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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Teens
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Flash / Mini / Very Short
- Published: 07/08/2021
Wake up. . .
I can hear sirens in the distance. People are sprinting past me, bumping into me. I look behind me and see the cage full of my friends and family. There is a field in front of me. The grass is swaying back and forth. I hear the sirens once more. I started running. My heart is beating so loud, you could hear it from a mile away. I trip on a rock. I try to get back up, but I feel someone shaking me. My sister is waking me up. I’m in my bed.
“Wake up… they’re coming..”
THE END
Wake up…(Adeleine)
Wake up. . .
I can hear sirens in the distance. People are sprinting past me, bumping into me. I look behind me and see the cage full of my friends and family. There is a field in front of me. The grass is swaying back and forth. I hear the sirens once more. I started running. My heart is beating so loud, you could hear it from a mile away. I trip on a rock. I try to get back up, but I feel someone shaking me. My sister is waking me up. I’m in my bed.
“Wake up… they’re coming..”
THE END
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin A. Kimball
07/08/2021Intense flash fiction, Adeleine.
My only real suggestion would be to watch your tense. You have it in present tense throughout, with exception to one sentence "I started running."
I struggle with tense on the daily so no worries. I hope you develop this piece further, as it could be a great writing exercise to challenge yourself and grow your abilities.
Happy writing and best wishes,
Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Adeleine
07/13/2021Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I’ll definitely have to pay close attention to that. But, thank you for reading!
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