*alarm goes off*
I know I know. Probably isn’t great to start a day with “shit” being the first word. But hey, it’s not like I’m gonna get lucky otherwise.
Well, first, who am I?
I’m Kevin Smith, graduted computer engineer, a hopeless romantic at heart, who has been repeatedly stabbed at my heart (well, not literally, but you know, in a heart break kind of sense) in all my past relationships, which has led me to believe that maybe..just maybe....the universe definitely hates me...or does it? Who am I kidding? universe doesn’t give a damn about me.
So this is my routine.
The alarm goes off, I jump out of the bed proclaiming a “shit”, which, ironically, also describes the rest of my day for most of my life. I spend an unforgivable amount of time trying to figure out what color to wear, even though no one is gonna look at me twice.
And another thing. I always choose blue. I just think…either all other colors look dumb, or I look dumb in all other colors..
Oh. Another thing. I’m smart. I’m a nerd. But I guess I am the wrong kind of nerd because instead of working for a big ass company, I ended up taking care of my Uncle’s shop “D&D tech”.
That’s right. I’m a tech guy, computer, networking anything, you name it.
7234 Cross Court
New York, NY 10027
“Is this it?, asked Sarah, staring at the address written in the mail box.
“Yup. This is it. Perfect match.”, replied Claire, verifying the address through her intel.
“Well, how long do we wait for?", asked Rebecca already bored.
“As long as it takes, but I do hope our perp shows up with the drug sooner than later. I got plans. Who sets a drop during a weekend? Damn it.”
“Relax Claire. What plans anyway? I haven’t seen you with a guy in years.”
“Oh man. This is a nightmare. You know what? I’m gonna head out and guard the mail box, anything is better than listening to you both complain of how stupid the job is”, exclaimed Sarah and went out the car.
7230 Cross Court
New York, NY 10027
3r t Street.
“Hey there Dave. How’s things?”
“Oh you know, same old, same old.”
Dave is my new recruit, sort of like my assistant. You see, there was so much trash in the shop, I literally had to hire a person just to help me find what I need.
“Any customers yet buddy?”.
“Please tell me you are kidding. It’s 9 AM on a Sunday, you really think people are gonna walk in a Tech store now at this time?”.
“Okay okay. Just trying to keep things lively man.”
I forgot to mention. I don’t like Dave.
Why do I keep him? Hmm..well…there are 2 reasons…1) He is a good techie. 2) If I keep talking to myself all the time, I’m afraid I might go crazy, that's why.
“Hmm…kevin….I um…just need a help from you…”
Oh. I didn’t think we were close enough to ask for helps. But oh well.
“Sure, dave, whats up?”.
He was holding a small envelope in his hand.
“Well…my..um..I need to drop this envelope….a couple of streets away, but my ex-wife is bringing my son here anytime now..so..can you do it? just drop the envelope off?”
“Oh..its that urgent uh?”.
Oh well. See, this is why. Never be a nice guy. Maybe if I was a terrible boss, he wouldn’t ask me such favors.
“Well, sure, buddy. Just..um..look after the store uh? Sunday may not be a day for customers, but sure as hell be a great day for robbers.”
“The address is at the back of the envelope.”
Great. Now I am his errand boy.
Let’s see. Where is the drop.
7234 Cross Court
New York, NY 10027
Ok. He was honest. It is really only a couple of streets away.
“Aww man. Seriously, these drug jerks have no respect for other people’s time. The drop was supposed to be at 8 and I see no one.”
“Oh please shut up Claire”, Rebecca snapped at her.
“Shit. Focus, fools. There is a guy walking straight ahead with an envelope in his hands. Sarah, I think that might be our guy.”
This is it. This is the address. Should I look at whats inside the envelope?
Nah. I don’t care really. Anyway, it does feel good to do a selfless help.
Lol. Who am I kidding? Dave, you owe me one.
“Did we get the pic?”
“Gotcha.”, Sarah smiled.
“Well, he looks too innocent to be a murderer or a drug chain member or whatever”, said Claire.
“Open the envelope, girl.”
“You girls are so cute. Really thought you were gonna get me today? Love you babes. Meet ya soon.”
“Uggggggh, what the..”
“Someone tipped him off. Still think he is innocent Claire?”, Sarah sounded angry.
“Well, relax Sarah. He is just the messenger dude anyway, or a low member of the drug family, or they wouldn’t send him to give us a message which does nothing but tease us.”
“Whatever. Run this guys image in our database. Message me his name and address, I will get him tonight.”
Sarah stormed out the car determined to catch the perp…tonight.
