In his laboratory in the University by the Sea, Professor Frank had been working for years on a secret project. Only a few trusted colleagues knew this was a project about FREE ENERGY. This was not some thermodynamic abstraction -- this was a project to obtain energy for free!
In his spare time, which was very limited, Professor Frank had written memos and monographs about ‘nerds’. His works on the 'The Development of Nerds’, ‘The Missing Social Life of Nerds’, ‘The Limited Future of Nerds’, and ‘Campus Nerds and the Alpine Dahu’ had achieved international success. By the way - the term ‘nerd’ here refers to the furry three-legged beast that roams the hills above the University Campus, not the human connotation made famous in television shows. However, there were surprisingly, some aspects in common between these ‘nerds’ and those ‘nerds’.
Professor Frank had escaped the tedious monotony of academia by entertaining philosophy and poetry on the side. Frank had written rhymes about 'nerds' and 'herds', even invented new thoughts like 'berds' dropping 'terds', even started writing his scientific papers with all sorts of new 'werds'.
Professor Frank suffered under his ambitious University President. This President was a car engine designer who had run out of steam!
The President had heard about the famous Nobler Prize, and thought his University should have one or even two. Of course it would be the others who would have to earn the Prize, as car engines were being better designed now by artificial intelligence - whatever that was! The President thought his personal ratings would soar when one of his sheep won the Nobler Prize. The President imagined himself travelling to Helsinki accompanying the Prizewinner. The President had rehearsed his speeches for the day that the Prize would arrive at the Campus on the Hill. What the President did not realize was that academia was much more about hard work and not just picking up prizes!
One of Professor Frank’s colleagues Dr. Distracted, often got irritated by the attention-drawing emails on one of the chat sites among professionals that he subscribed to. One particular chatterer, Dr. Bullshirt was continually throwing his own views into the chat arena so that colleagues would have to discuss or refer to his work. Dr. Bullshirt even suggested a ranking index for the most exciting chat, and even listed his own characteristics as the main points to be considered as excellent when performing the ranking. Dr. Bullshirt argued that his ‘my own-opinion rankings’ were the highest from one site to the other, across the whole globe and beyond!
Dr. Distracted had been threatening to himself to unsubscribe from these chat sites for a long time. However, his inertia of action was counteracted by a constant reminder of excommunication in the professional communities. The fear was that if you did not continually remind the world of colleagues that you were there, then they would rapidly forget - and your name would slide into obscurity! Dr. Distracted knew these pedantic colleagues were already correcting the grammar and vocabulary in this story! So Dr. Distracted’s finely tuned analytical brain was upset to the level of deterministic trivia by the time he arrived for his meeting with Professor Frank.
Professor Frank wished to show that his boots made of supermetals would be suitable for space exploration. As no one was funding the research anyway, he was sure this would also lead to new directions for FREE ENERGY. Unfortunately in the minutes before Dr. Distracted’s arrival, Professor Frank’s boots had become welded to the floor. The superboots had melted into the newly installed floor plates, which had been sprayed by another of Professor Frank’s inventions -- substance XXL. To his horror, Professor Frank realized that he had just stumbled upon another way to make superglue. But he was stuck in the middle of his own genius!
Was he doomed? Professor Frank’s racing mind speculated the worst. Luckily his colleague Dr. Distracted was standing at the door to the laboratory trying to decipher the sign that was stuck to the outer door. Dr. Distracted had great respect for Professor Frank and knew that when Professor Frank called him a ‘nerd’ that Professor Frank was only referring to the mythical creatures of the Campus Hills, which he knew and loved so well.
Luckily also for us as possible future benefactors of Free Energy, Dr. Distracted had been educated long ago -- before cyanite was respelled with a ‘k’, probably to avoid confusion with the deadly poison, cyanide. Dr. Distracted also remembered when both sphene and titanite were equals, not being forced into ancient and modern by the NOMENCLATURE commissions and venomous chat sites.
The sign on the outer door read:
‘FREE ENERGY is liberated when substance XXL and certain supermetals come into contact. In one direction the chemical reactions lead to super fusion of elements and continuous supply of free electricity for the whole world forever and a day. In the other direction the result is a superglue where supermetals and substance XXL form the strongest bond ever imaginable! To rescue persons trapped by superglue NEVER use agua as a solvent - USE ONLY alcohol’.
Luckily Dr. Distracted remembered his training in the pre-ark languages and realized that that cleaning lady must have mistakenly wiped the floor with an aqueous solution of substance XXL. He rapidly poured the beer from the can that he was carrying onto the floor around Professor Frank’s boots. This was a great relief to Dr. Distracted because he had no idea why he was carrying a can of beer when all he ever drank was coffee. Professor Frank was also relieved because he was no longer stuck to the floor with superglue.
Professor Frank breathed a sigh of relief that he had not voted to banish nerds and nerdish behavior from Campus after all! He was inspired to go back to his work on FREE ENERGY. He knew now that he would need next to research into why chemical reactions go one way and not the other! He could also ask his other burning question of whether ‘nerds’ go clockwise or counterclockwise around the hill at the back of the University Campus?
After this small adventure, Professor Frank was relieved that he could pursue his career of avoiding the answers to major questions. It was up to other minds to address the problems of the economy and political correctness. He could devote his life further to obtaining energy for free. He even considered adopting a few 'nerds'.