The Icarus Principle

Billy Hawthorn was a shy child who did not talk much and did not have any friends. His fondest childhood memories were of his father, the park ranger of Whitesprings Nature Reserve, coming home after work and describing all the species of birds and animals he had looked after that day. Billy was fascinated and would listen in complete silence to his father's stories. When he had finished, his father would always promise: “One day, Billy, when you are big enough, you will see for yourself.”

That day came on his tenth birthday. His parents gave him a beautiful illustrated birds spots guide and a pair of black binoculars which he proudly wore around his neck. He treasured these gifts. Just when he thought the day could not get any better his dad announced: “I need to go to work.” His wife put on a mock expression of disappointment: “Oh Ron, not on Billy’s birthday!” Ron replied: “I’m afraid so Daisy. They are short staffed. I will make it up to you, I promise Billy.” He turned to leave then stopped and said: “Oh, I almost forgot, I will need somebody big and strong to help me. My back is hurting. Billy, would you like to help your poor old dad?” Billy thought he would burst from excitement, he exclaimed, hugging his dad: “Can I? Can I? Can I ?” His mother laughed and nodded ruffling his hair. His father went to get the car. Billy even got to ride in the passenger seat.

He felt thrilled at finally being old enough to help his dad at Whitesprings Nature Reserve. When they arrived, his father took him around and taught him the names of all the animals they saw. The different species were beautiful, but the birds were majestic. Billy was transfixed by them. Later he told his parents this has been the best birthday ever.

He returned to Whitesprings many times over the years, on half terms and school holidays. One summer he met Henry Stubbins, who was his own age and also helping out around the Reserve. The two boys became friends and the once shy Billy Hawthorn came out of his shell. His parents seeing the positive influence Henry was having on their son encouraged their friendship.

On Billy’s sixteen birthday, his father built him an aviary in the attic. Billy spent hours observing the birds flying. His parents watched him happily from the doorway, not wishing to intrude. Daisy told Ron in a whisper: “You did a good thing, I’ve never seen our boy so content.” Ron squeezed Daisy’s hand and smiled. The aviary quickly became Billy’s favorite place in the house, where he would do his homework or read while sitting by the small window.

In later years, he began to work alongside his father at Whitesprings. He was a quick learner. The passion and dedication he showed for the job impressed the managers, which made him the ideal person to take over from his father when, a year later, he had to retire early due to illness. Billy wanted to quit his job and help his mother by staying home and caring for his dad. But she wouldn't hear of it and told her son: “Your father and I looked after each other long before you came along. We will be fine. Who is going to take care of the animals if you don't?” Billy tried to object and said “They could always get someone else to replace me.” His mother replied: “That would break your father’s heart.” After much consideration he became the youngest full time ranger at Whitesprings Nature Reserve. When he got home after work, he would tell his dad all about his day, just like his father had done years earlier.

Life carried on in the same way for months. Having his dream job amongst the animals and birds as well as making his parents proud, Billy felt truly blessed. This happiness was short-lived.

On the day the police came to Whitesprings and asked for him by name, he knew that something was wrong. A tall blonde police officer informed him that his parents had been involved in an accident. They had been driving to one of his father's numerous medical appointments, when a lorry jackknifed across the road. The impact killed them both instantly. He didn't even hear the officer say: “Sorry for your loss,” or even notice when she left. His world had been plunged into darkness.

Billy didn't speak at the funeral. He couldn't find the words to express what he was feeling. Blaming himself for not being there. He took compassionate leave from work and didn’t talk to anyone, not even opening the door when Henry came to check on him numerous times. One day Henry left hoping that Billy would make contact when he was ready. That day never arrived. Surviving on the inheritance and life insurance, he lived as a recluse.

How could he make the grief, guilt and pain go away? There was an emptiness inside him that couldn’t be filled. Then he had an idea. He became obsessed, single minded with a purpose. Children often wished to be birds and fly away to escape some indescribable sorrow in their life. This was never granted. However, he was determined. He would do what they couldn't and make himself a bird to escape his despair.

He spent years planning, designing and building a machine that would enable him to achieve his goal. He named it Icarus. To avoid tampering, he installed a security system. In order to be granted access, you needed to input a four digit code, get it wrong three times and the controls would lock, rendering the device useless.

When it was finally ready he undressed, entered the code. The doors opened, he stepped inside. A pneumatic hissing sound startled Billy as the doors sealed shut behind him. The apparatus powered up. The transformation began slowly, as if he was being given a chance to reconsider his choice, but in his grief-stricken mind this was the only way to freedom.

He felt a tingling sensation on his skin. This feeling grew in intensity until feathers started to cover his body. A beak and bird feet came next and finally he began to shrink. When the process was completed and the doors opened, what hopped out was a bird about the size of white dove. The doors closed behind it, and locked.

Billy couldn’t believe it. He had done it. He wanted to shout but all that came out of his beak was a long low bird call. Billy thought he had finally found peace. He loved the freedom he felt when he was soaring in the clouds. He had achieved his objective. Nothing could touch him up here. For the first time since his parent’s death he felt truly free; the feelings of sorrow that had plagued him for so long melted away. However, he would soon discover that life as a bird held its own challenges and dangers. The first of these was that he could not get used to sleeping on a perch. Spending his nights awake, scared of falling. Next came food. There were so many other birds eating the seeds, that he could hardly eat a meal. The greatest danger was from cats. He got caught once and barely escaped alive.

Faced with all these threats, Billy reluctantly decided to turn back into a human. As he approached the machine, to his horror he realised that someone had activated the security system. “Who has tried to access Icarus?” he wondered. The realisation that he was never going to be himself again hit hard. It seemed that he couldn’t escape his suffering. However, the longer he spent as a bird, the more his memories faded away; but some cannot be forgotten.

***

A few days after Billy Hawthorn went missing the police, alerted by concerned neighbors, accessed the property and found three items of interest in the attic. These were: designs for a mysterious device, as well as the device itself with a pile of Billy’s clothes nearby. When attempting to gain access to the apparatus, the police were prompted to enter a four digit code. As there was no written record of the code anywhere in the house, they contacted Henry Stubbins and asked for assistance. Henry, even though he had not seen Billy for several years, was cooperative and offered numerous possibilities. When these proved unsuccessful and with no other leads, the investigation hit a dead end. The disappearance of Billy Hawthorn remains a mystery.

***

It has now been two years since Billy’s disappearance. Henry Stubbins still wonders what happened to his friend. Now a full-time employee of Whiteprings Nature Reserve, he is on his way to feed the animals. He walks, pail in hand, towards the enclosure. Hearing a long low bird call he stops, looks up shielding his eyes. He sees a white bird circling high above. He has the same strange feeling of recognition he has felt ever since it first appeared weeks ago. As the bird continues its circuit overhead, Henry resumes his task, remembering Billy Hawthorn.