her to his place afterward. But he didn't want to be disrespectful towards her feelings. Cadence had lost her fiancé and very likely was not looking for a partner at the moment.
When both were done with the dessert, Jaxon and Cadence had a moment of comfortable silence. Cadence said it was getting late, and she would be leaving. Jaxon got up and offered her a ride, which she accepted. While leaving the place, Jaxon spontaneously took Cadence by the hand, and she landed her head on his shoulder. It was so natural that soon after, both would be kissing. The couple liked their lips interaction, and even while driving her, Jaxon and Cadence would kiss some more. Cadence, feeling lighted up by Jaxon's lips, invited him to come up to her apartment.
Cadence appreciated pop-rock, and The Cardigans plus Sheryl Crow were her favorite. She offered to put some music. The night and Jaxon's company inspired her. Jaxon was totally into Cadence and would love to dance with her. A few tunes played, Sheryl Crow was enhancing their moment together. Some slow dance happened in the living room and more kisses, but at the time of 'The First Cut is the Deepest,' the couple would be on bed experiencing their first session of lovemaking.
Chapter 13: Breaking the Models
Further on the roadway
It wouldn't be fair to the readers to stop Jaxon's and Cadence's journey at the point they had their first night together. After all, life is no fairy tale, and even when you initiate meeting someone special, challenges will be faced sooner or later. Jaxon was determined to find a woman to stick with and build a monogamous relationship. He appreciated his and Cadence's carnal knowledge and picked her to be the one to experience a meaningful relationship besides him.
Cadence approved Jaxon's way of being and also the intimacy they afforded together. She would feel haunted by the idea of not finding someone to excel Brody, her deceased fiancé. She had been working on her biochemistry and would channel a significant amount of energy to her business, Prema Wellness Center. But even with her professional side flowing quite well, she considered it essential to have someone special to share small and also remarkable moments with. Life had several facets, according to Cadence's beliefs, and the love one was something that would catch her attention.
This way, after their first night of intimacy, Jaxon and Cadence decided to arrange a few more dates between the two of them. They would go to lovely places to have dinner or even to watch a play together. Weeks passed, and despite not talking about what they aimed as a couple, Jaxon and Cadence kept enjoying some idle time as a duo. Both would hold hands and regularly smile at each other like love birds customarily do. The couple looked adorable, and their friends would encourage both to move further with their rendezvous.
Once a year, Cadence would spend a whole month at Angyo Banko's monastery in India. She would renew her practice and experiences, and also had decided to write a book about her journey towards meditation. Cadence felt she was healing and building up her trust about being able to experience a high level of love again. After losing Brody, Cadence spent some considerable time doubting her capacity to flourish a great relationship once more. After spending two years alone, Cadence met Jaxon, and the entrepreneurial surfer looked interested in setting up something more significant with her.
Cadence was right. Jaxon was fully committed to making the experience of being with her something else besides having sex with an attractive woman. One afternoon while the two were watching an episode of a TV show Cadence liked, Jaxon caught himself appreciating that moment. He didn't care what program was on. Jaxon acknowledged being joyful about spending some time back hugging Cadence while both were comfortable lying on a couch.
Jaxon freaked about being present in a moment like that. When he was with Willow, Jaxon was not conscious like that and lost the opportunity to be with the woman he loved after cheating and living a sloppy life. While Jaxon's mind was spinning through that mixture of fearful and pleasant experience, Cadence with her hand, reached his hair, and started to caress it. He felt thunderstruck by that gesture and got bewitched by the smell of Cadence's hair. Jaxon knew she used organic, eco-friendly self-care products and started to pay attention to the brands she would display in her bathroom.
Soon after, Jaxon would be admiring Cadence's shiny, silky long brown hair and wondering if he could consider himself to be in love already. Then Cadence started to laugh due to the TV program and Jaxon liked to feel her body shivering with joy. She looked at him and realized he was somewhere else. Jaxon was in his head, trying to figure out what that moment represented to him. When Cadence's blue eyes met his brown ones, he felt like swimming in a pool of bubbles and kissed her passionately. They started to make out, and the explosion of pleasurable substances invaded both of their systems. When Jaxon came back to his senses, they were already naked on the bed while making love, and he identified as being entirely absorbed by Cadence's moves and moaning.
Jaxon hadn't been partying and doing recreational drugs for a while. Still, he felt like in a psychedelic trip while listening to The Grateful Dead's tunes and being served Ayahuasca by the shaman Jerry Garcia. That night the couple's interaction was red hot, and both had a great time tasting their physical experience. After some time of ecstatic kisses and hips movements, Cadence fell asleep deeply. But Jaxon, felling lighted up by all that action, turned on his laptop. He felt like working on some ideas he had been thinking for a few of his business. But when back to bed, Jaxon watched Cadence in her candid sleep and realized he would miss her pretty bad. She was about to spend a whole month in India. Darn!
On the following morning, Jaxon woke up with some clattering noise, and he could tell it came from the kitchen. He already knew Cadence's place by heart. Music was playing in a muffled tone, and Jaxon could feel the joy resonating all over the walls. He smiled and got up to join his beauty soon after. Already in the room, he turned up the music from her cell phone, and Cadence noticing Jaxon standing close to the counter, launched herself into his arms, and both kissed. The couple would shake their bodies while following 'All I Wanna Do' vibrations by Sheryl Crow.
Jaxon reckoned the singer was one of Cadence's favorite, and he was open to listening to a lot of what he used to call chicks' songs. The couple had breakfast together, and Jaxon considered telling Cadence he would miss her while she was away, but he didn't do it after all. He would still struggle to verbalize his feelings. Jaxon always hated cheesy cues. The couple spent one more gracious day together, and then Cadence took her flight to the monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India, where the monk Angyo Banko lived.
Respecting her individuality, Jaxon decided not to take Cadence to the airport, but both would exchange some messages while being apart. Cadence would be in Mauna, the vow of silence, and she would not be using her cell phone for too long. A week passed, and Jaxon saw himself feeling vulnerable and stupid. He was missing Cadence more than he predicted, and the worst was to know he didn't even suggest taking her to say goodbye a little before Cadence catching the flight.
Jaxon arranged one night to have dinner at a friend's house. He was trying to fill his schedule while avoiding having contact with the gap opened in his routine by Cadence's absence. His friend, James, was a married man with the type of relationship that looked really solid. At some point, Jaxon asked James to be honest about how his union worked with Melinda. James began to explain the system of the values the couple designed together and the rituals they developed to be renewing their oxytocin release through the years of their marriage.
The entrepreneurial surfer couldn't believe how much work and attention James and Melinda had put onto their accord. James met his wife during college, and they had been together for 20 years. Jaxon was impressed to know his friend since from the beginning realized that he and his wife would have to find ways to renew their tie from time to time. Jaxon asked if James had been faithful and heard a 'deeply committed' remark from him. Jaxon got amazed to find out that a productive long term relationship was possible. Then Jaxon opened up his feelings towards Cadence and his silly attitude of not stating his sincere intentions to her.
James chuckled and declared if Jaxon were looking for a life partner, he would have to set clear purpose. 'Life partner,' Jaxon felt shocked at the same time he enjoyed the idea of shaping a continuous liaison with the same one. Sometimes feeling vulnerable and afraid was part of the trait, but if Jaxon was not willing to work on his issues, he could face some bumps ahead. Jaxon admitted enjoying Cadence's presence into his life and shared some non-sexual private moments of him and his beauty with his friend. James nodded and kept quiet while listening to all.
When Jaxon left Jame's, he couldn't take out of his mind all the talk about coupling and maintaining. He had a lot to do if he wanted to make his relationship with Cadence happen. Jaxon went to bed while thinking about what values and beliefs they would adopt as a duo. He slept with Cadence's smile in his head. She had an alluring way to express herself when she felt pumped. Jaxon appreciated Cadence's habit of fixing something to eat while sipping a glass of wine and dancing her favorite tunes. Sheryl Crow would perform a lot in her kitchen.
On the following day, Jaxon arranged a surfing retreat with one of his best friends, Amit Ananda. Amit happened to be in the US, and both went to Santa Cruz to ride some waves and spend some time together. Amit looked great, suntanned, and satisfied. His relationship with Evie, the Aussie health influencer, was flowing quite well. Amit used the phrase 'I'm in love for real' several times. Jaxon shared further details about him and Cadence and even allowed himself to reveal lovemaking was not only terrific, but he also got hooked on seeing Cadence's peaking.
The two friends spent a few days surfing and talking and tripping into The Grateful Dead's hits. 'Eyes of the World' would repeat, and Jaxon and Amit would laugh and chat. Jaxon was experiencing to be the alchemist of his brain while enjoying the occasion without using any additional substance. He was mesmerized by the beach and the sea. Also, Jaxon would have flashbacks of some pleasant time spent with Cadence and would appreciate her lip-syncing and dancing throughout her place. Amit pointed up the evident conclusion: his friend had fallen for Cadence. Jaxon couldn't agree more.
Back from Santa Cruz, Jaxon noticed that Cadence was finally back from her time in India. He wasn't sure what to do, maybe he should give her some extra time to settle down and get used to the Californian time zone again. He was randomly driving when he caught himself on the way to her house. It was a moment of distraction, but he could see how much he had been driving through that street. His car seemed to be rolling naturally through the asphalt, without the need of having a driver. And it was when Jaxon spotted Cadence in a restaurant. He pulled over and approached the place to check if it was her.
Cadence was beautiful in a formal navy blue cocktail dress, with the upper bodice and the bottom of the skirt all embroidered in silver. Jaxon approached the big window and could notice Cadence's date, an elegant tall guy in a dark grey tailored suit. Jaxon felt confused and sort of jealousy aroused. He started to pace back and forth in front of the window. Some closer people, seated in a few tables inside, began to stare at him.
Feeling stupid, Jaxon went back to his car and kept there breathing for a while. He had no idea what he should do. He sucked at being orthodox! Then Jaxon felt it was his fault. He didn't want to suffocate Cadence by his feelings and ended up acting too distant. Meanwhile, she was seeing someone else. Fuck! He punched the steering wheel. Jaxon started the car and kept driving in the area. Then he parked in front of the building where Cadence lived. He left the vehicle and buzzed the intercom.
Cadence felt surprised by Jaxon's showing up. He entered the living room and seeming agitated, began to explain himself:
- I wanted to take you to the airport, Candy.
Her friends used to call her Cady, but Jaxon developed his particular way of naming her. She liked that, Jaxon would have a sweet side that he wasn't used to displaying too much. Cadence could tell it. Jaxon kept chatting:
- I know we have been dating for a little time, and I also didn't want to look like those clingy kind of guys. This way, I gave you some space, but I was not expecting you to date someone else and…
- What? Dating who?
- I saw you at that restaurant tonight. I was driving home, but then I realized I was going to your place instead of mine. While passing on that street, I spotted you through the window. How long have you been seeing that guy? I thought we were, together, and…
- I…
- Don't tell me anything! This is stupid, and I'm feeling like a fool. I'm new into this relationship kind of thing and… I like you, Candy. I really do! But I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I've never been one. It's so embarrassing to be like this. Gee, I'm 44 already. I've been fooling around for too long.
Jaxon paused and was standing in the middle of the living room. Cadence tried to say something, but she was interrupted once again by Jaxon:
- I visited a married friend, and he told me about how he and his wife work on their relationship. It's a lot to do, I admit. But I thought we could do something together. I even started writing some principles for us, but I ran out of ideas. I felt if we did it together, it would be suitable and…
Being unable to talk due to Jaxon's agitation, Cadence got up from the couch and kissed him instead. He reciprocated her lust, and both went to bed to reproduce their red hot lovemaking. They had quite some time trembling in the sheets. When they felt worn out, Cadence said:
- That man you saw me with tonight was my editor. It was a merely professional affair, Jax.
Jaxon chortled:
- Really? So you are not involved with him?
- Besides him being a publisher, he is not interested in women.
- Is he gay? I considered him a good looking guy.
Cadence laughed:
- Well, he might like you. You are athletic, talented, and fun to be with. You also dress smart, and this medium length haircut of yours helps you to get even more attractive.
Jaxon chuckled and took his hands to his head:
- While staring at you through that window, I felt like not knowing what to do. I thought you were dating other guys because I had failed to express my real intentions.
- To be honest, I was not sure about us too. – She paused - But after tonight, I think we are legit.
Jaxon looked Cadence into her eyes:
- I like you, Candy. I also appreciate the version of me when I'm with you too. I feel I can be better than before. – Jaxon paused - I like seeing you dancing your Sheryl Crow's hits in the kitchen, and the way you smile. And when we are in bed, you fulfill what I need physically speaking.
Cadence smiled widely and kissed Jaxon. When their lips went apart, she declared:
- I’m happy with us too.
- That's good to hear. So, do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with me? I feel I can have it with you.
Cadence enjoyed Jaxon’s position towards them:
- Let’s be together and work on ourselves as a couple. I want the same too.
Soon after, they would be making more sweet, spicy love. Jaxon always responded quite well while interacting with females. But he aimed to build something special and unique with Cadence. This way, he had been working on improving his sexual performance. He wouldn't want to reach ten so fast at the 'orgasmometer.' On a scale of one to ten, being ten the closing act, Jaxon would practice keeping seven while making Cadence as much as pleased as she could.
Cadence noticed Jaxon was getting better and better at making her peak. He would give her an average of three orgasms before reaching his closing. Jaxon knew he could quickly fill Cadence's cup with pleasure but would first boil her water before going inside her. His masculinity would be soon quite ready, but before reaching his delight, Jaxon would work on Cadence's satisfaction. He wanted her eager to have it. This way, Jaxon would start with the foreplays and build up their practice meanwhile.
While being stimulated by Jaxon, Cadence more than appreciated his hardness poking her thighs, waiting for a better moment to be inside her. Jaxon would grab her derriere and like its tonus. When Jaxon acknowledged Cadence's femininity was burning, he would go on her top, and then his masculinity would do the work. Sometimes she would explode a little after Jaxon was moving his hips rhythmically on her top. Jaxon would retreat for a while, and after regaining his energy, both would pelvic thrust more, producing an encore of ecstasy.
When Cadence was close to exhaustion, Jaxon would wait for a while, catching his breath and preparing his masculinity to call it a day. His climax would happen, proving he was not only a high testosterone man but one who would know how to use his instrument pretty well. After speedy-fire contractions, his rich fluid would flood Cadence's cup. Then both would spread their bodies on the bed and look into each other eyes smiling and feeling majestic.
Learning how to multiply together, the couple would align their hearts and privates being able to triple and even quadruple their delight. The cardiac organ works like a magnet resonating in the algorithms' field, and during affection can bring about its magic, pumping vital energy through the spine up to the brain and even acting as medicine to other organs. Sexual energy would bring Jaxon and Cadence a creating power. While listening to 'Lo Moon' melodies, they would go high… By the way, 'Tried to Make You My Own' was their favorite one.
After a great night shaking the sheets, usually, both bodies would get spilled and their legs intertwined. The couple would wake up feeling motivated to spend one more day as a duo. While preparing breakfast, Cadence would wear one of her silky sexy robes, and while singing and swaying, she would fix something for breakfast. Jaxon would leave the shower and only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, would join his beauty in the kitchen. Healthy meals and kisses would happen. Some days they would go back to bed to refine even more their lovemaking.
One night, Jaxon took Cadence for dinner in a charming restaurant with a beach view in Manhattan Beach. They were both appreciating the food, the scenery, and each other when a commotion started. At first, they didn't mind because of their love and bliss absorbed them. But then Cadence realized something serious was happening. She got up and approached a table further ahead of the one she was seated. It was when she spotted a pregnant woman with her water broke and her husband desperate. No doctor was available in the house, and Cadence assumed the situation, dialing 911 and asking for instructions.
Meanwhile, Jaxon was already close and got horrified by the scene. Cadence calmed down the woman, and following the directions from the attendant began to assist the lady. Soon after, Cadence would be holding a newborn in her hands after washing both with whiskey and wearing rubber gloves brought from the kitchen. Luckily, the paramedics entered the restaurant at that exact moment, and Cadence got released from the task. She rushed to the ladies' room, and while washing her hands and arms, stared herself in the mirror. Cadence noticed she was glowing like never before.
Smiling, Cadence could tell meditation practice was bringing her more than she had ever imagined. After fixing herself, she went back to her table, suggesting Jaxon to leave. The restaurant manager decided not to charge them for the meal, and the couple departed. Jaxon felt mixed with shock and proud for being with such a partner. Cadence realized Jaxon looked distressed and asked him to be relaxed because the outcome was positive. Jaxon replied he was surprised to see how well she had handled the entire occurrence. Cadence laughed in her cutest and declared:
- I'm amazed by how my last retreat in India worked. I had this experience of reprogramming my autonomic nervous system, being able to learn how to activate my diaphragm breathing and not being ruled by the fight or flight response any longer.
Jaxon laughed and said he wasn't sure he understood what Cadence meant by that. She explained how the stress response worked in the body, and after getting involved with meditation, Cadence learned through the years how to deexcitate her sympathetic nervous system. While she was assisting the woman in that restaurant, she felt relaxed and present, and thanks to the 911 attendant, she was able to perform the demanded procedures at the time being.
That night the couple went to bed to make tender love, and they sensed swept by the flow of their bodies' interaction. In the end, Jaxon moved to Cadence's top, and while swaying his hips, allowing his masculinity to slide far down his beauty's femininity, with his hands intertwined with hers, he whispered 'I love you' in her ear. Cadence couldn't contain herself and burst with delight of having Jaxon inside her. One more night of bedroom rodeo for them.
Chapter 13: Closing the Curtains
When Two Makes One
Months passed, and Cadence's book was ready to be launched. She has been ecstatic and full of dreams. Prema Wellness Center had become a reference for meditation practices in Southern California, and Cadence was about to start her book tour. Jaxon was happy for his girlfriend, and the couple had been living a joyful routine. His businesses also had been prospering, and from time to time, Jaxon would take short breaks to go surfing. Cadence would join him, but she mostly stayed at the inns waiting comfortably for her boyfriend. Between walls, the couple would interact most of the time.
In one of the surfing journeys, Jaxon introduced Cadence to Amit Ananda and his beauty Evie. The two couples had a great time in a deserted beach, and then back to their bungalows, lovemaking would be the focus. Evie and Cadence got along, both liked wellness and fitness, and while being under a shade, keeping at the most away from the sun, the two women would talk and exchange tips about getting in better shape and the ideal diet to achieve a sexy toning body. Evie was a famous YouTuber in Australia, and besides the community she had been building, she was about to star in a weight-loss TV show.
Evie became one of the most well-succeeded influencers in her country and had been getting the accolades from it. Money had been continuously flowing, and Amit Ananda became the producer of his girlfriend's visual material. Amit confessed to Jaxon he had already bought an engagement ring and would be proposing to Evie as soon as they were back home. Jaxon smiled to his friend, he always considered Amit a lone wolf, but that changed after meeting the charming Aussie. Knowing his friend was about to pop the question, made Jaxon think the life he could have if he got married to Cadence. He liked the idea of settling down. Jaxon was in his mids 40s and feeling at his best physically and financially speaking.
After spending a few hours in the sea, the two men went back to their rooms, and Jaxon entering, spotted Cadence closing her work out. He could tell she was sweaty. Cadence liked to turn the AC off when she was exercising. This measure would make her produce a natural internal warming, aiding the release of organ toxins. Furthermore, Cadence would boost her practice doing some breathing techniques along with body locks that she had learned through yoga.
Looking at his beauty, Jaxon smiled and pictured himself in bed with Cadence. Meanwhile, Cadence was already standing up after some sit-ups. Then Jaxon grabbing her by the waist pressed his lips against hers. After that sexual, passionate kiss, Cadence said:
- Babe, I have to take a shower!
Jaxon smiled naughtily:
- So do I.
Said that Jaxon got rid of his baggies and started to undress Cadence's two-pieces outfit. With those strong hands running through her body, Cadence's femininity got lighted up. The shower served for the foreplays. Both dried their bodies hurriedly, and right after they would be in bed. The sensual, alluring beats of 'Easier' by Mansionair were resonating all over the bungalow. And the couple was refining their lovemaking. Jaxon more than appreciated when Cadence's perineal area tightened his hardness while going up and down on his top.
Their interaction was sublime, and the couple was aware of how sex was essential for them too. For a split of a second, Jaxon remembered he had been faithful for the first time and intended to keep in that monogamous way with Cadence. Enjoying her hips moves, he caressed her bright hair, and lifting his torso, Jaxon whispered 'I love you' in her ear. Cadence smiled at the words, and the hushed toned Jaxon's voice had. She kissed him fiery and murmured 'I love you too' back.
Smiling, Jaxon turned Cadence sideways and, while on her top, made the accurate rhythm with his hips to channel the right frequency into making his beauty peak. Soon after, the couple allowed themselves to meltdown with 'Easier' swings, and both burst into a psychedelic love chemical release. The couple kissed to seal their ecstasy and scattered their bodies on the sheets. While Cadence took a nap, Jaxon stayed awake, pondering about his internal development. He was in love and vividly present at that moment, and this would scare the pants off him. Even feeling vulnerable by wanting someone as he did, he was willing to be with Cadence. Jaxon was pretty much aware that the mind longed for the safe and the familiar, and love was something that the previous version of him wouldn't invest so much energy on.
'Life-Altering through Meditation' was well-received among yoga and meditators community, and even Richard Yardley, one of the most popular meditation coaches, showed up to greet Cadence. She started her book tour, traveling for the major cities in the US, and Jaxon would follow his sweetheart's events through social media. But one day, he decided to show up at San Francisco to surprise her. Cadence welcomed Jaxon with a passionate kiss, and pulling him by the arm both soon would be in bed lapidating their lovemaking.
On the following day, Cadence had to attend a talk in one of the most prominent book stores in the city. She was getting late because the couple wouldn't stop kissing and making out. At some point, Cadence had to stick to her 'enough.' When she was putting her raincoat on, the movement made a small box fell from its pocket, thudding on the floor. She smiled. And staring at Jaxon, Cadence joked it was not the time for his cute surprises. Jaxon used to gift her with little treats and even some pieces of jewelry. But after opening the box, her mouth fell open. Jaxon started:
- I know we’ve been together for only ten months or so…
- Nine and a half – She corrected.
- Oh, well nine and a half then. Anyway, I feel so right when we are together. This way, I think we should get married. I'm even open to have children. I consider two is our number. We can manage our careers while raising the kids with some professional aid. I've never considered myself the type of man to become a parent. I don't want to be responsible for ruining anyone's life. But beside you, I grew so much and what I mean by that is as a human being. To be honest, I've always been good regarding business. But my personal life has always been messy and sucky…
Cadence was in silence. She loved when Jaxon would have those moments of explaining a lot about his attitudes. How lucky a woman could feel when being able to find another man to be happy with! She would never imagine, even in her wildest dreams, she would get lucky enough to have Brody, and even after enduring a significant pain for losing him, a second great man would cross her path. She knew deep inside Jaxon had a golden heart and could picture herself quite happy with him. Jaxon stopped:
- What? Why are you so reflexive? Are you having second thoughts about us? If I'm pacing too fast, please let me know, Candy.
She dropped her raincoat on the floor and soon after unzipped her dress. SYML’Better’ was on. Cadence disrobed her panties and unhooked the bra. She was already fully naked, and stepping out of her high heels, approached Jaxon kissing him fiery. The couple dragged their bodies to bed while making out. Meanwhile, Jaxon took the small box from Cadence's hand and placed the engagement ring in her finger. Right after, she would be running her hands on his back, and both would make steamy love. Cadence's phone started to vibrate, but she didn't even realize it. The couple got focused on themselves. After one more time flooding their bodies with love chemicals, Jaxon spoke aloud:
- Fuck! You have your talk! You are getting late!
Cadence giggled:
- I know! It’s your fault!
- Really?
- Yes!
The couple smiled and kissed. Cadence jumped out of bed, briefly showered, and started to fix her hair and also make-up. Then she rushed to put on her attire for the day. She pecked Jaxon and called an Uber, zooming to the book store. Her editor was about to flip out when he saw her dashing in. She excused herself and went to her spot. She opened that day talking about her delay and apologized for being not punctual, something very atypical for her. Then she shared her engagement moment and admitted she could not leave without making love to her fiancé. Everyone seemed to be enjoying, and apart from the other presentations, Cadence participated with all her experience with meditation and the considerable improvement of sex.
Her improvisation was a success, and when she concluded, Cadence received a warm round of applause. She smiled and signed several books while exchanging valuable tips with people who interacted with her in that afternoon. Her editor liked her spontaneity and suggested she should talk about sex more often. Cadence laughed and said she would think about. Back to the hotel, she exposed what had happened at the presentation, and Jaxon added they could become sexual counselors to couples. Cadence smiled and said for them to master sex, the best option would be practicing a lot. Well, the rest was predictable, and we are not going through it any longer.
Weeks later, Cadence would be in New York. A fancy book launching brunch was scheduled, the publishing company was already celebrating the sales while the author was still touring. 'Life-Altering through Meditation' was on the top positions at Amazon nonfiction best sellers rank. Cadence could barely believe she was having such a rapid response from readers. But in that specifically morning, she was feeling pretty crappy. Despite the uplifting music that was on, 'Something About You' by Hayden James, Cadence felt like staying in bed for the whole day.
Checking herself in the bathroom mirror, Cadence could tell something was wrong. She was not the type of person to get sick, but she's been traveling a lot lately. This way, something might have interfered with the balance of her immune system. Even being away from home, Cadence would take care of her diet along with meditation and exercising in hotel rooms. It was harder to stick to her discipline, but she would follow a routine to keep at her best. She went to the brunch anyway, and her editor realized just to look at her that Cadence was not feeling good.
Even suspecting it could be a virus or something like it, Cadence gave a presentation and talked to several people afterward. At some point, she was aching to leave, but she insisted on providing the best she could. Her editor suggested she should splash some water on her face and so she did it. In the restroom, she felt dizzy, and a stranger noticing her malaise offered to call someone. Cadence thanked the lady but declined her offer. Back to the hotel, she called her parents and Jaxon. Her fiancé could see his sweetheart was not okay and declared that probably she was homesick. Mia, her younger sister, who lived in New York, decided to stop by to check on her. While opening the door, Mia declared:
- You look awful, sis!
- Thanks, Mia. That’s what I needed to hear. Really.
The two sisters sat on bed and started to chat. While listening to 'Falling' by Mansionair and other pleasant songs, both went through some memories and revisited several moments of them in Manhattan Beach at their parents' home. Then Mia asked to see Cadence's engagement ring closer. When Mia was staring at the beautiful sparkling diamond, she shouted:
- OMG! You are pregnant!
- What? Of course not! I’ve been using birth control.
- Oh, I see. It might be it then. I had a couple of friends that had a hard time taking those hormones because some of them cause terrible side effects.
- It could be it. I’m thinking about going to the doctor.
- I'll see if I can find one for you. Hold on.
Mia sent some texts, and soon, she got the number of one physician. On the following day, she accompanied Cadence to the office. The doctor ran a few tests, and at the end of the appointment gave the diagnosis:
- Dear, you are pregnant.
Cadence couldn’t believe it:
- It’s impossible! I’ve been taking the pill.
- I know, but in some rare cases, even using birth control, women can get pregnant. No form of birth control is 100 percent effective.
- Of course, I had to fit in the minority! That's the story of my life!
- There are some cases that the woman releases a type of enzyme that causes to make specific contraceptive methods less effective.
- Oh my! That’s probably me.
- We can take more tests if you want.
- What for? I'm already pregnant! That's for sure, right?
- Yes, it is.
Cadence had no idea about how Jaxon would react after knowing he would become a father much sooner than they expected. The couple was engaged, that was sure, but children hadn't been in their calendar for now. Mia felt excited, and Cadence hesitant. Despite her sister's protests, she decided not to call Jaxon. Cadence had better tell him in person. When Jaxon went to pick her up at LAX, he could tell his fiancée didn't look excited as she usually seemed after the book tour. Back into Cadence's, Jaxon caressed her fiancée's hair and asked:
- Tell me, Candy. What’s in your mind? I can see the grey cloud over your head.
- Is that obvious?
Jaxon chortled:
- I feel I know you a lot already. You look different after New York.
- Yes, I am. Something happened. – She paused – Remember I was not feeling well that day we spoke on the phone?
- Yeah, I know. Have you been to a doctor?
- Exactly.
- Is it bad? Don’t tell me you are sick.
Cadence looked stern, and for a split of a second, Jaxon thought about some illness. Something unfortunate that could ruin their happiness. But then he cut it out immediately. He didn't appreciate that kind of mental action, the attempt to predict the future based on negative bias. Cadence sighed:
- I'm pregnant, Jax. Even taking birth control pills, I was able to conceive a baby.
Jaxon feeling surprised by that added:
- Not you, but we produce the baby.
Cadence was trying to cheer up and smiled:
- Yeah, the two of us. But my body in some way annihilated the effect of the pill, and then I was able to keep fertile. To be honest, I don't know what to think. But I don't want you to marry me just because of it. If you believe a baby is too much and too soon, we can call it off the whole thing. I can figure out a way to parent this baby.
Jaxon's mind was spinning caused by the shock of knowing he would be turning into a father earlier than he had pictured in his head when he proposed to Cadence. The information started to transit into his neurons like electric pulses, and parts of his brain were turning on. He felt alarmed and scared, but he wouldn't dare to fly. Even with limited perception, Jaxon was able to express his clarity:
- Hey, we are together in this. We have to figure out how we are going to raise this child. I'm with you, Candy. I know I'm not the best prospect for a father, but I can learn it. The brain is malleable, and I can become a good parent. I won't allow myself to act like my own. I want to be present for this kid.
Cadence's eyes started to water. She was happy to see Jaxon wouldn't bail out on her. She was not sure about motherhood too. Jaxon asked how many weeks of pregnancy Cadence was, and after her response, he joked:
- Well, all that fire we produced in San Francisco after getting engaged produced some effect.
Listening to that, Cadence laughed out loud, and Jaxon appreciating her sound approached to kiss her. The passionate lips touch turned into caresses, and not long after, both would be in bed enjoying their lovemaking. Jaxon could barely believe that less than nine months ahead, he would have baby's cooing in his life. Cadence appreciated how Jaxon would touch her. He seemed wanting her as much as he showed many times before. That night both fell asleep, and Jaxon placed one of his hands on Cadence's belly like he was getting used to the idea of producing a new life. On the following morning, Jaxon would be at Abhay Srinivasan's yoga lounge. Both were meditating together, and at the end, as usual, Jaxon started a conversation with his mentor:
- I have something to share with you. I'm going to be a father. Cadence got pregnant, even using birth control pills. Can you believe it?
The gentle Indian yogi smiled:
- Yes, I can.
Jaxon stared at Abhay:
- Isn’t it weird? The idea of me becoming a father? Look at my past and how come a man like me can be a parent.
- Are you scared? Don’t you want a child?
Jaxon hesitated for a moment:
- Afraid, for sure. If I want it, I'm so surprised that I have no opinion about it.
Abhay Srinivasan stated:
- That depends on how much you achieved.
- Meaning?!
- If you have just been looking for a change, that's something more comfortable to accomplish. When you simply change, it means that the essential quality of yourself still the same. But transformation is something else. It's harder to reach.
- Hmm, that’s interesting. How could transformation be defined?
- It's different from change. Transformation means that nothing of the old remained. It only happens when something new flowered within you.
Those words impacted Jaxon. Was he changed or transformed? He couldn't tell for sure. Abhay Srinivasan feeling Jaxon was trying to find out which definition would suit his case, added:
- If you decide to become a gem, people will notice you for your brightness. You can have flaws, but the beautiful facets will speak louder. It's not a matter to be perfect. No one likes perfection because no one is flawless. But when you understand that your journey to improvement is making you better, people are going to be focused on the good you have.
