I am that kind of people who don't like extremities in everything especially in people's behaviors; I hate seeing liars and hypocrites, they overact and only for silly reasons. I also hate girls who cry in front of boys for their love and attention. Everything should be in its right size and place, nothing more or less and it's unlike Lowell's way of thinking. Since we lived in the same neighborhood, we have been always together even in the faculty and that's a thing I don't hate but what I really dislike is that he is very kind. He doesn't argue in anything, doesn't make excuses, honest and pure to the level you feel like he is an angel which isn't a good thing in this world; everyone wants what he wants without any considerations. He always says if a thing is bigger than the usual, someday it will fit us and if it was smaller, it can be useful somehow. He may be right but not in all aspects of life, if it doesn't fit, fix it up or change it. He also can't recognize the bad people who I could know from the eyes. I can't even call him a white and black man because that kind of person sees the right in the right and that the wrong is wrong but with a bright logic, Lowell doesn’t care if there is logic and always says: just let it pass.
As he is my friend since childhood and the one I've feelings to, I followed him in everywhere, school, and college. We are studying language in California University, the last year, but what I am to him, well I am that precious part of his past and the hope he is looking for in the present but it seemed that he didn't fall into me or someone else. He forgets every bad word I ( Carla) tell him, and accept every suggestion because he believes that I want the best for him as if I'm his life planner and I keep watching him as if he is my kid who I don't want to be hurt.
I was watching him that day too when I was getting ready to go home. He took his books on his hands as he never liked wearing bags, and got close to the door when a silly girl stopped him smiling. She seemed to ask him a favor but I didn't hear her well so I put on my bag and got closer, there I heard him saying: "Sure! No problem" getting out his mobile phone and giving it to her.
I ran spontaneously, captured the phone and said: '' No! There is a problem.'' Pushed him outside intending to give him few tough words.
'' What do you men of no problem?'' I shouted.
'' Why did you do that? She just lost her old phone and her family can't buy her one. I was just helping her.'' He objected.
'' I know her family well and she isn’t that poor .Even if she was poor, I don't think she would die of not having a phone. Don't you see she was trying to rob you?" I said firmly.
'' Why are you always like that? It started to be unbearable. Won't you ever change? It isn't the right way of living.'' I continued angrily then left him behind.
I remember he didn't come for his lectures for a week and I was very mad at him so I didn't call or visit. I didn't care how he felt all that time and he never told me. After the week, I started to have some doubts so I directed to his house that day but stopped myself from knocking. I thought maybe he needed more time to think about his life so I stepped back and went home. When I was studying that night, I suddenly remembered that I am the only friend he has and his family didn't visit us for a period so I stood up from my desk and called him in his house but no one answered. Although it was 9 p.m but my doubts made me take my coat and ran to his house. The lights were on so for sure there was someone inside.
I used to see Lowell with slightly tall hair and he never changed his hair style. He used to walk with his back bowed a little and his face was pale but you can feel his warmth somehow. I expected to see that face when the door opened but it was someone else who was welcoming me. A tall, short cut hair and combed to the back. His cheeks were pink but when I saw his face and white shirt, I felt as if it was snowing.
I kept looking at his face trying to find my Lowell but whatever I tried, I couldn't. He was someone else, a stranger to my eyes and my heart. I couldn't believe that that young gentleman was no one but Lowell, himself.
'' Lowell!'' I wondered.
'' What brought you so late?'' he asked calmly.
'' Why do you look like a one came from an ice storm? Get inside.'' He continued and guided me to the living room.
'' Have a seat and I'll get you something warm to drink.'' He said and left to the kitchen.
I looked around the house and seemed no one else was home so I asked him: Where are your parents?
'' Business trip.'' He answered while holding a mug.
'' I… I called minutes ago but no one answered.'' I said confusingly.
'' I was at the supermarket. I just came before you.'' He said putting the mug on the table in front of me.
'' Hot tea!'' he said with dead eyes or that's how I saw it.
'' You look different!'' I said.
'' Oh! You mean my new look?'' he asked smiling.
'' No…You became cold, you are cold.'' I explained disappointingly.
He replaced the smile with a grimace, sat beside the mug of tea and closed his face to mine.
'' You don't like it!? Weird…I remember you were the one who asked for that change and now, you don't like it.''
'' Drink your tea and leave. I need some sleep.'' He stood up and left me rudely.
At that moment, my tears were ready to flood but somehow I could stop them. I gathered my courage and pride, took my coat and left without touching his mug. I knew that time that I lost my Lowell and won't be able to get him back.
I didn't know who I should blame. Should I blame myself? I was the one who turned him like that so I accepted his loss as a punishment and strangely, no tears fell that night.
