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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Teens
- Theme: Mystery
- Subject: Ghost Stories / Paranormal
- Published: 08/24/2020
Once upon a time...
Born 2004, M, from Maharashtra, India.jpeg)
Once upon a time...
A school boy found a photo lying on the road, on his way back home. It was the photo of a young girl. He picked it up to have a closer look. She was gorgeous. He kept it in his pocket and went home.
In his room, he removed the photo from his pocket and looked at it. She was in a red dress. She had beautiful blue eyes and short black hair. She seemed to be more beautiful than before.
He wanted to meet her. Anyhow. He went to the place where he had found the photo. He asked the people nearby, whether they had seen the girl. He asked his neighbours, friends and everyone. Everyone answered "No."
He was disheartened. He cried in his bed.
Many days passed and he used to watch the photo frequently, everyday. Every time he looked at her, she appeared more beautiful than before. Her beauty seemed to be increasing day by day.
One night, he was awakened by a knock. He woke up and looked at the window. The glass was fogged up. He saw the silhouette of a young girl. He knew it was the same girl in the photo. She was walking away.
He opened the window quickly and jumped outside. She disappeared in the mist. He ran as fast as he could. Her silhouette appeared again. He continued running and she was slowly walking away. He was getting closer. Finally, when he got close enough, he raised his hand to hold her shoulder, still running, he turned his eyes at his right, to see two yellow lights heading towards him. And everything turned black.
__________________
Once upon a time...
A drunken truck driver, hit a schoolboy on a road. He came out and went closer to the boy. He was dead. The driver, checked the school boy's pockets. He found a photo.
He saw a gorgeous girl with short brown hair, in a blue dress.
Once upon a time...(Pratik)
Once upon a time...
A school boy found a photo lying on the road, on his way back home. It was the photo of a young girl. He picked it up to have a closer look. She was gorgeous. He kept it in his pocket and went home.
In his room, he removed the photo from his pocket and looked at it. She was in a red dress. She had beautiful blue eyes and short black hair. She seemed to be more beautiful than before.
He wanted to meet her. Anyhow. He went to the place where he had found the photo. He asked the people nearby, whether they had seen the girl. He asked his neighbours, friends and everyone. Everyone answered "No."
He was disheartened. He cried in his bed.
Many days passed and he used to watch the photo frequently, everyday. Every time he looked at her, she appeared more beautiful than before. Her beauty seemed to be increasing day by day.
One night, he was awakened by a knock. He woke up and looked at the window. The glass was fogged up. He saw the silhouette of a young girl. He knew it was the same girl in the photo. She was walking away.
He opened the window quickly and jumped outside. She disappeared in the mist. He ran as fast as he could. Her silhouette appeared again. He continued running and she was slowly walking away. He was getting closer. Finally, when he got close enough, he raised his hand to hold her shoulder, still running, he turned his eyes at his right, to see two yellow lights heading towards him. And everything turned black.
__________________
Once upon a time...
A drunken truck driver, hit a schoolboy on a road. He came out and went closer to the boy. He was dead. The driver, checked the school boy's pockets. He found a photo.
He saw a gorgeous girl with short brown hair, in a blue dress.
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Kevin Hughes
03/01/2021Great Job Pratik!
A richly deserved Award! Congratulations.
Smiles, Kevin
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Gerald R Gioglio
03/01/2021Pratik, a fast-paced, piece with a powerful punch...reminding us that what we see is relative and the dreams we follow can sometimes be deadly. Congrats on your story star award. Take care, Jerry
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Pratik
03/05/2021Thanks Jerry. It was fiction so you may sleep peacefully and don't take your dreams seriously.
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MAYRA
03/01/2021Hey friend! Now you're the Short Story Writer. Tons of wishes and admiration!
Now when you've become so famous, let the team of mission mangal rest. Lol
If you know what I am speaking about. If you know, you know!!! ROFL!
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Pratik
03/05/2021'So famous'...eh? Thanks
Of course I know what Mission Mangal is as I have it in my PFP. I love that movie. Wonder why good Bollywoood movies don't earn much.
Keep laughing and don't roll on the floor.
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JD
02/28/2021Happy short story STAR of the day, Pratik. And congratulations on being selected as the Short Story Writer of the Month! Thank you for all the great short stories you've shared on Storystar! :-)
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Pratik
03/05/2021Thank you so much Jd. I know either you are kidding or perhaps I am dreaming. Or maybe I need specs...
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JD
03/05/2021I guessed as much. Thanks for your explanation, Pratik. I'm sure most stories are 'inspired' by other stories that are very similar. Just like most art/paintings are inspired by other artists/paintings that came before. No creativity is born within a vacuum without any influences.