Jaxon was speechless. He always felt amazed by that Indian wise elder. He enjoyed the meditation and conversation both would have. Jaxon felt grateful for being able to get to meet such an evolved soul. He would consider Abhay Srinivasan an ascended master. The yogi would laugh and protest:
- Get out of here!
Jaxon chortled, that sentence was pretty often said by him, and Abhay had been using it a lot too. It was hilarious to listen to those words with that strong Indian accent. That was the beauty of relationships, the exchange of ideas one would get while interacting with others. And also being able to see good things one had while being reflected in the mirror of the other-self.
Driving back to Cadence's, Jaxon appreciated the nothingness experienced at meditation. He would have seen different colored lights and also liquid swirls like paint dissolved in the water for several times, but the days he would feel beyond his physical body were the best ever! Jaxon could remember the sensation of being in the pitch dark, but then the outer space lightened by stars would show up at the height of his third eye. Jaxon enjoyed being an inner astronaut traveling through his self-space.
He called his friend James and talked for a while about the difference between change and transformation and revealed Cadence was pregnant. Jaxon admitted he wasn't sure of how deep he had reached in his inner journey, and then James invited Jaxon to join him and a few friends to go scuba diving together. Jaxon liked the idea of being in the sea doing something else besides surfing. He had never snorkeled before. Jaxon would talk to Cadence about it, but he asked to count him in.
Stepping in the living room, Jaxon heard Cadence's movement in the kitchen, and the music 'Falling' by Mansionair was accompanying her at that happy morning. He could tell she was profoundly seizing that moment. Every time Cadence would listen to her favorite tunes while cooking, vibrant energy would spread in every inch of the place. Jaxon could fill it already in the air. He decided borrowing tomorrow's happiness for today, as the song said. Approaching quietly, he spotted Cadence while stirring her scrambled tofu in a pan. Cadence was absorbed in the music while adding some turmeric and spinach into the mix.
Running his hands around her waist, Jaxon parked them on Cadence's belly, back hugging her. Feeling joyful by the gesture, Cadence inverted her body to meet Jaxon's lips. And then both kissed. Meanwhile, Jaxon turned off the burner, and the smell of the food invaded his nostrils. Cadence had this effect on him. She intensified his five senses. He would smell, taste, hear, touch, and see better when he was with her. He liked that. Jaxon decided to become more mindful of small things to find out if he was only changed or profoundly transformed. Finished the kiss, Jaxon caught himself appreciating Cadence's hair smell. He acknowledged being appreciative of her beauty care products.
The couple sat on the table and had breakfast while talking and tasting the seasoning of the dish. Jaxon poured some avocado oil in his side toasts and complimented Cadence for her tofu. She smiled and served less for herself than her usual. Jaxon asked her about morning sickness, and she confessed food had been making her nauseous. He laughed and said it was okay in her condition. Then something called his attention. He had just placed his hand on Cadence's belly once again. That gesture was becoming more and more common. Even she noticed it.
Jaxon talked about James inviting him to a scuba diving event, and both agreed on being an excellent opportunity. Jaxon wanted Cadence with him, but she said she couldn't picture her in the sea at that stage, she had been sick enough already. He remarked he would be away for a couple of days, but was already aiming to be back in her arms. Cadence stared deeply into his eyes, and Jaxon could see he was in love with that woman in a way that he couldn't even explain. Cadence noted Jaxon's words had been even gentler and caring, and she was beginning to get used to the idea of carrying his baby.
When Jaxon accepted James' invitation to join his scuba diving group, he forgot to ask for more details about it. After some time being in the boat, Jaxon deeply regretted not having gone through further specifics. He was the only newbie among the five men who were there, and the night was already approaching. James Whorf was a famous nonfiction author and journalist who had published articles in the most prominent publications as Wired, The Economist, Time Magazine, among others. James also showed entrepreneurial skills. He was the founder and creator of Paragon, a research and training organization that developed tools for people to unlock their true potential. And also, James developed Brain & Build Gym, a place for high performers' athletes and business people to train not only physically but mentally too.
James liked challenging both his mind and body. This way, since his teenage years, he used not only to go mountain climbing but also practicing other adventure sports. James looked delighted and natural while joking and talking to the group. The boat was rioting while the waves burst into the hull. It was windy, which would cause the sea to be pretty agitated and the flags to flutter. But it still was a beautiful scenery though. Jaxon was determined to challenge himself despite feeling intimidated by the water behavior.
The boat stopped, and the anchor released. James was the first to jump into the sea and right after he called for Jaxon and subsequently one by one the other four. While Jaxon was waiting for James' friends, he realized he was being dragged by the water away from the boat. Jaxon would struggle to keep next to the group, but no matter how hard he tried, Jaxon would be pushed away anyway. A red light turned on in Jaxon's head, and it came back to him the accident he had at that deserted beach after falling from a cliff.
Jaxon felt scared of getting lost and alone in the middle of that sea. It was dark, and Jaxon got aware he was holding his flashlight so tight that his hand felt sore. Besides being bobbed by the water rebellion, the cold was getting beyond uncomfortable. Jaxon guessed it would be around 60F, and probably underwater, it would reach 50F or bellow. Even being athletic, Jaxon was getting tired of making efforts to approach the boat. His nostrils would narrow and wide, trying to catch air. Jaxon wondered if it was time to pull the ripcord.
It was when Jaxon reminded of his nose while capturing Cadence's hair scent. When his fiancée cooked, his sense of smell and palate would amplify. Then his mind shifted to Cadence being pregnant and how beautiful she would become when her belly got bigger. That thinking made Jaxon switch his state of mind of being angry and frustrated to a more hopeful and positive focused one. Being able to lower the respiratory rate, Jaxon reached a stage of relaxation.
Jaxon waved to James and the others, but it seemed no one was able to approach him. He chose not to feel endangered by the circumstances. He was not willing to put his life at risk because he had a great motive to be healthy and in favorable physical conditions. Jaxon would become a father and felt like meeting the baby's face. He was curious to know if it would be a boy or a girl and wanted to help picking a name after having long conversations about it with Cadence. While distracted in his reveries towards parenthood, like magic, Jaxon felt the water was not as resistant as before, and soon, he would be close to the group.
James saluted him, and everyone put on the masks and the second stage regulator part, diving into the water. While watching the life happening under the ocean, Jaxon got marveled by the vivid colors of corals and sponges on the reefs. Everything seemed to be in slow motion, and the silence caused a peaceful feeling. The other men would make tricks and poses while swimming. Everyone but Jaxon were all experienced and used to that type of scenery. James was leading the group because he knew by heart the surroundings. Jaxon was getting behind due to the fact he appreciated every little aspect of the journey, paying attention to the exotic marine life around.
The veterans would interact with fish and other creatures, but Jaxon would only watch them. He was not used to that level of intimacy, even after being an infinite amount of time in the sea. Jaxon mostly used to ride waves with his board. The perception of time got distorted down under, and Jaxon felt he had been there for hours. Probably it was not the case, but back into the boat, he stared at the sky, feeling amazing, precisely like he used to feel after making love to his beauty. Silently appreciating the experience, Jaxon talked to himself in his head that he was not changed but transformed. And he would be a dad too. Everyone slept at a charming inn, and on the following day, every man would be back to their homes.
Jaxon thanked James for the opportunity before catching his flight back to Manhattan Beach. Feeling thrilled, he didn't stop at his place in Torrance but went straight to Cadence's. When he entered the apartment, she was taking a nap. Jaxon could tell his beauty had been sleeping more lately, one of the early pregnancy symptoms. Despite that, she would look like her usual, and entering the room, Jaxon stopped to watch Cadence into her sleep while considering her beautiful. Tiptoeing, he approached the bed and lay down. Then Jaxon scooched until he was able to back hug his fiancée. Smiling, Cadence woke up and jokingly whined she was happy while resting.
Jaxon chuckled and humorously declared that Cadence had been too lazy, but he had a lot to tell and couldn't wait any longer. Cadence giggled, Jaxon was a chatty man who liked to share his experiences with her. Every time he was in a surfing retreat or even on a regular business trip, Jaxon would come back home excited to tell Cadence things. She liked that, and despite being interrupted in her renewal, she would be receptive to her fiancé and his talking. Cadence turned her body to be able to look Jaxon in the eyes. She yawned and said:
- Tell me. How was it?
- Let's elope, Candy. I'm not in the mood for wedding planning anymore. You are pregnant, and a ceremony with a party will be too exhausting for you.
Cadence was surprised by Jaxon's rush towards marriage. He has always been so much appreciative of his singleton. Cadence never pictured Jaxon would be the one to speed up things between them and asked:
- But what do you want to do? To catch a flight to Vegas and marry?
- There's a beautiful place in Santa Barbara. We take a few pictures and send to our family and friends telling them we got married, and we appreciate their support.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am. How long does it take to get a lovely dress for you?
- I have no idea, Babe. I haven’t thought about it.
- Let’s check then.
Cadence looked for some places that offered beautiful dresses for an elopement and concluded:
- I have one demand. I want to get married in the evening. The dress I chose fits perfectly for this kind of occasion.
A couple of weeks later, Jaxon and Cadence's family and friends' cell phones buzzed. When every one of them opened, they could see a picture of the two kissing and the bride and the groom were holding a sign written 'Just Eloped' and bellow it the message:
Dear ones,
We hope we can have your comprehension regarding our decision to get married so fast. Cadence is already pregnant, and we couldn't waste energy and time planning a ceremony for six to eight months ahead. For those who already had the experience of having a child can relate to what we are saying. It would be too overwhelming to have a wedding celebration close to labor. We are thrilled to share with you not only this moment but the news that we are going to live in Torrance, and our house is being remodeled to welcome our first baby. We hope to get visits from you as soon as our place gets ready.
Love,
Jax and Cady.
Cadence's mother flipped out, seeing her daughter so beautiful in that slinky wedding dress. She texted her other two daughters, and everyone approved the glossy, sexy gown with a deep V-neck front and opened back. Cadence was elegant and alluring. Jaxon was quite handsome in a trendy blue suit, white shirt and burgundy tie. The newlyweds had to reply to lots of messages that were sent, asking for more details about the occurrence. The honeymoon was on the Caribbean Island of St. Lucia. They sent a few photos for the closest members of family and friends. Amit Ananda and Evie approved the news and demanded both would have to come to Australia for their wedding. Jaxon and Cadence promised they wouldn't miss it, and they would be bringing their baby along with them.
Happily Ever After is a term that could be applied to Jaxon and Cadence. But both were aware they had to work on themselves to make their marriage to thrive. They had a girl called Serenity, and three years later, they had a boy named Travis. Prema Wellness Center also became an online meditation training program that taught thousands of people worldwide. Through the years, Cadence adopted neuroscience knowledge with yoga wisdom and developed a technique to improve people's state of mind.
Jaxon had several businesses and was always creating new ways to improve not only his companies but also his friends' too. As an entrepreneur, Jaxon was respected and built a vast network, including not only other great business people but also the neuroscientist Dr. Alan Caspari and IT prodigy Stephen Reed. As a husband and a father, Jaxon could show his real transformation adding mindfulness techniques to be able to not only raise his kids but also to make his wife happy.
Cadence and Jaxon would follow their rules of thumbs designed especially between the two of them. The couple was committed to making their relationship to grow and flourish. And like everyone else, they had to face challenges. One of their favorite statutes was they couldn't stay without being intimate for more than three days in a roll. Another one was that the couple couldn't go to bed in case they were not in accord with one another. Regarding the children, they had to support each other at the disciplinary decisions.
Cadence kept going to India once a year to have retreats at the monk Angyo Banko's monastery. Jaxon would have his surfing ones, and Amit Ananda was one of his most frequent partners at it. Cadence, as Jaxon, was aware that both had to nourish their soil to achieve an abundant happiness crop. Jaxon and Cadence would take care of their satisfaction to be able to get even more pleased as a couple. None of them allowed getting lost at the parenthood's roles or in their relationship.
Reaching Symmetry(Renata)
Chapter 1: Jaxon’s Starting Point
Liquid Computer
By Jaxon Murphy
Transforming through love or pain. You get to choose. On the day I left for that secluded beach, I was sure I'd have another surfing experience as many others I had so far. Great waves, sun, salted water, and my maneuvers. I'm good at surfing, I wouldn't say exactly a pro but even as an amateur I can be considered quite good. Of course, we can always excel at something, this way I've been building up my practice through the years.
Funny is I started my surfing after taking swimming classes to help me with my asthma. I got rid of my breathing disorder and I became a water aficionado. At the age of ten my parents decided to move to the coastal community of Torrance, CA. Since then, I started to spend hours in the sea and found out about the close connection I had with saltwater. In my teens I even got some prizes at competitions and could really tell I gained respect from people when I popped up on a board.
Nevertheless, being a nature lover didn't make me a better man at all. On the contrary, I've always been called a first-class a-hole. But, to be honest, this title never bothered me for real. I don't believe in good or bad. Through the years while lapidating my surfing practices I became aware that our body is just a product of the macrocosm and we are a sack of mineral water, like the planet itself. As the Earth transits around the Sun, it leaves an expanding spiral orbit which means every little thing is fated to enlarge, which in my case was the jerk within.
That's why I love surfing when I step on the sand, I feel I'm more than this muscular tanned body. It gets even better when my warm trotter feels the refreshing feeling of the oceanic. While paddling I see myself as this mystical figure of the sea, half man half fish. I look good, I've always appreciated my outer me but I cannot say the same for the inner one. This way I developed layers and layers of the conceited prick I became. I turned an ego sensitive individual heartless about what was going on in life.
Pain was the path that I was placed to get to know myself better. I haven't had contact with my deepest man up to the day I saw myself in a surreal situation. It all started when I made my mind about going to a deserted paradise to surf and be all by myself. Life had been generous so far, although this adjective didn't use to be part of my terminology. I was not - I can even risk saying I'm still not - spiritual, if this is the expression adopted to describe more evolved beings.
Money flew into my life when I decided to create an app that allowed people to edit their pictures and videos. I was born in an era that digitalized services belonged to aliens and Sci-Fi movies, but I was smart enough to sense this soaring trend at the beginning, this way I jumped onto my board and I took on it like a pipeline. I became one of the pioneers in this area and like most first-place athletes you get to reap the accolades of being number one.
When you are on the top it gets much easier to embark on other well-succeeded waves. Of course, I wouldn't let the momentum aside and I made other apps and created some services and I started my own company and the sum of all my actions brought me enough dough to pour down the drain if I wanted to. Even so let's not forget that all this result didn't make me any better, on the contrary, it amplified the jerk within, like I said before.
As I was thriving on business, my second obsession went along, and I started to travel all around the world to surf at the best beaches a wave boarder could aim for. Athletic build accompanied by the almighty dollar put me in a position of being a desirable guy to be acquainted with. Parties, booze, and women were the perks that became part of my routine. I can't say that I didn't enjoy the effect of prominence.
During my journey through fun, my business was flowing as well as money and even love happened, but I was too self-centered to realize I was nurturing real feelings for a woman. I kept leading life as the way I had been, too full of myself to be aware of what really mattered. Willow was her name; can you hear the peace this name carries just from pronouncing it? Every time I said it, it felt like the tree dancing with a mellow breeze. Her voluminous light brown shiny breezy frizzy hair would reproduce it perfectly.
She was not only charming but able to even make me happy. Our symmetrical accord was fulfilling but still, my perception didn't allow me to abandon the habit of fucking around. It was not clear to me at the time but I was so blind by my so-called grandiose that when I realized Willow was the exact one responsible to arise deeper affection into my being, it was already too late and too broken. She was already gone, and I had no idea what to do to get her back.
Before ruining my duet with Willow, at some point, she moved in with me. My great big house, with all the comforts money can bring you, three cars in the garage, a pool, and a majestic master bedroom which allowed me to rest as well as to please my physical necessity to be inside a female. Willow came one night, then returned another, we had an encore and suddenly I liked seeing her over and over again under my bedspread and walking all over my place.
For a while I was able to return devotion at the same level she deserved. But then my father's voice began echoing inside my mind telling me how great it was to be free after divorcing my mom. I remember his place used to have different shapes and hair colors, curvy, tall, short, or even naked ones circulating in the hall while he believed his son was asleep. 'Liberty and Love are irreconcilable' he used to advise me every time he realized my eye was caught by a girl.
It got even worse when he decided to narrate his disappointment towards marriage, how it led him to lose his spark as the time passed and the children came and my mom put on some weight. I remember when he told me about the flings he had while still married and how he found out that sex could be a great source of achievement. He started to enjoy so much the female build that he decided to terminate the contract he had with my mother and began living a life to enhance his babe magnet's persona.
At first, I hated him for leaving a family just for the sake of answering his primal call. My mother sank eating and fattening while indulging herself on pints of ice cream, trays of cookies and brownies. My teenage years were the raging ones. I would spend night outs partying and surfing, acting out to get people's attention and building up my self-esteem in covers of illusion. I grew apart from my parents and siblings and that average middle-class life. I wanted to be extraordinary but didn't know how to do it wisely. From this repulse for my roots, I developed my flair for thriving no matter what.
Thanks to my charisma I met the right people and build the optimal network to manifest my business and the means to lead a life above the average. Willow came in a slight moment of presence when I started to question my lifestyle but unfortunately didn't last long. After a while, the old programming took over and I went back behaving in excess. A couple of years passed, and she caught a bunch of lies and cheating above her tolerance limit, and then she left after cleaning the drawers and closets which fitted her belongings and I would not hear about her for a big amount of time.
I kept dragging myself, transiting in my addiction to look the coolest besides the booze, parties, women and recreational drugs. Time was flying and in a random night after too much of everything I woke up on a wide step of an inground pool, naked and still intoxicated but conscious enough to realize how insignificant I was. I made a pact with myself that that kind of awkwardness would be the last. I've been trying to dodge my emptiness but that specific event showed me I was failing big time.
I took the rest of my pride, straightened my body and entering in my room I packed my stuff and left. I was aching too much inside which was an indicative it was more than time to act on it. Back home, I sat and planned my retreat to the perfect beach. While watching the photos I could feel the sensation of getting rid of my burdens. The salted water would heal my wounds and make me capable of living a more meaningful existence. H2O is not just an ingredient but an active participant in the making of my life.
Once I reached the place, I felt like the world only contained me, my board and backpack. Few business calls were lost in my cell screen but on that specific day, I was set to aim my attention at me but not as selfishly as I had been. I would be laser-focused on my feelings and manage them to stop being that hollow character devouring everything around with an impoverished soul. The sea was flirting with me, aqua blue, reflecting the light of the sun and forming waves that I knew would be great to ride. I was about to have another experience of being in communion with the ocean, the only ally that I had at that time.
As I stepped a little further into a cliff above the sea, I could really enjoy the alluring scenery. I wouldn't any longer deny how superior I had been acting while building that persona. But nature never lies and the surroundings were proving me how small I was and all that would still keep in the open even if I vanished into thin air. I smiled while picturing myself doing great maneuvers and only being, a state I would allow myself to be at best when I was dwelling within waves. No one was around this way I'd be the only one to experience and witness that promising day.
I was so absorbed in my mind that I didn't notice when the floor gave way causing my left feet to slip and then making my whole body hit the floor and even worst the back of my head. I assume I blackened out for some time, I cannot really distinguish, but when I woke up the scenery was far from appealing. I fell down the precipice and a pounding pain in my head was causing me to go insane. Searching with my hands I realized I had a bleeding bump on my forehead, right above the left side and another one on the back of my head.
How stupid I felt after realizing that the king of the hill had just fallen from a cliff. Not too deep, but high enough to cause damages. The sun was burning my skin pitilessly. I tried to get up but besides my head, a soaring strain in my leg started to bother. Slowly lifting my torso I could spot the area below my waist and I could see I was in a compressed part of the sand that it was not too soft. The worst was when I realized a rock was buried exactly at the height of my right thigh. I had a nasty oozing wound but even worst was the fracture I could acknowledge was caused by the fall.
A moment of hope arose when I spotted my backpack right next to me. I crawled towards it to reach for my cell phone, and supported by my elbows I opened to search for my communication device but when I took it I could notice the screen was shattered. My backpack had the same fate as my body, and with the fall it had collided with another buried rock. That moment I felt deranged how unlucky I could be for not only falling but losing my way of warning people about my situation.
Feeling dizzy probably from the damage in my body and the vulnerability of my status I decided to take a rest, after all, I was sure pretty soon someone would show up. I wouldn't be in that situation for too long. I've always been so prosper and surrounded by people! Despite being a secluded place, it was too beautiful to be on its own. An individual like myself no, even better than me, would decide to surf there that day finding the clumsy one -this narrator, in this specific case.
The hours were passing, I could tell by noticing the change of the Sun. This meant the evening was getting ready to turn up. Pain, shame, humiliation, resentment… All kinds of negative feelings were running through my system. Besides, I started feeling hunger and thirst. Probably after entering a state of delusion I began to picture my kitchen, my double door fridge always full of healthy delicacies. Suddenly I was standing in front of it, choosing what to have, some delicious chicken parm stuffed peppers leftovers and a glass of ice-cold kombucha in one of my hands. The perfect meal to close a perfect day… Being unable to do anything else I started to explore the tools I had available which in that scenario was my mind.
Surfing allowed me to experience how a high performer should behave, and optimizing the mind was a way to lead people to reach their goals. Visualization was handy in a time like this. But when the tide rose I lost my cool. How a smart man like me could be facing such an embarrassing situation. I was hurt, tired, isolated and unable to fulfill my primal needs of survival. Thoughts of unworthiness undertook my head and talking to myself I began to get convinced I was deserving of such cruel fate.
I think I was beginning to fall asleep, I can't be precise, to be honest, when my father's voice resonated telling me it was time to man up. I opened my eyes and searched around but anyone didn't seem to be there. It was when I saw displayed by the water screen, like in a video, the me-boy upset for not being able to go to the park for a bike ride and my father was voicing he was too busy to babysit a kid at my age. I was only eight or nine but he already considered me mature enough to do things on my own. I hated him for that and I remember thinking what could be more important than being with his son. Then I realized my 'mentor' was at that phase of exploring women's femininity and I wondered what could be so interesting about sex.
That episode led me to put on my 'to do' list to not stuck for too long in a relationship because it was not the best choice to be made. I wouldn't be controlled by pussy. I'd get acquainted with it, to get the right amount of satisfaction but not at a point of really engendering a connection to get some. I lost count of how many occasions I felt disappointed with my dad. I got so annoyed by those remembrances that I splashed the water which was already reaching my nose forcing me to grab a rock to pull me up to avoid getting drowned.
I could be at that time watching a surfing documentary on my big TV screen lying flat on my customized king-size bed. I wish I could take a shower and relax while scrolling down the several messages I got from females. Then, like in a dating app, several pictures of the women I slept with started to be swiped in a roll and I could realize even with a hall of fame like that I wasn't any happier. I began to dislike that experience, I had no idea that water contained that capability and it would be influenced by the thought.
Being unaware that water had a tremendous memory, I saw myself forced to deal with that situation. I was oblivious about the fact anyone could change its molecular structure only by thinking. Water has the power of changing the quality of everything in our system and the liquid computer was scrubbing in my face the tormented frame of mind at that moment. I didn't want to establish that connection but the fluid screen didn't have a switch off button. Damn technology…
How sucky it is when you have nothing else to do other than to get locked into your mind. How many voices there are in it haunting you daily. I started to ponder about that. To not get even more depressed, I started to sing, this way I could deviate from the bad episodes of my past. That moment Hoodoo Gurus was echoing and how happy I felt feeling that sound, 1000 miles away, exactly where I would like to be. Parties I've been in my teenage years, the feeling of shaking the body while being guided by the best tunes. Great band Hoodoo Gurus… If a get out alive from here I'll catch a flight to Australia to watch one of their concerts.
First kiss… I could see the cute girl, a blondie one with blue eyes, really adorable. I joined her and we exchanged few words while dancing 'Night Must Fall'. When I approached my lips to hers she welcomed it and then we kissed while 'Castle in the Air' was playing. Hoodoo Gurus really has been with me in my prime time. How good it is to rekindle the first things we do in life… I can feel my young foolish heart pumping like mad while kissing that chick. But I still remember the day I saw her exchanging saliva with another dude and then my heart sank and broke into pieces. I promised myself I wouldn't be those dorky guys who would instantly fall for gals bringing bouquets to woo them.
I started to party more and soon I would be introduced to sex. 'Oblectamentum!' like my father used to say, a delightful experience that came to stay in my life. I decided to explore hard my dopamine release while consorting with females varying a lot and this way I had been most of my years. In the 90s electronic music entered my life along with some MDMA too. It was alluring to listen to Robert Miles while hanging out with my gang. This DJ's tunes had a fairy effect in my system and I would dance feeling the beats and being jeweled by the blinking lights while caressing curvy bodies before mating with them.
The early 2000s were the breakthrough in my business, building a strong network that would lead me to create my first app and its peak would be the release of 'Sketch App' the one who would make people feel like professional photographers only by using a smartphone. In my mid-thirties I was already making more money than my parents could have dream of in a lifetime. Meanwhile, I had the precise connections I needed to access the best concerts, plays, movie premieres, night clubs and private parties ever.
Life was flowing quite well. I can taste it right now along with salted water. Coming back to my senses I realize that hot shot was aching physically, and even worst mentally, in a secluded beach in the middle of nowhere. Where were those people right now? Probably at some party at the coolest spots and no one would be missing me. While leading a party life you get too much absorbed by substances, light, music, and fog to care for someone else.
Time was passing: I could tell because we know it works this way. But for me, it seemed I was stuck in a nightmare being forced to deal with my physical limitations and loneliness. Thoughts about me dying there strengthened and when you face mortality you feel crappy. A new day was rising and the water fell back allowing me to lie down on the sand again. My leg was killing me but I was not bleeding in my back bump any longer. I didn't have a way to measure the hours and all seemed eternally torturing. Some seagulls popped in the area probably planning to eat my flesh, this way I scare them away with my screaming. They would only make me their feast after I was definitely gone.
Then accessing more memory data I started to search how long it would take for a human being to die after days without food and water. I knew that liquid tolerance was shorter than the solid, but I couldn't remember the figures with accuracy. From useful knowledge, I shifted my focus on time traveling to previous experiences. Unfortunately, it was not cool as the movies in which the action and the speed get alluring while you are watching the narrative. Mine was sluggish and mostly it would remind me of sadness, traumas and also planning where I could dig a grave to bury my body. How the mind can be our worst enemy, this I can tell.
Analyzing my current status maybe allowing myself to be carried away by the sea and be drowned until I could no longer endure seemed more appealing than keeping my injured body the way it was. This way I designed a strategy by which during the night, as soon as the tide was high again I would not use any rock to avoid being taken away by the ocean. While rewinding in time I would transit amid taking naps and being awake, at least that was the type of experience my mind understood I was getting. The distance between reality and fantasy is so thin that our brain capability cannot distinguish one from the other. How mortifying for a tall muscular man like me was to be in that fragile condition.
At some point, I heard a chopper passing and I waved and yelled as hard as I could but probably that vehicle never existed other than in the electricity exchanged by my neurons. One more night came and I had to deal with the fact I would surrender my aching body to the sea. When I was about to let the rock go, I spotted a great ass shaking while walking from my bedroom to my master bathroom. It was Willow's, I would never confuse that rocking body of hers with any other. I forgot about giving up and began to pay attention to what was being revealed.
The reason I was recapping that scene so vividly I couldn't tell. But as far as I could understand, that night we made love under the sheets and it was phenomenal like it always had been when my masculinity was inside her. Pity was I hadn't said 'I love you' as much as she told me, because I considered my hardness enough to let her know. Can you see now how people would call me a prick behind my back? I took for granted all the tenderness she directed to me and it was no surprise when I began to sleep with other women while I was away due to business or pleasure. I never drew a line to separate the two.
The night Willow found out few messages on my phone confirming the deceiver I had been, she cried and questioned the veracity of what she was reading. Not even at that moment, I was able to back down and ask her for forgiveness. My heart pointed for love but my analytical mind started to voice that marriage was an old fashioned institution that would make people so miserable that at least one of the sides would end up in a shrink taking prescribed meds. At least I hoped it wouldn't be me. Then the image of my mom overeating to calm down her sugar rush burst into my mind and I felt like I had to get out of that room.
I took one of my fancy cars and I drove for hours, parking at a stripper club and tossing money at those naked feminine dancing bodies. Regret. How truthful I can be admitting I was the one who ruined the only thing I had that was real. Willow loved me; I could see it in her eyes. But it was hard to trust the image of that guy I used to see reflected in her irises if it was me or someone she believed I was. That scared me pretty bad this way on the day she approached me with teary eyes announcing her departure I only looked at her and without saying a word I turned my back and went to my room.
Even being upstairs I could hear her sobbing while waiting for the cab. I knew she was deeply hurt but instead of coming back down and explaining myself while pouring my heart out, I simply took a shower and, lying down on my bed, turned the TV on just to muffle the presence of Willow in my living room. I was so narrow-minded that I was not even able to realize that my behavior right after was indicating how messed up I had been. Single again, I went back to partying hard.
A few months later I would act even worst when my best friend Peter came to me asking for a loan to buy an engagement ring. I laughed at him questioning if that request was a prank and Peter went on explaining he had found the one and he wanted to cause an impression. He was the human side of me, Peter used to party, surf and go wild but he didn't treat people like shit as I did. I envied him for being that way.
That afternoon my best friend was at my office and it was clear how much in love he was. The difference between us was that I had plenty of money to buy more than an engagement ring if I wanted to, while Peter was an employee in a company and would exchange his hours for a paycheck. I've found out at an early age that the mind technology was shaped to provide beyond the models that most people would use as a reference. From these types of mindsets, my entrepreneurial skills surfaced. Peter ended up surrendering to the traditional middle-class dream while attending college and getting a job, the old formula overused by many generations.
I had always been bolder, this way I submitted myself, in the beginning, to crash on his sofa until my crop started to bear fruits. I became wealthy through the years and probably most are questioning why not include a friend in the wave of abundance. The fact was that I liked the idea that I was smarter than Peter and he used to look up at me like I was a type of genius or something. Every time we went to a cool party or a trendy restaurant I would pay for it and Peter would humbly accept like I was a sort of Midas.
What type of a guy would let down a friend in a situation like that... Well, obviously me. I could have paid for the band and even offered as a gift for being the best man. But no, I chose to act like an a-hole and declined his request while lecturing him that I was against marriage and could no longer support a situation like that. Peter looked down to the floor clearly feeling upset but then he smiled thanking me for being honest and left. He even invited me for the ceremony thus I arranged an excuse even so I sent the most expensive gift from the wedding gift list.
Every time I used to think about Willow or Peter my pain would intensify. Instead of focusing on them I began to search for my music. Then the great Moby began to perform the soothing 'The Last Day', a song which used to freak me out. The video showed a Hindi elder which reminded me of the first and only time I attended a yoga practice. The lead man was an Indian who still carried a strong accent. One of my friends dragged me alleging it would be the best experience ever. How wrong could a person be!
Torture, this would be the word I used to describe if someone asked me about yoga. The old Indian would stretch people even if their muscles had to be ripped to align at the right symmetry of the posture. I've been one of the fortunate that day. When he touched me I felt like I was burning in hell and the man kept holding me and twisting my spine until I couldn't bear any longer and asked him to let me go. He frowned and looking into my eyes said that I was too resistant and life would break me. Fuck, here I am.
