Congratulations !
You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: True Life For Teens
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Pain / Problems / Adversity
- Published: 08/25/2021
AM I OKAY?
That day was my results of tenth standard. I used to be a girl who was good at studying and in extra curricular activities. But I was far from sports. . Me and my father went to the internet Centre near my home. In the result publicized site I view my score by entering my login details.
I scored good marks and my father was happy yet he was complaining about my lost marks to perfect score. though it was a good mark I neither felt happy nor sad.
Then we went to a school for admission for eleventh and twelfth standard. The school was famous for making students achieve a good grades and especially getting seats in medical universities. This school was my father’s choice and he wanted me to become a doctor. I too wished to be a doctor.
I joined that school as they gave full scholarship for my grades. I felt happy as I could study there with full scholarship. Everything was good. I was eager to study and got good scores in eleventh. At the end of eleventh the school’s procedure is to pick out top fifteen students and give them extra care to study .I wanted to be in the top fifteen.
And the day came when they announced the fifteen. i was there. I was in the fifteen.
At first I was happy to be there. But at certain point I noticed there was something wrong in me. I can’t stay focused. I can’t be happy. I felt pressure to score marks that can satisfy everyone around me.
I was literally crying all the time. I felt empty. I hated myself for crying all the time instead of studying. After that in all of the school tests I was not happy with my marks and so my parents.
At some point I wanted to end my life. I felt if I end my life, my parents won’t be burdened because of me. I felt trapped inside something where I can’t find out a way to escape. I felt I am sinking into darkness. I used to have thick hair but within six months I lost more than half of my hair. I had dreams like my teachers scolding me. Like that days passed and board exam came.
I wrote all the exams and the time when I finished all the exams I felt relaxed. But I didn’t write my exams well enough to get into a medical college. In my vacation after exams I overslept all times.
Results came , yes it was well known that I can’t make it to medical college. I had no particular choice of course that I want to study. I didn’t know anything about what I want. I followed what my father said. Then I got seat in agriculture university as my dad’s wish.it was a good university which is many of them dreams. That time too I was not sure whether I was happy. In the college days I was depressed about my looks.
Then I was crying hard many of the days. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to get out of my bed. I didn’t want anyone of them to see that I am crying. I don’t want to show them that I was week.
Today I was in my third year of college. Still now I was haunted by the memories of school. I can’t able to forget them. I want to get rid of those memories but I can’t. I can’t share my family that I was crying hard all these times. I am not sure what is wrong with me. Even if I share, won’t they laugh at me and tell I am bringing up stories to not to study. All that I am thinking is I am a burden to all. At many times I wanted someone to ask me are youokay ? Are you doing good ? and wanted to answer that.
I AM NOT OKAY.
I am feeling like I am drowning in a deep silent dark ocean.
AM I OKAY?(Damsel)
AM I OKAY?
That day was my results of tenth standard. I used to be a girl who was good at studying and in extra curricular activities. But I was far from sports. . Me and my father went to the internet Centre near my home. In the result publicized site I view my score by entering my login details.
I scored good marks and my father was happy yet he was complaining about my lost marks to perfect score. though it was a good mark I neither felt happy nor sad.
Then we went to a school for admission for eleventh and twelfth standard. The school was famous for making students achieve a good grades and especially getting seats in medical universities. This school was my father’s choice and he wanted me to become a doctor. I too wished to be a doctor.
I joined that school as they gave full scholarship for my grades. I felt happy as I could study there with full scholarship. Everything was good. I was eager to study and got good scores in eleventh. At the end of eleventh the school’s procedure is to pick out top fifteen students and give them extra care to study .I wanted to be in the top fifteen.
And the day came when they announced the fifteen. i was there. I was in the fifteen.
At first I was happy to be there. But at certain point I noticed there was something wrong in me. I can’t stay focused. I can’t be happy. I felt pressure to score marks that can satisfy everyone around me.
I was literally crying all the time. I felt empty. I hated myself for crying all the time instead of studying. After that in all of the school tests I was not happy with my marks and so my parents.
At some point I wanted to end my life. I felt if I end my life, my parents won’t be burdened because of me. I felt trapped inside something where I can’t find out a way to escape. I felt I am sinking into darkness. I used to have thick hair but within six months I lost more than half of my hair. I had dreams like my teachers scolding me. Like that days passed and board exam came.
I wrote all the exams and the time when I finished all the exams I felt relaxed. But I didn’t write my exams well enough to get into a medical college. In my vacation after exams I overslept all times.
Results came , yes it was well known that I can’t make it to medical college. I had no particular choice of course that I want to study. I didn’t know anything about what I want. I followed what my father said. Then I got seat in agriculture university as my dad’s wish.it was a good university which is many of them dreams. That time too I was not sure whether I was happy. In the college days I was depressed about my looks.
Then I was crying hard many of the days. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to get out of my bed. I didn’t want anyone of them to see that I am crying. I don’t want to show them that I was week.
Today I was in my third year of college. Still now I was haunted by the memories of school. I can’t able to forget them. I want to get rid of those memories but I can’t. I can’t share my family that I was crying hard all these times. I am not sure what is wrong with me. Even if I share, won’t they laugh at me and tell I am bringing up stories to not to study. All that I am thinking is I am a burden to all. At many times I wanted someone to ask me are youokay ? Are you doing good ? and wanted to answer that.
I AM NOT OKAY.
I am feeling like I am drowning in a deep silent dark ocean.
COMMENTS (0)