Her Favourite Shoes(Douglas Richards) “She’s a crazy bitch, what I hear,” Jess said between chews of her burger. “Names Amanda, or Mandy or something. Works as a secretary.”
“Is that right?” I said, as I poked at my salad. “Good for her.”
We sat in a booth at Katrina’s Diner on Westport Ave. as we had every Tuesday afternoon since forever. With my fork I stabbed a little red tomato and popped it in my mouth.
“Sorry to bring it up,” Jess said.
It’s a small town and Jess’s job as a hair dresser gave her the direct pipeline to all things gossip.
“He lost a good one with you, Jill.”
I crushed the tomato between my back teeth, the juice splashing my throat.
“Man had no ambition,” I said.
My ex owned a pickup truck and seemed only interested in odd jobs here and there - cleaning eaves, painting houses, yard work and brush trimming.
I mean, what kind of life was that anyway?
“You’re so much better without him,” Jess said. “First,” and here she ticked off the two fingers she held up, “there’s the play and second, there’s that house you sold. Nothing gonna stop my bestie now. Nothing.”
I offered a tentative smile while Jess’s grin grew wider. I had won the lead role in the play ‘Revolving Door’ and had recently, in my day job as a realtor, successfully sold a rather pricey bungalow. The commission cheque would set me up nicely.
“To moving on,” I said as I lifted my coffee cup.
Jess clinked her mug against mine. We laughed.

I was such a good actress that my oldest and dearest friend had no idea that I wasn’t upset over losing Todd in the least. After all, I’d broke up with him.
Right now, I pretended to be the jilted lover – God how I loved acting - and I was nailing the part.
“You want any fries?” Jess asked as she dabbed one in a smear of ketchup.
I didn’t.
Paying the bill a short while later, I gave the obligatory goodbye cheek-kiss to Jess and started the brisk walk to my afternoon acting class.
I closed my eyes for brief seconds as I strolled along, tilting my face to the sunshine every so often, enjoying the heat.
I almost ran into the woman in front of the theatre.
She offered a wide, white smile and took a step back from me.
“Jill, you must be Jill,” she said.
I just eyed her up and down and she did the same. She stood about a foot shorter than me with unruly brunette hair that she’d braided and swung over her left shoulder.
She was dressed in a cute yellow sun dress with black tiny stars on it.
I dropped my eyes to her long legs – not bad - and that’s when I felt the air in my throat hitch –
The woman wore my shoes!
My favourite high-heels!
Alan must have forgotten to return the shoes to me or kept them on purpose. I mean, I had practically lived at his place.
“I’m Amanda,” she said, offering her hand.
I had guessed that already.
When I didn’t take her hand, she dropped it.
My eyes flitted back to the shoes. The shoes were white with the exception of a heel of black and a thick band of black that crossed the closed toes. The shoes went with everything and it bothered me that she’d really stuffed her boats into them, the sides slightly pushed out. She couldn’t be comfortable.
“I’m dating Todd,” she said, like I didn’t know that already.
“He’s all yours,” I said, trying to hold the distaste I suddenly felt for this woman in check.
She’s a crazy bitch, what I hear...
“Of course he is, Silly Jilly,” she said with a cute little giggle. “He just talks about you all the time. I wanted to meet you and see you.”
She cocked a hand on her hip and I could see she imitated my exact stance.
Very unsettling, I thought as I let my hand drop to my side and stood up straighter.
As though realizing she’d imitated me, Amanda stopped too. Or had she just copied me again?
“Todd says you’re a very good actress. He says you got a part in a play in Kingston.”
“Revolving Door,” I snapped. “I won the lead. The lead, Amanda. Now...”
I turned on my heels but felt her warm hand touch my elbow. I swung back to her, ready to tell her never to touch me again.
She seemed oblivious to my anger. “He’s so handsome, don’t you think?”
No one would dispute that. She pictured his always ready smile, dark stubble running along his prominent jaw line, ruggedly messy hair, chiseled abs...
“I think... you can leave me alone now,” I said as bitchy as I could.
“Of course, of course.”
Even though I marched in the theatre doors, I found myself out on the sidewalk seconds later, eyes glued on my favourite shoes clicking further away into the crowd.

###

“She was wearing my favourite shoes,” I said to Jess the following Tuesday after we’d ordered. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”
We sat in Katrina’s again, our same booth.
“Of course, I do. She’s nutty,” Jess said as she gripped both my hands in hers. “They deserve each other. I hear they’re already shacking up. I mean, who dumps you, am I right?”
I nodded. Jess was right, of course. True, I had dumped him, but maybe they did deserve each other.
As the waitress poured our coffees, I remembered his tears and foot stamping when I ended things. I mean, was that a mature and sane reaction?
After all, we’d only been going out a couple months.
And what kind of sane person didn’t want to better himself?
I thought of his ugly, beat up pickup.
“I remember those shoes,” Jess said. “They looked good on you.”
“I know, right?”
Just then, I thought of my commission cheque, how it would be more than enough money to afford a very nice trip to Hollywood.
I imagined those shoes on my feet as I auditioned.
Even as Jess gobbled her meal down and I nibbled on dry toast, I saw myself on stage, and on my feet: my favourite shoes.

