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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Love / Romance / Dating
- Published: 02/21/2021
Lara
Born 1948, F, from Epping. Essex, United Kingdom.jpeg)
Lara
By Kristin Dockar
As I sit here watching the snow fall on the newly emerging daffodils, I am reminded that I seem to have missed Valentine’s day, and then I start to think about Lara. I will never forget the day I first saw her. She was so beautiful, I fell in love, and at first, she loved me back. I’m a married woman now and it surprises me that the memories are so vivid. After all, that was nearly forty years ago.
I truly believe I fell in love with Lara the first time I saw her. She was beautiful, tall with shoulder length honey blonde hair, well built, and very into sport. She played netball and football for local teams. Her face was just lovely. I had no idea I could fall in love with a woman.
Lara was very manipulative, but I didn’t care. Very soon after meeting her she moved into my flat and helped me keep it a little cleaner. Sitting here, I can still recall the feelings of elation she brought with her. I remember how in those early days we would come in from the pub, laughing and hugging each other. We tramped back in the snow and kept falling over. We were so drunk. It was early February, and the first bulbs were coming through. I had seen snowdrops and crocuses, and then just a few early daffodils. Just as we thought Spring was coming, it snowed. I remember our local pub was decorated with red hearts and there was going to be live music on Valentine’s day. Lara turned to me and said ‘I’ll tell you I love you on Valentine’s day’.
I was so happy.
In truth Lara probably just wanted somewhere to live that wasn’t in her mother’s house. She was a very heavy drinker, incredibly possessive and very confused about her sexuality. In the whole time we were together, she had a boyfriend on the side. But I just didn’t care. As long as I had some part of her, I was happy.
The relationship lasted almost a year and it was a time of stability in my chaotic life.
It’s strange to be married and remember a relationship with another woman. I remember telling my mum. It makes me smile to remember that. I had been over to dinner with my parents, and as mum was driving me back to the flat I said: ‘You do know I might be gay?’
Mum had paused and said; ‘Do you mean you’re bisexual Sadie? I have to say all we bothered about is that you are happy. I really don’t know a lot about what it means. Can you explain a bit?’
I surprised myself by responding immediately. ‘Oh mum, there’s such a difference between a woman’s hug and a man’s. It’s just kinder’.
I realise now that what I said came from somewhere deep inside me. Mum had no idea how disastrous my relationships with men had been. I remember back to the time I found the courage to invite Lara over to my parents’ house for dinner. I got really annoyed with her because she just drunk pint after pint of beer. My dad was astonished but far too polite to say anything. I can tell you that I was very embarrassed by my girlfriend. But we did have happy times together. One of the funniest was when mum arranged for me to have vertical blinds fitted in the flat. A firm came round and measured up. Mum arranged to be there when the blinds were to be fitted. She had to get us up. We never got up early. That morning Lara had the worst hangover, and I just sat there in the middle of the squalor. That was just how we lived.
A knock on the door told us the fitter was there. I let him in. A very handsome young man stood there, clipboard in hand. The transformation between us two girls was instant. We sat up, looked alert and started smiling and giggling. It was more embarrassing than words can say. Mum was fascinated. We were supposed to be gay for god’s sake.
The young man was sensible and polite. Discussions took place about where the blinds were to be hung. When he had finished, we talked about where his next job was going to be. He told us that he was going to a big house in Surrey and would have to be driving round the M25 and what a pain that was. At this point both of us said ‘We’ll come with you, keep you company’.
The young man left the flat in a hurry. I bet he thought he was lucky to get out of there alive.
As time went by, Lara became increasingly possessive about me. I wasn’t allowed to talk to other people if we went out. As the tensions increased between us, Lara increasingly stayed away. When the end came it was brutal. Lara stopped coming round and I learnt that she had moved back with her parents.
She turned up very drunk just one last time. We talked and Lara told me that she had never really loved me and that she had always had a bloke on the side.
I looked at her and said ‘That’s sad. So you’ve just used me’.
‘Well. You were there to be used’.
Lara left then and I sobbed. It was so painful. But I still hoped she would come back.
A long time after the relationship was over, I told mum the worst thing. If I was being honest with myself, I did know that Lara had as many boyfriends as girlfriends. One of them was called Roy. He worked as a plasterer. He earnt a lot of money. I knew him from around the local area.
One night he had knocked on my door and told me Lara was supposed to be meeting him. I invited him in and said he could watch TV with me while he waited for her. Roy kept calling her and became increasingly frustrated when she didn’t answer her phone. I remember saying Lara was unreliable. He punched me in the head. It had made me feel sick and dizzy. I shouted at him, and he left.
That’s when I realised it really was over.
The snow has stopped falling now. I’m surprised at how the memories have come back and how painful it feels.
Lara(Kristin Dockar)
Lara
By Kristin Dockar
As I sit here watching the snow fall on the newly emerging daffodils, I am reminded that I seem to have missed Valentine’s day, and then I start to think about Lara. I will never forget the day I first saw her. She was so beautiful, I fell in love, and at first, she loved me back. I’m a married woman now and it surprises me that the memories are so vivid. After all, that was nearly forty years ago.
