Until Eternity passes away(Martha Hume) Until Eternity Passes Away (revised)

On September 7, 2010, I awoke to find my husband and soul mate of 32 years was dead. I walked down the hallway to the kitchen to call 911 and the operator asked" What is your emergency? "I could not believe how soft and calm my voice was when I said, "My husband is dead. There is no need to hurry, he is beyond help."
The 911 dispatch operator asked if we had been arguing before my believing he was dead.
I responded no, I’ve recently woken up. I went into his bedroom to wake him for his doctor’s appointment. He was ice-cold to the touch. He isn’t breathing. I can’t find a pulse. His skin is transparent. The light from the television is being reflected in his cold pale skin. He has something that looks and smells like putrid blood or fecal matter in his mouth. CPR is difficult. I’ve discontinued CPR to notify you. There is an emergency. We need help.
The voice at the other end instructed me to stay on the line with her. She also instructed me to begin CPR and to continue until help arrived. I explained I could do one but not both requests. The cord on my landline wouldn’t reach the bedroom.
The county coroner could hear the young officer as he examined the body and say, "This man has been dead for some time. I heard him comment to the coroner, This man died a violent death. Before the questions, how do you know that, could form in my mind, the police were asking me something.
The coroner and officer were both asking when was the last time you saw your husband alive?
Around 9 pm the night before, I gave him his medicine and said goodnight. They asked if it was normal for him to retire that early. I said yes when he had a hard day at dialysis.
This was not entirely correct, I had heard Glenn's voice in the doorway of my bedroom. He was standing there as I awoke, Glenn came to the side of my bed. He said," I know what you did, and it is alright. He seemed happy to be out of the hospital bed, out of his wheelchair, and walking under his power. This encounter with my husband wasn’t real. It was an out-of-body experience or I was dreaming.
He comforted me, expressing how difficult it must have been for me to decide to let him go. Then suddenly, his tone changed. He called my name and said, You didn't think at all, You acted spontaneously. Everything with you is spontaneity, isn't it?
Then he turned away from me as he said, "I have to go back in my room and finish dying. Then he forgave me as he left. As I said this was a dream or a hallucination. Glenn could have experienced an out-of-body experience or something. It was surreal.
I paused to clear my head before I answered the officer.
And that was the last time you saw him alive?
The officer walked back down the hall to speak with the coroner. I heard him ask if they should call a car for me. Was I now a suspect in the death of my husband?
The coroner replied in an angry tone. "That lady is the wife, the widow of this man. For God's sake, she can barely support her weight. If there is an arrest to be made, it will be after I examine the body. The wife isn't going anywhere, trust me."
I appreciated his support and his defense of me and the compassion he was showing this grief-stricken widow. I did not deserve his compassion or his support. In my heart and mind, I killed my husband. If I had stayed by his bed longer; if I have chosen to write my stories on his computer. The fact is, I wasn’t there when he needed me. My last words to him were shut up and go to sleep. You’re getting on my nerves.

As the coroner wheeled Glenn's lifeless body past me, he asked what are the funeral plans. At first, I said I did not know. Then suddenly Glenn was telling me, "My wish is to be cremated. Don't put yourself through the needless expense of a cemetery plot and a prolonged funeral. He called me China Doll and said" I am not in that body any longer. It is only a piece of greenware waiting to be fired."
I told the coroner his wish, his final wish, is to be cremated. The coroner agreed to keep the body in storage until later that day when I was prepared to complete the arrangements. He set the time at 11:00 that morning.
As I continued to phone family and tell them the sad news, my two-bedroom apartment slowly filled with friends and neighbors. My uncle was the first family to arrive. This seasoned special forces veteran of two tours in Vietnam was crying. My uncle was one of those men who never cried. I found myself crying because he was crying. I was wanting to comfort him.
My sister came in and took charge, helping me notify all the necessary people and agencies. His hospital bed had to be picked up. His oxygen generator and the other breathing equipment needed to be picked up. His home health nurse and his aide and housekeeper had to be notified. I had to call the dialysis unit and inform them he would not need any additional treatments. I had to call his mental health worker and tell her the news. Amidst all the arrangements, appointments, and termination of services, I felt my husband there beside me. I heard his voice calmly telling me, 'you're strong, we will get through this together '
At the family memorial service, I asked his older brother to crack some jokes; "Do what you do best and keep everyone in stitches." He and his wife asked twice, "Martha, are you sure comedy is what you want here, at this moment?"
I asked Bruce for what he and Glenn called an Irish wake. At one point, Bruce suggested we take our joking into the hallway or another room, so we wouldn't wake Glenn. He is sleeping so peacefully. It did look that way. It even felt as if he would wake up any moment and ask," why is everyone here? Who died ?" I could not help but laugh. Surely that is what he would say. I wanted the laughter because I did not want to cry.

The night of the public memorial, when the funeral director presented me with the urn. I did not want the ashes. I did not want anything to symbolize death. My husband was very much alive, he was in my heart and my mind. I heard his voice everywhere and felt his tender kisses on my lips every night. He couldn’t be dead,
Glenn promised to love me until eternity passes away. He has kept his vow for eleven years. He is still my husband, and I'm still his wife. We will reunite soon somewhere in the eternal paradise.

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