Inevitably I started to think about death again. Memento Mori. That was looping in my head. Time has come. At least it was playing 'Wait for Me' a great song by the great Moby. I like this DJ, his electronics are deep, the opposite of me. I respect that. I really do. The tide was approaching, one more night there. I started to make calculus trying to figure out how many days I had been there. I couldn't tell. It seemed I had never been human. That entrepreneur who was a great surfer and partied a lot never really existed. I was a bacterium living in that beach while I transurfed into a possibility of being who I thought I was.
Kafka. I was in Frank Kafka's story. I was a microorganism that turned into that entrepreneurial surfer who had lived an empty existence and then one day I bumped into a beggar and while giving some change for the poor soul, the vagrant asked why I looked so sad even having money and being well-dressed. Then I replied my life was miserable and the man looked at me with eyes of disbelief. That beggar got up and, being the incarnation in the human form of a Hindi deity, gave me a sentence. As soon as I failed at transcending the bestiality of the human condition I was doomed to turn back into that bacterium. There I was, a rotting microorganism at a secluded beach.
Pain and isolation were turning me into a storyteller, I could even write a tale about it. Truth to be told I was getting more and more delusional, this way I determined I would let go of my body and be taken away by the ocean for good. I've been developed in the water and to the water, I'd be coming back. Then I started to feel a strong light, my eyes were struggling to open and I could hear some voices but it was too muffled and distant. I was dead. That was it. Angels were assisting me, I even felt one of them pour some water into my mouth but I was so debilitated I couldn't drink too much.
Feeling a little bit stronger I noticed three bodies moving from one side to another and I realized I was still at the beach. Real people were there. Then I heard the sound of a motor and a boat approaching. A couple of men jumped into the sea with a rescue stretcher and not long after I felt my body being placed onto the portable savior. I was carried to the boat and me and others guys flew through the water up to a bay where an ambulance was waiting for me.
I remember flashes of being dragged and the hospital team surrounding me and pitching my arm with needles. Other procedures were performed but I still couldn't distinguish what was happening. I guess I went into surgery but only when I started to leave that period transiting between conscious and unconscious it was when I saw myself in a room. I asked the nurse how long have I been there and she replied it was my second day after the incision in my leg. The doctor was impressed by my recovery and I told him that happened thanks to my athletic discipline which he completely agreed.
Tears came into my eyes when I received my first visitor. Guess who showed up to cheer me up… To be honest, I wished it was Willow, my imagination even created a movie which she would enter in that room and smile seeing me safe and sound after all I had been through. Then she would say she missed me and also that she had been waiting for that moment of awakening which I would tell her how much I loved her in addition to having become a reformed man. Right after I'd ask her for a second chance and she would hug and kiss me passionately while whispering she loved me too and was aching for having me back. Fuck, this is too chick flick.
But that moment happened exclusively on the big screen in my head. My real first company was Peter. Spotting my best friend seated on a chair looking at me with those loving eyes even after a couple of years without talking to each other, brought me tears of joy mixed with sadness for remembering how jerk I had been towards him. We talked for a while and he surprised me when he declared he was happy for me being found and on the way to my full recovery. He told me three guys went to that beach to surf and called the rescue team. I was there between life and death after spending four days, one more I would be gone permanently.
Sobbing I described him my agony, at least the parts I still remembered and when I was finished probably for being softened by the intense experience I decided to ask him if he had any idea where Willow could be. He grinned and said he had already searched for her on social network and sending her a message which explained what had happened to me. I went speechless Peter was my best friend for sure. He knew me like no one would and admitted that deep inside he sensed that Willow was the only woman I had ever loved.
At that moment I hated him, how he could be so wise. Peter chortled and asked if I wanted to get a call from her and then I asked him if he really meant that. He talked to Willow on the previous night and she exposed her worry and sorrow for my whole ordeal. He gave her my number and she questioned him if she should call me. Fuck, yes! I couldn't believe I would talk to that beauty after so long. I felt embarrassed for being such a jerk with her but I would try my best to make amends.
A day later I got a call while I was taking a nap and when I saw an unknown number my intuition pointed to Willow. My heart was trotting like crazy and I felt spinning like riding a high speed merry go round when I slid the screen and there she was as beautiful as always with that prime smile of her. We talked like the old times and she looked genuine while asking how I had been and wishing me to get better soon. In a moment of weakness, or tripping with the strong meds I was being given, I confessed regretting the way I mistreat her. The worst was to listen to her telling me she had a hard time to forget about me but now she was healed and completely let go of the bad experience she had at the end of us.
When I was about to finish gathering enough bravery to ask her for a second chance telling her I was changed and would treat her the way she deserved, Willow interrupted my thoughts revealing she was married and pregnant. Gee, fucking serendipity was not on our side! I have no idea if I was able to disguise my disappointment while listening to her narrative, but she was classy enough to not point that up. She displayed her beautiful belly and parts of her house. It was a nice place, not as lavish as mine but quite pleasant and cozy.
I bet everyone is cheering with this last one event and I cannot disagree I deserved that. To make those who hate me even happier I'll tell the outcome of that call. After hanging up I put on Hoodoo Gurus and I cried pretty bad. Fat thick tears of sorrow that got even worse when 'Castle in the Air' began. I listened to this tune over and over while sobbing. I used to dedicate it to Willow and we would slow dance in my master bedroom while giggling like two fools in love.
I've been out of the hospital for eight months already and so far I'm not the stupid man I used to. I even went back to that yoga place, the one where I met that Hindi elder, and narrated to him what happened to me. I was searching for guidance and the old master realized I needed a little extra love. He recommended me some meditation and yoga postures and I become more open to these ancient tools of harmonizing our micro geometry with the macro one. I attend his workshops and I even started to read a few books about enhancing mind and body connection.
I hope I won't come back to my primal animal self and I'm starting to consider reaching the ideal frequency to attract the right duo to start a family with. My business is still flowing well and I even asked Peter to partner up with me. He is excited about being my associate and believes that he can make good money to buy a bigger house and have his first baby with his wife. By the way, Chloe is not very fond of me but I feel her. I hope with time she can forgive me seeing I really aim to make Peter to prosper providing her an even better life. Who knows she can even introduce me to one of her friends… Nah, I think that would be too much.
Since I wasted too much time with petty things, I decided to live life experiencing everything from new perspectives. I won't contaminate what my five senses capture with the pernicious old me. I still surf and eat healthy, I can even state my relationship with water became even tighter. My master, yes, I confess I became fond of that Hindi man, he says that the water has its own cellular structure which can change with even smallest inputs of vibration. This effect can occur in the form of touch, thought, emotion, a look, an utterance of a sound, a mantra… Water is an intelligent liquid and it's the most valuable computer on the planet. Every time I'm in the sea I feel like I'm having a divine experience and there are days I even chant some mantras in Sanskrit that my master taught me.
I learned the mind and body alliance brings benefits to our body and our life, getting more aligned with the cosmos is a way to open the path for bigger possibilities. I can barely recognize myself, what kind of idea is that… Learning how to manage memory and imagination is a way to enhance our thoughts which are the electrical charge in the memory-space field. When we reach brain and heart coherence, life becomes magic because emotion is the magnet charge which will help us to attract what we've been aiming for. That's really cool!
Who knows if I'm not about to meet a beautiful female who will enhance my happiness and then the two of us will be harmonized and able to build a life for two? Our body is a chemical factory, and those substances are the basis for human experience, that's why I've been working on mine. My master says we don't need anyone to be happy, we are a whole, but I still believe in the interaction of men and women. I've been exercising my visualization practices and designing the partner I'd like to share experiences with. This time I won't mess up and miss the opportunity to be happy.
I'm not partying regularly anymore and I can tell I'm not looking down on people as before. I even began talking to my family again and I saw that my mom lost a lot of weight and has been dating a man. She looks really happy. I got glad for seeing her to blossom like that. But who surprised me the most was my father who stopped fucking around and fell for a lady deciding to settle down after proposing to her. I promised him I'd attend his wedding and I meant to.
In a few days I'm departing to another surf journey to a secluded beach but this time I'm going with few buddies. At least this time if I fall and break any part of my body I won't have to endure such a quest because there will be people to assist me. Chuckles. The end for now.
Chapter 2: Cadence’s Starting Point
The Elixir of Truth
by Candence Zaffino
Lately, I've been thinking about the perks of being single. As soon as I wake up, I meditate and exercise. After breakfast, I leave for work. I live in a small one-bedroom studio, but all for me. I have silence when I want; I listen to the music I choose. I have no one to argue over a program or film I want to watch. My closest friends are already married, and some have small kids.
Every year we have a meeting. It became a tradition. Like it was expected, our gathering was getting close. I admit I tried to escape this year, but everyone protested, and I ended up confirming my presence. In the last few years, I feel I'm not as close to them anymore. All they do is to brag about their glorious accomplishments and family. My perception is I don't belong to that group anymore.
Anyway, my cell phone started to buzz, as usual texts, pictures, and videos from my friends started to pop. Everyone looks happy and excited, showing their partners, home, and children. Some of them made comments about their kids, such as sharing some doodlings, sports competitions, and even the children singing or doing some dancing. I see no fun on the colored scribbles, which seem to have no meaning at all. The prizes in competitions are only symbolical since the kids barely started to walk. Go figure!
One night I was walking back from work, and I spotted a small book store on the way. It was one of those old fashioned ones, not too big and the wood shelves stacked with titles. It had no famous cafe chain store in the corner; you wouldn't find stuffed animals or knickknacks for sale. Books. Only books. Tons of them.
I've always been crazy about books, so I decided to enter and browse. Few people were at the store sitting around on the floor, turning pages, and trying out this or that book. So exciting! The smell was definitely like a book store too. I noticed some titles I had seen at my grandpa's library. Also, it was possible to find new ones too.
A section of used books caught my attention, which contained mostly classics. A candy apple red cover stood out in a pile, and I took that book to check. It was Huis Clos and Sequestres d'Altona, a Jean-Paul Sartre one. Ironically I read years ago the English translation to the ‘No Exit’ play. My grandpa had it in French and English. The famous 'L'enfer, c'est les autres'/ 'Hell is other people' got branded in my brain forever; I've never known why honestly.
Walking in the two aisles of books, I could see at the bottom of the store a door. It seemed another room that was adjunct to the place. I approached, and it had other titles on a few shelves, not as many as the main store. Also, it contained a small counter with few souvenirs. A smiling old lady was behind it and greeted me warmly. I entered:
- What is this section?
The sweet lady answered kindly:
- Here is a special section. We have books of spells, tarot, magical recipes, and few gifts.
- I can see that.
I noticed half a dozen bottles of wine.
- Is this wine good?
- It’s Veritas wine. It’s good when you want to make people tell the truth.
- Yeah right.
I've never believed in those types of things. Probably that section was trendy for young adults. You could see a few magical wands, rocks, cloaks, wizard hats, and the wine. The old lady said:
- The wine is excellent. You should try it.
I was going to buy a bottle of wine for the reunion anyway. As a ritual, every year, the guests would bring drinks to the host's place. I decided to take a risk and buy a bottle of the Veritas one. Probably it would be my last year in that gathering anyway. I was not any longer motivated to join the occasion. This way, I was not concerned with the quality of the wine either.
The so aimed day for the event had come. The whole week my cell vibrated and got full of messages of my friends talking about the dinner. I haven't cooperated with the frenzy. I was not excited at all about our reunion. I have to work on my difficulty in saying no to people! I took a long shower, and I wore my new dress, and I also used curling iron in my honey brown hair. I was feeling pizzazz. I liked the way I looked.
The residence of our meeting it would be Amanda's. She was married to Carl; a well succeed financial advisor. The host for this year was a lawyer and worked for a 'boutique' law firm that only attended high-end clients. The couple lived in a 3,200 square feet house in North Manhattan Beach, CA, and the couple had a 4-year-old-boy. It wouldn't be the first gathering there. Every year the spot for the event would switch among the circle of friends. But mine was never chosen because I was the only one living in a one-bedroom studio.
When I got there, everyone has already arrived. At the entrance, I heard the same compliments "You never change.", "You haven't aged a bit," "You look smart," and such. I placed my Veritas wine among the others. My bottle was the only one that was not as expensive as the rest. This fact didn't bother me because I was not concerned to please anyone any longer.
The living room had two walls of floor to ceiling sliding doors. It was alluring to see the backyard and pool through them. I sat on the sofa, and Charlotte was the first to approach me. She asked how I had been doing, about my work and such. None of my friends took my profession seriously. They consider being a meditation instructor, not a real job. I like doing what I do despite making much less than my friends.
At some point, we were all seated in the dining room, serving good portions of food, which was nice. I became a vegan a few months ago, but for me, the salad and wild rice would be plenty. Some of my friends would make a few remarks I was not eating enough and such. But I wouldn't mind. For me, that occasion was to be with them, neither for the food nor the wine.
We were talking, laughing, and drinking when suddenly a strong wind began to blow announcing a storm. Some lightening started, and soon a heavy rain fell. It didn't last for so long and washed away the clouds. It allowed a beautiful full moon to be revealed. The storm was gone, but then a blackout in the neighborhood happened. Blocks were pitch-dark. Amanda took her cell phone flashlight and brought few candles and placed some in the dining table and also in the coffee table in the living room.
The effect was pretty impressive; all guests around the table lighted by candles. The moonlight also helped to give a special touch for the night. I appreciated the effect of candles and moon luminescence; at least it was something different to be remembered. Suddenly my phone rang, and I excused myself from the table. I had to take that call because it was about a significant training I would be giving next week in a company. I went to the hall, and when I came back to the table, my friends were drinking my Veritas wine.
For my surprise, no one was complaining or criticizing the quality of the alcoholic beverage. The bottle was gone, and everyone seemed enjoying its taste. At some point, the four couples were quiet. That was weird. I asked for some, but the Veritas one went dry. I only had the opportunity to take a sip from Charlotte, who handed her glass to me.
I remembered what the old lady said about the wine, and I thought how much bogus those magic stores used to sell. I looked at my friends, and all seemed a little gloomy. The atmosphere shifted, and no one was laughing and talkative anymore. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by Amanda:
- You know, I have been doing a lot of cosmetic interventions lately. That's why I look so good on my pics and my social media profiles. I usually choose carefully every item I eat and drink, I exercise every day, and I use lots of products to keep this good look of mine.
She stopped for a while:
- I also do teeth whitening, and I had a boob job last year. This way, I'm not having any more children whatsoever. I don't want to damage this body I invested so much on.
Silence, all went quiet. I felt bad because the old lady was right. That wine caused an effect on people. I've never heard Amanda talking about her appearance obsession before. Not even when she was at college and used to hide the tricks for her excellent shape from us. Her husband Carl was the next:
- You look great, Babe. But even this way, I cannot avoid having an affair with my co-worker. After our boy was born, you became a bore! You are so obsessed with your appearance and your career that I see no place for me anymore.
That was so inappropriate! I felt embarrassed that wine was my responsibility! I tried to voice something, but I was interrupted by Kirsten, another friend:
- I hate my job and my life. After I got married, I live this routine like a robot. Sometimes I feel I'm losing my mind! I look at my house, my car, my husband and I wonder how I got here.
Kirsten paused and then said:
- We have a small baby girl, but breastfeeding and having her crying interrupting the nights are not fun at all!
Pretty shocking! I wanted to tell my friends to stop talking, but it seemed impossible. Paul, Kirsten's husband, started:
- Well, I'm fed up as well! We both work a lot to pay the mortgage, health insurance, taxes, home insurance, and so on. We take only one week off every year. Life is not exciting at all. I feel I'm not living too; it's like dragging the days through the years.
I tried to mend the situation by saying:
- Hey, we should talk about the good aspects of our lives instead.
- How’s that?!
Alice broke in:
- It seems no one is happy. So, we don't have anything else to talk about it. After college, people get a job and start faking they are pleased with life, marriage, family, bills.
Damn, everyone was getting depressive. I wished I hadn't brought that wine! I was not comfortable with that at all. Alice added:
- When I graduated, I was so happy. I had a full life ahead of me. But you are right. Working and paying mortgage is so lame! I got pregnant last year, but I had an abortion.
Daniel, her husband, jumped out of his seat:
- What are you talking about?! I’ve never known you were pregnant!
- Yes, darling. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd have wanted me to keep the baby. I wasn't prepared to bring a child to this world, and I feel I'll never be! It's too much responsibility. A child changes everything in the life of a couple.
Everyone seemed surprised by Alice's revelation. Daniel was frowning; he looked upset with his wife. At that point, I didn't know what to do. It seemed it had no way to stop the Veritas after-effect. Matter a fact, only one last couple was remaining. Maybe none of them had anything to add. But I was wrong, of course. David declared:
- I'm attracted to men as well. I sometimes hook up with some, and I enjoy it.
"Oh my!" I thought. That was personal! Charlotte gazed her husband:
- I'm pregnant with a second child! How come you say something like that in front of everyone! You never looked gay at all.
- I'm not gay. I said I have pleasure with both women and men. But don't worry, dear. I want us to keep married. My adventures with men happen occasionally. I don't want to split up. I want to keep our family.
At least it didn't have anyone else to blurt out any more uncomfortable data. Another storm came, and the clouds covered the full moon again. A few minutes later, the light was back. Everyone cheered and seemed happy. I stared at each couple, and none looked annoyed anymore. I had the impression the Veritas wine stunt was gone, and no one remembered about anything. Phew! The dessert came, and my friends and their husbands kept talking as their usual. The night finished quite well. I was glad no one shared any other dark secret.
After that dinner, life took its course, and every one of us kept following our routines. A few days after that remarkable night, I went to that same book store. But for my surprise, that place at the bottom of the store wasn't there anymore. I asked for the clerk:
- What happened to that adjunct shop in the back?
The guy didn't remember about any. The book store never had another shop in it. How odd!
A year after, the same gathering was being organized. That time it would happen at Charlotte's. Like every year, people were sending pictures, videos, and talking about their great life. I was thrilled. No one but me knew that was an act. But it didn't matter since most people have their social profile and apart from their inner truth. That's part of the human experience.
I would join my friends one more year, and that time I wouldn't bring Veritas wine at all. I would buy a nice bottle and enjoy their company. I've been making more money after my mindfulness meditation book was published. I also started giving some lectures. Life has been flowing well, and I wanted to share it with my friends. Hooray!
I woke up and watched the time: 3:00 am. That dream was so vivid that I thought it had happened. It was about time. I had to stop living a life full of lies. I was not aligned with my inner truth. I was too focused on the wrongs aspects of myself. After reading that Richard Yardley's book about his roaming across sacred lands, I quit faking I was living and decided to plunge into the unknown. I bought my ticket and set my journey for a monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India.
Chapter 3: Different Dimensions
Bits about myself - Jaxon
My name's Jaxon Murphy, and my friends call me Jax. I was born in 1976 in Alexandria, VA. I have recovered from my asthma thanks to swimming classes, and it was when my parents decided to move to a coastal community and chose Torrance, CA. I was ten and discovered the fun and the pleasure of surfing. Since then, I started to spend hours in the sea and found about the close connection I had with salted water. In my teens, I even got some prizes at competitions and can tell I gained respect from people when I popped up on a board.
Even not being a professional surfer, I dedicate long hours to my hobby, and while building up my skills in the ocean, I developed my own business, which through the years, made me rich and even more arrogant. After creating an app for smartphones, money flooded into my life, and I kept traveling and surfing in the most beautiful and secluded places in the world.
It's easy to get deluded when you are on top. I began to party hard and also to use recreational drugs as a way to seize life. A couple of years ago, I met Willow, the woman who would make my heart sings, but after years of years practicing the jerk within, I wasted this great opportunity to be at the side of someone significant. Willow found out about my cheating, and she left me on a cloudy and rainy Sunday afternoon. Yeah, it sounds pretty much like a cliché.
Not knowing how to gain her back, I kept working like crazy, boozing, and consorting with beautiful females as a way to fulfill the hole I felt inside. But through the years, I felt so miserable that one night after partying hard, I woke up naked and alone seated upon a broad step of an inground pool in a mansion in Costa Rica. I rented that place to host a huge party full of beautiful people, and even the famous DJ Bryce Hartford, performed that night.
At some point, I approached Bryce, and we talked for a while, and he struck me with the words he was happily married with a baby boy and three stepchildren. While speaking about his wife Amber, DJ Bryce told me how transcending was to have met her. Amber was a talented writer, and some of her novels turned into movies, and I had no idea a cool DJ could be so orthodox. Bryce told me he had his wild days while partying and using some substances, but in his early 30s, that lifestyle was any longer serving him.
Listening to that tall, muscular build and quite good looking DJ, I could barely believe Bryce Hartford would finish that night packing his gadget and zooming back home to spend time with his family. It was undeniable the women would stare at him licking their lips with lust, and when I invited him to stay over, DJ Bryce chuckled and thanked me, but he would rather take his private jet to be with his gem-wife. That moment I saluted him for being there and went back to the dancing floor where soon after, I would score three beauties to spend the night in my master bedroom.
How I got naked and alone in that pool is still a mystery to me. But that episode was enough to pinpoint that my way of covering my emptiness was not working. I came back home on that same day after packing my stuff and leaving without looking behind. Back home, I planned my retreat at an alluring secluded beach oblivious of what was reserved to me. Stepping on that deserted beach, I had a stupid accident falling from a cliff, and after waking up, I noticed my broken leg and also two bumps in my head.
The worst of all was to deal with the voices in my mind. All the programming I developed to become that shallow man I had been, had to come to an end. I faced hunger, thirst, regrets, and a soaring existential pain, being the last one by far the hardest to handle. I talked about this episode with a lot of details already, so I'll skip to the part after leaving the hospital. A couple of weeks after being discharged, even with a cast on my leg, I looked for Abhay Srinivasan, an Indian yogi.
I've met yogi Srinivasan through a friend, but at first, I hated him and his yoga class. Fortunately, that one-time experience was enough for that figure to brand my mind when he frowned his face telling me I was too resistant to the practice, and life would break me. I went back to his studio on a day and narrated my ordeal on that secluded beach. He warmly listened to me, and after I finished the narrative, Abhay smiled and said that I was ready to start my practice. As soon as my leg got healed, I started being mentored by that peculiar Indian elder.
My start with yogi Srinivasan happened almost a year ago, and now I'm prepared for another retreat on a beach, and this time I'm bringing a few friends. But this next journey is going to be described in another narrative. Chuckles. The end for now.
Debut - Cadence
Hi, my name's is Cadence Zaffino, nick Cady. Born in 1987, I'm currently 33 years old, and a few years ago, I started teaching meditation, and now, I've been giving lectures and training at companies. But things haven't been so fluid like nowadays. When I was 28, I was broke and miserable. I had to reach rock bottom to be able to wake up and make a meaningful shift into my life.
After I resigned from my job even when drowning in debts, I took a flight to India, where I met Angyo Banko, a monk who changed my life. I was a tormented soul, anxious, and my mental state was precarious. I was in the middle of lots of monks, and Angyo stood out because he was a Western individual like me. My first weeks were a nightmare. Literally! I could barely sleep and eat. But the worst was the crying. I used to weep for hours, and in one of those terrible days, Angyo Banko approached me.
That monk's soothing voice calmed me down, and he started to talk about when he first moved to the monastery. He was British and had protruding brown eyes that would transmit peace while someone would stare at them. How surprised I felt when this monk told me when he first joined the monastery, he was a troubled individual who endured long nights while experiencing insomnia and chronic pain all over his body. Migraines would bother him regularly, and he told me he even had suicidal thoughts.
I could barely believe that man was telling me his entire life story, and while he was doing it, most parts resonated with me. On the following days, I would be warmly welcomed by this incredible man who had the guts to leave society for good and start living in a monastery situated in a valley in Northwestern India. I would wake up at three in the morning, and along with Angyo, I would do my first meditation and chant of the day among all monks.
A few days passed, and Angyo Banko invited me to join him as a volunteer at a hospital in the nearest village. I promptly accepted because I went to India determined to return home as a reformed woman. Being born and raised at Manhattan Beach, CA, I got used to being dressed up and always with some make-up on since my teenage years. My parents were well succeeded, being my dad, a luxury car salesman, and my mother, a real estate agent. We were not the happiest as a family, but living in a nice neighborhood in an upper-middle-class condo made me believe I had it all.
That illusion was wiped up my from my life when I entered college, and I felt lost and lonely, having no idea if I was doing right. I graduated in marketing, and I got a job as a real estate agent, which I hated from the guts of my being. I was so sucky at it that I could barely make ends meet, and then I decided to take a Reiki course and become a therapist even after my parents calling me to ask me if I had lost my mind.
As a Reiki therapist, I didn't do much better still, which led me to develop low self-esteem and self-loathing. I was born with a rare condition called heterochromia iridis, but the name sounds worse than the abnormality itself. I have a pair of blue eyes, which most people consider incredible, but in my left one, I have a honey-colored stain under the pupil. This unique characteristic interfered in my self-confidence, and when I was 13, I started to be bullied due to it.
I had a hard time to handle the teasing and nasty commentaries. This way, I ended up working out and dieting a lot to reach the perfect body. I would check every inch of my waist, thighs, weighing myself several times a day, and keeping track of everything I used to intake. Besides this obsession with my body, I would spend most of my earnings with clothing, shoes, and accessories in a way to look fashionable and flawless.
Through the years, I got broke after spending more than my income allowed and getting credit card debts. And then, I became depressive and robotic in a way that my parents interceded and checked me into a psychiatric clinic. I was 25 already, and I would hate everyone and everywhere. A couple of months later, I was discharged, and I had few jobs trying to make something meaningful with myself.
The zombie Cadence was dragging herself through the routine of life precisely like that Radiohead's song 'True Love Waits' which says that one's not living but just killing time. Walking randomly through the streets, I bumped into a charming café when I saw a group of people watching a guy on a stage. That man was a mindfulness coach and opened my eyes.
Skipping some paragraphs of my story, I'll let you know how I ended up in a monastery in India if you are still interested in listening to my storytelling. I talked too much for now. It's late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. That's it, over and out.
Chapter 4: Plunging
Retreat #2 - Jaxon
As I said it on my first chronic, I planned another retreat on a beautiful beach. One year ago or so, I had the same experience, but that time I was all by myself, and I had an accident, which resulted in a significant shift on my perspective. I'm a well-succeeded entrepreneur who surfs as a way to experience life on a different level. After being in the sea, I feel more centered and ready to make it happen.
Let me tell you about this other experience. I went to an exquisite beach in New Zealand. Three surfers that I know for a couple of years were with me, and one of them brought a friend. It's impossible not to remember the guy. He had a unique name, and talking to him sounded like tripping on a mushroom journey. Truth to be told is this time, no drugs or any substances were used. I've been detoxing from my old self this way I have been only drinking a little at a few social events.
When you change your values, old friends start to question you. I've been teased already about not using MDMA or even partying hard anymore. But I don't give a damn. I chose these new habits consciously, and I'm committed to myself on not feeling the emptiness that has been haunting me since the past. Anyway, this retreat at the beach proved to me I'm in a transitional state. My surf mates in this last expedition were unlike the usual type of people I'm surrounded by.
Amit Ananda. That is the name of the guy who made me enjoy even more this journey to New Zealand. Amit is a seeker, and he defines himself this way, as he has traveled to all kinds of places. When Amit told me he had been a fashion photographer and dated models, I could barely believe it. But he admitted that was his old self, the one he started to dislike so much that ended up leading him to the ER of a hospital believing he had a heart attack. That resonated with me in some way. I'm looking for ways of changing my previous identity because after getting injured and alone during four days in a deserted beach, I realized I had reached rock bottom.
But back to Amit, he told me about his great wanderings at the most exotic places, and when he first started, he was aching pretty bad inside. While he was exploring India, he saw poverty, diseases, death, but he met humble people that would have some brightness in the eyes that would impress him. He lived in NYC at that time and believed he had it all. But then after that panic attack, he started to question himself if all that he thought was true. Wow, the guy is intense. At least for me.
I confessed to him I was new at that kind of tour within. He laughed enjoyably and said that everything in life had a starting point, and I had just found mine. We surfed and chatted a lot. One day Amit Ananda said his name meant 'endless bliss.' I asked him if that was his birth name, and he chuckled, saying that obviously, he was not Indian. He was given that Sanskrit name after spending six months in an ashram. Spending this amount of time in a place like that sounded too crazy for me, and Amit replied that everyone had one's sacred place to be. I liked that.
Amit sounded a little bit kook, but he was a captivating man to be with. He would talk a lot, using music, movies, and art as doorways to go beyond, and I'd listen to him and think some things sounded insane but others poetic and inspiring. We listened to Moby a lot, and Amit liked this DJ too, like me. But he was crazy about the classic rock band 'The Doors.' He would joke that he was always 'Stoned Immaculate' thanks to Prophet Morrison. It's how Amit calls Jim Morrison, the band's lead man. I would laugh at that.
Magical days I had at the beach surrounded by good company and bonding with this unique figure. Amit narrated the friendship he had with the great pro champion surfer Chesney Henry Wright. I thought that was cool. When Chesney was living in Australia, they bumped into each other at a party and started a close friendship. At that time, the Hawaiian pro champion surfer was looking for ways to help one of his best friends who was facing a hard time in his life. It was the pro champion skater called John William Carter. Those guys became legends in Southern California some years ago. I used to listen to tons of stories about them, Chesney Henry, John William, and Joseph were a triad of friends, and they nominated themselves as 'The Dauntless Boys.'
Amit Ananda confided to me that when Chesney met him, the jazzy surfer was looking for answers, and thanks to his girlfriend went on a spiritual quest, which led him to connect with a neuroscientist and an IT prodigy. That sounded cool, and I was interested to know what happened after that reunion. Amit told me great episodes he lived in Australia along with the fantastic pro surfer Chesney Henry.
What I learned from Amit's experience is how amazing and mysterious the universe is while connecting people and unfolding situations. Thanks to that movement based on the love of the Dauntless' brotherhood, the great entrepreneur Stephen Reed was able to emerge on Silicon Valley. I was amazed to notice that Amit Ananda witnessed this prodigy since from the beginning. Stephen Reed is a rising star nowadays launching services and products that improve the life of a lot of people. I had no idea that everything started with Chesney Henry and the search for a solution to his buddy John William.
That story moved me. I had no idea that an influential pro champion surfer and movie stunt like Chesney Henry could be so profound. Amit told me that Chesney was in a moment of questioning his core values. Exactly like I've been doing now. Meeting Amit Ananda didn't happen at random. I could feel it. After hours of surfing and talking, Amit invited me to go to The Puzzled concert. He had VIP backstage passes because the wondrous bassist Joseph Turner was one of surfer Chesney Henry's soul brothers. This way, Amit had the chance to meet the musician.
This rock band is one of the most well succeeded of all times, a fantastic trio formed by the guitarist and vocalist Cooper Hammond, drummer Zander Dragonet and bassist Joseph Turner. Their lyrics have wisdom because the band members are committed to consciousness expansion. I couldn't say no to such an offer. Amit said Joseph meditates and also became a vegan a few years ago. Everyone knows Cooper Hammond has been heroin-addicted, but after treating himself with the famous Ayurvedic doctor Jayesh Chakrabarti, the rocker changed his fate.
This Amit guy is well connected, and the good part is that he turned into a bridge for me to access different profiles of people. I've never considered myself a meditation sort of a man, but after my accident, things are changing. Being able to meet famous rockers who I find cool and also related to healthy lifestyles is a great opportunity for me to renew my beliefs. I've always thought that you had to get high to have fun. Amit told me Joseph and his bandmates are not following the rock and roll cliché whatsoever. That's why their music is getting better and better at touching people's souls.