I truly believe I fell in love with Lara the first time I saw her. She was beautiful, tall with shoulder length honey blonde hair, well built, and very into sport. She played netball and football for local teams. Her face was just lovely. I had no idea I could fall in love with a woman.
Lara was very manipulative, but I didn’t care. Very soon after meeting her she moved into my flat and helped me keep it a little cleaner. Sitting here, I can still recall the feelings of elation she brought with her. I remember how in those early days we would come in from the pub, laughing and hugging each other. We tramped back in the snow and kept falling over. We were so drunk. It was early February, and the first bulbs were coming through. I had seen snowdrops and crocuses, and then just a few early daffodils. Just as we thought Spring was coming, it snowed. I remember our local pub was decorated with red hearts and there was going to be live music on Valentine’s day. Lara turned to me and said ‘I’ll tell you I love you on Valentine’s day’.
I was so happy.
In truth Lara probably just wanted somewhere to live that wasn’t in her mother’s house. She was a very heavy drinker, incredibly possessive and very confused about her sexuality. In the whole time we were together, she had a boyfriend on the side. But I just didn’t care. As long as I had some part of her, I was happy.
The relationship lasted almost a year and it was a time of stability in my chaotic life.
It’s strange to be married and remember a relationship with another woman. I remember telling my mum. It makes me smile to remember that. I had been over to dinner with my parents, and as mum was driving me back to the flat I said: ‘You do know I might be gay?’
Mum had paused and said; ‘Do you mean you’re bisexual Sadie? I have to say all we bothered about is that you are happy. I really don’t know a lot about what it means. Can you explain a bit?’
I surprised myself by responding immediately. ‘Oh mum, there’s such a difference between a woman’s hug and a man’s. It’s just kinder’.
I realise now that what I said came from somewhere deep inside me. Mum had no idea how disastrous my relationships with men had been. I remember back to the time I found the courage to invite Lara over to my parents’ house for dinner. I got really annoyed with her because she just drunk pint after pint of beer. My dad was astonished but far too polite to say anything. I can tell you that I was very embarrassed by my girlfriend. But we did have happy times together. One of the funniest was when mum arranged for me to have vertical blinds fitted in the flat. A firm came round and measured up. Mum arranged to be there when the blinds were to be fitted. She had to get us up. We never got up early. That morning Lara had the worst hangover, and I just sat there in the middle of the squalor. That was just how we lived.
A knock on the door told us the fitter was there. I let him in. A very handsome young man stood there, clipboard in hand. The transformation between us two girls was instant. We sat up, looked alert and started smiling and giggling. It was more embarrassing than words can say. Mum was fascinated. We were supposed to be gay for god’s sake.
The young man was sensible and polite. Discussions took place about where the blinds were to be hung. When he had finished, we talked about where his next job was going to be. He told us that he was going to a big house in Surrey and would have to be driving round the M25 and what a pain that was. At this point both of us said ‘We’ll come with you, keep you company’.
The young man left the flat in a hurry. I bet he thought he was lucky to get out of there alive.
As time went by, Lara became increasingly possessive about me. I wasn’t allowed to talk to other people if we went out. As the tensions increased between us, Lara increasingly stayed away. When the end came it was brutal. Lara stopped coming round and I learnt that she had moved back with her parents.
She turned up very drunk just one last time. We talked and Lara told me that she had never really loved me and that she had always had a bloke on the side.
I looked at her and said ‘That’s sad. So you’ve just used me’.
‘Well. You were there to be used’.
Lara left then and I sobbed. It was so painful. But I still hoped she would come back.
A long time after the relationship was over, I told mum the worst thing. If I was being honest with myself, I did know that Lara had as many boyfriends as girlfriends. One of them was called Roy. He worked as a plasterer. He earnt a lot of money. I knew him from around the local area.
One night he had knocked on my door and told me Lara was supposed to be meeting him. I invited him in and said he could watch TV with me while he waited for her. Roy kept calling her and became increasingly frustrated when she didn’t answer her phone. I remember saying Lara was unreliable. He punched me in the head. It had made me feel sick and dizzy. I shouted at him, and he left.
That’s when I realised it really was over.
The snow has stopped falling now. I’m surprised at how the memories have come back and how painful it feels.
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Shirley Smothers
08/02/2021A sweet and sad tale. Love is bittersweet. We all have 'The one that got away'. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
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Kristin Dockar
08/02/2021Hi Kristen,
Just finished reading your story, absolutley loved it. It was such an interesting read (didn't want it to end). You certainly are a fantastic writer.
I'm so looking forward to reading lots more of your stories.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
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Sylvia Maclagan
03/01/2021Hello Kristin, you're a fantastic writer. It's difficult enough writing about ordinary experiences, but you've woven this tale into an amazing and laberinthine piece. The main character is so confused about sex and LBGT etc. matters.
I'll have to return to get the full benefit of it. Best wishes, Sylvia
Help Us Understand What's Happening
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Kristin Dockar
03/02/2021Thank you Sylvia. I do love to write and this story popped into my head after a met 'Sadie' on a course!!
COMMENTS (4)