The following day was busy at the college and Lowell started to attend from that day. He didn't talk to me or even try to look but he talked much with the others who adored his new cold look. He became more beloved by the girls who were giving him the silly looks I hate the most. He somehow turned to the most famous one in the class and needn't my watch or protection anymore.
He ignored me. No, He forgot about me. This Lowell, I hate him, I disgust him.
I tried to forget bout him too but it wasn't that easy. I wished to have my memory cut since that moment I saw him like that. Days after days passed and Lowell didn't change back and I started to be careless to my health. I used almost all my time in studying and trying to get through Lowell. I held on for up to more than two months ignoring my exhaustion and confusion until that moment;
I was on my way to the library at the college, there I saw Lowell sitting on a window in the hall near to the library and the same silly girl was wanted his mobile phone was in front of him but instead of taking, that time she gave him a kiss and the new Lowell accepted it with the same cold open eyes. I don't remember anything else about that moment, I was shut down literally and about what happened next was told to me later.
Mother told me that I slept for three days and I had a bad fever because of exhaustion. She also said that Lowell was the one who brought me home and came back on the following day to check me up. Well, it was surprising from new Lowell although it would be very normal from my old Lowell. I stayed on my bed that day but went for my lectures the next day, as usual I didn't give him any care and he seemed not suffering from that.
After another week, I noticed that he was ignoring everyone who was pretending to be his fellow. He even pushed the silly girl away; there I wondered if he was trying a new character. His cold halo disappeared and seemed more like to be annoyed and although I was eager to know why he did so, I didn't make a move but him.
One day, Lowell waited for me and could catch me at the front door of our class saying '' Let's talk.''
He took me from my hand to a place where no one could interrupt us, let go my hand, looked at my eyes directly crossing his hands and said:
'' OK…Can you tell me now what exactly you want?''
'' What do you mean!?'' I wondered.
'' You're the one who wanted me to change and now you're ignoring me.'' He said angrily.
'' And that day before, you asked me to bring back the old Lowell.'' He continued.
'' That day! What day?'' I answered.
'' When you were feverish. I think you were hallucinating, you were crying, too.'' He said.
'' Mother didn't tell me that.'' I said.
'' How could she? We were alone in your rooms.'' He explained.
At this moment I was shamed and angry to myself so I gave him a tough word then left, I told him that I don't care about him anymore and to do whatever he wished.
I know I Was tough but there was nothing else on my mind that moment.
Since that conversation, I couldn't see him until the final tests and after that we were preparing for the graduation day so I had no time to fix my mistake.
The day after the graduation party, I woke up early with strong desire to read a romance novel. On the twentieth page, mum entered my room and gave me a letter saying that she found it in front of the door. There was no sender name but it was for me, and I could know who wrote it as soon as I opened it. I was Lowell's handwriting which said:
(The rain you're waiting for comes soon but mine still needs longer.)
Because I know him well, I knew that he was leaving but where, that's what I couldn't figure out. Although he changed, his stubbornness was still in response.
Spontaneously, I dropped the book and ran to Lowell's house but I could only meet his mother who told me that he headed to the train station to spend some time in his uncle's farm. I took a taxi hoping to see him before he is aboard. It was nine, forty five when my eyes could catch him sitting on his bag on the pavement before the station. I walked from the taxi to him and he seemed to be waiting for me.
'' You're annoying the passer-byes. What are you doing sitting here? '' I wondered.
'' I didn't stay for long.'' He answered.
'' It was fast… I thought you would take longer.'' He said.
'' How long are you going to stay there?'' I asked with sad eyes.
'' I don't know, yet.'' He answered.
'' What? Do you want to come with me?'' he asked sarcastically.
'' I… I won't tell you to stay. You can go and take whatever you need of time, but make sure to bring him back with you.'' I said.
'' That's why I'm leaving… You can come with me.'' He offered.
'' I can't… There are many things I have to do. I hope to see you again soon.'' I refused.
Lowell nodded and stood up for his train and I waved him while disappearing away.
I have been always known of having a sad character because I love everything sad and see everything from its sad face, I even prefer to see sad scenes in dramas than romantic ones, but I didn't imagine that I would experience one.
I always saw rains as sky tears and many times I cried with it. On that day I cried again but there wasn't any rain but I was sure that Lowell's rain was coming soon, too.
I never asked to live a love story but it lived a one anyway and it wasn't that bad, maybe because of my mad character, I loved the way it ended and would never ask for something else. That night I bought an umbrella, not for the rain but as a wish to see Lowell's rain soon. That way, I will be good prepared for it.