I end for today feeling great after an incredible surfing experience at one more incredible spot on this planet. I've been in contact with Amit Ananda, and I think he's going to turn into a real friend. We are arranging to go to NYC to watch the band The Puzzled alive. It will be the first time I get acquainted with famous rock stars. Meanwhile, I've been meditating and practicing some yoga, and my mentor Abhay Srinivasan says that I'm already showing signs of my transition. That's pretty cool. The closure. For now. Chuckles.
Beginning again - Cadence
Even after being at intensive therapy at the age of 25, I kept broken. I've found a way to manage my obsession with my fitness and fashion consumption up to the day I fell for a guy. We move in together, and after a year and a half, he dumped me for another one. Truth to be told, I was not so much in love with him, I was passionless about myself. When we don't have a harmonic relationship with ourselves, we search for love on somebody else. Life became a burden, and I went back shopping and working out hard.
On one sunny afternoon, while walking on the sidewalk, feeling a total loser and lonely, I bumped into a charming café. In that place, I could see a lot of people there, not only drinking tea and coffee and having brownies and muffins but listening to a guy on a small stage. I felt compelled to come in and took a seat. The guy had fabulous communication skills, and he was talking about mindfulness meditation. I've never meditated in my entire life, and the idea of being standing still watching your breathing sounded impossible to me.
In the end, the man took everyone to a guided meditation, and I was able to close my eyes and relax. It was for about ten minutes only, but enough to make me feel good. Finished, people got up and approached the lecturer to compliment and thank him. Curious, I came nearer too, and next to the small stage, it had a stack of books with that man on the cover. I bought one, and he signed, saying that I should explore my potential better. That intrigued me, I went back home, and I started reading.
The book was catchy, and I read it in a few days. It was when I decided to search for some info, and I saw that Richard Yardley had been a Silicon Valley entrepreneur that had lost everything and went into an inner journey while traveling through exotic lands. I checked his website, and he would be giving a talk in a few days in Santa Monica. I bought a ticket, and there I went to see that man again. I noticed he was becoming popular, and I could see his audience was made of all kinds of people. Young adults, middle-aged people and, elderlies too.
When I went to speak with Richard, he recognized me from the café. I got amazed by that, but he explained he had some techniques to memorize names and faces. I laughed at that. It meant I was no special at all. He said we all mattered, but the most important thing was how we would deal with ourselves. I think he could see I was screaming inside. Under my make-up and fashionable outfits, it still had the real me. I asked him how he had shifted from an entrepreneur to a meditative man. Richard smiled and told me it happened after his journey to Thailand, India, and China.
Richard Yardley invited me to have a café with him. This way, we had plenty of time for him to narrate his experience after failing big time with his Startup Company and then backpacking while visiting sacred places. At some point, I thought he would make a move on me, but I misread the situation. Richard was not into taking advantage of a woman due to his charisma. I confess I would effortlessly sleep with him, and I feel he was aware of that. He paid for our café, took an Uber, and left not without giving me a tight hug, but nothing in a sexual manner to be honest.
After that encounter, I spent the whole night trying to figure out who Richard Yardley was and what kind of thoughts and aspirations he would have. According to his book, he was committed to the awakening of people. He wanted to make a difference showing that anyone could reach goals and turn their dreams into reality no matter how difficult they seemed. It was a matter of getting to know better the straight relationship between mind and body. That did not convince me, but even this way, I started to attend some events related to it. And when Richard Yardley teamed up with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, I couldn't miss that occasion, and I bought a seat very close to the stage. A meditation coach and an Ayurvedic physician together in the same event, I thought that could turn into a precious way of spending time.
I appreciated the presentation, explanations about the effects of meditation on the body, the release of natural chemicals, and the state of mind that people would reach when keeping a disciplined practice. At the time to leave the event, heavy rain started, and while I was in the lobby about to call a cab, a man who also attended the same lecture approached me. We started chatting uncompromisingly, and he told me about his time of meditation and even the seminars he had been participating in lately.
That interaction was pleasant, and when I called for an Uber, we ended up exchanging contacts. A few days later, we would go on our first date, and as a pattern in my life, we started to see each other regularly. It didn't take a couple of months for me to be already in a relationship. Life was flowing fine, and while working and trying to establish meditation in my routine, I was seeing Terry, the man I met at the lecture.
Time passed, and suddenly in one night, I caught myself awake at Terry's apartment naked and staring at the sky from the balcony. I felt something was wrong. I was not any happier, and eventually would surrender to my addiction to shopping and building the perfect body. I wouldn't talk to anyone about any of it, and I would feel that relationship was going nowhere, either. Terry didn't know who I was. I felt like even I didn't know me too. That loneliness would haunt me from time to time, and I felt like screaming and running through the streets.
Suddenly Terry was awake and approaching me, we kissed, and soon after we would be in bed having sex. Meanwhile, I was noticing that things were just fine, and that was it. I was not pleased with my work, neither my routine. And Terry was not wrong, but not I searched for in a man either. And there I was tied up in another meaningless relationship. I noticed I would settle down for less too quickly. I always looked for the sensation of waking up in the morning feeling motivated to start another day. I wanted to have a fulfilling endeavor that I could help people to grow as much as I had been in pursuit of. I wished to be with a man who would make me feel thrilled to be with, and intimacy time would be sublime. Speaking the truth, I was not getting any of it.
To not drag any further that moment, I faked I was enjoying Terry's moves inside me and soon after he would be lying by my side smiling and believing he had made me feel as pleased as him. When the sun started to rise in the sky, I promised myself I would not face another day like that. Nothing was working for real. This way, I had to shock myself with something that would eject me from my comfort zone for good. I took Richard Yardley's book, and after turning several pages, I reached the one he described his period in India.
At that moment, I made my mind about going to that place too. I would design part of the journey Richard Yardley had done and visited the ashram he exposed in the narrative. That was the prelude of the awakening of a woman. I wouldn't be one more in the flock anymore following a robotic routine, which would only bring out the same old frustrating results. Just by the thought of that, I would feel every cell in my body to get electrified like listening to good jazz as Coltrane!
That morning after breakfast, I broke up with Terry telling him I was about to depart for an expedition, and I didn't know when I would be back. I remember he looked at me with a question mark on his face. I bet he believed everything was flowing well between the two of us. Gee, I was getting tired of being led by the word MIS-TAKE. I had taken so many wrong roads, that nowhere land was the only destiny I would get.
A few hours later, I would be resigning from the company I had been working for the last year, and even under my parents' protests, I bought the ticket and set my backpack to that monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India. That moment was significant to me, and I had to find the appropriate soundtrack for it. While listening to 'Necrology' by The Cinematic Orchestra, I could sense the old Cadence was about to die.
Even petrified by panic and about to have an anxiety episode, I boarded the plane anyway. When I was on my seat, I felt like I was about to suffocate and faint. Despite the dizziness, I longed for getting rid of keep living in fear of angst. People get fixed on mental models and build a whole life around them. How long I have been living like that, always anticipating the worst, expecting pain and disappointment in return. I was bringing my prescribed meds but aiming deep inside to get rid of that pillbox case. Regarding my time in India, I'll talk about it in my next narration. Hope to see you there! Bye!
Chapter 5: Renewal
Evolving - Jaxon
After meeting the one and only Amit Ananda, I started to build new friendships. That retreat in New Zealand was quite a shift in my perception about human connection. I, Amit, and a few other guys arranged to go to a Hoodoo Gurus gig. I would finally accomplish the commitment I made at that deserted beach while hurting physically and emotionally. I promised myself if I had the chance to get out of there alive, I would watch the band in Australia. Step by step, I've been accomplishing the pledges I made towards my transformation.
By the way, Amit lives in Aussie land and loves it. It was there he had met the famous pro surfer champion, Chesney Henry Wright. Chesney had adopted that country as his home for a few years, until the time he decided to move back to California to be closer to his buddy, the skateboarder John William. Their friendship was so beautiful that it generated a documentary. Recently, Hollywood bought the rights to turn into a movie. I bet it's going to be a great motion picture. Like it happened to the Z-Boys one.
Can you picture the scene of a bunch of 40ish surfers and Hoodoo Gurus on a stage? That night was remarkable. Maybe it was me, I'm not sure, but the band still has that energy of raising your heartbeats in a way that it would be impossible not to sing and dance. Amit and I had a blast! I felt grateful for meeting guys who I could bond with after so many years of shallow informal contacts. That night I drank a little, but I didn't get altered as I used to when attending social events. Amit was pumped and joked being always high, tripping in his substances. He is hilarious.
At '1000 Miles Away', I experienced what Amit uses to preach precisely; we don't need to get high other than with our biochemicals. I felt like a teenager, but even better, that time, I used to drink and use recreational drugs, searching for a way to enhance my experience of partying. But at that concert I felt sober and present, enjoying every tune and getting aware that music is quite tripping itself.
On the following day, we went for a tour, and Amit asked if I'd like to meet Chesney Henry's former house. I agreed, and we both went to a charming cottage at Bells Beach. What beautiful scenery, the beach looked perfect for surfing and some young ones were seizing their waves. Entering the place, Amit introduced me to the rising star Stephen Reed. The prodigy entrepreneur had bought the home from Chesney Henry when the surfer decided to move back to California.
Stephen is quite young, but his company is currently one of the most successful at Silicon Valley. He was courteous and insisted on us having lunch with him. Stephen showed us the place, and when I saw the office, I asked if he was writing a book. I could see a manuscript on the table, and I felt curious. Stephen chuckled and said that his uncle was there writing one about how thoughts can change the structures of our brain. I got intrigued by it, and the young prodigy said his uncle was venting on the beach but would be joining us soon.
Jackpot! How lucky I could be meeting not only one of the most influential entrepreneurs in the world but also his uncle, the neuroscientist, author, and also lecturer Dr. Alan Caspari. Stephen started narrating the time he designed a project to develop a program to influence people to change their brains. The beginning was when Amit Ananda contacted him to develop a way to assist a young man. The guy was the renowned skateboarder John William, one of the pro-surfer Chesney Henry's best friends. From that, Stephen Reed's stood out with his findings, and several companies wanted to hire him and invest in developing his products. Stephen had the assistance of not only his uncle, Dr. Caspari, but also the Ayurvedic physician, Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti.
Dr. Chakrabarti is famous in the US, continually attending TV shows and lectures too. While talking to Stephen, I felt the importance of community. The bond among the physician, the neuroscientist, and the IT prodigy, along with the physicist Dominic Murphy generated one of the great companies of all time, Android Mind. Meanwhile, Dr. Alan Caspari was back from the beach, and the neuroscientist joined us in a great conversation about personal growth, business, and body-mind relation.
I could barely believe while listening to those men talking about their businesses and how they achieved such a position at Silicon Valley. I spoke about my business too, and Stephen was humble and generous enough to give his opinion of how I could improve even more my venture. I asked about Dr. Caspari's next book, and the neuroscientist told me shortly it would be at the stores, but as soon as it got printed, he would send me a copy as a gift. Wow! I felt honored by that.
We had a great lunch, talking about mindset, neuroplasticity of the brain, synapses, and active learning, besides business and the beauty of the neighborhood. When Amit and I left, I thanked him a lot for being able to meet such bright minds. He chuckled and nodded, Amit Ananda was acquainted with the coolest individuals in the world. I had to give him that! Then he said he would be in NYC in a few months for The Puzzled’s concert. This way soon, we would be meeting again in the backstage area. I was pretty excited. It would be my first time among famous rockers.
The Puzzled has become one of the biggest bands, but no wonder the members are mentored closely by Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti. The doctor treated the leading vocal Cooper Hammond due to his heroin addiction. Using Ayurvedic medicine and meditation, Dr. Chakrabarti had cured a lot of people, and many famous were among them. He was a celebrity doctor and joined Stephen Reed's team thanks to the project the young entrepreneur developed for the skater John William. Joseph Turner, the band's bassist, was John William and Chesney Henry's best friend, and the musician summoned Dr. Chakrabarti to assist on the skateboarder's treatment.
I got amazed to see how everything is connected, from a beautiful friendship among three friends, a neuroscientist, a doctor, and an entrepreneur teamed up. From that union of brilliant minds, it generated a company that would develop great products and services to serve people worldwide. Stephen Reed had been investing a tremendous amount of money in advancing on the field of brain-computer interface, quantum computing, and sources of renewable energy, among other things. Android Mind is just starting, and I tried to picture in my mind what outcome it will get in the future.
That was something I really would like to reach with my company, to make a real difference in people's lives through my apps and services. My values had been changing a lot, and my meditation and yoga mentor Abhay Srinivasan said it was expected. As soon as I altered my habits and some thinking, I started to experience new things. I have chills in my face just by remembering his words. Gee, this man is intense! Abhay has such a presence that when I talk about him, I feel like he's looking at me right now. Creepy! Chortles.
The yogi Abhay also told me we could have a quantum leap in how we experience life by only thinking differently, not through working harder and smarter, as most people believe. That is something I have to learn how to apply in my life. I asked him if he had read neuroscience literature about the brain and such. He chuckled and said no. I questioned him how he would know so much about everything, and Abhay replied only by meditating and getting aligned with the cosmos he would download all the information he needed.
That sounded crazy to me, and we talked for hours about that. But this is a subject to be discussed another day. Let's call it a day!
Rewiring - Cadence
I slept during most time of my flight to India. I admit I reinforced my sleeping pills, but the conveyance was too long for a troubled woman like me. I woke up a little before landing at the time for breakfast. At the airport, I took a cab for the mountains where the monastery was located. It was a foggy, rainy day, and that made me feel depressed. It was cold, and I could not perceive the colors and the beautiful environment the monastery was in.
A monk was expecting me and showed me briefly the surroundings and the area destined to the guests. My room was tiny and had a TV available, which I was determined not to use at all. Even though the place also offered a good wi-fi signal at almost every room, I also committed to myself I would use my smartphone the least I could. On the following day, I began my routine, which was arranged previously of my arrival. My schedule was developed according to my goals set.
On the first days, I was so nervous that I would do meditations and studies without thinking. But soon, my mind and body got used to the idea of being so far away from home, and then I started to present doubts and disbelief about what I had been doing. I understood that was a pattern in my life, to get bored quickly and even to give up on my plans. At that monastery, I could notice how small I was compared to the cosmos. Some days the guests would attend lectures in which a few monks would explain some sacred scriptures and concepts of spirituality. It was my first contact with that kind of subject.
After dinner, I would go back to my room and cry. I didn't know why I would feel that way, but then I would take my pills and sleep. That season contained only a few guests because it was fall and cold. One morning during meditation, my tears started to run down my face, and suddenly, I felt a hand giving me a tissue. Opening my eyes, I saw a Western look-like man dressed as a monk. I got surprised by that. Later that monk would approach me again, introducing himself as Angyo Banko. I could notice his accent was British.
From that day on, whenever Angyo had some time, he would talk to me. Some days he would be freer, and we both would talk for hours. Then I started to pay more attention to my way of behaving and thinking. One day I confessed to being tired of feeling useless. I would see myself as a defeated woman who had a few mediocre jobs and also average relationships. Angyo remarked I was too identified with that frame of reasoning. And that was the motive I had been so depressive. That made me feel uncomfortable at the same time I felt like agreeing with it too. Angyo said I had layers and layers of accumulation in lousy thinking. My present life was precisely a reflection of the sum of all my past choices. Ouch! That made me feel in a way I don't even know how to describe.
While living in the ashram, everyone had chores, including me. Besides cleaning the meditation room, I also had to assist in the kitchen. I would reply to emails, which came from all over the world. The bottom line, I engaged in activities like all the other guests and monks there. After few weeks, I had an opportunity to go out of that place for the first time. Angyo invited me to join him in a hospital where he would do volunteering time to time while giving meditation practices to the staff and patients and also some mindfulness talks.
I liked the idea of being his assistant, and there I went, dealing with injured and sick people. After a couple of days there, something struck me. While I was cleaning and feeding some patients, I realized my burdens were not as significant as I used to think. When we get too focused on our lives, we start to get a distorted version of reality. That happened to me and also to a lot of people I knew. In one of those days, a little boy who was hit by a car approached me. He was about to be discharged from the hospital. That kid was already walking and looking well, but something in me stood up for that boy who started to follow me around.
I couldn't talk to him because that boy didn't know any English, but he would be right behind me whenever I went. One afternoon, while I was working at that hospital, the kid looked into my eyes steadily. He had a remarkable pair of dark brown ones and said something I obviously couldn't understand. A nurse who was nearby approached me and translated. I got so touched by his words that I had to excuse myself and hide in a restroom. I felt like crying pretty bad for a while. Angyo, noticing my absence, went after me and entering in the bathroom, found me seated on the toilet, shedding fat tears.
At first, I could barely talk, and Angyo serenely waited for me to settle down. It's impressive to see how those monks can transmit love and steadiness only by the way they watch us. Finally, I could tell him the words, and when I said to Angyo that intriguing boy declared I had a beautiful pair of eyes and I was so sweet that honey would be pouring from my soul, the proof of that it would be the stain in my iris, Agyo smiled widely. How beautiful it was to see the concept of a child towards my fixed idea of imperfection. That night back in the monastery, I could barely sleep. I would look through the window and see that beautiful waning moon looking identical to a grin. It was like the cosmos would be sending me the message that I was perfectly flawed.
I've spent years trying to compensate for the defect in my eye, and that attitude showed as a waste of time and energy. At last, I felt right about rebuilding my self-esteem. That episode was a significant shift. My honey-colored stained iris turned into uniqueness, and people would love me exactly the way I was. By the way, at the monastery, I was only dressing comfortable outfits. And most of all, I wouldn't care about my appearance. It was liberating to be able to wear sweatpants and t-shirts. My hair would be mostly back in a ponytail or bum. I would look myself in the mirror and really like that person. I was feeling nice-looking for the first time, and it was rooted somewhere else - not in my make-up, fashionable attires, and lean, toned body but at the reflection of an ordinary woman in a journey within.
In the meantime, while volunteering at the hospital, hosting visitors in the monastery, and talking to Angyo, I realized I became a set of behaviors that would lead me to a life of failure and disappointment. I would allow myself to live by accident letting existence flowing through the mess I was within. I developed crippling anxiety, and the consequence was depression and procrastination. I stopped learning and hoping, turning into a system of fixed beliefs that inevitably would cause me suffering. Angyo told me that ignorance was what caused us to feel stuck, and from it, we would be racked with pain. No wonder I had to take prescribed meds. I reached a point I didn't know what to do and where to go.
But we can cause a shift as soon as we figure out we can make new decisions and get different outcomes. Facing pain, shame, regrets, and so on, I started feeling more energetic, and I got involved in improving the ashram too. Along with the monks, we built a helpful website displaying services which were offered there. If you want to learn how to master your mind, there would be no one else better than a monk. Those guys' training was terrific. The monks would offer workshops, guided meditations, and breathing techniques for a general audience. While I was there, I would be hosting the visitors, and the classes were becoming fuller and fuller!
Some nights alone in my room, I would waltz with myself while listening to the beautiful 'Arrival of the Birds & Transformation' by The Cinematic Orchestra. For the first time in my life, I would enjoy being only with me! Finally, I was learning how to apply the concept of solitude. In the mornings, before departing for my meditation, I would wake up without the alarm on my cell, and I would stretch my body while doing yoga poses. I could barely recognize that woman who was me personally. I was living as I had precisely pictured in my mind several times, but I was never able to reach that state so far.
The monks and I had been working for hours, but I couldn't even feel the time passing. I got so absorbed by the moment that when I became aware, I had already been there for almost four months! Hardly could I believe I had endured that amount of time. When I first got there, I was so scared and sure I would not last more than a couple of weeks. But there I still was, without using any meds, meditating, studying, and building something meaningful for me and all around.
One of those days, while talking to Angyo, he complimented me for being able to experience and to apply the flow state. I looked at him, trying to understand what he meant by that. Later on, I searched for articles about meditation and its benefits, and I could find valuable information through the work of the neuroscientist Dr. Alan Caspari and also the Ayurvedic physician Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti. I got amazed while finding out how much science was exploring the field of consciousness. I felt so passionate about that I ended up buying some books and studying more. The best thing was to see that those incredible monks were able to do entirely like the scientists were saying. They were able to change their brain patterns, which were called on the literature neuroplasticity.
I asked Angyo if I would be capable of causing modifications to the physical structures of my brain. He laughed and said that I had already done it. I questioned him of how he could know, and he replied only by looking the way I would behave. He pointed up the difference in the brightness of my eyes and the way I was walking and smiling. That night back into my room, I got amazed while staring myself in the mirror and noticing the observations brought by that monk.
But on the following day, I began to feel going back to my old self when I noticed my time there was getting close to the end. Confessing to Angyo my state of mind, he calmed me down, telling me it was impossible to be back to square one. I insisted on how he could be sure I would not present the anxiety and depression again, and he replied he just knew. That was not satisfactory to me, but I stopped talking about it. I scheduled my flight, and in a few days, I would be leaving back to LA.
On the flight, I had mixed feelings of joy and sadness, and I even cried a little remembering all the things I had done at the monastery and the friendship I developed there mainly with Angyo. Before departing, I crushed Angyo between my arms and weeping I said I would miss him a lot. He smiled and said he would always be with me. It was only a matter of whenever I felt his absence, I would bring back the time we had been together, and the truancy would vanish. I liked that tip, and I told Angyo I would apply it. My parents were anxiously waiting for me, and I hugged both at the airport. My father remarked about me being beautiful, and my mother noticed I was poorly dressed compared to my usual standard.
On the way to my parents', I told them some things I had done in India. I could read my mother's mind thinking that moment of myself would be temporary, and soon I would be back to my old habits and behaviors. Only time would show if she were right about that or not. Let's stop for now. My challenges after returning home are worthy of another chapter. I'm drained, and I have to go to bed to wake up early to meditate. Giggles. That's it, over and out.
Chapter 6: New Experiences
Rockfest - Jaxon
After that Hoodoo Gurus concert in Australia, Amit Ananda and I kept talking, and we arranged to go to The Puzzled's show in NYC. Amit was acquainted with Joseph Turner, the band's bassist. As a teenager, Joseph has been a member of the famous triad known as 'The Dauntless Boys.' These kids became legendary since then, partying, surfing, and skateboarding. Joseph soon would have his first band to start his bass performances, playing at parties and other events.
The leader of the teen trio was the world champion surfer Chesney Henry Wright, son of one of the most charismatic and talented surfers, the legendary Larry Wright. When I was a kid, I was a massive fan of Larry. I had a poster with him riding a gigantic wave at Teahupoo in my room. Many guys I know who surf grew up having Larry Wright as their role-model. Besides being a majestic surfer, Larry acted on movies not only as a stunt but also as an actor. Watching his performances, the man didn't do bad at all. I've heard Larry Wright was committed to his sport and disciplined, and when he was invited to act on movies, he even took some drama classes. That was the kind of man Larry Wright was.
Anyway, I would be pretty soon meeting in person the three The Puzzled rock stars: Joseph Turner, Cooper Hammond, and Zander Dragonet. The year 2019 was a milestone, not only for the new friendships but also for a social life without getting intoxicated with synthetic substances. Like Amit Ananda uses to say, "Always high thanks to our dealer endocannabinoid system," meaning we can own our brain and get it to work for us as an alchemist.
I've been full of ideas and in a remarkably creative period. I'm considering making some changes in my business, and I want to start with my leading skills. I've been reading the outstanding Simon Sinek and his brilliant 'The Infinite Game.' This consultant and speaker is admirable at what he does, and that's the precisely kind of mindset I want to have around. Peter, my best friend, has been working like crazy, taking care of my business. This way, I've been freer to create new formulas and methods to expand. It was a great idea to bring Peter to assume my office, and he trusts in my skills to make us more prominent and also profitable.
What is lacking in my life is to have a steady female companion. I have been hooking up far less than before, but I still haven't reached the level I want in this area. I want to have less sex and more lovemaking, but so far, the women I've been with are not matching the profile I'm looking for. I want someone physically attractive but also smart and able to cause me 'mindgasms' despite obviously pleasing my masculinity.
Let me tell you the day I went to New York to watch the magnificent The Puzzled. What a remarkable night. I owe Amit big time! He's been introducing me to amazing people in all kinds of areas. The Puzzled's guys are cool rockers but totally into meditation and healthy eating. Joseph Turner is a humble guy, and when Amit presented me to him, Joseph smiled and welcomed me warmly. The bassist is so tall in person that I felt a dwarf beside him.
At some point, a beautiful brunette showed up, and she and Joseph hugged tightly. I thought she was Joseph's girl, but actually, the bassist is married, and his wife stayed in Seattle, where they live, taking care of their first baby. Accidentally I eavesdropped part of the brunette and the bassist's conversation at the dressing room. The two were talking privately, and without any intention, I accessed part of what they exchanged. I know it's not polite, but something about that gal caught my attention. She was charming, with admirable bright brown eyes, and told Joseph that after two years, she was ready to go on her first date. She was freaked about it, but she thought it was about time to move on. Then I could see she was crying, and Joseph hugged her tenderly and agreed on her investing in another relationship.
Then I walked away from the door because my real intention was to get some refreshments. Approaching the table, I connected a few dots and realized the mysterious gal and the bassist were talking about getting over someone who she genuinely loved. That's something I'd like to experience. I had it with Willow, but I messed up. I aimed to get a new experience of being connected to my feelings and deepest intentions. Amit joked why I looked so stern and punched me gently on the shoulder. I smiled and deviated my mind from the drifting.
I asked him about that brunette, and Amit told me she had spent some time in India at an ashram where she met a monk who helped her to get the strength to rebuild her life after a significant loss. Her partner had passed away a couple of years ago. Tough! The brunette also has done some volunteering in third world countries and assisted people in need. Lately, she has just opened a meditation center in Venice Beach. I couldn't get surprised by that. Currently, I'd be only meeting people who were transforming their lives through this ancient tool. I was one more of them.
The concert was terrific, and The Puzzled deserves the success and awards they get. The three musicians are incredible while performing, and their lyrics are brilliant and make us think. My favorite ones are "We Are All X-Men" and "What's your poison." At some point, Joseph gave a solo and played "Wildness of Youth" and "The Dauntless Boys," compositions he wrote when he was only a teen and some songs he wrote to his two best friends, the surfer Chesney Henry and the skater John William. While he was playing the Dauntless' pieces, pictures of the jazziest triad were shown, and the crowd went crazy.
A couple of days passed, and a package from the post office arrived at my office. I had just gotten the latest Dr. Alan Caspari’s book “Collective Consciousness and the Mind.” I opened it and saw he had sent me a signed copy.
“To my new friend Jaxon Murphy,
With this book, I hope many people can revolutionize themselves and the world.
Regards,
Caspari”
I got thrilled to read it. A few weeks later, the official day of the release happened, and it didn't take long for becoming one of the nonfiction best sellers at Amazon and The New York Times. I watched some interviews with Dr. Alan Caspari, and the neuroscientist has been involved with some musicians and also writers. Then I noticed he had teamed up with DJ Bryce Hartford and his wife, the writer Amber Hartford. I downloaded one of Bryce's albums called 'Into Your System,' which contained holistic music for mind pattern change. Gee, neuroscience is flourishing in all kinds of areas! I can barely wait to see what this DJ's tunes are going to cause in my brain.
But this is a topic to be displayed in another narrative. I'm tired after many discoveries and connecting the dots. I went to bed and started to think about Willow. At that point, her baby had already been born. Then I wondered if I could turn into the type of man to get married and also to have kids. Willow was the only woman I had loved so far, and I felt like it was time to experience something deeper again. But this time, I wouldn't act like a jerk as I had been to Willow. I was willing to be monogamous and cultivate alluring talks to a significant partner — the end for now.
Plan of Action - Cadence
A couple of weeks after returning from India, I went back to my apartment to put in action the project I had designed. I confess I got freaked! I would be coming back to live with my parents to save money to pay my debts and move forward with my life. I got a day job at a small company that designed websites. The paycheck was decent, and it would be a restart anyway.
For obvious reasons, my friends were kind of avoiding me, but I didn't feel upset because since I set my goal to go to India, no one supported the idea of me taking a break from my chaotic life. People believe I had to struggle harder to be able to overcome the hardships. Also, my friends considered weird of me going deeper with meditation, something atypical and distant from them. But I had a goal in mind, and I would not lose my focus. I had to terminate my credit card debts for good, and my first step was to cancel all of them, only keeping one which didn't give me a big-spending limit. My purchasing power decreased a lot, but that was necessary.
Second, I had a closet clean-out while putting to sell online the excess of shoes, bags, and outfits I had. I charged a fair price, and I was able to end my stock in a few months. I won't declare this action was smooth. I had so many high-quality items, but most was not necessary due to my line of work, and also I was back at my parents, which didn't give me too much space either. The third resolution was not to date anyone and invest in my personal growth. I took a financial management course to learn how to deal with money in a savvy way.
In less than a year, I was debt-free! Which, for me, it was surprising but also liberating. But I was still at my parents, and this made me feel small. I would wake up early every day to keep my meditation practice and workout through online video classes, which were cheaper than going to the gym. At some point, I felt like a hermit, even being in one of the great places in the world. My parents had a comfortable life and wanted to lend me money and to assist me with what I needed, but that time I didn't allow them to interfere. I had to deal with my burdens by myself. I was pretty aware that the entire situation was created by me, exclusively me, and my messy state of mind.
One day, after work, I was walking on a sidewalk in downtown Manhattan Beach, looking at the stores and restaurants and watching people living their life while I was feeling a loser. I had just turned 29, and I was way behind the experience I had planned. But then I noticed a small retail space above a hair salon for rent. I entered and asked if someone had details about that room, and the owner of the place said she had the keys if I wanted to check upstairs. Entering the area, I could see it was a like a lounge, and in the back, it had a small kitchen, with a tiny bedroom and bathroom.
Leaving the beauty parlor, I went straight back to my parents and announced I would be moving out in a few weeks and starting my meditation center. My father smiled, and my mother frowned and asked if I was sure about the steps I was taking. I nodded, feeling confident about making the right decision. I painted the whole room, and then I hired a company to install a partition wall to separate the tiny room and the kitchen from the rest. I started giving meditation classes in the morning and evening after I was back from work. Weeks passed and turned into months. I was working all the time practically, and the meditation center was doing okay.
Using the expertise from the company I was working, I built a charming webpage that showed my schedule and space, and even a few videos giving tips for people who were looking for a pleasant place to meditate and also some of my classes. But growth is innate in humans and even a drive which pushes us forward. I wanted more than only working, paying the bills, and teaching people how to meditate.
Feeling confused about what step to take, I went out one night to vent. I spotted a charming café nearby, and I entered. Seating on a table, with a copy of 'Wellbeing Realm' by the meditation coach Richard Yardley, I ordered an herbal tea. I was focused on my reading when I heard a male voice asking what that book was about. When I raised my eyes to check if that question was for me, I saw a charming tall, muscular build man seated right next to my table staring me in a sexy way.
I couldn't take out of my mind I had been sexless for quite some time, and that testosterone tone was enough to cause some effect on me. I smiled and started thinking about what to say, but to be honest, I couldn't come up with anything. I was living in a commercial loft, above a hair salon, making ends meet after living a whole year with my parents to end with my shopping addiction debts. That man was not looking for a gal like me. I could sense his delicious perfume, and he was wearing casual but in a cool and fashionable way.
I had always believed I suffered from some unknown syndrome because when I didn't know what to say, I usually would utter something not adequate. That night was not any different, I was still working to change my old patterns, and some hadn't been solved yet. The charming man insisted on asking me about the book, and I replied, telling him I was a meditation instructor who had a day job at a website company and also had spent four months in an ashram in India to deal with some personal issues. That author was the one who had inspired me to make my journey within.
