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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Mystery
- Subject: Crime
- Published: 12/08/2021
"Happy Birthday Baby!"
Born 1955, M, from Norwich NY, United StatesHappy Birthday Baby!
By Herm Sherwood-Sitts
Saturday, July 10th, on my birthday, I went out on the porch to get the morning paper. As I picked it up, our neighbor Janice was fetching her paper too.
“Good morning John,” she said with a beautiful smile. She was a divorcee, beautiful, blond, and clad in her house coat. When she squatted down to get her paper she revealed her black, lacey negligee. I did my best to mind my own business and turned to go back into the house. That is when she asked if I could help her move her couch.
I hesitated and said “sure.”
She wanted to move it in front of her patio doors so she could shampoo the carpet later. After the task was done she thanked me and I went back home.
I sat and read the paper while my wife made my favorite birthday breakfast, a ham and cheese omelet. There on the front page in bold letters was an article about the town grocery being robbed. We live in a fairly small community where everybody knows everybody. The description of the robber was, tall, slender, white male wearing a black leather coat. Slicked back, black hair, may be armed with a switchblade. Any Info please contact the city police.
Our plans for the day were to go to the beach. On our way we stopped at Bob’s gas station to get some ice for the cooler. Bob’s place was a little stop and shop. He sold produce, cigarettes, beer, soda and of course gas.
As I walked out with my bag of ice there sat a young man with a leather jacket on, pealing an apple with what looked like a switchblade. I got into my car and told my wife to call the police on her cell. They said they would check it out!
Meanwhile we proceeded to the beach.
At the beach I spread out a blanket for my wife and eased my butt into a beach chair, then opened a book and a beer. The sun was nice on my skin and the air was fresh with the slight scent of the sea. It was going to be a beautiful day.
Within an hour or so we were surrounded by many local friends and neighbors like many other Saturday’s at the beach.
After a while the city police pulled up with a cruiser and got out and walked up to us. I figured it was about the robber.
The two Officers Fred and Mike were old high school friends of mine.
“Was it him?” I asked.
“We're not here about that Johnny,” said Fred with his hand on his gun. “We need you to lay face down and put your hands behind your back,” he sternly said.
“What is this about?” I asked with concern.
My wife was as concerned as I was. That’s when they pushed me to the ground and cuffed me.
“Janice Cole was found strangled on her leather couch and your prints were all over the scene,” scolded Mike.
By now the crowd was around us. As they started to get me up the guy in the leather jacket emerged from the crowd. He made a dash for the cop cruiser and sped away. Frank was in pursuit on foot but it was of no use. Mean while during the commotion my wife managed to get a hold of Mike’s gun. During the struggle the gun went off and Mike laid there motionless in the sand. I stood there in total disbelief as she pointed the gun at me.
“I knew you were messing around with that tramp next door!” she screamed. The gun was shaking and the smoke was still slowly rolling out of the barrel. The crowd was in awe and you could cut the tension with a knife.
Fred called for backup and an ambulance, while I pleaded with my wife. Finally back up arrived and they took me and my wife to the police station.
After being interrogated by Fred and his commander for an hour, I was being led to my cell to await my trial. Hands cuffed behind me they led me down the hall. As I came to the lobby there stood about forty of my neighbors and friends. My wife came up to me and gave me a hug and whispered in my ear. “Happy Birthday Baby, you’ve been PUNKED!” There was laughter and cheers as Mike undid the cuffs.
Billy Brown, who runs the town paper, gave me a handshake and introduced me to the guy in the leather jacket as his grandson. Everyone played their part well. When my wife called the police station, they set off the friends and neighbors. Mike gave me a big hug and showed me where he was not shot. As I worked my way through the crowd I came to Janice. Still in her bedtime clothes, she came up and put her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear. “Happy Birthday, we need to move the couch back…”. I told her, “There is no freaking way that is going to happen.”
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