It Was Always There

It Was Always There(Katy Versfeld) I climb into my bed, under the sheets, the room is dark and I feel alone. He didnt mean what he said right? Its all in my head. As a tear falls down my face, I am numb. The room is blurry and my eyes flutter. I am tired but I cant sleep. I close my eyes for a second to breathe. I awake to find I'm in a strawberry field, picking the biggest and brightest. They are all so pretty. Standing here makes me dream of someone picking me. I am distracted by the way the sunlight feels on my cheeks, almost warms me. I hear a soft, well spoken voice but my only focus is on the berry in front of me. It looks perfect, like all the seeds are in the right spot, its juicy, and gleaming red. I'm jolted around by a hand on my shoulder. It seems gentle yet rough. But when I turn I see the beautiful girl in front of me. The creative, soft souled, pretty face staring into my eyes. How lucky am I to call her family. She is the world ahead of me and the girl i wish to protect from this cruel world. She places a kiss on my forehead and grabs my hand. Pulls me to look ahead, but i don't want to move closer into the field. Careful, but i know i trust her with my life. I graze the bushes as I walk. She leads me to go on without her. I slowly let go of her hand as her figure fades away. It is no longer a field but a beach. It's nice to feel the wind in my hair. I look up, only to see the image of the one I hold most dear. Wanting to run and jump in their arms I refrain myself, for my body is shaking and I cannot move. The image turns gray and crumbles to the ground in ashes. I am left screaming for their touch. I can't bear to be alone in this world without them. At the least, I do not want to. The world around me just turns black, like someone turned out the lights. I open my eyes to now understand I am in a bright white room. No doors, windows, or any sign of life. It is like I am completely alone. But there he appears. The man who wronged me the most. He dances around me as I feel my fist clench shut, almost about to swing. I now notice the melody that's been playing in my head all along. It's getting louder, as it almost takes over my mind. I can't drive away from it, I almost forget where I am. The anger rages back in me but my feet are glued to the ground. I look down to force myself to move. As I look up the scenery has changed. I walk around, as I am now able to move. My fingers graze the sides of the wall. I grab a book off the bookshelf of what seems to be an old time library. It feels peaceful here. Another figure appears and this time I'm ready for them. I don't recognize this one but it seems familiar. The thought appears in my head, it feels like the answer to everything. This is the shadow of the person who loves me the most. I reach out for them, I want to know who it is. I grab the shadows hand and I'm shocked it lets me hold them. I get this big smile on my face, one I've never had before. I do not know whose shadow it is but I feel safe. I am no longer cold, but a warm feeling overwhelms me. I'm grabbed back and thrown onto the floor. The wind knocked out of me. I groan as I slowly get up. Shaking the dirt off me, unto the ground. There's that melody again, yet this time I've fallen in love with it. There's a picture hanging on the wall. I cautiously walked over to it. I stare into and I see the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. I reach out to touch it but so does the photo. I'm shocked to discover it's a mirror. I am beautiful. How come I'm just realizing this? But the girl looking back at me is herself, no makeup, no anything. She's just perfect. I jolt awake and find myself staring at my ceiling. Im home. But this time when I get up to look in my bathroom mirror, there is no longer that beautiful girl, but the girl staring back at me is drop dead gorgeous. I realize I am worth more than I think. I do not deserve to be shoved around and mistreated. I am a human being and I am worth the world. I will no longer stand for those who don't give me the time of day. But, I focus on the task at hand. I run down to give my sister a hug and tell her she is amazing, as I do every morning. But when i leave for school, i walk proudly with my chin up, for today is the day i change how i see myself.