Oddly he didn't leave and seemed curious after tilting his head to the right. He asked if he could join me, which I unquestionably accepted after all the man was attractive, and I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I had been missing physical interaction. He introduced himself as Brody, I liked his name, but he could call any stupid one that I'd still consider him charming. I told him about Richard Yardley's lectures, the first book I read that he wrote, and briefly my experience at the ashram. But I skipped the part of living with my parents for paying my debts. After all, I felt like I had already talked too much.
Brody was attentive, making some questions about meditation and how I was able to endure my time in India. I figured it was getting late, but I didn't want to stop talking to him. He was a gripping man to be with, not only for his look but his talk too. He told me he was a music producer working with famous rock bands and other musicians. He was the one who had discovered The Puzzled, but Cooper Hammond’s heroin addiction led the group to a hiatus. But the band was able to rise again because Cooper had treated himself with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti.
I told Brody I had attended a lecture with Dr. Chakrabarti along with Richard Yardley, and he felt intrigued that meditation had been surrounding him. We laughed, and he kept narrating some bands he had been acquainted with and concerts and tours he had attended. His life sounded not only fun but alluring, far away from mine. I told him I had to go. Brody took me by the arm and asked if he could see me again. His grip was enough to picture me in bed with him. I gave my number and left the cafe feeling dizzy.
Back to my place, I couldn't stop recollecting Brody's pictures in my mind. But I was aware I hadn't been with a man for quite some time, and that was the cause of me behaving ridiculously like that. I was sure he wouldn't call me, probably he had millions of phone numbers to dial to, and if he had a rank like Billboard probably, I'd be among the less popular hits. I took a shower and jumped into bed, feeling horny and thinking it was about time to have some sexual action in my life.
A couple of days passed, and I decided to socialize a little bit. One of the hairstylist from the salon under my meditation space invited me to have a girls' night out with her friends. She also attended some of my classes and had been enjoying it. I decided to accept her invitation, and I would be meeting her group at a bar. The place was noisy, full of people drinking and swinging their bodies with loud electronic music, but I was determined to endure it anyway. I was not a nun, and I had to be back to social life again. We were all chatting and laughing, the girls were funny, and the talk was flowing when my phone buzzed, and I saw it was a message from Brody.
Naomi, the hairstylist, took my cell from my hand and checked Brody's picture. She stared at me and declared I should reply and arrange a date with him; otherwise, she'd do it. I laughed and let my phone aside. That night was about me rebuilding my own identity and enjoying the girls. What happened, later on, it's something to be shared on another episode of my timeline. Night nighty!
Chapter 7: Welcoming the New
Prime Your Brain - Jaxon
I've been improving my mindset and also listening to 'Into Your System' DJ Bryce's tunes. One morning I was at Abhay Srinivasan's studio, and we were meditating. It was 5 in the morning. A year ago or so at this hour I'd be coming back from a celebration. Now, I'm a cerebration kind of man. On that specific occasion, I saw a blue light vibrating and expanding at the height of my third eye. I've never believed in this kind of thing, the previous version of me used to mock about those people who preached about meditation.
I talked to my mentor, and he said I had been into a deep state of relaxation. Was it any good? Well, unpleasant, it was not. That was sure. I used to be totally against meditation and those people who would go to India or wherever. I used to consider them silly flower children and hated to see those individuals who would sew their outfits, bringing containers with vegan non-gluten and non-dairy food, dried fruits, and nuts while gathering to hug trees. And here, I am now talking, reading, and practicing meditation. I see lots of business people doing it too. Only now I can relate to what Steve Jobs was talking about. I used to think he pretended to be a meditation guy just for the sake of his products' marketing.
Anyway, leaving Abhay's yoga place, after a couple of hours talking about the symmetry of the Solar System, made me feel so pumped and excited that while I was driving to work, it just hit me a great idea. I entered the office and summoned Peter, my associate and best friend, for a one-on-one session. He got all thrilled. Peter knew I was on the verge to make something good. It was like when I was surfing. I used to see a wave and knew it was the right one. I don't know how or why, but I would tell myself I had to ride it because it would be a great experience.
Peter had his eyes wide open, waiting for my delivery. I told him while stuck in traffic, instead of cursing and complaining, I started to breathe, and an idea downloaded into my brain. He stared at me like trying to follow what I was saying. My mentor Abhay Srinivasan would get me. He told me about his experiences while capturing algorithms from the space-memory field. That's why Abhay would talk to anyone about anything. The yogi accessed information from the outer space. The great geniuses like Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla used to do the same. Well, I was no mastermind, but I believed in the product I had just created.
I explained to Peter that the app would help people to cultivate mini moments of mindfulness into a day. When someone faced a moment of anxiety, pain, or annoyance, the program would bring a short message of wisdom and a timer causing the person to feel motivated to stop to breathe for a few seconds. Peter liked the idea but questioned who would be able to create the notes. I had no idea because I was not a good writer and didn't have too much knowledge in that field either.
Back home at night, I ended up thinking and thinking who would be the right person to do the writing part for my new app. The silence in my house started to bother me. I was sick to be by myself. I began to see Willow's ghost again, circulating throughout my place. She was already long gone, married and with a baby. I considered going out and getting some woman to sleep with me. I never had any difficulty in achieving that. But I was tired of sex. I wanted some lovemaking instead. Fuck, that meditation was making me too soft. I didn't use to be like that. For me to party and have sex was something fluid like drinking a glass of water or taking a shower.
I started to check the women I had on my mobile. I had so many, but lately, I was getting slower. The problem was the change in my core values. Maybe it was better to be back to my old self. Nah! For a moment, I even considered going to a strip club or an inferno like I used to. But that was a short-term reward. As soon as I released the pleasure substances, it would be already gone. How about watching some porn while jerking off then? Fuck it, lizard brain. I'm going to transcend my previous rules of thumb. My drivers won't be sex, thirst, hunger, and fear anymore.
Instead of seeking physical pleasure, I went to have 'mindgasms' while reading Dr. Caspari's book. The neuroscientist proves humans are designed to grow and adapt, and the brain is the tool which would make them possible. We can develop in any area we aim, acquiring new skills at any time. I know that because I have been working correctly to become an even better entrepreneur. Meanwhile, I want to become a new man and find a female companion to spend some idle time with me, a steady partner to improve lovemaking, and also to have startling conversations while tasting good food and some wine.
The belief system is our soil, where we plant our lifestyle. I used to lead a life of mating, taking recreational drugs, and making money. I liked to get the attention and to feel popular. I made money because I knew it was the best gizmo for freedom. Through currency, you can get where you want whenever you want. But every time we reach a goal, we want more. It's innate for us. We are always looking to evolve — this time, I want an expanded consciousness that would make me create better services. Of course, I aim to profit even more but not only to provide for my self- pleasure. I also want to make my partner prosperous while my customers get happier and more satisfied.
While listening to an electronic remake of 'Indian Summer' by The Doors, recommended by my new friend Amit Ananda, I spread my body on the couch and started to relax. Amit used to say that prophet Morrison was a doorway to trip on acid without taking any. Amit Ananda likes so much the leading man of the band The Doors, that he has a huge portrait of the guy in his room. He told me there are some days that he looks at the picture and feels Jim Morrison is talking to him. Get out of here! Amit swears he doesn't take any substance while experiencing his extra sensorial moments.
Suddenly I felt a feminine body on my top, and it was almost real. I surrendered to the beats and the music, maybe it was all in my head, but it didn't matter. I was rehearsing what I precisely wanted to get in the material world — a sexy brunette, with a toned body, fair-skinned, and compatible sexually speaking with me. Then 'You are My Chocolate' by Savages began to resonate in my room, and I was aware I was pretty hard. While using a hand to satiate my sex drive, in my mind, I had the picture of that beauty riding my masculinity rhythmically with her hips. When she moaned, my volcano erupted, and I was done.
I opened my eyes, looking for her. I could vouch she had just left. That was the first time I wouldn't use anything material to help me to fantasize. That was interesting. Visualization could be compelling. I went straight to the shower and then to bed. I had to wake up early to meditate and allow myself to be guided to find someone to assist me on my next app. That's it for today.
Back to Womanhood - Cadence
I've made up my mind about going on a date. It's been more than a year without being in active social interaction. Since I came back from India, I focused mostly on changing my mental models and turning a life living unconsciously by accident to a more present one. I didn't want to keep going as an automatic set of behaviors, which would make me suffer most of the time. I ceased my excessively shopping habit to invest more in my personal growth. I still worked out but as a way to keep fit and healthy, letting aside the concept of 'the perfect body.'
Satya Lounge was doing well. I had full classes in the morning and evening. But I still had to keep my day job at the website company, which caused me to be working all day practically. At night I would feel tired and not in the mood to go out. That situation had been changing since the day I met Naomi, the hairstylist who worked at the salon under my meditation space. She used to drag me to some of her social gatherings. She was charismatic and outgoing and would often have events to attend, not only on weekdays but weekends also.
I decided to reply to Brody's message, which was on standby since last night. But before pressing the send button, I set my mind to not be in a relationship whatsoever and that music producer would be only an experiment. I would go out with him to have some sex, and that was it. He was attractive and cool, with a profession that would make the most popular bands surround him, but I wouldn't get attached. He would be the perfect guy to have a one night stand. Well, maybe a couple of nights. Here I went!
Surprisingly Brody didn't take too much time to text me back and asked me if I trusted him enough to allow him to take me on a surprise date he had designed for us. Aww, that was cute, he had been planning to go out with me! Cadence, compose yourself! I had just met him, and I couldn't tell if he was worthy of trust. But matter a fact he was charming, and his perfume was soooo good, what harm he could do to such a woman like me. Well, pretty bad damage! Giggles. At that time, I hadn't been with a man for quite some time and had just gotten rid of a ton of debts. But I still faced a delicate emotional condition. Hmm, not the ideal scenario.
After spending some months in the ashram, I learned I had to face my fears. Everything was risky and involved a particular type of exposure. I ended up accepting going on a date, and on a Saturday afternoon, in a cafe near my neighborhood, I met Brody. As soon as I entered, he welcomed me with a bewitching smile, and I felt like it would be hard not to fall for a man like that, and my logical mind started to calm me down. It was just a date to get some sex and period. When I was about to sit, Brody asked if I was ready to go. I showed a question mark in my face, I had just gotten there, and we would be already leaving. He said it was supposed to be a surprise.
A limo was parked outside, and a chauffeur opened the door and drove us to Staples Center, where a The Puzzled's gig would be happening. On the backstage, I could hear the crowd excitedly calling the band and screaming the names of the three members. Soon Brody and I were at the dressing room, and he introduced me to the guys. Joseph Turner, the bassist, was the first to welcome us. I laughed. I couldn't believe my sister's first love had become a famous rocker.
Joseph stared at me like I looked familiar, and I asked if he remembered Mia Zaffino from Manhattan Beach. He took his hands to his head, and his mouth fell open, he was incredulous that I was Mia's older sister. Joseph turned notorious since teenage times because he and his two best friends were 'The Dauntless Boys' and used to attend the most popular parties in Southern California. I was not in the habit of partying too much, but their names reached my ears anyway. I had already started college, and to be honest, I always considered them jerks. The Dauntless had always been too full of themselves, showing up at places like they were gods.
In one of the parties, Joseph and my sister got acquainted and started dating. In the deep, he was a sweetheart, and he and my sister just split up because The Puzzled's leadmen, Cooper Hammond, discovered the bassist, and Joseph had to move to Seattle. He was only 16 at the time, and my sister 15, she was not mature enough to join Joseph in his musical journey. I remember Mia cried her heart out for weeks. I was not too much into rock and had forgotten entirely about Joseph's fate. He hugged me tight with his towering body and asked about Mia. I told him she had graduated from college and was living with her boyfriend in New York. He smiled and left like having good old time memories.
Brody looked at me surprised knowing I had met Joseph a long time ago, but I said to him I had just seen him a few times, and I simply hated his best friends, the conceited surfer Chesney Henry and the skateboarder John William. Brody laughed and commented Chesney Henry was living far away in Australia, and John William was still in the LA area. I said we were just kids, and being popular at an early age could be quite tricky. I admitted I had never been cool, and my big mouth pronounced that probably I was not his type. Brody chuckled and told me about his nerdy times as a teenager. He had no idea he would become a music producer and also be that close to the coolest guys.
We both started to chat about the past, and I couldn't believe Brody had been a goofy shy kind of boy. Probably he was cute even back then, and I could imagine him approaching girls at parties feeling awkward and embarrassed. Teenage years could be the worst, at least mine were. It was the peak of me being bullied at school for having a honey-colored stain in my irises. Brody said that it was part of my charm, and I blushed. Then I went on talking about my time in India and how I got over my shame with my eye because of that Indian boy's observation. Brody was staring at me intensely, and I began to think if he kissed me, it would be terrific.
Then Cooper Hammond, the lead man, and guitarist entered noisily in the dressing room and ruined the magnetism was happening between Brody and me. Cooper was a good looking guy, with his fashionable customized black leather jacket, ripped indigo jeans and messy medium length hair. Brody introduced me. Cooper Hammond looked nice and asked if I liked his band. I confessed I wouldn't listen to rock too much. Then he wanted to know what kind of music I was into. I said I had been a Spicy Girls kind of a gal in the past, and lately, I had been mostly listening to mantras and some chill electronics.
The rock star got up and took something from a bag and gave it to me. It was a Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's book about mantras and the effect they caused into the mind. I liked that Ayurvedic doctor, I told Cooper I had been in one of his lectures with Richard Yardley. While the opening band was on the stage, Cooper Hammond narrated to me his struggle to cease his addiction to heroin. I admit I liked his perspective referring to this episode of his life, and after being treated by Dr. Chakrabarti, he was finally able to finish his chemical dependency. Cooper Hammond showed lyrics and poems he wrote about it, and I could notice he was a deep man.
Cooper said I should keep that book, and I took one I had in my purse, Richard Yardley's 'Connecting Memory-Space Realm,' and gave it to him. The rock star nodded and smiled. It was time for them to perform. Zander Dragonet, the drummer, went after him. Cooper winked at me and said I would be watching the show from the best seat in the house. I was thrilled to attend a live concert. I hadn't been in one for years. When I got up to approach the stage, Brody pulled me back by the hand, and I fell seated on his lap. He smiled and kissed me. Wow, I felt like being electrified in every cell of my body.
When our lips got apart, we both laughed, and I shrieked and said we had to go to see the concert. I danced almost the whole time while feeling the power of the amplifiers shooting musical notes into my skin. I reached an altered state, and most people probably thought I was high on some illicit substance. Meanwhile, Brody and I would kiss a lot too. That osculation made me got even more inebriated. Brody was a great kisser, and I could picture in my head how sex would be. Phew! I talked more than I should for today. The end of that night will be described in another episode. Giggles.
Chapter 8: Interactions
Getting Ready - Jaxon
After having the idea for my app, I sent an e-mail to Dr. Caspari asking for his opinion about the core concept I had created to build the whole system around. I have been recommending his books and seminars to everyone I know. My friend and associate, Peter, started to attend some. I needed a broadminded partner who would allow me to be freer to get involved in other businesses too. I didn't want to keep only acting in my area of expertise because we get in the comfort zone and stagnate. And getting stuck is something that freaks me out.
Dr. Alan Caspari was generous enough to arrange a meeting in Seattle with Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, the famous Ayurvedic physician. I really can't thank enough this chain of people who are pushing me forward. It all started with Abhay Srinivasan, then the second link was Amit Ananda, and it keeps growing. My mentor is right, the universe is a connection of every piece, and we were not meant to thrive alone. I didn't use to think like that. Before my accident at that beach, I used to believe I was the creator and owner of my business. My perspective was so narrow that I used to see me in the center of everything. Today I can even dare to declare that my broken leg and isolation were a real gift.
Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti is an Indian immigrant who arrived in America in the 1970s with a few bucks in his pocket. When I entered his clinic, I got amazed by the environment. You don't feel you are about to get an appointment with a doctor. It's a sophisticated atmosphere where you can find a big meditation room, also yoga practice, and Ayurvedic massage. I bumped into the rock star Cooper Hammond, I've heard Cooper adopted Dr. Jayesh as his guru, and both are always in contact.
Cooper Hammond lived a rock and roll cliché life until getting consumed by his heroin addiction. Nowadays, he is clean and also married with a first baby on its way. The rocker recognized me from the gig in New York, nodded, and smiled. I signaled back, and soon after, the secretary announced Dr. Chakrabarti was waiting for me. The doctor welcomed me with a warm smile. I have to admit that man has something which makes him stand out. But I don't know how to put in words.
We talked for three hours. It all started with Dr. Chakrabarti's story since when he arrived in the US up to the current day. Dr. Jayesh explained to me some concepts from Hindi sacred scriptures, which are way far from my world. Then the physician talked about his experience with meditation and also pranayamas, practices of breath control in yoga. My mentor Abhay Srinivasan has already taught me some of it, but Dr. Chakrabarti was kind enough to give me a lot of attention.
The great Indian doctor suggested his daughter could develop the messages in my app. Dr. Jayesh said she travels a lot and is a wellness lecturer and even used to model when she was younger. His daughter is committed to consciousness expansion and has been assisting some writers and moviemakers in developing new concepts for the entertainment industry. Dr. Chakrabarti noticed I was paying attention to his hall of fame. Behind his desk, on the wall, it was displayed an enormous amount of pictures. I could notice the rocker Joseph Turner and the skateboarder John William was among them.
Dr. Jayesh went through some of the images and afterward showed his family. He pointed to one frame saying it was his daughter Adhira who could be teaming up with me on the development of my app. I hope the good doctor wasn't able to read my mind, because while seeing that cinnamon skinned beauty, I thought she could conjoin me in bed. Phew! I had to be focused on the business. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. It was not the best attitude, but thoughts are not controllable, at least for me.
At the hotel, I couldn't take Dr. Jayesh's daughter out of my mind. Adhira could be the right one for me. She was not only attractive but also committed to meditation and personal growth. In a couple of days, she would be back from Indonesia, and Dr. Chakrabarti would be introducing us. I watched some videos with her, which Adhira would be giving interviews and exposing meditation and other techniques to reach wellbeing at the highest level. She sounded quite smart, the type of woman who would be able to give 'mindgasms' to a man beside the carnal ones too.
I called Peter, and he warned me that Dr. Chakrabarti's daughter shouldn't be an option. I could ruin the whole deal if I took a personal approach in that situation. He was right. I decided to vent while going to a bar where I could meet someone to spend the night with. Being a hermit was not in my blood, and I had been horny, maybe caused by the decrease of my interaction life. I didn't have any difficulty to get an attractive woman to be with me in my hotel room. But while I was in action, I would see Adhira's face. Fuck! My mind was getting too mess up with this new lifestyle of mine!
The day had come and I would soon be meeting Adhira Chakrabarti. I put a nice jacket with social pants and shirt, I wanted to impress her. I knew it was all in my head but fuck it! No one could tell. Adhira was even more beautiful alive and her scent was so pleasant that sometimes I had to apply some mindfulness technique to bring my mind back to the present moment. Abhay Srinivasan's voice would echo in my head 'Breathe! Breathe!' Then I would inhale and exhale, ceasing the drifting in my mind.
That afternoon I left Dr. Chakrabarti's clinic feeling frustrated. I wanted to understand why I couldn't find an interesting woman to please me both between my ears and my legs. According to my mentor, I had exercised too much my lower head instead of the upper one. That Indian yogi is a character! Maybe Abhay was right. It would take some time for me to change that pattern of having shallow relationships. That night I was fed up. I went to a disco and boozed a little. Leaving the bar area, I decided to move my body on the dance floor while scanning for beautiful women.
It's easy to find attractive gals wearing tight dresses at that kind of place. I have lived too much of it already. I was getting tired of having only sex, and I wished for something more profound. I was aiming for carnal knowledge, but that type I had while tripping on my sofa. That imaginary brunette had an intense hips move, which would make me hard only for remembering. What a moron! That was all in my head! I was aiming for a non-existence thing. Suddenly a tall curvy blonde was dancing close to me. I understood she wanted me to approach her. She welcomed me with a smile and not long after we were kissing and caressing each other.
Then my eyes widened big time when I saw Adhira next to the bar, looking at mine and my blondie's performance. Fuck! That was bad! She could say to her father that she saw me dirty dancing with a woman at a disco and… So what?! I was a man, and there wasn't anything wrong with it. Office hours were gone, and people would be in the comfort of their houses or hunting like me. I was a single healthy athletic build male. I deserved some fun. The blonde was really into me. I could feel that while she was rubbing her thighs on mine and grabbing me with her arms. I would soon be fucking her brains out in my hotel bed.
I invited the woman to leave with me, and she accepted. Then she went after her purse and also to tell her friends she would be going. Meanwhile, Adhira approached me and said she liked to see the fire I was emanating. What was that supposed to mean?! I don't know if it was the alcohol or my lust, well probably both, but then I replied I wish I would take her to bed instead. She stared into my eyes naughtily and said what was keeping me. I took her by the hand and vanished. I have no idea what happened to the blond woman, but that night I had the pleasure to experience the Indian flavor.
While listening to that electronic beat 'Indian Summer' - thanks Amit for that! – I had one of the best sex nights ever! I lost count of how many times my masculinity got acquainted with Adhira's femininity. But every time I was inside her, it was like some days of my meditation. I would feel burning and calm at the same time. I would see swirls of liquid lights, and the electricity would run through my cells like I was attached to Tesla Tower. On the following day, I delayed my flight back to LA and spent the whole day in bed with Adhira. I asked her if she would like to see me again. She smiled and nodded. Aah! I would be soon back in Seattle. I would meet that woman wherever she went to! Denouement for now!
Finding a Common Tangent - Cadence
I know it was not fair to end the previous narrative at the point of Brody and me kissing while The Puzzled was performing. But my editor made me promise my episodes wouldn't last more than three pages tops. If you want to find someone to blame, now you know who to go after. Giggles. Anyway, I won't flourish too much. We enjoyed the gig as much as our smooches, and when the band was about to be back on the stage to answer the encore chanting, Brody greeted the three rock stars for the presentation and told them we would be leaving.
The bassist, Joseph Turner, smiled and looked at me with excitement, realizing what Brody and I were aiming for. In the limo, we started to kiss more intensely and to make out. Brody's hands would run through my body, and I enjoyed being touched by that firm grip. I could feel sex would be promising that night. The chauffeur stopped at an astonishing house in front of the beach. Brody opened the entrance door and pulled me in the hall hurriedly while kissing me.
I asked if that house was his and he said it was from a friend who was out of town. Brody had a place in Seattle and another in New York. But he said maybe it was time to settle something in Southern California too. I smiled, and we kept kissing and undressing our pieces of clothing. At some point, we were in a fabulous master suite and right after naked on a king-size bed. The mattress was incredible as much as Brody's masculinity inside me. That night the match was 4 x 2 for me. I had a fantastic time experiencing sex after a long period of remodeling my mind software.
When Brody and I woke up late on a gorgeous sunny Sunday, we kissed and had more sex, and I would feel more than pleased by Brody's tongue and appendage. Still naked, both had breakfast at the kitchen counter, and we could barely talk due to the fact our lips would be glued most of the time. It was much better than I expected. It seemed our bodies had met a long time before. We spent the day listening to good music. Of course, The Puzzled was performed in the topnotch sound system, and we danced and kissed and had more sex. Lots of physical interaction is predictable when a man and a woman start.
In the evening, Brody asked me if he could see me again. Then my analytical mind yelled it was supposed to be a one-time thing. I hesitated for a few seconds and said we could arrange something, no strings attached. The truth was I wanted to see him again. But if I did, I knew I would fall in love with him, and then I could face the menace of the old Cadence resurfacing back. I had to think and act differently to rearrange my neuron network. I was missing sex, but I could get some with other men in the area. It had plenty of good looking guys available.
Back to my place, I cheered and made some celebration moves. And as arranged previously, Naomi sent me a message asking how my night had turned out. I told her everything, and she wondered why I wouldn't want to see Brody again. I explained it was due to my history, but she considered that stupid. Naomi couldn't understand that I had to prove to myself I was transformed. And not being emotionally involved after having sex with a guy it would be quite a change. Naomi kept her opinion about me being silly.
Brody texted me that same week. He used to travel a lot and not be for too long in the same spot. I was pretending I was cool with that. One night I went out with Naomi and her girls, and I ended up sleeping with a guy I met at the disco. The dopamine release happened, but it was not as alluring as with Brody. Here it went, Cadence the romantic nut job who couldn't detach sex from affection. Probably at that time, Brody was doing the same, rocking his hips rhythmically while on top of a gal. Mmm, but Brody was so good at moving his body during intercourse! Gee, I was in some guy's bed thinking about attending an amorous congress with another one!
I looked at the guy beside me who was deeply asleep and sort of snoring. I decide to pick my clothes from the floor, get dressed, and leave. That was the first time I had acted like that. I was not very talented at one night stands. I didn't know what to do and how to respond. I used to feel awkward waking up in a stranger's bed after having sex and then acting like it meant nothing and leaving as I had just had a cup of tea. Damn it!
I kept working and giving my meditations, wondering the day I could be freer and laboring less living an abundant life while being settled in a lovely two-bedroom apartment with a double door fridge full of healthy delicacies. I got so absorbed in my thinking that I frightened when I heard someone calling aloud my name. When I turned back, I saw Brody on the other side of the street. He smiled and crossed the street hurriedly. At that moment, a treacherous breeze blew, and I was able to sense his perfume. Darn! That man smelled soooo good!
Brody asked if I was avoiding him, which I was, but I couldn't admit that. Then he questioned me in an adorable way if I didn't like being with him. Whaaaat?! Which type of woman wouldn't want to attend a rock concert with a cool music producer as Brody and ended up the night having great sex in a mansion in front of the beach! Then my undiscovered syndrome decided to act, and I told him it was not him but me. Soon after, I revealed the problems that made me go to India, such as debts, depression, and emptiness. My big mouth! Oh my!
I admitted that after living for a whole year with my parents, I started my own business, which led me to reside in a tiny space and to be able only to make ends meet. I wished to expand my meditation business because I was tired of hustling and hustling. I finished saying I had no exciting life like his, and surely I was not the right girl for him. He stared me while frowning and said he was the one to decide which type of woman would be appropriate for him.
I couldn't believe in his words and how a man like him could like such an ordinary gal like me. I quietened, and Brody approached me. We kissed, and I felt like melting on the sidewalk up to the gutter. He suggested us grabbing something to eat, but I said I wanted to make love to him instead. We went to my place, which I considered not appropriate to have great sex with a hunk like Brody, but he didn't seem to care. Our bodies were aching for each other, and soon after, we would be ravishing in bed.
The thing was, Brody was too hot to resist, and once again, I felt pleased more than a time after some interaction. When I was trying to catch my breath, Brody put some music on his phone, which made our lovemaking even more enjoyable. After we got worn out, Brody fell asleep, and I searched on my phone to see if I could find out the name of the music he had chosen for us. Thanks to the efficiency of technology, I was able to track the musician. By the way, I had never heard about that guy, but I ended up adding some songs in my playlist such as 'Can't Find Love,' 'Midnight Blues,' 'Long Distance Loving,' and 'That Certain Thing' by Snowy White.
That night I knew it would be the start of a relationship between the two of us. This way, I had to select the music I would be listening to while cultivating flashbacks of our bedtime while Brody was away.
Chapter 9: Bumpy and Smooth
Spicy India - Jaxon
When I told Peter what had happened on my last night in Seattle, he panicked and said that would ruin us. I would break Adhira's heart, and her father would crush our company as we were ants. Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti was an influential man, even overseas. He used to treat celebrities, business people, politicians, all kinds of prominent individuals. Gee, Peter could be a bore. I told him I enjoyed my interaction with Adhira, and I had been serious about going steady with someone. I considered Adhira a strong candidate for the position. Peter was not so confident. He thought my lady-killer persona hard to cease.
Not resonating with what Peter had stated, I texted Adhira. I had to see her again. A couple of days passed, we would be communicating with each other when one night she showed up at my door. I loved that, I grabbed her by the waist and soon after we would be on my customized king size bed having hot sex. That woman was pepper. I've never been too much acquainted with India culinary, but after Adhira, I started to explore it.
A few weeks passed, and it was my turn to go to Seattle. Adhira and I started to meet each other whenever we could at the most diverse cities in the US. It was exciting and fun. We would talk about my app, and she was writing great messages for it. I was enjoying her more than I predicted. One day I asked about her father, and she said she had not been raised in India. I felt surprised when she told me traditional Indian people would choose their children's spouses. Adhira said she was an American citizen with Indian ancestry. Her physicality resembled a lot her father's roots, but she didn't connect with Indian social rules.
Adhira was extraordinarily charming and would kill in any outfit because her silky cinnamon skinned toned body was what people would call, perfect! I would get lost when her long voluminous dark hair was all over the sheets while we were having sex. When she was on my top, I would land my hands on her hips, and then she would make moves, which would make me fly high. One day, speaking with Amit Ananda, he said I sounded like under a spell. You bet!
A presentation was set, and I had to fly to Seattle. Adhira would present her writing to my app, and I was delighted not only to meet her again but also to check her excellent work. She slew at the messages, great content showed in a summarized way and undoubtedly smart. Fuck, that woman was phenomenal. In the end, I felt bad for being sleeping with her without Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's consent. That man was so generous and kind to me, and there I was dating his daughter. I wanted to make it right — at least one time in my life.
I approached Dr. Chakrabarti and asked if he would like to go for lunch. It would be on me. He chuckled and asked if that was related to his daughter. Fuck! He knew! Dr. Jayesh declared he and his daughter were open towards each other. Adhira would tell him not so detailed reports about her doings. I assured him I liked his daughter pretty much, and I committed to treating her right. Dr. Chakrabarti smiled, saying he knew that and could see it in my eyes. Then he turned his back and wished me luck. I didn't understand that last part.
Anyway, I stretched a whole week at Seattle. Peter was flipping out, and I calmed him down, telling him Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti was okay with me dating his daughter. That week I took Adhira to lavish restaurants, and I even bought her a couple of gifts. I was determined to go steady with her if she wanted it too. On the bed, she would make me the happiest man ever, and I couldn't ask for more. Finally, I was able to live something more meaningful than only sex.
Back to LA, I would daydream about seeing Adhira again. I would send her messages while she was traveling all over the world. One day I decided to surprise her in Paris. Best French journey in my life ever! From our suite, we could spot the Eiffel Tower all lighted up at night while we were rocking the sheets. My favorite part was watching that fantastic naked body walking around or seated on a chair, using her laptop. That woman used to work a lot and give consultancies and training for important people.
Everything was flowing harmoniously, and my app got launched. It was a big event! Adhira was there and gave a great talk while presenting the program. I was proud of having a woman like that. Her presence enhanced the occasion, and it generated significant PR all over the media with articles about her involvement. She was not only charming but also renowned among the business community. While Adhira was on the stage, I would picture what I would do with her in bed later on.
I had been so inspired that I was working more and also networking with entrepreneurs from other areas. I was considering acting in the food business. Food is something that needs attention. Currently, people are overweight, unhappy, and this could be associated with the manipulation of nutrients. Most individuals don't have time to cook and then see themselves without options towards the genuine healthy. I have been talking to high performers' athletes, physicians, and even scientists. Adhira suggested holistic nutritionists, and I had been contacting some. That woman was brilliant!
Adhira had to do some touring in Australia and Japan, and I spent a whole month without seeing her. Man, I missed that cinnamon skinned beauty! I didn't go out and even sleep with anyone else. I told Peter, and he was proud of me. I felt so pleased that I demanded him to go for a second honeymoon at a resort in Thailand. I gave him as a gift for working so hard. Peter and his wife Chloe spent a couple of weeks in a luxury bungalow and a month after the couple found out they were pregnant. Chortles. Exactly like they have been planning to. Way to go, Peter!
