Congratulations !
You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 01/12/2021
Connection
Born 1948, F, from Epping. Essex, United Kingdom.jpeg)
Connection
By Kristin Dockar
I have a new hobby. Recently I have been chatting to strange men in various parts of the world and immediately getting ‘up close and personal’.
‘Hallo Kristin. How are you today?’
I have had men crooning in my ear, soothing my ruffled spirits, reassuring me, and raising my self-esteem. So far I have hooked up with Asif in Delhi, Rasheed in Pakistan, Jean-Claude in France, and Noel in Ireland.
How has this come about? Have I joined a dating agency or started using a telephone sex line? Have I suddenly felt unfulfilled and in need of a fling? Have I developed a 36-year-old itch?
No. I have simply been trying to re-connect my internet connection with my broadband provider.
I started on this journey by naively phoning the help line. It was here that I met Asif who patiently talked me through a set routine for installing the internet. There he was in Delhi, me in Essex, all the while gently talking me through a set of incomprehensible instructions. To no avail.
I could sense Asif was losing interest and it was no surprise when he suggested he leave me and connect me to another department offering Further Technical Support.
This is where I met Rasheed. Rasheed was harsher and brisker. I felt we made a poor match. He gave me more incomprehensible instructions. Still no re-connection.
‘Ok’ he said ‘now I am thinking there is a problem with your router. Have you dropped it recently, perhaps?’
I kept calm and told him no such thing had happened.
‘In that case, I am going to have to leave you’, and he gave me another number to call.
And this is how I moved on to Jean-Claude in Paris. His sexy tones talked me through more procedures, and then he confirmed the problem was with the router.
‘I will give you a reference number and then you phone your network provider, and they will order you a new one’ he said soothingly.
‘Thank you’.
‘Enchante’ he replied.
You may think that all was calm and tranquil in the household. Oh no, it was catastrophic. No internet during lockdown. You would have thought someone had turned off the National Grid.
More fruitless phoning continued where I went round in circles. Then, ever logical, I had a good think about it. I phoned the help line again and carefully listened to the options. When I heard the one about cancelling the contract, I pressed the button. Almost immediately, on came Noel, my new friend from Ireland. Noel wanted to get friendly immediately. He asked me for my name, account number and a couple of security questions. Then he got very friendly.
‘Is it OK if I call you Kristin?’
‘Fine’.
‘How can I help Kristin?’
‘I want to cancel my contract’.
Noel was soothing but firm.
‘Now Kristin, there is a ‘break clause’ in the contract and this will cost you money Kristin, because you still have seven months left on your contract, Kristin. Under contract law….’
He got no further as I bellowed down the phone that I was intimate with contract law.
‘Let’s put this simply, Noel’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I pay the bill, the internet provider provides the service. I have no service, therefore the provider has broken the contract’.
A pause.
‘Kristin, let me speak to my supervisor and we’ll get technical support to diagnose the problem’.
Without resorting to more screaming, I said again through gritted teeth:
I know what the problem is. It has been diagnosed as a fault with the router. I have a reference number from technical support giving authentication to order a new one’.
Silence.
Then, ‘Kristin, let me talk to my manager’.
Soothing music played down the line. I inhaled. Relaxed.
Noel came back on the phone. ‘Right, the new router will be with you in five working days, and we’ll give you a month’s credit for loss of service and the inconvenience. How do you find that Kristin?’
‘Thank you Noel’.
I gently hung up and screamed.
Connection(Kristin Dockar)
Connection
By Kristin Dockar
I have a new hobby. Recently I have been chatting to strange men in various parts of the world and immediately getting ‘up close and personal’.
‘Hallo Kristin. How are you today?’
I have had men crooning in my ear, soothing my ruffled spirits, reassuring me, and raising my self-esteem. So far I have hooked up with Asif in Delhi, Rasheed in Pakistan, Jean-Claude in France, and Noel in Ireland.
How has this come about? Have I joined a dating agency or started using a telephone sex line? Have I suddenly felt unfulfilled and in need of a fling? Have I developed a 36-year-old itch?
No. I have simply been trying to re-connect my internet connection with my broadband provider.
I started on this journey by naively phoning the help line. It was here that I met Asif who patiently talked me through a set routine for installing the internet. There he was in Delhi, me in Essex, all the while gently talking me through a set of incomprehensible instructions. To no avail.
I could sense Asif was losing interest and it was no surprise when he suggested he leave me and connect me to another department offering Further Technical Support.
This is where I met Rasheed. Rasheed was harsher and brisker. I felt we made a poor match. He gave me more incomprehensible instructions. Still no re-connection.
‘Ok’ he said ‘now I am thinking there is a problem with your router. Have you dropped it recently, perhaps?’
I kept calm and told him no such thing had happened.
‘In that case, I am going to have to leave you’, and he gave me another number to call.
And this is how I moved on to Jean-Claude in Paris. His sexy tones talked me through more procedures, and then he confirmed the problem was with the router.
‘I will give you a reference number and then you phone your network provider, and they will order you a new one’ he said soothingly.
‘Thank you’.
‘Enchante’ he replied.
You may think that all was calm and tranquil in the household. Oh no, it was catastrophic. No internet during lockdown. You would have thought someone had turned off the National Grid.