###

Three days later I saw Amanda yet again.
I’d just swung my cart down the cereal aisle at Loblaws when I spotted her doe eyed stare.
I gasped.
Even as good an actress as I am, I am sure Amanda saw me stop my cart and saw my eyes widen.
Her hair had been cut shoulder length, like mine, and dyed a light red, also like mine. Even the way she stood reminded me of how I posed in the mirror sometimes, chest out, back straight.
I looked away from her gaze quickly, trying to compose myself.
I wasn’t about to let her move me from the aisle so I shoved on ahead, not daring to make eye contact. I felt her eyes sizing me up as I passed, just as I did from the corner of my eye.
Of course, I checked out her feet and felt elated that my high heels weren’t on them.
She wore plain old sneakers today.
I chanced a quick look back as my hand snagged a box of Shreddies from the shelf.
I’d trashed some similar Nike runners less than a week ago.
As Amanda walked, I saw the deep rip in the back of the shoe.
The reason I’d tossed them.
As I later pushed my cart toward my car, I thought: what were the chances we’d shop at the same place at the exact same time?

###

I saw Amanda two days later as I jogged up Princess.
She sped past me going the opposite way and gave a wave this time.
I almost couldn’t breathe.
She drove a bright green Ford Focus.
The same make and model as mine.

###

“She really is a head case,” Jess said on Tuesday, after I’d told her about my week.
“I hear Todd’s asked her to marry him,” she continued, as she forked a piece of apple pie. “She’s said yes, as if there was any doubt.”
I wondered which shoes she’d wear to their wedding as I walked to the theatre an hour later.
Once in class, the teacher quickly introduced his students to the newest member of their drama group.
Amanda gave a quick bow as she rode from her seat.
I felt like all the air had been sucked from not only my lungs, but from the air in the room. Why hadn’t I noticed her before now? I’d been running late and had barely glanced at my classmates before taking my seat. Or had she followed me in?
Near the end of the two hour class, Amanda offered to give a performance for critique.
My heart slammed against my ribs and my mouth felt like dust as she acted out one of the pivotal scenes from ‘Revolving Door’.
I watched dumbfounded as the group gave her a standing ovation at the end.
Goosebumps peppered my arms.
I didn’t clap though.
My hands instead remained balled into tight fists.
She wore my favourite shoes!

###

By six the next morning, I found myself behind the communal mailboxes in the cul de sac where Todd lived.
As he left for work, I watched Amanda walk him out of the house in a sheer pink night dress. It looked like something I used to wear around his place.
Probably the same one.
She gave him a huge kiss before he jumped in his work truck.
Her car would be in the garage, I guessed. Right where mine would be if we were still together.
No matter.
I prepared to go get my high heeled shoes.
She was taking my life.
I would take part of it back.
Within minutes, after I watched Todd roar off and Amanda return inside, I made my way to the front door.
I slipped the key in the lock.
I’d never returned it.
Walking in, I heard the water in the old pipes and smelled burnt coffee heavy on the air.
See Todd off, go have a shower, so like me.
It didn’t take long to find the shoes; the bedroom closet was open a crack. They were just where I’d left them too.
I grabbed them quickly. And slipped them on.
They weren’t as comfortable as I remembered.
Not the point, I supposed.
In the full length bathroom door mirror, I stood admiring my slim figure, and my shoes, flashing each side of them in the reflection.
As I closed the closet up, I spotted something on the wall behind the clothes.
I shoved them aside.
And gasped.
My hand flew to my mouth as I studied the collage of pictures taped to the wall there: me on stage in drama class, me jogging, me sitting with Jess at Katrina’s.
Me sleeping.
I felt like I’d been sucker punched.
She wasn’t just a crazy bitch. She was full on psycho.

I felt the air coming first and then the hard jab against my neck.
I winced as the needle plunged in.
Quick, I jerked away.
Amanda stood wide eyed by the bathroom door; the shower was still running.
Had she played me?
Had she been in the room with me the whole time?
She dropped the syringe.
I could see nothing in it; I rubbed my neck where she’d stabbed me.
“I work at a doctor’s office,” she said, words coming from a great distance.
A secretary, I remembered Jess saying.
What had she given me?
“I hope I didn’t give too much. It makes patients sleepy.”
“You’ll never be me,” I managed to slur before I pitched forward and everything went dark.

###

Failing daylight swam into focus. I blinked myself fully awake.
How many hours had passed?
Looking around, I saw Todd’s bedroom. I lay on the Queen sized bed we used to share.
Duct tape bound my arms and legs and I struggled to get free. She had placed a strip over my mouth too so my cries were muffled.
Amanda stood against the far wall with a huge knife in her hand.
She stepped closer.
I struggled harder.
“I’ll never be you, you are right,” Amanda said. “I just need to be a better version of you.”
She stepped closer still and ran the side of the blade gently down my cheek.
I screamed against the tape.
She lay the knife next to my face.
I saw my favourite shoes still on my feet.
As I screamed and screamed and wiggled my bloody stumps, I watched Amanda dump them in a nearby waste basket.

THE END

---