Finally, Adhira was back to Seattle. Hooray! I was not used to staying sexless for too long. But I was willing to break records at it. Adhira was worthy of my monogamy. I decided to act like the dork I never intended to and even bought a bouquet for her. As a surprise, I showed up at her place. But a tall blonde muscular build tanned man answered the door, wearing only boxers. Fuck! The guy looked like coming out from the 300 motion picture. He was bulky and symmetrical with a pair of green eyes. If I were a woman, I'd sleep with him. Seeing me with a bunch of flowers in one hand and feeling awkward was something entirely new for me.
Not knowing what to do, I turned my back and dashed to my rental vehicle. I tossed the flowers in a dumpster and started the car. Then it blasted 'I Need Some Fine Wine And You, You Need To Be Nicer' by The Cardigans. Fuck! That was suitable for the moment! I was so pissed that I went to a bar and got hammered. When I used to be a jerk, I had all the women crawling after me. Now that I decided to act cute, this happened. I couldn't understand the logic of the situation.
That night I fucked a blondie's brain out. I was mad with myself. I was not meant to be a romantic kind of man. Now, I could understand why Dr. Chakrabarti wished me luck. Damn! That was it! I wouldn't work on finding a nice woman to be steady with anymore. Fuck the world! It's exactly like my father used to say: 'Liberty and Love are irreconcilable.' Still intoxicated, I texted he had ruined my life being a manwhore during my boyhood. My father was about to get married, but fuck him! Finally, he decided to settle down at the age of 67!
His fiancée was a good looking 50ish-year-old woman. I wondered if my father would be faithful this time! Huh! My ass, he would be in an exclusive relationship! He could be at first, but then his stupid motto would hit him, and then my father would start to fuck around as he did to my mother. My cell rang, and it was him. I said an aloud FUCK YOU and hung upon him. I bet he didn't understand a thing. I left the bed and went to grab more booze at the minibar. Then Adhira called me. Great! Meanwhile, the gal I had slept with, woke up, and asked if I was okay. I shouted NO, and she started to put on her clothing and left. FINE!
Adhira remarked she was not set for an exclusive relationship at the moment. Humph, I was the expert at no strings attached! She used to travel too much and was not the type of woman to be sexless for too long. Really? That was also my philosophy! I knew what was going on! Abhay Srinivasan's Indian accent voice stated in my head that was an example of karma. Fuck universal laws! I'm not an enlightened being. I would never be one. I was only trying to act as one. But it was clear it was not working. It was not in my system.
The truth was, my head was drifting all over. Not only due to the booze but also for bad emotions. I was in no condition of dialogue. I listened to Adhira's explanations quietly, and at the end, I just said in a drunken tone: 'Okay.' I went back to bed and passed out. On the following day, I had a massive hangover and was feeling crappy. I took a flight back to LA and stayed home for a couple of days. Talking to my mentor, he said that having a setback was part of being human. I went back to meditation and also to work out. I was not willing to party hard anymore. I would design a middle-term schedule for me to have a social life and sex. But less chaotically that I used to lead in the past. Not a hermit, not a philanderer. That was it.
My father called, and I talked to him. I excused myself for acting like that. He apologized for being such a lousy role-model to me. I felt he was genuine in what he was saying. My father got softer after growing older. He told me to wipe that Indian beauty from my head and move on. Man, I miss that rocking body of her! Adhira - a beautiful name that means the moon!
Firing and Wiring - Cadence
Brody spent two months in LA straight. While Snowy White was on, we would have sex several times at night in that tiny room I lived at the back of my meditation lounge. I knew I shouldn't have gone on a date with him. I felt the potentiality of us turning into a relationship. But the fact was I felt happy as a clam. Naomi would laugh at my silly face, and I would nod and smile. Brody was intense, charming, and smart. He would get me in a way that, okay, okay! I admit. I was totally into him.
One night while walking holding hands with Brody, a masculine voice called me. When I looked, it was the guy I had slept with trying to not go on a second date with Brody. The fellow approached me and asked what had happened to make me disappear like that. Embarrassed, I told him nothing took place, and Brody realizing the situation felt upset and let go of my hand. He started pacing, and I had to rush to reach him. We talked, and Brody said he didn't want me with any other guy. I told him it was only at the beginning, after our first night together. Wow, that man was reciprocating at the same level the affection I had for him! That was new to me.
One afternoon Brody said he had to go to Chicago. I whined, telling him I would miss him. He invited me to join him, but I said I couldn't abandon my job and lounge. Brody said he would be waiting for me on the weekend. I took a flight on a Friday night, and soon I would be in his arms at the hotel room. I concluded Brody was good with women because he was raised by a single mother and had two older sisters. Females had always surrounded Brody, his sisters would bring their girlfriends, and suddenly shrieks and laughing would be resonating throughout the house. Brody wouldn't care at all. On the contrary, he appreciated that.
I came back to LA aching for him. Brody had this effect on me. I would want to kiss him all the time and also to have my body glued on his. The bad part was his traveling. He would be gone for days, even weeks while moving throughout the country, and sometimes Brody would be abroad while pitching new bands or helping with the albums' productions. In between, Brody would arrange a couple of days for us to be together while he was going forward and backward from his touring. A few months passed, and one day Brody called me saying he was waiting for me at a particular address.
Entering in the apartment, I spotted Brody smiling and with his arms wide open. He said it would be our new nest and I was supposed to give my two weeks' notice at my job. This way, I would get only focused on improving my personal growth and expanding my meditation lounge. I questioned his attitude. After all, I had never been dependent on a man before. Brody had no right to decide that without talking to me first. He frowned, and looking at me declared I was not open to receive despite all my meditation and monk's teachings.
I got narrow-minded by my reactivity, and I said I hadn't been working a lot to be under a man's wing. I turned my back, slamming the door behind me. I returned to my tiny place with my head spinning. I didn't know what to think. Naomi, noticing I was not at my best, pulled out of the hair salon for a while and came upstairs to check on me. I told her what had happened, and she gave her perspective. She said Brody had taken such measures to help me to grow as a meditation coach and not be limited by my survival needs, having to hold a day job to be able to support my shelter and utilities.
Truth to be told, I felt scared. I was already too much in love with Brody, and we had just started. Moving in with him was a huge step, and I couldn't afford such a lovely place by myself. If Brody decided to dump me, I'd be broke and homeless. Naomi stared at me and remarked my weak line of thinking. As far as she could see, I would have more time to take courses and to improve my real mission, which was to spread the seeds of meditation. I also would have some gaps during the day to be filled with reading and training. Well, she sounded right. But I didn't want to make a move like that. I was feeling confused.
That night I could barely close my eyes. Then my phone buzzed, and it was a cute message from Brody telling me he was sorry and promising he wouldn't barge into my life again. I could keep living the way I had been, and he would find a way to break the apartment lease contract or something. I replied, asking him to come over because I wanted to make love to him while listening to Snowy White 'Midnight Blues'. Minutes later, my intercom was ringing, and Brody would be at my front door. We kissed and went to bed. I wanted him inside me.
Brody was the terraforming of the Cadence I became. From him, I began to feel sexy and strong like I had never been. I could notice people staring at me while walking on the street. Men would check me differently than before. I even dared to buy some new outfits, and I would wear short flowered and charming sundresses, with comfortable, elegant flats. I could feel a renewal of cells, tissues, and organs. And of course, neurons too. A couple of days passed, and Brody said he would figure out a way to get rid of the apartment. Taking him by the arm, I said no. Then I agreed on resigning from the office I worked at, and invest money in a business course. I would look for partners to co-working and set my meditation project to expand.
He smiled and kissed me. I melted while interacting with that man's tongue. He had such a light, such strength. No wonder he was a well-succeeded musical producer at the age of 35. He was one of the biggest names in that area, and I couldn't be more proud of being beside such a man. I could feel he appreciated me and was genuine when he planned on giving me more comfort and time to be able to improve my life. After moving to the apartment, I was able to buy some new clothing and accessories. But nothing excessive as before. I started investing in my brand: Cadence.
Brody kept traveling a lot, but when he was back, we would make love and have a pleasant quality time while watching a few movies, reading, and planning my next business' moves. He had contacts, and soon I was offering meditation at a yoga studio. The owner was kind of a celebrity on Instagram, and she had a vegan restaurant and Ayurvedic massage as complementary services. I almost doubled the number of my students in three months or so. I wouldn't have to be concerned about paying rent, and the fridge would have plenty of healthy food available. To be honest, I liked being spoiled by Brody. He used to make me feel special.
Even with lots of wandering, Brody would finally be back home. Manhattan Beach, my favorite place in the world! He usually would bring cute souvenirs such as a rose gold Sanskrit mantra bangle, tea mugs with meditation quotes which I collected, and even cool things such as bags, sunglasses, shoes, and other pieces of clothing. I began to agree with that British behavioral expert and author, Marisa Peer. She uses to say, 'Know you can have it all.' When I listened to it for the first time, I scoffed and disagreed. But at that time I would yell 'Yes, Marisa! We can have it all indeed!'
One of the gestures I'd like most about Brody it was when he would take me on short getaways on weekends and holidays. One day we were at Napa Valley, in a charming resort. He knew all kinds of places, and I loved that! I had always been such a fixed individual, continually working and worrying about the future, that I barely enjoyed my teenage and young adult years. But there I was at 31 and feeling magnificent. Time flew, and Brody and I had been together for almost two years! And we still seemed to be in love like at the beginning. 'Yes, Marisa! We can have it all!'
On our last night at the resort, I spotted a small box on my pillow. While opening, I could see a cursive 'true love' white gold dainty ring. My heart started throbbing madly. I had never received such a demonstration of affection from any men. I put on, and it fit my pointed finger perfectly. Brody was not in the room, and I had my suspicions that he had planned that stunt. It was so typical of him! I was trembling and left the place, forgetting even to close the door. Brody was talking to a bartender at the pool bar, and I zoomed to kiss him obliterated that it had people dining and drinking all over the area.
When our lips got apart, people started to clap, and I blushed like a tomato. I was wearing only a silky robe and panties, that was so inadequate! Brody smiled and figured why I was acting crazy. He held me by the waist, and we started walking towards our room, and some people howled and woo-hooed while we distanced ourselves. Back in the room, The Cardigans were still on. I loved that band and turned up 'For What It's Worth.' Then I pushed Brody gently onto the bed, and I still can't find words to 'sexpress' what happened afterward.
Chapter 10: Monkey Mind
My First Monk - Jaxon
Noah Robert Patterson was an entrepreneur and also lecturer, the founder of a company that produced and distributed branded video content at scale. I've been acquainted with him for a while, and he invited me to attend an event in Venice Beach. Noah's girlfriend had a meditation center and brought from India a monk to give a talk assisting people in performing on their full potential. It would be my first time dealing with a man who lived apart from society. The monk was British, and I wondered how a Western man ended up living a reality like that. His Sanskrit name was Angyo Banko, and he had been living in the monastery for almost 20 years. How remarkable!
Angyo Banko's master before departing from this life had lived in a cave for several years. Picturing in my head, I could not understand how an individual can quit about having a house, a bed, and a fridge to be in the mountains even worst without a feminine companion. I have been going out and sleeping with some women, but nothing that would stick for too long, though. I used to think a little bit about Adhira, but we were not tuned in to the same frequency anyway.
I felt curious to know that British monk's story, and it was when someone from the audience asked him precisely what I wanted. I got surprised when Angyo said he used to be a punk rocker. No way! He had lived a life of partying, skateboarding, and even using a few drugs. He used to have spiky blue hair and wear ripped jeans. One day, after a meltdown mixed with feelings of fear, anxiety, and terror, he was invited to go to a Buddhist temple to meditate. Watching the monks on the first row, he asked for guidance, and soon after, the British punk began his spiritual life deciding to depart to a monastery in India. Get out of here!
Arriving at the monastery, Angyo got welcomed by the head of the place. Instantly the monk-to-be knew that man was his master and owed devotion and discipline to him. On the same day, Angyo started meditating and chanting, and on the following day, he had his hair shaved and began to wear a robe. He embraced the monastic life. Get out of here! The elderly master mentored him for ten years, but then the guru went back to his life in the cave because he knew he was about to leave this, Angyo's words, material realm. Holly molly! What a crazy story!
Then Angyo Banko went on talking that people were addicted to 'the about to happen.' Hmm, I admit the monk was interesting and reinforced my mentor, Abhay Srinivasan's teachings. This Indian yogi rocks! Anyway, Angyo said that what used to make us hungrier and unsatisfied was the need to get 'the high' while we expected something to happen. Fuck! The guy was right! I loved feeling the adrenaline of being about to create a valuable product or even the maneuvers at surfing. Much better while performing pelvic thrusts with an attractive female in bed.
Then the monk explained what meditation was about. Pretty cool! The mind is used to go all over the place, and this meant one moment we are doing something then right after we get in a different situation. The human mind is volatile and hard to tune in what we want to do. This way, we should use meditation as a tool to educate ourselves to be present at the moment. That's poetry! I liked this Angyo Banko already.
Angyo also talked about his latest endeavors, and he was a pop monk. He would attend private and public talks, and soon he would be joining a Hollywood casting crew to train some movie stars on a production. Get out of here! The monk seemed cool. When he finished, I approached and thanked him for sharing his wisdom. I told Angyo a little bit about my bio, and he chuckled. He knew I was a jerk, but I was on my way to make a difference in the world. I asked Angyo if he would be open for a talk in my office, and he accepted. We exchanged contacts.
My company is not any Google, but I like the idea of bringing content to my employees as a way to make them even more motivated and also wiser. By the way, Peter is about to become a dad. He's been pretty excited and such. I can't picture myself as a father. Mine was so sucky that I know I won't be a good one as well. When people are small, they operate in higher frequencies that are called by the scientists 'as super learning.' I imagine how much crap I absorbed from my parents, mainly my dad. I don't want to be responsible for ruining any kid's life.
By the way, I attended my father's wedding. The old man looked pleased. The bride was beautiful in her gown, and I hope this time, my father can be a more suitable partner. My mother is also doing good, traveling with her boyfriend, and such. She's seizing life mainly after losing a lot of weight gained over marriage and divorced years. She suffered a lot while parenting four kids. My siblings are all married and with children too. I differ from my family, but at least I've been able to talk to them more regularly and feel okay with it.
I'm thinking about going to another surfing expedition. Amit and I are arranging something. My kooky friend is still single but has been dating an Aussie beauty. Amit sounds interested in the gal. She is a YouTuber and influencer and gives tips about healthy diet and work out. In some of her videos, the girl shares valuable tips on how to get fit. Way to go, Amit! You deserve the best!
Despite the business, life is flowing, but so far, no significant other to spend some quality time with. Peter decided to set me a blind date with one of his wife's friends. Gee, it was sucky. The woman is a workaholic feminist who uses to criticize the male community all the time. I appreciate all types of females, mainly the smart ones. But if someone gets too attach to their concepts, it can get a little bit exhausting. It didn't work out, and I ended the night alone in my place.
One of these days, I watched Adhira giving an interview. Man, that woman is hot! Phew! She even called me, asking me if I wanted to hook up with her. To be honest, I felt tempted, but casual sex is not what I'm looking for anymore. I declined. For the first time, Jaxon Murphy turned down an offer with a hottie! I'm starting to believe I'm going to India and turn myself into a monk. Get out of here! The end for now.
Pop Monk - Cadence
Time to time, I contact Angyo Banko, the monk who opened my eyes while I was in India a few years ago. He has been traveling a lot, giving trainings and talks about meditation. I got happy for him. It's incredible to see how many people, Angyo has been helping through the years. A year ago, he started to attend events all over the world. Angyo deserves it. He was about to come to the US, and I arranged to meet him.
Angyo Banko was gentle and kind, as always. It seemed the time wouldn't pass to him. He would always look the same. But talking to him, I could notice he was wiser and stronger. Angyo asked me how happy I was. I said extraordinarily jolly, but my boyfriend used to travel too much, and that part I didn't like it. That week, Brody would be in Europe, producing a British DJ album, and then he would go to Sweden to work with a pop-rock band. Then Angyo said something I would never forget his words:
"We can always craft our life the way we want. The life you have is your making. What comes in our hand is beyond us, but what we make out of it is on us. It's up to you to sink in your loss or make something valuable from it."
It was a long sentence, but I asked Angyo if I could write it down. He chuckled and nodded. When I went to India, I was unsuccessfully in dealing with life. I would feel frustrated in practically every area of my life. I had low self-esteem, and I was also addicted to shopping and exercising excessively. But through meditation and educating myself with books and courses, I set and built the path for becoming a meditation coach. Richard Yardley, who inspired me at first, was growing bigger and bigger. I would follow his videos and check what was going on with him.
Regarding love, I wished to have a good relationship, and I was getting it. Everything seemed perfect and balanced. I talked to Angyo about Brody and even showed him some pictures of us. He said he was proud of me. Wow! That monk was glad at me because of what! Angyo was the one who would improve a lot of people's life. My meditation space was doing well, and my co-workers were expanding. Paula, the owner, was taking a few courses in Seattle at Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's center. I was helping her to take care of everything while she was away.
Angyo left, he had to catch a flight to Tucson, Texas. People had invited him for a talk there, and soon after, he would be acquainted with a hotshot in the entertainment industry and give consultancy to big Hollywood celebrities during the production of a movie. Way to go, Angyo! You deserve that. The money Angyo used to make from his events would go to the monastery he lived. The monks were planning to build a school to attend the children from the city to help them to thrive. I would be contacting people to give Angyo some assistance on that too.
When Brody was about to come back home, Joseph Turner had a conundrum to deal with. I told him even crying inside that he should go to assist the rocker. Brody, instead of coming to my arms, went straight to Seattle. I dived into work because I missed him a lot. After a couple of weeks, Brody was finally back. When he stepped into the living room, I jumped over him, and soon after, we would be in bed, making lots of love. We spent hours interacting. After that period of absence, our bodies had a lot to catch up.
Exhausted, we fell asleep, and when I woke up, Brody had already ordered dinner for us. I took a shower and joined him at the table. While we were eating, he invited me to go to Aspen, Colorado. Brody always loved practicing adventure sports, and from time to time, he would go surfing, motorcycling, scuba diving, and such. It was a way for him to face new challenges and detach from work. Some of his friends would be going too, but he thought it also would be nice to have me. I smiled at that.
Then Brody changed the topic, asking about my business. I told him I felt it was time for me to grow. I have been at that yoga center for a couple of years already. I used to see how well Paula was doing, not only making money but also setting her signature. I felt I had to dare more. If I kept that way, I would be only one more piece of her engine, and I had to go further to build my place and identity. Brody used to encourage me in whatever I wanted. Then he talked about being with Joseph and his family and how cute the rocker's baby girl was. Then Brody questioned if it was time for us to get engaged and set a date. I felt like not precisely understanding what he said.
Marriage. That was a big step. I've always wanted to settle with a significant other and build a personal project to last. But even being already 31, I was not financially secure as the way I pictured. Brody said he could invest in a venue for me to start. I got up and said no way! When we first started, he had helped me. But now it was different. I had to do it by myself because meditation was my business and his path music. He insisted on saying that after being married the money would be ours anyway. So far I hadn't thought about it, this way I didn't know what to do.
Brody said I used to be too hard on myself and should be more chilled about my career because he knew I was good at what I did. Maybe he was right but I didn't want to agree on him giving me any money to my meditation place. Brody asked if I loved him, and I said he was bothering me, and I left, banging the door behind me. I texted Naomi, the hairdresser, and both arranged to meet. I asked her if I could crash at her place for a couple of days, and she agreed.
Arriving at her apartment, I was feeling bewildered. Naomi flipped when I told her about Brody talking about marriage. She said she wouldn't hesitate to accept it even for a split of a second. That was what I didn't like about people, in moments like that we were not supposed to be led by impulsive emotions. Naomi and I talked for hours, and I knew I loved Brody. But I wanted to build my business path on my own. I knew a gal who started her business with only five thousand bucks, and five years later, she had a profitable expanding business. Naomi didn't get impressed because she was not as ambitious as me.
A couple of hours later, my cell buzzed, and it was Brody telling me he would be going to Aspen on the following morning. If I wanted to join him, I would be more than welcomed. I knew Brody was upset. But I felt like I had to set boundaries. Otherwise, it would be too late. If we would get married, I had to reach clarity on what grounds we would be deeply involved. I felt like, regarding business, we had to follow our paths independently.
After two days at Naomi, I was going mad. She, realizing my state of mind, asked what I was doing there. I missed Brody so much! I texted him. I even kept the message for a while on my phone:
Hey Sexy,
I know I can be a drag sometimes. I love you, and I’m thinking about meeting you in Aspen. What do you say?
He replied not long after:
Babe, I’ve been waiting for you. It’s too cold here, and I don’t have a second body to help to keep me warm. I’ve already set your flight, attached your ticket. True love.
Brody signed precisely like the ring he gave me in Napa Valley - what I had in my mind! Really! I rushed back home, packed, and on the same night, I flew to meet him.
Chapter 11: Defiance
Love Retreat - Jaxon
One more surfing adventure in an alluring secluded beach was set. But this time the atmosphere was totally different. My surfer buddies were all in a steady relationship but me. I went anyway. For me, it was about the ocean and getting aligned with my aqua skills. Amit Ananda was in love and took his Aussie beauty with him. Evie was her name, and she was a fitness, health, and lifestyle YouTuber, founder of the blog 'Mutants,' which she would tell her path towards wellness.
Evie had a degree in nutritional medicine, but when she was a teenager, she used to be overweight and suffered tremendous bullying because of that. Nowadays she had a killing curvy body and would have an Instagram booming with followers. She had the motto 'We are mutants, and we can shape our body and mind the way we want.' Way to go Amit! He looked happy with her, and thanks to his background as a fashion photographer, Amit Ananda improved his girl's pictures and videos, making her even more accessible and being able to attend popular TV shows in Australia.
A few days passed, and the couples would spend hours in the huts making love. I would wake up early, grab my board, and ride waves for hours. My friends' girlfriends brought some of their female friends. One night two were flirting with me blatantly. A year ago or so, I would take those hotties and fuck their brains out in my bungalow. But since I've been changing my values and working on priming my brain, I had to make it different. I kept focused on my surfing.
One night I woke up with one of the gals caressing me on my bed. We started to kiss, and obviously, I got a big hard-on, but suddenly something made me stop. The girl protested, she could see clearly I wanted that too. But then I told her I had lived that too many times already, and I was looking for something more profound. She stared at me like I was insane, which I also started to agree. Who was that Jaxon? I could see I was changing. When the woman left my hut, I kind of regretted not having sex with her, but what the point was anyway. It would be something short-term, which would last a few minutes, and it would be gone as soon as I was finished.
Fuck! Sometimes I hate myself for being this new me. Life was so much simpler when I used to party and hookup without questioning my beliefs and behavior as I do now. But then I understood it was part of the process I had after that accident. I started to remember me with a broken leg alone and hurt. My father's programming began to haunt me, and then I realized I was not truly happy. I was a well-succeed entrepreneur and also a great surfer, but I would be a man hard to connect. I had no real friends despite Peter. Even with him, I acted as an a-hole. Then my mind drifted to Willow.
I put some music, The Black Crowes, a great band. And acknowledging I had lost my sleep, I started recollecting my time with Willow. How stupid I had been throwing all I had with her for short term reward as having sex with women that I couldn't even remember their names. A video in my mind began, and I could see Willow smiling and tickling me on our bed, making me got up because she wanted to go to an ice cream parlor in Santa Monica. I appreciated when Willow provide me small gestures such as a kiss or scrubbing her feet on mine to keep hers warm.
It was clear why I got that accident. Those days on that beach were a way for me to face who I was for real. An empty selfish son of the b… While I was at the hospital, I cried alone because I didn't want anyone to see I was fragile and scared. After facing death, I really could see how insignificant I was. If I had died on that occasion, how many people would miss me for real? I bet that no one — not even my own family.
Reframe, release, and forgive that was what Abhay Srinivasan used to say to me. Abhay means "fearless," and the man is a real fortress. But my mentor said the result he accomplished, happened after a life of meditation and yoga. Abhay uses to say both are the same things. The postures help you to develop the ability to stand still while doing the meditation. Sometimes Abhay would sense I was upset, and then he would remark how we think of the worst things that happen to us determine our state of mind. I had to let go of my past, my reactive attitude towards everyone. I had difficulty in trusting people, and I would get defensive even before facing adversities. Fuck, that Indian elder was right.
Lately I have been thinking about love. Fuck, and here I am in the middle of couples. While they are making love, I'm here thinking about the jerk I am. No, I have been, but not anymore. I can be a generous kind man. I even helped my friend Peter to prosper. He visited me while I was at the hospital and forgave me for not attending his wedding. Yeah, Peter is this kind of man. He has a noble heart. My mentor Abhay says I have to learn to create new values. I feel I've already done it. Tonight was proof of that. I didn't have sex with that hottie.
Then my mind went to Adhira. That hot Indian beauty, smart, and well-succeeded entrepreneur. I never loved her. It was a good chemistry in bed. Adhira is fantastic, but in the deep, I always knew it was not meant to last. I wonder if I'll be able to find a woman who will love me and I will love her back. And together, we are going to have great moments and then go to bed to make fiery love. I want to burn and to be burned while inside of her.
I could notice my hardness back again. Chortles. An athletic man all by himself in a hut on a deserted beach. Fuck! I got up and went to the sea. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. The starry sky was bewitching. Creating an exciting vision for my future, that was what I kept in mind while catching beautiful waves. Then I saw Amit Ananda on the shore, waving at me. I left the ocean and joined him. We talked for hours. I really appreciate him. He is my 'Neil Cassady'. In the end, Amit stared into my eyes and said: 'Jaxon, you are ready. A significant other is about to enter in your life.' I asked him if he could see how she looked like, who she was. Amit nodded and smiled, replying I would know who she was just looking at her. I chuckled I've never believed in this bull about love at first sight.
Amit got up and went back to his hut. His beauty was asleep, and he wanted to make love to her as soon as she was awake. I chortled and said I could relate to what he was saying. That occasion was really different. I spent some time on my own, reflecting and setting what I wanted. My business has been doing quite well, and I started new enterprises. I have a vast network. Now it's time to be with someone that stimulates me not only physically but also intellectually. I'm getting ready to be ready.
Living and Learning - Cadence
Arriving at the hotel, Brody was waiting for me in our room. It was freezing outside! I didn't know how he could stand skiing while being so cold. I'm not into low temperatures, to be honest. At the door, Brody opened and pulled me inside, kissing me right after. The bellboy kept looking down, seeming embarrassed while waiting for his tip. Brody gave the guy some money, and he left. Then he took me and tossed me on bed. I loved that strong man who would make my head spin while we were making love.
As usual, we spent an unreasonable amount of time exploring our physical interaction. After satiating our lust, Brody and I talked about getting engaged. I said it was not the best time, and we could wait one more year. I would start my next venture, and then we would get married. Brody insisted on saying that an engagement ring wouldn't be all bad. I said yes, and back to LA, we would choose something charming but nothing too lavish.
Then we made more sweet sexy love and felt asleep pleased and naked. On the following morning, I woke up with Santiago's voice calling my name and his hand shaking me gently on the arm. Santiago was one of Brody's best buddies, and I opened my eyes, saying what the f…! I was naked and in MY room! Santiago apologized, he looked weird and asked me to put on something. I took a sweatshirt and pants and even complaining, I got dressed. I wondered how Santiago dared to barge in like that!
A commotion was happening in the lobby, people talking loudly, hotel employees running back and forth. Some people started to stare at me. I asked Santiago what was going on. He replied, saying that Brody had been involved in an accident. My heart started to throb madly, and I demanded more details. Santiago looked devastated and said my Brody was gone. Those words caused in me a rush of stress chemicals. I lost my cool. I couldn't believe in his words and yelled at Santiago, stating he was a moron and had no right to prank me!
I saw some paramedics and police officers, and I paced to approach the team. I would look at those red lights blinking and believe I was in a nightmare. Nothing was happening for real. Santiago held me by the arm and said maybe it would be better for me not to see Brody. He and his friends would take care of everything. I shouted that I wanted to see Brody! An officer asked me if I didn't have a more appropriate outfit to go into the snow, and I replied him to fuck off. The policeman realized I was not being myself at that moment and looked down.
Right after, I took the handle briskly and entered the vehicle. The police officer drove briefly up to a ski path. As soon as the car parked, I dashed into the snow. Probably I looked mad. I cannot precisely recollect that episode. Walking for a while, along with a couple of police officers and Santiago, I could see paramedics and other officers. I spotted Brody's body lying down on the floor. I screamed and jumped over him, hugging his motionless and already lifeless body. I got all wet and frozen. I started to shiver pretty bad, and a couple of police officers asked me to calm down and not to alter the scene. I told them to fuck themselves. They took my arms and pulled me back, and I started to fight against them.
Santiago came hurriedly, and people were looking, and some were crying, and I would shout and howl. As I said, I cannot remember too many details. I was out of my mind. That's for sure. I have some scenes registered, but scientists say that memories are not to be trusted. In a traumatic moment like that, your brain is jolted with panic and irrationality. Karl was another of Brody's friend, and with Santiago, both took me by the arms, and I would struggle to get rid of their grip. Karl was tall and robust, bulkier than Brody, and he grabbed me while I felt a sting in my arm, but I couldn't care less. I would shake my body and shout while being carried, but then Karl locked my body in a way I can't explain. He used to practice martial arts and was able to subdue my hysteria.
Then I felt tired of resisting and let Karl took me away. It was when I could notice tears streaming down his face. I tightly crushed Karl with my arms and asked why. I remember he only shook his head silently. I was sobbing continually. Karl was the one who took me back to my room. I was soaked and ice cold. My body would shiver, and my teeth chatter. I didn't know what to do. Karl asked me to get changed because I could catch pneumonia or something. I just asked to die. Soon after I started to feel dizzy, a paramedic had given me a calming medication shot, but my altered state delayed the effect. When I woke up, I felt like being knockout by Conor McGregor, the champion fighter. It was when I spotted Santiago, who was seated on the couch. He looked gloomy and exhausted.
I called him, and Santiago got up and approached me in bed. Grabbing him by the shoulders, I asked how the accident had happened. He said Brody was crossing a piste, down a hill, but then he fell and hit his head on a rock. Despite wearing a ski helmet, the impact was enough to cause him an injury. Later on, the autopsy report would indicate Brody's death due to a blood loss, caused by the collision on his head. I asked Santiago about Brody's body, and it had already been taken. Karl was handling with all the bureaucracy. This way, Brody's friends would take him back to Seattle, where his family lived.
Santiago recommended me to catch a flight back home and added I should rest. All I could think was that it was unbelievable that my Brody was gone. My sister Mia, who lived in NY, came to rescue me. She took me to my parents. I could barely sleep and eat. Brody's funeral and burial were set, and my parents took me to Seattle. We stayed at Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti's guest house. I looked like a zombie and wouldn't talk to anyone. Brody's mother and sisters were devastated too. He was the only man in the family and used to help them. His mother hugged me, but I wouldn't react to anyone. I was not able to deal with my loss and also had been under strong medication.
The Puzzled band members were there, and Joseph Turner approached me. The bassist hugged me tight, and I knew Joseph had lost family a few months ago too. But I was not able to express anything because I had become an empty cocoon. Cooper Hammond wrote a beautiful poem and read it. Joseph played a song, and Zander spoke about Brody beautifully. I couldn't still react to anything. All I could think about was the loss of my Brody. I was living in a loop, thinking about not having my fiancé anymore. I also would stare at our half-empty bed. Brody has brought me light and love. I hated myself for not accepting getting engaged instantly to him. Maybe if I had said yes that night in our apartment, he wouldn't have gone to Aspen. The pain was consuming me.