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Pratik
03/05/2021I didn't login from around 20 days I guess. I was busy. And when I come online, I find this... Me being StoryStar of the month... And long long conversations going on below my stories... LOL.
I wanna clear this mess right now, I don't want any doubts to remain. So I'll tell everything in detail, and as exact as possible.
I read the story 'Keyhole' by Riya (https://www.storystar.com/story/19655/riya/fiction/horror) and I had read it before so I commented "I've read this story before..." I said it casually and I didn't mean to blame her or anything. I thought she won't take it seriously as I like joking around all the time. But next day, I get the reply "It's ok....Even I read your the photograph story before..." and I also received a comment on my story itself saying "I've read this before as " The girl in photograph"....."
I told her I haven't read it before and below my story I asked her to share the URL. Wonder why she didn't share it.
Didn't know commenting something like that would cost me this. If this is revenge or something then Riya, I truly apologize to you because it was my fault. If I try thinking from your point of view, I can say that what I had commented really didn't sound right. I shouldn't say that below anyone's story that way. Hurting you wasn't my intention.
Now coming to my own story. It's good that she has shared the URL now. I read the whole story. So yes, I have read it, years ago on creepypastas.com. I have always been a diehard fan of creepy pastas. As a kid, I liked reading stories so I downloaded an app that had stories offline (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=onanmobilesoftware.storiesenglish). If you open the app, you'll see different sections like 'Akbar Birbal', 'Panchtantra', 'Moral stories', 'Inspirational stories' and 'Horror stories'. That was the first time I read horror stories. The horror stories section says '5000+ stories' and I read them ALL! Many of those stories had this word 'creepypastas' so I Googled it and found out about the popular website. That is the site where the popular Slender man, Jeff the killer and SmileDog were discovered. I got addicted. I used to read them for hours.
A creepypasta reader knows there are hundreds of horror stories with the same idea. About this story, perhaps I knew that I had read it somewhere but didn't take the efforts to search for it. I didn't remember anything about this story but I knew that I know about the idea already. Guess I should have searched from the thousands of stories I had read. As Riya told me the name of that story, I tried searching it on the creepypasta site but it's nowhere to be found. Guess it had a different title on that website. I can just share the link of the website itself:
https://www.creepypasta.com/
I have published a story named 'Phone Call' (https://www.storystar.com/story/19139/pratik/fiction/mystery) which is similar to Chaitali's story 'Who was on the other side?' (https://www.storystar.com/story/19066/chaitali/fiction/friendship-family). If you see the date, Chaitali's story was published before mine. Well, it wasn't my idea too! So did I get it from Chaitali's story? No. This too was taken from creepypasta. I don't remember a word from that story now, but I remember the idea. See the difference between Chaitali's story and mine. There's so much of difference that they don't even seem to be copied from each other, though the ideas are same. On the internet you'll find thousands of stories based on the same idea where a person calls his dead friend, forgets about it and realizes it after the conversation is completed. I bet you'll find hundreds like that on Creepypasta.com itself.
So is it wrong to write stories that way? And whom do I give credits to? Chaitali? But it's not her own idea. Do I search a random story based on the same idea on creepypasta and give credits to a random author?
I have read thousands of them, due to which there's a Hodge Podge of ideas in my brain which makes me difficult to understand if the idea is mine, inspired by something read before, or mixed up.
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JD
08/24/2020sad story. definitely not a 'happily ever after' kind of fairy tale, which is what 'once upon a time' tales usually begin with.
but perhaps in another life he and the girl of his dreams will have a happily ever after....
Thanks for sharing your story with us, Pratik.
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JD
08/25/2020Not necessarily. I don't think you need to spell it out in too much detail, because then you remove the opportunity for readers to have their own experience and make their own interpretation. But also do not assume that they don't 'get it' just because they make a comment about a different aspect of your story you had not thought of.
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Pratik
08/25/2020But if the readers don't get the meaning that I had intended, then doesn't it mean that the story isn't well written and I should've made it better?
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Kevin Hughes
08/24/2020Pratik,
You are developing a "fan base" and your own style too. I agree with the comments on this thread wholeheartedly.
Keep exploring your talent.
Smiles, Kevin
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Hafsa bint-e-rashid
08/24/2020I thought this story could be a synonym to "perfection"
Great work, Pratik!!
:-)
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Hafsa bint-e-rashid
08/27/2020You're right!
Did you read my last story? I posted it during your tests.
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Hafsa bint-e-rashid
08/24/2020Oh I see!
Umm about the comprehension thing... I took it from a totally different point of view. i mean at one point its scary or you could say gothic... A bit provoking I mean provoking weird feelings that's why I considered taking it as love can't be chased, it can be felt !
If I hadn't taken it from this way, that girl would've haunted me in my nightmares!!
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