More fruitless phoning continued where I went round in circles. Then, ever logical, I had a good think about it. I phoned the help line again and carefully listened to the options. When I heard the one about cancelling the contract, I pressed the button. Almost immediately, on came Noel, my new friend from Ireland. Noel wanted to get friendly immediately. He asked me for my name, account number and a couple of security questions. Then he got very friendly.
‘Is it OK if I call you Kristin?’
‘Fine’.
‘How can I help Kristin?’
‘I want to cancel my contract’.
Noel was soothing but firm.
‘Now Kristin, there is a ‘break clause’ in the contract and this will cost you money Kristin, because you still have seven months left on your contract, Kristin. Under contract law….’
He got no further as I bellowed down the phone that I was intimate with contract law.
‘Let’s put this simply, Noel’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I pay the bill, the internet provider provides the service. I have no service, therefore the provider has broken the contract’.
A pause.
‘Kristin, let me speak to my supervisor and we’ll get technical support to diagnose the problem’.
Without resorting to more screaming, I said again through gritted teeth:
I know what the problem is. It has been diagnosed as a fault with the router. I have a reference number from technical support giving authentication to order a new one’.
Silence.
Then, ‘Kristin, let me talk to my manager’.
Soothing music played down the line. I inhaled. Relaxed.
Noel came back on the phone. ‘Right, the new router will be with you in five working days, and we’ll give you a month’s credit for loss of service and the inconvenience. How do you find that Kristin?’
‘Thank you Noel’.
I gently hung up and screamed.
- Share this story on
- 13
.jpeg)
Lillian Kazmierczak
09/26/2021Kristin...I loved this story...I went through this all summer getting connected in a rural area. So frustrating, then just maddening. I laughed when you said the contract was broken and he was being so...obtuse about it. There is true humor(after the fact) in our everyday life. Thank you for sharing that great piece of frustration with us.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/27/2021Thank you Lillian. I do indeed live in a very rural area. Quite often I stand on my bed with my arm out of the window to use my mobile!!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Jane Lockyer Willis
09/25/2021What a splendid account. I can so identify with you and all you went through. Maddening!
Your introduction is intriguing, your sense of comedy is super; and all in all it cheered me up on this
gloomy morning in England. A very professional story of high standard.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Jane Lockyer Willis
09/25/2021Kristin. I think that this would make a very good article. Highly accessible to readers, especially those owning a computer.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/25/2021Thank you. Glad it cheered you up! My favourite bit was when contract law was quoted at me. I'd worked in the courts for many years so was up to speed on that!!!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
MAYRA
09/23/2021Truly an amazing piece. This is so relatable amidst this pandemic. Well done.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/23/2021Thank you for reading. It certainly was a frustrating time!! But I was up for the challenge!1
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/23/2021Thank you Gail. I've been away fro a few day with no Wifi!! what a treat to come back to this response.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.png)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.png)
Samoya Browning
09/22/2021Your twist in plot was classic! Thank you for sharing such a great story!
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.png)
Christal Donegan
09/22/2021A story like this deserves to go viral. You deserve true recognition for this and I am glad I got a chance to read it. Thank you!
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/23/2021Thank you. I've been away for a few days with no Wifi. You have to smile!!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kevin Hughes
09/22/2021If this story was on the front page of a local Paper (which it should be!) You would get a chorus of ; "Amens!" Just like you did on the thread below. The Internet, love it (you can't leave it) is now the tether, umbilical cord, and Social glue of our Modern age. I loved reading this whole thread...you not only hit a nerve...you nailed it!
Congrats!
Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.png)
Sidra
09/22/2021I could relate to the entire story, from start to the very end I could sense the frustration building up with the useless customer service response!! The story has been worded exactly how I feel when dealing with customer support!! Such a light, fun read it was! I hope to see more of similar stuff published!
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.png)
Carol MC.
09/20/2021Oh you got me there!I was thinking in one thing and puff this is change in it, to see something two that can be amazing, I really thought it was going to be something different, but this story was even bettter than what imagination had for them
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Bernardo Mendes
09/20/2021Ohh this one was personal for me. The feeling of being tossed around from customer support to customer support is extremely frustrating. The fact that these companies are able to make our lives so complicated and still maintain our contracts is really annoying. I hope you solved your problem and your new router arrived promptly and in work conditions. I feel your pain Kristin
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/23/2021Thank you. Just got back from my visiting my daughter where there was no WIFI!!!!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Gerald R Gioglio
01/16/2021Thank you, Kristin. Computers....can't live with them, can't smash 'em. JG
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Still Bill
01/16/2021Technology is a Godsend! Until it doesn’t work right; then it’s my worst demon. Loved this and identify with my entire being, Kristin!
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
JD
01/15/2021That was humorous, and NOT funny at all. A week without internet when you're on lockdown is more than anyone should have to bear. Sorry you had to go through this experience, Kristin. I guess you must be back in business since you wrote the story about it and were able to share it with us! Thanks for turning it into a humorous and not very amorous adventure through a litany of tech guys that you had a string of online encounters with.... Happy short story STAR of the day! :-)
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
09/23/2021I've just got back from visiting my daughter and staying where there was no Wifi!! So what a surprise to read all the great comments. It still makes me smile to think about my battle with anonymous men!!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
.jpeg)
Kristin Dockar
01/16/2021Thank You. I did have to smile when writing it but not at the time of the adventures!!
COMMENTS (14)