“Hey Kevin. Thanks for the help today, means a lot man.”
“Ah. No problem.”
You see, I can never speak out my mind, because you know…if I did.. I’d be getting punched every second..and to be honest..I’m not built for fights and kicks..so you know, I think what I think, and make sure to say the opposite of it..keeps me off trouble..at least for now..haven’t gotten any punches so its good."
“You sure you don’t need help closing Kevin?”
“No problem. Go ahead. See you tomorrow.”
I like to close the store myself..just makes me feel good.
“Hey, Kevin smith?”.
I heard a girl’s voice, oh my god, it’s been forever since a girl called my name, it almost is weird.
“Yes? I’m sorry do I know you”?
“No. But I know you. I’m Sarah.”
“Oh. Nice to meet you..Sa..”
Wondering why I stopped that mid-sentence? Well, I will tell you. Remember how I was saying I don’t say things I think because I don’t wanna get punched? What I didn’t guess was, apparently, “nice to meet you” gets you punched too.
“Shit. Owwwww. What was that for? Who the hell are you?”
“Give me the name of your boss and I will let you go.”
The first girl in months to say my name, and apparently, she is crazy.
“What boss? What the hell are you talking?”
“Look, Kevin, I’m in no mood to be messed with. So I am gonna count to three and you will give me your boss’s name, understood? good”.
Wait. She isn’t just crazy. She is delusional, probably a killer. Damn that’s a gun. Is that real? I have never seen a real gun in my life. Shit. Focus Kevin. Your nose is bleeding and you got a crazy girl with a gun asking for your boss, which, is crazy because you don’t have a damn boss.
“What? I’m the boss. I don’t have any boss at my work…what the hell do you want?”.
Oh shit. She is taking out the gun. Oh, she is keeping inside again. Damn she is crazy.
“You know what Kevin. I don’t need a gun. I’m gonna kick your ass until you tell me the name.”
With that, started my most painful minute of my life.
She punched, kicked my ribs, stepped on my hands, kicked my groin and definitely broke my hand in an arm bar. Thank god I passed out finally.
“Jeez, Sarah, what the hell?”, asked a shocked Claire.
“I got..carried away.”
“Well, the hell you did.”
“What are you so mad about? It’s not like I killed him”.
“She is mad because he is not the guy. We just got intel and confirmation and an image to go with it. This is not the guy. You just beat up a civilian for no reason.”
“Get the doctors”, ordered Rebecca.
24 hours later.
Wow, that was a nice sleep. The best even. Wait, where am I? Oh shit, that’s right. I got my ass kicked brutally by a girl, who by the way was the first one to say my name in months.
Okay. Now, opening my eyes, slowly opening my eyes.
Shit. That’s her. That’s the girl who kicked my ass sitting right there by my side.
“Hey.”, Sarah said gently.
Hey? Seriously? Hey?
“Look, I don’t know what you are looking for, but seriously, if you hit me one more time, I am definitely dead.”
“Relax. I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else and...I got carried away.”
That’s great. She thought I was someone else. So I am off the hook, although I don’t think I can walk or puke or laugh or poop without feeling my body crying for help in pain.
“I do have one question though”.
Sarah showed me Dave’s image on a computer.
“You know him?”
“Yes. That’s Dave. My co-worker.”
“Why were you dropping that envelope off today morning?”.
“It was a favor. He told me.”
Oh great. Now I am being investigated in a hospital bed with broken ribs and hands..all for helping Dave.
This is just another reason you should not be a nice guy people.
“Look..are you gonna kill me or something? If so, just let me know, I gotta make my peace with it.”
Apparently, the crazy girl who kicked my ass thinks I am funny. Great.
“But you are not going anywhere, we think you might be in trouble.”
That’s great too. She thinks I am in trouble.
“Your co-worker, Dave.”
I smiled. I literally smiled even though my ribs were screaming.
“He is harmless.”
“Well, we think, he is working with a drug lord and possibly even a murderer.”
Oh. That’s great. Remember I said my day usually starts with “shit” as my go to word. Looks like things just got real.
“Okay. Great. Just..1 question..who the hell are you guys?”.
Sarah Smiled again.
“We are a secret non-government agency..we..basically put bad people away, and that’s all you need to know for now.”
“Look, Kevin. I’m sorry for..this..for hitting you..but trust me, I am gonna protect you now.”
Sarah sounded really sympathetic. Oh great. She is gonna protect me after she made sure I can’t walk without screaming mommy.
“Now, get some rest. I’m gonna pay your friend Dave a visit.”
That’s great. Dave, buddy. You are screwed, hope you got a damn good health insurance.