A lawyer contacted my parents talking about money and assets Brody had left to me. His family would get the most of it, but some percentage got destined to me. I cried fat tears. Since from the beginning, I never wanted Brody's money, but I would get it anyway. I wanted him. I wanted Brody back even if we had to live in that tiny room I used to when I first started my meditation place. But that I would never get no matter what.
A few weeks passed, and then another terrible event happened. When I was gathering strength to leave the bed, I got summoned along with Brody's family to attend a court session. A woman alleged having a relationship with Brody in New York and was asking for part of his money after living with him for a couple of years. That almost killed me for real. Brody had someone else besides me. I had been at his place in New York, and I couldn't notice any trace of a woman there.
I began to hate Brody profusely and became poisoned. Liar! I passed by our apartment at Manhattan Beach, my parents had been emptying the place because I wouldn't renew the lease, but I couldn’t handle it on my own. I entered there searching for something that would prove Brody was garbage. My fiancé was cheating on me, and I had to know who he was! Brody was gone, and I couldn't shout and slap him anymore. I would oscillate between anger and sadness.
In the middle of the almost vacant apartment, I started to shout and curse. I didn't know what to think. Then my phone rang, and I was about to smash it on the wall when I saw it was Joseph. I felt I had to take that call. I said hello in a zombie-like tone. The bassist asked me to pay attention to what he was about to tell me. Joseph said the woman was lying about Brody and her. They were not in a relationship whatsoever. Brody was a kind soul and allowed her to live in his New York apartment because she was broke. In the deep, Brody was a soft-hearted man towards women.
Joseph admitted Brody and that woman tried to be together, but that happened a long time before he had met me. They didn't work as a couple, but after seeing she was broke and vulnerable, Brody allowed her to be at his place when he was away. After me and Brody started dating, he would barely go to NY and had no idea he would depart so early. This way, Brody let the woman there. I began to cry aloud. I was sobbing so much that I would have to catch my breath. Joseph asked me once again to listen to what he had to say. He, Cooper, and Zander had hired a lawyer to solve the annoyance with that woman. She was a gold digger and wanted to take advantage of the situation.
After hanging up, I kneeled on the floor and cried a lot more. My Brody was not a deceiver. He was perfect and loved me, even me being selfish and narrow-minded. The only thing I could think was about work, and I wanted so bad to prove how great I was, that I didn't say yes to his engagement proposal at the right moment. I hated me for that. Anyway, I took a break from the meditation space I had been co-working, but that was not an issue because someone I trained filled my spot. I had to settle down my mind again. I had to thrive no matter what. I owed this not only to myself but also to Brody. After all, by his side, I had the best years I could have aimed for.
Chapter 12: Straightening the Paths
Introspection - Jaxon
I haven’t been too talkative. Besides working a lot, I haven’t been doing too much. For the first time, I haven’t been feeling too social. My 44th birthday is close, and I’m not in the mood to celebrate. Every year I used to throw a huge party, an occasion where I would drink and get high surrounded by a lot of people who wouldn’t care less about me but appreciated drinking the best booze and meeting the most beautiful people who would attend my events.
I’m sick of it! This year I’ll be on my own. Solitude is something that I’m learning how to apply. I used to freak out when I had to deal with myself. But nowadays, I like Jaxon. I feel I changed a lot, and I appreciate this new me. This way, I’ll face the fact that I have no family and no significant other, and I’ll stay home. I even considered going to a surf retreat, but I gave up. My surfers’ friends are all in a steady relationship, and I won’t ask them to leave their partners to surf with me.
I talked to Peter about our business, and my partner is happy and pleased with the results we are getting at it. I started other ventures, and they are flowing. I've been reading and always searching for new ways of leadership and also to make profits at corporations. I video chatted with the 'wonder dealer' Amit Ananda too. The guy always gives back inspiring experiences that make everyone ecstatic. Amit is fucking generous. He's all the time finding ways to serve other people. I even shared some personal reflections I have been cultivating with him. Amit remarked I'm more centered. The guy is a loony but a wise one. I give him that! Chuckles.
Then my mentor, Abhay Srinivasan, said that my introspection phase is transitory. But Abhay considers being essential to cultivate moments of individuality. The yogi never had family. This Indian elder is 100% committed to his practice and rituals. I would never be able to live like him. I appreciate being alone, but to follow an austere routine like Abhay Srinivasan is not for me. I'm pretty sure of that. Abhay wakes up every day at 2:45 and sleeps only four hours and a half. He also only eats plant-based food, and he has his vegetable garden, which he takes care of. Abhay lives in a small house, and in the backyard, he has a big room where he offers his workshops and practices. I look at him, and I respect his lifestyle. But I know I was not meant to live like a hermit.
I went to a party a couple of days ago, but I left early. I felt annoyed by the loud music and people trying to show off themselves while flirting and boozing. Believe me or not, I slept alone without bringing a beauty to have sex with me on my bed. It's been a couple of months since I last slept with a woman. Wow! But I didn't plan this to be honest. I want to have sex, as always. But I don't believe anymore that having lots of sex is a synonym with being a man.
No one knows, but I've been listening to this song 'Better' by SYML. It's ridiculous, but I feel this is my moment. Chuckles. I found out this SYML guy recently, and I'm enjoying his tunes. I've been looking for an emotional connection with a woman while having lots of sex with her. And this ‘Better’ melody is for her whoever she might be. Maybe I've been daydreaming with something unreal, but I'll give it a try. I want to be wanted for real. For now, I made my mind about working and focusing on my businesses. That's it. Without further ado, I'm closing for today.
Beating Sorrow - Cadence
I won't say it was easy to surpass the loss of the man I loved. I had ups and downs. I faced a hiatus while not working and living with my parents. It had already been six months of Brody's demise. That woman in NY ended up quitting suing Brody's family and me because The Puzzled band members proved she was lying. She even apologized for doing that. I couldn't care less. I loved Brody, and at least I was able to spend a couple of years enjoying the man he was. I'll drink to that!
During the whole ordeal, I never stopped meditating and priming my brain. I was living a low-key existence but already planning my comeback. I wanted to design my next venture, and one of those days, I decided to take a walk looking for inspiration. Passing through an enormous wall, I saw a beautiful graffiti that hit me. It was Keanu Reeves' face with colored swirls around and the quote:
“Even in the face of tragedy, a stellar person can thrive. No matter what’s going on in your life, you can overcome it! Life is worth living."
Man, I loved that actor! Keanu Reeves was my first crush, well, every girl's crush. Giggles. My favorite movie with him was 'Little Buddha.' Of course, I reckon Matrix trilogy as one of the best movies in the film industry history ever! But when I watched 'Little Buddha,' something hit home. I was eight or so, and that story stood out for me. Despite Keanu Reeves being splendorous as Siddhartha Gautama, I remembered feeling amazed by the story of that boy being the reincarnation of a great master. I went back to my parents, and I watched the movie all over again. It had been ages since I last saw it. I realized my connection with monks happened way before meeting Angyo. While viewing the monks in the movie, I could tell their ritual and posture got branded into my mind.
Then I sent an e-mail to Angyo Banko asking for his guidance. Angyo had been traveling a lot, giving talks, and he even had videos of his wanderings showing his work was getting more and more popular. I felt happy for him. My dear monk replied a couple of days later:
Dear Cadence,
Good to hear from you. I feel for your loss. But the way you are going to deal with it, it's on you. Don't drag for too long the pain. Focus on what is essential for you, which is to spread the seeds of meditation. Don't let aside your 'why.' The core of what you do is what makes you move on.
Compassion drives us to be at the service of the world. People need what meditation has to bring. Happiness is available and assured to all. But most are lost in the darkness, feeling lonely and disempowered. How much you conquered after departing from the ashram. You were able to set your meditation studio and also to experience love at a high level.
Pay attention to the fact that the multi cortex is the part of the brain which is related to intention to act. Remember when you got here feeling lost and weak? Then you went back to the US, paid your debts, and started Satya Lounge. Satya means truth. What's your inner truth? To be messy and unable to add value to our planet? I don't think so. The Cadence I met was pitta! Every action we have to do, we have to intend first. Clean your mind from rubbish and set your real intentions. You can start from scratch how many times you need. You've done it before, and you can do it again.
Practicing meditation creates compassion and love, which become the fuel for us to go beyond our small existence. Don't forget to bring micro-moments of mindfulness to your day. Look for being fully present in the moment. When we are entirely in a situation, this attitude brings us joy. Happiness is a trainable skill, and being present generates love and acceptance. We are hardwired for contentment. Mindfulness means to be in the present moment without judgment, without changing it, to be there with total acceptance. Keep progressing with your life and become a beacon to those who are in the dark.
I felt like burning inside while reading it. Angyo's words were able to rewire my brain. I could even see sparks! Angyo has been evolving as a monk through the years, and I could sense that. At the monastery, you can experience different energy. There I could undergo something impossible to translate into words. Angyo also sent me the contact of a woman who had a meditation lounge in Venice Beach. Her name was Melissa Zabaleta. I contacted her, and not long after I started teaching there.
After a few weeks I had been working at Venice Lounge, one day, Melissa was with her boyfriend. And the couple looked adorable together. When Melissa's boyfriend left, I told her I had lost my Brody, and I wished to be able to experience love again. Melissa revealed it would be possible because she had also lost someone a couple of years ago. Angyo Banko! Melissa had been at the ashram with Angyo precisely like me! She spent four months too, and then she went traveling to do some volunteering in a couple of third world countries. Her current boyfriend, Noah, was an entrepreneur, and both started dating a few months ago. I wished her good luck.
A year later, I would start my own business again. Prema Wellness Center was founded, and soon I would be launching online training as well. I've bumped into Richard Yardley one of these days, and he recommended me a website company to help me to develop a state of the art webpage. It had big clients like him, Dr. Jayesh Chakrabarti, Dr. Alan Caspari, The Puzzled band, and many others. I felt so excited that I contacted the office, and I have a meeting pretty soon with a man named Peter Stewart. I'll invest the money Brody left for me to build my brand. I'm so thrilled!
I’m going to bed to get some rest because a new cycle is about to begin! I started to believe I can be happy even after losing the man I most loved. Yes, Marisa! We can have it all!
Chapter 12: Serendipity
Intersection
Jaxon:
One morning I decided to stop by in my technology office. I've built other businesses, and Peter is taking care of my apps and websites' place of work. I'm always creating this way I transit among my businesses while surfing and meditating too. At the same time, I've been attending social events, and some female company happens. For now, no one was able to catch my attention, but I'm chilled about it. Eventually, I'll meet someone worthy to build something more meaningful.
I was seated on my desk, checking some charts and reports when I turned my eyes to the hall and spotted a charming brunette leaving Peter's office. My heart started pacing just to look at her. That woman had something. Her dress was a killer, a short multi-colored patterned sleeveless one. I rushed into my partner's office, asking him who was that beauty. He frowned and shook his head, telling me I had to keep away from her. The brunette was a client who had just hired our services. Come on! I told him he would deal with her, and I wouldn't show up at this office when she was in. He gave me a NO WAY look. Damn it!
Cadence:
Today I went to an office called 'Applied Science and Advanced Technology.' It's a big name! Giggles. But people say ASAT, which has no meaning at all to me. It's a company that offers multi types of services in the area of technology. I hired them to build an outstanding website. This time it didn't take too much time for me to prosper. I’ve already known the path I must take to make my meditation center happening. I've traveled on it before. I'm laser-focused on building a strong identity. Meditation is gaining more adepts daily. I couldn't be any happier.
I'm still in touch with Melissa, and she is happy for me. She even invited me for a happy hour, and we are going to toast our success. Melissa has her space in Venice Beach, which is fantastic, and mine is back to Manhattan Beach, where I first started. I rented a lovely apartment for me, and I've been enjoying my solitude. I sometimes get myself missing Brody, but it is okay. It is how the mind works. Memories and thoughts are always transiting into our system. Time to time, his mother and sisters talk to me, and they root for my happiness.
Jaxon:
Today I'm going to attend a happy hour. Noah invited me, and I'm excited. He's a brilliant guy, and his business is doing quite well. His girlfriend is a cutie, and she is the owner of a meditation place in Venice Beach. Exactly the one I went to watch that monk, Angyo Banko, to give a talk. I told Noah I'm also into meditation, and he said he has been practicing since after he met his girl, Melissa. He admitted succumbing to the practice and has been enjoying it. That's good to know. More people are joining the chain. I wonder how the world is going to be when almost eight billion people who live on this planet begin meditating. The globe will turn into a colossal Tesla Tower! Chortles.
At the happy hour venue, a trendy vegan-friendly bar in LA:
Jaxon and Peter arrived and approached Noah's table that was full of jolly and chatty people. Everyone was laughing and talking excitedly. Jaxon fist-bumped Noah, who introduced him and his associate to the people at the table. Jaxon himself didn't know every person who was attending the occasion, but he took a seat right beside Peter. Then Melissa started to wave, and Cadence noticed her. She approached the table and kissed Melissa and Noah on the cheek.
Peter stared at Jaxon, not believing Cadence was there. A few hours ago, she had just left their office. Jaxon chuckled, and Peter shook his head. Melissa introduced Cadence to the group, and everyone smiled and welcomed her. Jaxon promptly offered a chair to the newcomer by his side. Peter was staring at him with a disapproval look in his eyes, and Jaxon ignored him. Cadence thanked Jaxon for being a gentleman and took the seat. It was when she spotted Peter and declared:
- What a coincidence! We have just met this morning!
Peter didn't know what to say and smiled, nodding. Jaxon was grinning and using his arms, signed for his partner that it was fate. Peter stated:
- Jaxon is my partner.
- Really? – Cadence turned to see Jaxon better. – Well, I’m your new client then.
She stretched her arm, and both shook hands. Jaxon was smiling widely:
- I don’t deal with Peter’s area. I have other businesses, but we might bump into each other occasionally.
- Okay. - Cadence replied.
Good food, some drinks, and lots of talk were happening among the group. Jaxon began a conversation with Cadence, and both talked about their business and briefly exchanged some personal info. At some point, Cadence announced her departure. She asked for her check, waved to everyone, and after hugging Melissa, left. Peter remarked:
- I can’t believe it! You are a hoodoo man, Jaxon!
Jaxon laughed and said:
- I’m going to call her.
- Remember about Adhira! - Peter observed.
- Well, I was the one who got disappointed. Not Adhira. Dr. Jayesh even became one of our clients.
- I know, I know. But Jaxon, I don’t want any problem with clients. You have plenty of options. Look at this place. It’s full of beautiful women.
- I liked Cadence. That’s it.
Peter knew Jaxon was a strong-willed man. He gave up on talking to his partner. A few days passed, and Jaxon set an appointment with Cadence to show her webpage layout. The presentation was a success, and Cadence got pleased with the result. Peter was also attending the meeting, and she turned to him and said:
- It's not at random that your company is so well recommended. Richard Yardley was right about you. You captured what I wanted.
Peter smiled:
- My partner and I are always searching for new ways to innovate and to cause an impact. I have to admit I owe this to Jaxon. He's the one who is continuously a step ahead towards creation.
Jaxon chortled:
- Meditation is the tool I use to prime my brain, along with surfing.
Cadence gave a beautiful smile, and everyone started to talk about their experience with meditations and retreats. At some point, Peter excused himself; he had another meeting to attend. Jaxon and Cadence kept talking, and Jaxon exposed his other businesses. Cadence liked knowing Jaxon had a restaurant where its mission was to offer a pleasant environment designed for well-being, which provided healthy food to improve people both physically and emotionally.
Cadence expressed her approval to that concept, and Jaxon went on explaining the partnership he had with producers who used a holistic approach while cultivating fruit and vegetables. A lot of talking happened between the two of them, and Jaxon was trying hard not to get distracted by Cadence's perfume and charm. At some point, he asked her:
- I see you use perfume. Give a hint about something that is not toxic. Sometimes we want to present someone, and we run out of options when we look for something sustainable and eco-friendly.
After being with Brody, Cadence became a fan of scent essences, but she knew it was time to shift the manufacturing of harmful products for the ecosystem. She exposed Jaxon her passion for beauty products, which had a natural and organic approach. She knew a small company created by an admirable single mother who was searching to expand and offered a wide range of products in that area. Jaxon got interested, and both arranged a meeting with the newbie entrepreneur.
A couple of weeks later, Cadence and Jaxon, after keeping contact while exchanging business and personal growth tips, arranged going on a date for the first time. Jaxon invited Cadence to have dinner at his restaurant. He prized for her evaluation regarding how the place was able to accomplish its concept. Jaxon was excited, and Cadence uneasy. For her, it would be the first date she would go to since she had lost her fiancé. At the time Cadence was about to get dressed, she felt her heart pumping madly and took her phone to call it off.
While typing the message, a lot of excuses ran into her mind. Jaxon was a great business acquaintance, and she didn't want to leave him upset. Cadence acknowledged she also feared to get involved again. She started to remember the occasions she had with Jaxon and admitted to herself he was quite charming and smart. She liked talking to him, and his business expertise was precious. She noticed her hands were cold and a little bit trembling.
Before taking any action, Cadence sat on her bed and started to breathe. She could feel her eyes tearing. It was time, she would say to herself. She would breathe and repeat that mantra. After inhaling and exhaling for a while, Cadence could tell her heart had quieted down. Even after being mentored by a monk and leading a meditation center, Cadence still had challenges to overcome. Mostly in the relationship area. Jaxon represented the new and the unknown, something that the mind doesn't appreciate. Cadence deleted the message she was preparing to him. She would go and jump off a cliff. She trusted a parachute would open for her at some point.
Arriving at the place, Cadence was still working on her awareness. Seeing Jaxon waiting for her made her heart change its pace again but not wildly as before. She had to expose herself to danger, step by step. Cadence was strong and also meant to endure. Jaxon was dressed up and feeling majestic. He was happy to have Cadence as his companion. When she approached the table, he got up, and both kissed on the cheek. Jaxon could tell something was going on with Cadence and asked:
- Are you okay?
Cadence feeling her unknown syndrome was active back explained:
- I'm sorry. I have to be honest. I almost canceled the night because I still have some remaining of my primal brain active when the issue is dating.
Jaxon laughed, Cadence was funny, and he appreciated that. He took her by the hand and calmed her:
- Tonight is about you and me having dinner. That's it. I like your companion, and I'll be completely okay if we just talk and eat. I'm not creating any expectations.
Cadence sighed:
- I know I sound crazy and misbalanced. It's just that, the last time I went on a date, soon after, I was in a relationship. And then I got engaged, and... It's been two years already but…
Jaxon caressed her hand, and Cadence appreciated that. She was feeling stupid, but she wasn't able to pretend she was okay about going out with a man. Jaxon started to talk about the options in the menu, what they could drink, and soon after, both were talking and acting fluidly. Cadence relaxed and went back to her talkative and jolly way of being. A couple of hours passed, but none could tell. They were enjoying and absorbed into the moment. While waiting for the dessert, Cadence caught herself appreciating Jaxon's smile. She liked his stories about the surfing retreats and talks with his mentor Abhay Srinivasan.
When they were about to finish the roasted mango with coconut, Cadence noticed Jaxon had great hands, and probably it wouldn't be bad at all to be grabbed by them. Then her mind started picturing both kissing and soon after it shifted to bedtime. Cadence would cut and try to be focused on the conversation. Jaxon was being a real gentleman and probably wouldn't touch her because she had started their date in a very freaky way.
Jaxon stopped talking a little to observe how appreciative Cadence looked to be. She seemed enjoying the dessert. The meal would not demand heavy digestion, and he would love to kiss and take her to his place afterward. But he didn't want to be disrespectful towards her feelings. Cadence had lost her fiancé and very likely was not looking for a partner at the moment.
When both were done with the dessert, Jaxon and Cadence had a moment of comfortable silence. Cadence said it was getting late, and she would be leaving. Jaxon got up and offered her a ride, which she accepted. While leaving the place, Jaxon spontaneously took Cadence by the hand, and she landed her head on his shoulder. It was so natural that soon after, both would be kissing. The couple liked their lips interaction, and even while driving her, Jaxon and Cadence would kiss some more. Cadence, feeling lighted up by Jaxon's lips, invited him to come up to her apartment.
Cadence appreciated pop-rock, and The Cardigans plus Sheryl Crow were her favorite. She offered to put some music. The night and Jaxon's company inspired her. Jaxon was totally into Cadence and would love to dance with her. A few tunes played, Sheryl Crow was enhancing their moment together. Some slow dance happened in the living room and more kisses, but at the time of 'The First Cut is the Deepest,' the couple would be on bed experiencing their first session of lovemaking.
Chapter 13: Breaking the Models
Further on the roadway
It wouldn't be fair to the readers to stop Jaxon's and Cadence's journey at the point they had their first night together. After all, life is no fairy tale, and even when you initiate meeting someone special, challenges will be faced sooner or later. Jaxon was determined to find a woman to stick with and build a monogamous relationship. He appreciated his and Cadence's carnal knowledge and picked her to be the one to experience a meaningful relationship besides him.
Cadence approved Jaxon's way of being and also the intimacy they afforded together. She would feel haunted by the idea of not finding someone to excel Brody, her deceased fiancé. She had been working on her biochemistry and would channel a significant amount of energy to her business, Prema Wellness Center. But even with her professional side flowing quite well, she considered it essential to have someone special to share small and also remarkable moments with. Life had several facets, according to Cadence's beliefs, and the love one was something that would catch her attention.
This way, after their first night of intimacy, Jaxon and Cadence decided to arrange a few more dates between the two of them. They would go to lovely places to have dinner or even to watch a play together. Weeks passed, and despite not talking about what they aimed as a couple, Jaxon and Cadence kept enjoying some idle time as a duo. Both would hold hands and regularly smile at each other like love birds customarily do. The couple looked adorable, and their friends would encourage both to move further with their rendezvous.
Once a year, Cadence would spend a whole month at Angyo Banko's monastery in India. She would renew her practice and experiences, and also had decided to write a book about her journey towards meditation. Cadence felt she was healing and building up her trust about being able to experience a high level of love again. After losing Brody, Cadence spent some considerable time doubting her capacity to flourish a great relationship once more. After spending two years alone, Cadence met Jaxon, and the entrepreneurial surfer looked interested in setting up something more significant with her.
Cadence was right. Jaxon was fully committed to making the experience of being with her something else besides having sex with an attractive woman. One afternoon while the two were watching an episode of a TV show Cadence liked, Jaxon caught himself appreciating that moment. He didn't care what program was on. Jaxon acknowledged being joyful about spending some time back hugging Cadence while both were comfortable lying on a couch.
Jaxon freaked about being present in a moment like that. When he was with Willow, Jaxon was not conscious like that and lost the opportunity to be with the woman he loved after cheating and living a sloppy life. While Jaxon's mind was spinning through that mixture of fearful and pleasant experience, Cadence with her hand, reached his hair, and started to caress it. He felt thunderstruck by that gesture and got bewitched by the smell of Cadence's hair. Jaxon knew she used organic, eco-friendly self-care products and started to pay attention to the brands she would display in her bathroom.
Soon after, Jaxon would be admiring Cadence's shiny, silky long brown hair and wondering if he could consider himself to be in love already. Then Cadence started to laugh due to the TV program and Jaxon liked to feel her body shivering with joy. She looked at him and realized he was somewhere else. Jaxon was in his head, trying to figure out what that moment represented to him. When Cadence's blue eyes met his brown ones, he felt like swimming in a pool of bubbles and kissed her passionately. They started to make out, and the explosion of pleasurable substances invaded both of their systems. When Jaxon came back to his senses, they were already naked on the bed while making love, and he identified as being entirely absorbed by Cadence's moves and moaning.
Jaxon hadn't been partying and doing recreational drugs for a while. Still, he felt like in a psychedelic trip while listening to The Grateful Dead's tunes and being served Ayahuasca by the shaman Jerry Garcia. That night the couple's interaction was red hot, and both had a great time tasting their physical experience. After some time of ecstatic kisses and hips movements, Cadence fell asleep deeply. But Jaxon, felling lighted up by all that action, turned on his laptop. He felt like working on some ideas he had been thinking for a few of his business. But when back to bed, Jaxon watched Cadence in her candid sleep and realized he would miss her pretty bad. She was about to spend a whole month in India. Darn!
On the following morning, Jaxon woke up with some clattering noise, and he could tell it came from the kitchen. He already knew Cadence's place by heart. Music was playing in a muffled tone, and Jaxon could feel the joy resonating all over the walls. He smiled and got up to join his beauty soon after. Already in the room, he turned up the music from her cell phone, and Cadence noticing Jaxon standing close to the counter, launched herself into his arms, and both kissed. The couple would shake their bodies while following 'All I Wanna Do' vibrations by Sheryl Crow.
Jaxon reckoned the singer was one of Cadence's favorite, and he was open to listening to a lot of what he used to call chicks' songs. The couple had breakfast together, and Jaxon considered telling Cadence he would miss her while she was away, but he didn't do it after all. He would still struggle to verbalize his feelings. Jaxon always hated cheesy cues. The couple spent one more gracious day together, and then Cadence took her flight to the monastery located in a valley in Northwestern India, where the monk Angyo Banko lived.
Respecting her individuality, Jaxon decided not to take Cadence to the airport, but both would exchange some messages while being apart. Cadence would be in Mauna, the vow of silence, and she would not be using her cell phone for too long. A week passed, and Jaxon saw himself feeling vulnerable and stupid. He was missing Cadence more than he predicted, and the worst was to know he didn't even suggest taking her to say goodbye a little before Cadence catching the flight.
Jaxon arranged one night to have dinner at a friend's house. He was trying to fill his schedule while avoiding having contact with the gap opened in his routine by Cadence's absence. His friend, James, was a married man with the type of relationship that looked really solid. At some point, Jaxon asked James to be honest about how his union worked with Melinda. James began to explain the system of the values the couple designed together and the rituals they developed to be renewing their oxytocin release through the years of their marriage.
The entrepreneurial surfer couldn't believe how much work and attention James and Melinda had put onto their accord. James met his wife during college, and they had been together for 20 years. Jaxon was impressed to know his friend since from the beginning realized that he and his wife would have to find ways to renew their tie from time to time. Jaxon asked if James had been faithful and heard a 'deeply committed' remark from him. Jaxon got amazed to find out that a productive long term relationship was possible. Then Jaxon opened up his feelings towards Cadence and his silly attitude of not stating his sincere intentions to her.
James chuckled and declared if Jaxon were looking for a life partner, he would have to set clear purpose. 'Life partner,' Jaxon felt shocked at the same time he enjoyed the idea of shaping a continuous liaison with the same one. Sometimes feeling vulnerable and afraid was part of the trait, but if Jaxon was not willing to work on his issues, he could face some bumps ahead. Jaxon admitted enjoying Cadence's presence into his life and shared some non-sexual private moments of him and his beauty with his friend. James nodded and kept quiet while listening to all.
When Jaxon left Jame's, he couldn't take out of his mind all the talk about coupling and maintaining. He had a lot to do if he wanted to make his relationship with Cadence happen. Jaxon went to bed while thinking about what values and beliefs they would adopt as a duo. He slept with Cadence's smile in his head. She had an alluring way to express herself when she felt pumped. Jaxon appreciated Cadence's habit of fixing something to eat while sipping a glass of wine and dancing her favorite tunes. Sheryl Crow would perform a lot in her kitchen.
On the following day, Jaxon arranged a surfing retreat with one of his best friends, Amit Ananda. Amit happened to be in the US, and both went to Santa Cruz to ride some waves and spend some time together. Amit looked great, suntanned, and satisfied. His relationship with Evie, the Aussie health influencer, was flowing quite well. Amit used the phrase 'I'm in love for real' several times. Jaxon shared further details about him and Cadence and even allowed himself to reveal lovemaking was not only terrific, but he also got hooked on seeing Cadence's peaking.
The two friends spent a few days surfing and talking and tripping into The Grateful Dead's hits. 'Eyes of the World' would repeat, and Jaxon and Amit would laugh and chat. Jaxon was experiencing to be the alchemist of his brain while enjoying the occasion without using any additional substance. He was mesmerized by the beach and the sea. Also, Jaxon would have flashbacks of some pleasant time spent with Cadence and would appreciate her lip-syncing and dancing throughout her place. Amit pointed up the evident conclusion: his friend had fallen for Cadence. Jaxon couldn't agree more.
Back from Santa Cruz, Jaxon noticed that Cadence was finally back from her time in India. He wasn't sure what to do, maybe he should give her some extra time to settle down and get used to the Californian time zone again. He was randomly driving when he caught himself on the way to her house. It was a moment of distraction, but he could see how much he had been driving through that street. His car seemed to be rolling naturally through the asphalt, without the need of having a driver. And it was when Jaxon spotted Cadence in a restaurant. He pulled over and approached the place to check if it was her.
Cadence was beautiful in a formal navy blue cocktail dress, with the upper bodice and the bottom of the skirt all embroidered in silver. Jaxon approached the big window and could notice Cadence's date, an elegant tall guy in a dark grey tailored suit. Jaxon felt confused and sort of jealousy aroused. He started to pace back and forth in front of the window. Some closer people, seated in a few tables inside, began to stare at him.
Feeling stupid, Jaxon went back to his car and kept there breathing for a while. He had no idea what he should do. He sucked at being orthodox! Then Jaxon felt it was his fault. He didn't want to suffocate Cadence by his feelings and ended up acting too distant. Meanwhile, she was seeing someone else. Fuck! He punched the steering wheel. Jaxon started the car and kept driving in the area. Then he parked in front of the building where Cadence lived. He left the vehicle and buzzed the intercom.
Cadence felt surprised by Jaxon's showing up. He entered the living room and seeming agitated, began to explain himself:
- I wanted to take you to the airport, Candy.
Her friends used to call her Cady, but Jaxon developed his particular way of naming her. She liked that, Jaxon would have a sweet side that he wasn't used to displaying too much. Cadence could tell it. Jaxon kept chatting:
- I know we have been dating for a little time, and I also didn't want to look like those clingy kind of guys. This way, I gave you some space, but I was not expecting you to date someone else and…
- What? Dating who?
- I saw you at that restaurant tonight. I was driving home, but then I realized I was going to your place instead of mine. While passing on that street, I spotted you through the window. How long have you been seeing that guy? I thought we were, together, and…
- I…
- Don't tell me anything! This is stupid, and I'm feeling like a fool. I'm new into this relationship kind of thing and… I like you, Candy. I really do! But I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I've never been one. It's so embarrassing to be like this. Gee, I'm 44 already. I've been fooling around for too long.
Jaxon paused and was standing in the middle of the living room. Cadence tried to say something, but she was interrupted once again by Jaxon:
- I visited a married friend, and he told me about how he and his wife work on their relationship. It's a lot to do, I admit. But I thought we could do something together. I even started writing some principles for us, but I ran out of ideas. I felt if we did it together, it would be suitable and…
Being unable to talk due to Jaxon's agitation, Cadence got up from the couch and kissed him instead. He reciprocated her lust, and both went to bed to reproduce their red hot lovemaking. They had quite some time trembling in the sheets. When they felt worn out, Cadence said:
- That man you saw me with tonight was my editor. It was a merely professional affair, Jax.
Jaxon chortled:
- Really? So you are not involved with him?
- Besides him being a publisher, he is not interested in women.
- Is he gay? I considered him a good looking guy.
Cadence laughed:
- Well, he might like you. You are athletic, talented, and fun to be with. You also dress smart, and this medium length haircut of yours helps you to get even more attractive.
