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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: General Interest
- Published: 01/08/2021
The Council on Earth Matters Meeting
Born 1929, M, from Roseville/CA, United States.jpeg)
2021EarthMeet (Approx. 700 wds.)
Author’s Note: Given how bizarre events in the world & the US have become it’s impossible to satirize them, but I thought I’d post this anyway before things got even more bizarre.
The Council on Earth Matters Meeting, December 31, 2020
On the planet Spielberg, in a distant galaxy light years away and light years more advanced than Earth, the Council for Earth Matters was having its annual year-end meeting. As readers may know the Council had been formed when it was discovered that intelligent life had somehow developed on the minor planet Earth, although in view of Earth’s history of wars, famines, plagues, natural disasters and more recently the CORONA-9 pandemic, tweeting, Facebook, reality TV, rap music, iphones, Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi, a majority of Council members doubted this.
In any case, it was feared that Earth might advance to achieving intergalaxic travel and therefore contaminate the universe. From the start, the majority had advocated simply doing away with Earth, a simple matter for one of their battle space ships. However, an equally solid minority had always managed to stave off this solution for various reasons, citing humankind’s aspirations to peace on earth and good will toward men, some artistic achievements, an occasional Einstein or DeVinci, Star Wars and the Fantasy Football League.
Now the Council Chairman asked the Secretary to briefly summarize Earth’s activity during the past year. “The major event has been the pandemic, which has infected and killed millions. The reaction of Earth’s leaders has been mixed at best, especially in the United States where, like everything else, the pandemic has been politicized at every turn and so has been made even worse than it would otherwise be. The pandemic has caused an economic collapse and left millions of people unemployed. The minor conflicts continue, North Korea is still developing nuclear weapons, Iran is on its way to doing the same, China is determined to displace the United States as the world’s major economic power, and natural disasters have increased. Oh, yes, an election was held in the United States and a mediocre politician who promised normalcy was selected to replace Donald Trump, who, as might be expected, has refused to accept his defeat. However, some vaccines have been developed and have begun to be distributed in an uneven way, sports have resumed and the National football League has completed its regular season.”
“I see,” said the Chairman. “Any comments.”
“The Earth is just as bad as ever, if not worse,” immediately said the head of the anti-Earth faction, whose name was Worff and might have some Klingon blood in him. “Let’s end it’s misery now once and for all and extinguish it.”
“Just a minute,” said Smurff, the leader of the pro-Earth faction, who might have some planet Xanadu blood. “The pandemic has affected the Earth like no pandemic before. The Secretary said that some vaccines have been developed. Shouldn’t we give them a chance to use them and see how things are then?”
“The removal of Trump is at least a small improvement, too, isn’t it?” interjected another pro-Earth member.
“That remains to be seen,” said Worff. “I see no reason to believe that human beings will any better than before after the pandemic is over, if it is. There’ll be the usual wars, famines and bad TV shows. And the United States is so divided it might erupt into Civil War. Also, I’m getting tired of these meetings. Let’s end it.”
“Shall we take a vote?” asked the Chairman.
“You forget one thing,” said Smurff. “The National Football League has completed its regular season. That means the playoffs and the Super Bowl are to come. The Fantasy Football League is still in full swing.”
“Hmmm, that’s true,” said the Chairman, “and I’d like to recoup the money I lost last season. Who was it that told me the Jets were the team to watch?”
“I propose we hold a meeting after the Super Bowl," said Smurff. "That will allow time to see what happens after the vaccines start to start taking effect and after a new administration takes over in the United States.”
“Nothing will change. Things may even get worse,” grumbled Worff.
“We shall see,” said the Chairman, rapping his gavel. “Meeting adjourned. Refreshments will be served in the anteroom.”
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