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- Story Listed as: True Life For Teens
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Ideas / Discovery / Opinions
- Published: 12/07/2021
A Useless Mind
Born 2005, M, from Oklahoma, United StatesI doubt you’ve ever envisioned yourself in a situation that I wish to be in. It only makes sense. Who would wish to lose their friends of their own volition?
The majority’s answer: no one.
The neurodivergents’ answer: someone who is too shallow to appreciate the opportunity they have.
My answer: probably no one.
If someone were to be put in such a situation, though, I imagine it would go something like this.
“Loneliness,” I would begin, “is often the byproduct of a gifted mind.”
“What?” My friend, who is sitting right beside my spot against the wall, says to the words I have unknowingly mumbled under my breath.
“Nothing,” I answer in response.
“‘Kay,” He gives up.
For the most part, I’m glad he didn’t pursue it; it was something I didn’t want to explain. But, another part of me is saddened, even angered at the ease with which he gave in to the automatic, unspoken plea.
I wait a few moments, contemplating if I should speak my mind like I so desperately want, or if it would be better to simply stay silent, as I did every time before.
“It’s from a show,” I decide to speak up, though I don’t know why.
“What?” He repeats.
I understand why; I had made a decision that he didn’t give any thought to whether I might have wanted to make a different choice. It’s not his fault, though.
“The quote,” I answer, “I heard it from a show I watched.”
“Okay?” He drawls, curious, but not enough to be inquisitive. “Why, though? It’s so random.”
I sighed. It’s frustrating being so thoroughly misunderstood, to the point that the people who you call friends, and call you a friend in return, think they do truly understand you.
“I was just thinking; it has some truth to it, doesn’t it?” I answer, looking up at the ceiling, trying to act as if I was an aloof, overly-dramatic anime character or something. I wouldn’t mind it.
“How?” He questioned, as if thoroughly confused.
I grit my teeth at the ignorance such a question implied.
“I mean, wouldn’t people want to be around someone like that?” He continues.
I understood the logic in it, even wished for it to be true myself.
“No,” I answer. It was unnecessarily loud, so I looked around to see if anybody had noticed. I was relieved to see that nobody else had turned their attention to me or my friend. I hate myself for that.
“People don’t like change; something that’s different than what they’re accustomed to. So, things that are different are shunned, including people. Gifted people.”
“But, that doesn’t make sense,” My friend claims. “Change is necessary. Change makes people better; why wouldn't people want something that makes them better?"
“Not all people,” I answer, selfishly trying to assert my wisdom. “Only useless people.”
“What do you mean by that?!” He asks, sounding almost outraged at the audacity of my statement.
“If being gifted means being lonely,” I begin. “it only makes sense that being un-gifted attracts people that feel the same. To be useful means to be alone; to be useless means to not be alone.”
“Are you calling me useless if I have friends?!” He stands, angry.
I stay silent.
“...Yes,” I finally answer when my eyes feel his shadow over me.
It takes me a few seconds to look up at him; when I do, I see the object of my fears in his eyes.
Hurt. Anger. Rejection.
But, there was no going back now. I had already started my verbal musing; I would regret it if I didn’t finish them.
“Then that means you’re useless, too.” He picks me up by my collar. We’re the same height, though he is stronger, so I am easily lifted off the ground.
“I wasn’t always useless,” I state, more to myself than him. “I only became useless when I gave into loneliness; when I accepted having friends like you.”
To be useful means to be lonely; to have friends means to be useless.
I suppose it doesn't matter whether you're 'useful' or 'useless'. You will interpret this however you want.
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