My Miscarriage(Shirley Smothers) In May of 1989 I had not had my period for two months. I knew I was pregnant. I went to the local pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test kit. It was positive. But I also needed medical proof so that I could be seen at my OBGYN clinic. I was a walk in and requested their test. This also came back positive.

In Mid July I started to have cramps like I do before I start my period. I also had some small spotting of blood. I went into the same OBGYN clinic and told them my concerns. It took two hours before a DR could work me into the busy clinic. He did a vaginal exam and said everything looked normal. He gave me a CAT scan. He told me he saw two spots and it was very possible that I was having twins. I was ecstatic and terrified at the same time. How would I care for two babies physically and monetarily at the same time? He sent me home and recommended bed rest.

But this was not to be. One week later my cramps became unbearable and I had heavy vaginal bleeding. I was beside myself with grief. It took six weeks just to get back to a semblance of a normal routine. My Children, then One and Six, helped me to get back to myself. They needed Mommy to be there for them and to take care of them.

But still…..

DEEP INSIDE

When I learned of my pregnancy
I burst with pride,
But then there was a pain
Deep inside.

The doctor informed me
The pregnancy had ended
I felt my heart
Could never be mended.

The passage of time
has helped the pain subside,
But time-to-time, I shed a tear
Deep inside.
This child lives
in my heart,
I must confide,
Down deep inside.

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