Jaxon chuckled and took his hands to his head:
- While staring at you through that window, I felt like not knowing what to do. I thought you were dating other guys because I had failed to express my real intentions.
- To be honest, I was not sure about us too. – She paused - But after tonight, I think we are legit.
Jaxon looked Cadence into her eyes:
- I like you, Candy. I also appreciate the version of me when I'm with you too. I feel I can be better than before. – Jaxon paused - I like seeing you dancing your Sheryl Crow's hits in the kitchen, and the way you smile. And when we are in bed, you fulfill what I need physically speaking.
Cadence smiled widely and kissed Jaxon. When their lips went apart, she declared:
- I’m happy with us too.
- That's good to hear. So, do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with me? I feel I can have it with you.
Cadence enjoyed Jaxon’s position towards them:
- Let’s be together and work on ourselves as a couple. I want the same too.
Soon after, they would be making more sweet, spicy love. Jaxon always responded quite well while interacting with females. But he aimed to build something special and unique with Cadence. This way, he had been working on improving his sexual performance. He wouldn't want to reach ten so fast at the 'orgasmometer.' On a scale of one to ten, being ten the closing act, Jaxon would practice keeping seven while making Cadence as much as pleased as she could.
Cadence noticed Jaxon was getting better and better at making her peak. He would give her an average of three orgasms before reaching his closing. Jaxon knew he could quickly fill Cadence's cup with pleasure but would first boil her water before going inside her. His masculinity would be soon quite ready, but before reaching his delight, Jaxon would work on Cadence's satisfaction. He wanted her eager to have it. This way, Jaxon would start with the foreplays and build up their practice meanwhile.
While being stimulated by Jaxon, Cadence more than appreciated his hardness poking her thighs, waiting for a better moment to be inside her. Jaxon would grab her derriere and like its tonus. When Jaxon acknowledged Cadence's femininity was burning, he would go on her top, and then his masculinity would do the work. Sometimes she would explode a little after Jaxon was moving his hips rhythmically on her top. Jaxon would retreat for a while, and after regaining his energy, both would pelvic thrust more, producing an encore of ecstasy.
When Cadence was close to exhaustion, Jaxon would wait for a while, catching his breath and preparing his masculinity to call it a day. His climax would happen, proving he was not only a high testosterone man but one who would know how to use his instrument pretty well. After speedy-fire contractions, his rich fluid would flood Cadence's cup. Then both would spread their bodies on the bed and look into each other eyes smiling and feeling majestic.
Learning how to multiply together, the couple would align their hearts and privates being able to triple and even quadruple their delight. The cardiac organ works like a magnet resonating in the algorithms' field, and during affection can bring about its magic, pumping vital energy through the spine up to the brain and even acting as medicine to other organs. Sexual energy would bring Jaxon and Cadence a creating power. While listening to 'Lo Moon' melodies, they would go high… By the way, 'Tried to Make You My Own' was their favorite one.
After a great night shaking the sheets, usually, both bodies would get spilled and their legs intertwined. The couple would wake up feeling motivated to spend one more day as a duo. While preparing breakfast, Cadence would wear one of her silky sexy robes, and while singing and swaying, she would fix something for breakfast. Jaxon would leave the shower and only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, would join his beauty in the kitchen. Healthy meals and kisses would happen. Some days they would go back to bed to refine even more their lovemaking.
One night, Jaxon took Cadence for dinner in a charming restaurant with a beach view in Manhattan Beach. They were both appreciating the food, the scenery, and each other when a commotion started. At first, they didn't mind because of their love and bliss absorbed them. But then Cadence realized something serious was happening. She got up and approached a table further ahead of the one she was seated. It was when she spotted a pregnant woman with her water broke and her husband desperate. No doctor was available in the house, and Cadence assumed the situation, dialing 911 and asking for instructions.
Meanwhile, Jaxon was already close and got horrified by the scene. Cadence calmed down the woman, and following the directions from the attendant began to assist the lady. Soon after, Cadence would be holding a newborn in her hands after washing both with whiskey and wearing rubber gloves brought from the kitchen. Luckily, the paramedics entered the restaurant at that exact moment, and Cadence got released from the task. She rushed to the ladies' room, and while washing her hands and arms, stared herself in the mirror. Cadence noticed she was glowing like never before.
Smiling, Cadence could tell meditation practice was bringing her more than she had ever imagined. After fixing herself, she went back to her table, suggesting Jaxon to leave. The restaurant manager decided not to charge them for the meal, and the couple departed. Jaxon felt mixed with shock and proud for being with such a partner. Cadence realized Jaxon looked distressed and asked him to be relaxed because the outcome was positive. Jaxon replied he was surprised to see how well she had handled the entire occurrence. Cadence laughed in her cutest and declared:
- I'm amazed by how my last retreat in India worked. I had this experience of reprogramming my autonomic nervous system, being able to learn how to activate my diaphragm breathing and not being ruled by the fight or flight response any longer.
Jaxon laughed and said he wasn't sure he understood what Cadence meant by that. She explained how the stress response worked in the body, and after getting involved with meditation, Cadence learned through the years how to deexcitate her sympathetic nervous system. While she was assisting the woman in that restaurant, she felt relaxed and present, and thanks to the 911 attendant, she was able to perform the demanded procedures at the time being.
That night the couple went to bed to make tender love, and they sensed swept by the flow of their bodies' interaction. In the end, Jaxon moved to Cadence's top, and while swaying his hips, allowing his masculinity to slide far down his beauty's femininity, with his hands intertwined with hers, he whispered 'I love you' in her ear. Cadence couldn't contain herself and burst with delight of having Jaxon inside her. One more night of bedroom rodeo for them.
Chapter 13: Closing the Curtains
When Two Makes One
Months passed, and Cadence's book was ready to be launched. She has been ecstatic and full of dreams. Prema Wellness Center had become a reference for meditation practices in Southern California, and Cadence was about to start her book tour. Jaxon was happy for his girlfriend, and the couple had been living a joyful routine. His businesses also had been prospering, and from time to time, Jaxon would take short breaks to go surfing. Cadence would join him, but she mostly stayed at the inns waiting comfortably for her boyfriend. Between walls, the couple would interact most of the time.
In one of the surfing journeys, Jaxon introduced Cadence to Amit Ananda and his beauty Evie. The two couples had a great time in a deserted beach, and then back to their bungalows, lovemaking would be the focus. Evie and Cadence got along, both liked wellness and fitness, and while being under a shade, keeping at the most away from the sun, the two women would talk and exchange tips about getting in better shape and the ideal diet to achieve a sexy toning body. Evie was a famous YouTuber in Australia, and besides the community she had been building, she was about to star in a weight-loss TV show.
Evie became one of the most well-succeeded influencers in her country and had been getting the accolades from it. Money had been continuously flowing, and Amit Ananda became the producer of his girlfriend's visual material. Amit confessed to Jaxon he had already bought an engagement ring and would be proposing to Evie as soon as they were back home. Jaxon smiled to his friend, he always considered Amit a lone wolf, but that changed after meeting the charming Aussie. Knowing his friend was about to pop the question, made Jaxon think the life he could have if he got married to Cadence. He liked the idea of settling down. Jaxon was in his mids 40s and feeling at his best physically and financially speaking.
After spending a few hours in the sea, the two men went back to their rooms, and Jaxon entering, spotted Cadence closing her work out. He could tell she was sweaty. Cadence liked to turn the AC off when she was exercising. This measure would make her produce a natural internal warming, aiding the release of organ toxins. Furthermore, Cadence would boost her practice doing some breathing techniques along with body locks that she had learned through yoga.
Looking at his beauty, Jaxon smiled and pictured himself in bed with Cadence. Meanwhile, Cadence was already standing up after some sit-ups. Then Jaxon grabbing her by the waist pressed his lips against hers. After that sexual, passionate kiss, Cadence said:
- Babe, I have to take a shower!
Jaxon smiled naughtily:
- So do I.
Said that Jaxon got rid of his baggies and started to undress Cadence's two-pieces outfit. With those strong hands running through her body, Cadence's femininity got lighted up. The shower served for the foreplays. Both dried their bodies hurriedly, and right after they would be in bed. The sensual, alluring beats of 'Easier' by Mansionair were resonating all over the bungalow. And the couple was refining their lovemaking. Jaxon more than appreciated when Cadence's perineal area tightened his hardness while going up and down on his top.
Their interaction was sublime, and the couple was aware of how sex was essential for them too. For a split of a second, Jaxon remembered he had been faithful for the first time and intended to keep in that monogamous way with Cadence. Enjoying her hips moves, he caressed her bright hair, and lifting his torso, Jaxon whispered 'I love you' in her ear. Cadence smiled at the words, and the hushed toned Jaxon's voice had. She kissed him fiery and murmured 'I love you too' back.
Smiling, Jaxon turned Cadence sideways and, while on her top, made the accurate rhythm with his hips to channel the right frequency into making his beauty peak. Soon after, the couple allowed themselves to meltdown with 'Easier' swings, and both burst into a psychedelic love chemical release. The couple kissed to seal their ecstasy and scattered their bodies on the sheets. While Cadence took a nap, Jaxon stayed awake, pondering about his internal development. He was in love and vividly present at that moment, and this would scare the pants off him. Even feeling vulnerable by wanting someone as he did, he was willing to be with Cadence. Jaxon was pretty much aware that the mind longed for the safe and the familiar, and love was something that the previous version of him wouldn't invest so much energy on.
'Life-Altering through Meditation' was well-received among yoga and meditators community, and even Richard Yardley, one of the most popular meditation coaches, showed up to greet Cadence. She started her book tour, traveling for the major cities in the US, and Jaxon would follow his sweetheart's events through social media. But one day, he decided to show up at San Francisco to surprise her. Cadence welcomed Jaxon with a passionate kiss, and pulling him by the arm both soon would be in bed lapidating their lovemaking.
On the following day, Cadence had to attend a talk in one of the most prominent book stores in the city. She was getting late because the couple wouldn't stop kissing and making out. At some point, Cadence had to stick to her 'enough.' When she was putting her raincoat on, the movement made a small box fell from its pocket, thudding on the floor. She smiled. And staring at Jaxon, Cadence joked it was not the time for his cute surprises. Jaxon used to gift her with little treats and even some pieces of jewelry. But after opening the box, her mouth fell open. Jaxon started:
- I know we’ve been together for only ten months or so…
- Nine and a half – She corrected.
- Oh, well nine and a half then. Anyway, I feel so right when we are together. This way, I think we should get married. I'm even open to have children. I consider two is our number. We can manage our careers while raising the kids with some professional aid. I've never considered myself the type of man to become a parent. I don't want to be responsible for ruining anyone's life. But beside you, I grew so much and what I mean by that is as a human being. To be honest, I've always been good regarding business. But my personal life has always been messy and sucky…
Cadence was in silence. She loved when Jaxon would have those moments of explaining a lot about his attitudes. How lucky a woman could feel when being able to find another man to be happy with! She would never imagine, even in her wildest dreams, she would get lucky enough to have Brody, and even after enduring a significant pain for losing him, a second great man would cross her path. She knew deep inside Jaxon had a golden heart and could picture herself quite happy with him. Jaxon stopped:
- What? Why are you so reflexive? Are you having second thoughts about us? If I'm pacing too fast, please let me know, Candy.
She dropped her raincoat on the floor and soon after unzipped her dress. SYML’Better’ was on. Cadence disrobed her panties and unhooked the bra. She was already fully naked, and stepping out of her high heels, approached Jaxon kissing him fiery. The couple dragged their bodies to bed while making out. Meanwhile, Jaxon took the small box from Cadence's hand and placed the engagement ring in her finger. Right after, she would be running her hands on his back, and both would make steamy love. Cadence's phone started to vibrate, but she didn't even realize it. The couple got focused on themselves. After one more time flooding their bodies with love chemicals, Jaxon spoke aloud:
- Fuck! You have your talk! You are getting late!
Cadence giggled:
- I know! It’s your fault!
- Really?
- Yes!
The couple smiled and kissed. Cadence jumped out of bed, briefly showered, and started to fix her hair and also make-up. Then she rushed to put on her attire for the day. She pecked Jaxon and called an Uber, zooming to the book store. Her editor was about to flip out when he saw her dashing in. She excused herself and went to her spot. She opened that day talking about her delay and apologized for being not punctual, something very atypical for her. Then she shared her engagement moment and admitted she could not leave without making love to her fiancé. Everyone seemed to be enjoying, and apart from the other presentations, Cadence participated with all her experience with meditation and the considerable improvement of sex.
Her improvisation was a success, and when she concluded, Cadence received a warm round of applause. She smiled and signed several books while exchanging valuable tips with people who interacted with her in that afternoon. Her editor liked her spontaneity and suggested she should talk about sex more often. Cadence laughed and said she would think about. Back to the hotel, she exposed what had happened at the presentation, and Jaxon added they could become sexual counselors to couples. Cadence smiled and said for them to master sex, the best option would be practicing a lot. Well, the rest was predictable, and we are not going through it any longer.
Weeks later, Cadence would be in New York. A fancy book launching brunch was scheduled, the publishing company was already celebrating the sales while the author was still touring. 'Life-Altering through Meditation' was on the top positions at Amazon nonfiction best sellers rank. Cadence could barely believe she was having such a rapid response from readers. But in that specifically morning, she was feeling pretty crappy. Despite the uplifting music that was on, 'Something About You' by Hayden James, Cadence felt like staying in bed for the whole day.
Checking herself in the bathroom mirror, Cadence could tell something was wrong. She was not the type of person to get sick, but she's been traveling a lot lately. This way, something might have interfered with the balance of her immune system. Even being away from home, Cadence would take care of her diet along with meditation and exercising in hotel rooms. It was harder to stick to her discipline, but she would follow a routine to keep at her best. She went to the brunch anyway, and her editor realized just to look at her that Cadence was not feeling good.
Even suspecting it could be a virus or something like it, Cadence gave a presentation and talked to several people afterward. At some point, she was aching to leave, but she insisted on providing the best she could. Her editor suggested she should splash some water on her face and so she did it. In the restroom, she felt dizzy, and a stranger noticing her malaise offered to call someone. Cadence thanked the lady but declined her offer. Back to the hotel, she called her parents and Jaxon. Her fiancé could see his sweetheart was not okay and declared that probably she was homesick. Mia, her younger sister, who lived in New York, decided to stop by to check on her. While opening the door, Mia declared:
- You look awful, sis!
- Thanks, Mia. That’s what I needed to hear. Really.
The two sisters sat on bed and started to chat. While listening to 'Falling' by Mansionair and other pleasant songs, both went through some memories and revisited several moments of them in Manhattan Beach at their parents' home. Then Mia asked to see Cadence's engagement ring closer. When Mia was staring at the beautiful sparkling diamond, she shouted:
- OMG! You are pregnant!
- What? Of course not! I’ve been using birth control.
- Oh, I see. It might be it then. I had a couple of friends that had a hard time taking those hormones because some of them cause terrible side effects.
- It could be it. I’m thinking about going to the doctor.
- I'll see if I can find one for you. Hold on.
Mia sent some texts, and soon, she got the number of one physician. On the following day, she accompanied Cadence to the office. The doctor ran a few tests, and at the end of the appointment gave the diagnosis:
- Dear, you are pregnant.
Cadence couldn’t believe it:
- It’s impossible! I’ve been taking the pill.
- I know, but in some rare cases, even using birth control, women can get pregnant. No form of birth control is 100 percent effective.
- Of course, I had to fit in the minority! That's the story of my life!
- There are some cases that the woman releases a type of enzyme that causes to make specific contraceptive methods less effective.
- Oh my! That’s probably me.
- We can take more tests if you want.
- What for? I'm already pregnant! That's for sure, right?
- Yes, it is.
Cadence had no idea about how Jaxon would react after knowing he would become a father much sooner than they expected. The couple was engaged, that was sure, but children hadn't been in their calendar for now. Mia felt excited, and Cadence hesitant. Despite her sister's protests, she decided not to call Jaxon. Cadence had better tell him in person. When Jaxon went to pick her up at LAX, he could tell his fiancée didn't look excited as she usually seemed after the book tour. Back into Cadence's, Jaxon caressed her fiancée's hair and asked:
- Tell me, Candy. What’s in your mind? I can see the grey cloud over your head.
- Is that obvious?
Jaxon chortled:
- I feel I know you a lot already. You look different after New York.
- Yes, I am. Something happened. – She paused – Remember I was not feeling well that day we spoke on the phone?
- Yeah, I know. Have you been to a doctor?
- Exactly.
- Is it bad? Don’t tell me you are sick.
Cadence looked stern, and for a split of a second, Jaxon thought about some illness. Something unfortunate that could ruin their happiness. But then he cut it out immediately. He didn't appreciate that kind of mental action, the attempt to predict the future based on negative bias. Cadence sighed:
- I'm pregnant, Jax. Even taking birth control pills, I was able to conceive a baby.
Jaxon feeling surprised by that added:
- Not you, but we produce the baby.
Cadence was trying to cheer up and smiled:
- Yeah, the two of us. But my body in some way annihilated the effect of the pill, and then I was able to keep fertile. To be honest, I don't know what to think. But I don't want you to marry me just because of it. If you believe a baby is too much and too soon, we can call it off the whole thing. I can figure out a way to parent this baby.
Jaxon's mind was spinning caused by the shock of knowing he would be turning into a father earlier than he had pictured in his head when he proposed to Cadence. The information started to transit into his neurons like electric pulses, and parts of his brain were turning on. He felt alarmed and scared, but he wouldn't dare to fly. Even with limited perception, Jaxon was able to express his clarity:
- Hey, we are together in this. We have to figure out how we are going to raise this child. I'm with you, Candy. I know I'm not the best prospect for a father, but I can learn it. The brain is malleable, and I can become a good parent. I won't allow myself to act like my own. I want to be present for this kid.
Cadence's eyes started to water. She was happy to see Jaxon wouldn't bail out on her. She was not sure about motherhood too. Jaxon asked how many weeks of pregnancy Cadence was, and after her response, he joked:
- Well, all that fire we produced in San Francisco after getting engaged produced some effect.
Listening to that, Cadence laughed out loud, and Jaxon appreciating her sound approached to kiss her. The passionate lips touch turned into caresses, and not long after, both would be in bed enjoying their lovemaking. Jaxon could barely believe that less than nine months ahead, he would have baby's cooing in his life. Cadence appreciated how Jaxon would touch her. He seemed wanting her as much as he showed many times before. That night both fell asleep, and Jaxon placed one of his hands on Cadence's belly like he was getting used to the idea of producing a new life. On the following morning, Jaxon would be at Abhay Srinivasan's yoga lounge. Both were meditating together, and at the end, as usual, Jaxon started a conversation with his mentor:
- I have something to share with you. I'm going to be a father. Cadence got pregnant, even using birth control pills. Can you believe it?
The gentle Indian yogi smiled:
- Yes, I can.
Jaxon stared at Abhay:
- Isn’t it weird? The idea of me becoming a father? Look at my past and how come a man like me can be a parent.
- Are you scared? Don’t you want a child?
Jaxon hesitated for a moment:
- Afraid, for sure. If I want it, I'm so surprised that I have no opinion about it.
Abhay Srinivasan stated:
- That depends on how much you achieved.
- Meaning?!
- If you have just been looking for a change, that's something more comfortable to accomplish. When you simply change, it means that the essential quality of yourself still the same. But transformation is something else. It's harder to reach.
- Hmm, that’s interesting. How could transformation be defined?
- It's different from change. Transformation means that nothing of the old remained. It only happens when something new flowered within you.
Those words impacted Jaxon. Was he changed or transformed? He couldn't tell for sure. Abhay Srinivasan feeling Jaxon was trying to find out which definition would suit his case, added:
- If you decide to become a gem, people will notice you for your brightness. You can have flaws, but the beautiful facets will speak louder. It's not a matter to be perfect. No one likes perfection because no one is flawless. But when you understand that your journey to improvement is making you better, people are going to be focused on the good you have.
Jaxon was speechless. He always felt amazed by that Indian wise elder. He enjoyed the meditation and conversation both would have. Jaxon felt grateful for being able to get to meet such an evolved soul. He would consider Abhay Srinivasan an ascended master. The yogi would laugh and protest:
- Get out of here!
Jaxon chortled, that sentence was pretty often said by him, and Abhay had been using it a lot too. It was hilarious to listen to those words with that strong Indian accent. That was the beauty of relationships, the exchange of ideas one would get while interacting with others. And also being able to see good things one had while being reflected in the mirror of the other-self.
Driving back to Cadence's, Jaxon appreciated the nothingness experienced at meditation. He would have seen different colored lights and also liquid swirls like paint dissolved in the water for several times, but the days he would feel beyond his physical body were the best ever! Jaxon could remember the sensation of being in the pitch dark, but then the outer space lightened by stars would show up at the height of his third eye. Jaxon enjoyed being an inner astronaut traveling through his self-space.
He called his friend James and talked for a while about the difference between change and transformation and revealed Cadence was pregnant. Jaxon admitted he wasn't sure of how deep he had reached in his inner journey, and then James invited Jaxon to join him and a few friends to go scuba diving together. Jaxon liked the idea of being in the sea doing something else besides surfing. He had never snorkeled before. Jaxon would talk to Cadence about it, but he asked to count him in.
Stepping in the living room, Jaxon heard Cadence's movement in the kitchen, and the music 'Falling' by Mansionair was accompanying her at that happy morning. He could tell she was profoundly seizing that moment. Every time Cadence would listen to her favorite tunes while cooking, vibrant energy would spread in every inch of the place. Jaxon could fill it already in the air. He decided borrowing tomorrow's happiness for today, as the song said. Approaching quietly, he spotted Cadence while stirring her scrambled tofu in a pan. Cadence was absorbed in the music while adding some turmeric and spinach into the mix.
Running his hands around her waist, Jaxon parked them on Cadence's belly, back hugging her. Feeling joyful by the gesture, Cadence inverted her body to meet Jaxon's lips. And then both kissed. Meanwhile, Jaxon turned off the burner, and the smell of the food invaded his nostrils. Cadence had this effect on him. She intensified his five senses. He would smell, taste, hear, touch, and see better when he was with her. He liked that. Jaxon decided to become more mindful of small things to find out if he was only changed or profoundly transformed. Finished the kiss, Jaxon caught himself appreciating Cadence's hair smell. He acknowledged being appreciative of her beauty care products.
The couple sat on the table and had breakfast while talking and tasting the seasoning of the dish. Jaxon poured some avocado oil in his side toasts and complimented Cadence for her tofu. She smiled and served less for herself than her usual. Jaxon asked her about morning sickness, and she confessed food had been making her nauseous. He laughed and said it was okay in her condition. Then something called his attention. He had just placed his hand on Cadence's belly once again. That gesture was becoming more and more common. Even she noticed it.
Jaxon talked about James inviting him to a scuba diving event, and both agreed on being an excellent opportunity. Jaxon wanted Cadence with him, but she said she couldn't picture her in the sea at that stage, she had been sick enough already. He remarked he would be away for a couple of days, but was already aiming to be back in her arms. Cadence stared deeply into his eyes, and Jaxon could see he was in love with that woman in a way that he couldn't even explain. Cadence noted Jaxon's words had been even gentler and caring, and she was beginning to get used to the idea of carrying his baby.
When Jaxon accepted James' invitation to join his scuba diving group, he forgot to ask for more details about it. After some time being in the boat, Jaxon deeply regretted not having gone through further specifics. He was the only newbie among the five men who were there, and the night was already approaching. James Whorf was a famous nonfiction author and journalist who had published articles in the most prominent publications as Wired, The Economist, Time Magazine, among others. James also showed entrepreneurial skills. He was the founder and creator of Paragon, a research and training organization that developed tools for people to unlock their true potential. And also, James developed Brain & Build Gym, a place for high performers' athletes and business people to train not only physically but mentally too.
James liked challenging both his mind and body. This way, since his teenage years, he used not only to go mountain climbing but also practicing other adventure sports. James looked delighted and natural while joking and talking to the group. The boat was rioting while the waves burst into the hull. It was windy, which would cause the sea to be pretty agitated and the flags to flutter. But it still was a beautiful scenery though. Jaxon was determined to challenge himself despite feeling intimidated by the water behavior.
The boat stopped, and the anchor released. James was the first to jump into the sea and right after he called for Jaxon and subsequently one by one the other four. While Jaxon was waiting for James' friends, he realized he was being dragged by the water away from the boat. Jaxon would struggle to keep next to the group, but no matter how hard he tried, Jaxon would be pushed away anyway. A red light turned on in Jaxon's head, and it came back to him the accident he had at that deserted beach after falling from a cliff.
Jaxon felt scared of getting lost and alone in the middle of that sea. It was dark, and Jaxon got aware he was holding his flashlight so tight that his hand felt sore. Besides being bobbed by the water rebellion, the cold was getting beyond uncomfortable. Jaxon guessed it would be around 60F, and probably underwater, it would reach 50F or bellow. Even being athletic, Jaxon was getting tired of making efforts to approach the boat. His nostrils would narrow and wide, trying to catch air. Jaxon wondered if it was time to pull the ripcord.
It was when Jaxon reminded of his nose while capturing Cadence's hair scent. When his fiancée cooked, his sense of smell and palate would amplify. Then his mind shifted to Cadence being pregnant and how beautiful she would become when her belly got bigger. That thinking made Jaxon switch his state of mind of being angry and frustrated to a more hopeful and positive focused one. Being able to lower the respiratory rate, Jaxon reached a stage of relaxation.
Jaxon waved to James and the others, but it seemed no one was able to approach him. He chose not to feel endangered by the circumstances. He was not willing to put his life at risk because he had a great motive to be healthy and in favorable physical conditions. Jaxon would become a father and felt like meeting the baby's face. He was curious to know if it would be a boy or a girl and wanted to help picking a name after having long conversations about it with Cadence. While distracted in his reveries towards parenthood, like magic, Jaxon felt the water was not as resistant as before, and soon, he would be close to the group.
James saluted him, and everyone put on the masks and the second stage regulator part, diving into the water. While watching the life happening under the ocean, Jaxon got marveled by the vivid colors of corals and sponges on the reefs. Everything seemed to be in slow motion, and the silence caused a peaceful feeling. The other men would make tricks and poses while swimming. Everyone but Jaxon were all experienced and used to that type of scenery. James was leading the group because he knew by heart the surroundings. Jaxon was getting behind due to the fact he appreciated every little aspect of the journey, paying attention to the exotic marine life around.
The veterans would interact with fish and other creatures, but Jaxon would only watch them. He was not used to that level of intimacy, even after being an infinite amount of time in the sea. Jaxon mostly used to ride waves with his board. The perception of time got distorted down under, and Jaxon felt he had been there for hours. Probably it was not the case, but back into the boat, he stared at the sky, feeling amazing, precisely like he used to feel after making love to his beauty. Silently appreciating the experience, Jaxon talked to himself in his head that he was not changed but transformed. And he would be a dad too. Everyone slept at a charming inn, and on the following day, every man would be back to their homes.
Jaxon thanked James for the opportunity before catching his flight back to Manhattan Beach. Feeling thrilled, he didn't stop at his place in Torrance but went straight to Cadence's. When he entered the apartment, she was taking a nap. Jaxon could tell his beauty had been sleeping more lately, one of the early pregnancy symptoms. Despite that, she would look like her usual, and entering the room, Jaxon stopped to watch Cadence into her sleep while considering her beautiful. Tiptoeing, he approached the bed and lay down. Then Jaxon scooched until he was able to back hug his fiancée. Smiling, Cadence woke up and jokingly whined she was happy while resting.
Jaxon chuckled and humorously declared that Cadence had been too lazy, but he had a lot to tell and couldn't wait any longer. Cadence giggled, Jaxon was a chatty man who liked to share his experiences with her. Every time he was in a surfing retreat or even on a regular business trip, Jaxon would come back home excited to tell Cadence things. She liked that, and despite being interrupted in her renewal, she would be receptive to her fiancé and his talking. Cadence turned her body to be able to look Jaxon in the eyes. She yawned and said:
- Tell me. How was it?
- Let's elope, Candy. I'm not in the mood for wedding planning anymore. You are pregnant, and a ceremony with a party will be too exhausting for you.
Cadence was surprised by Jaxon's rush towards marriage. He has always been so much appreciative of his singleton. Cadence never pictured Jaxon would be the one to speed up things between them and asked:
- But what do you want to do? To catch a flight to Vegas and marry?
- There's a beautiful place in Santa Barbara. We take a few pictures and send to our family and friends telling them we got married, and we appreciate their support.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am. How long does it take to get a lovely dress for you?
- I have no idea, Babe. I haven’t thought about it.
- Let’s check then.
Cadence looked for some places that offered beautiful dresses for an elopement and concluded:
- I have one demand. I want to get married in the evening. The dress I chose fits perfectly for this kind of occasion.
A couple of weeks later, Jaxon and Cadence's family and friends' cell phones buzzed. When every one of them opened, they could see a picture of the two kissing and the bride and the groom were holding a sign written 'Just Eloped' and bellow it the message:
Dear ones,
We hope we can have your comprehension regarding our decision to get married so fast. Cadence is already pregnant, and we couldn't waste energy and time planning a ceremony for six to eight months ahead. For those who already had the experience of having a child can relate to what we are saying. It would be too overwhelming to have a wedding celebration close to labor. We are thrilled to share with you not only this moment but the news that we are going to live in Torrance, and our house is being remodeled to welcome our first baby. We hope to get visits from you as soon as our place gets ready.
Love,
Jax and Cady.
Cadence's mother flipped out, seeing her daughter so beautiful in that slinky wedding dress. She texted her other two daughters, and everyone approved the glossy, sexy gown with a deep V-neck front and opened back. Cadence was elegant and alluring. Jaxon was quite handsome in a trendy blue suit, white shirt and burgundy tie. The newlyweds had to reply to lots of messages that were sent, asking for more details about the occurrence. The honeymoon was on the Caribbean Island of St. Lucia. They sent a few photos for the closest members of family and friends. Amit Ananda and Evie approved the news and demanded both would have to come to Australia for their wedding. Jaxon and Cadence promised they wouldn't miss it, and they would be bringing their baby along with them.
Happily Ever After is a term that could be applied to Jaxon and Cadence. But both were aware they had to work on themselves to make their marriage to thrive. They had a girl called Serenity, and three years later, they had a boy named Travis. Prema Wellness Center also became an online meditation training program that taught thousands of people worldwide. Through the years, Cadence adopted neuroscience knowledge with yoga wisdom and developed a technique to improve people's state of mind.
Jaxon had several businesses and was always creating new ways to improve not only his companies but also his friends' too. As an entrepreneur, Jaxon was respected and built a vast network, including not only other great business people but also the neuroscientist Dr. Alan Caspari and IT prodigy Stephen Reed. As a husband and a father, Jaxon could show his real transformation adding mindfulness techniques to be able to not only raise his kids but also to make his wife happy.
Cadence and Jaxon would follow their rules of thumbs designed especially between the two of them. The couple was committed to making their relationship to grow and flourish. And like everyone else, they had to face challenges. One of their favorite statutes was they couldn't stay without being intimate for more than three days in a roll. Another one was that the couple couldn't go to bed in case they were not in accord with one another. Regarding the children, they had to support each other at the disciplinary decisions.
Cadence kept going to India once a year to have retreats at the monk Angyo Banko's monastery. Jaxon would have his surfing ones, and Amit Ananda was one of his most frequent partners at it. Cadence, as Jaxon, was aware that both had to nourish their soil to achieve an abundant happiness crop. Jaxon and Cadence would take care of their satisfaction to be able to get even more pleased as a couple. None of them allowed getting lost at the parenthood's roles or in their relationship.
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