What Happened to My Baby?(Stephanie Egbert) What Happened to My Baby?

It started in the late 1800's in Logan, Ohio, when Sarah and Conrad were at
the smalltown carnival. Hand in hand, they hopped on the seat of the
Ferris Wheel. Sarah was preoccupied with the artwork on the Ferris
Wheel of flower draped flying horses that added to her feeling
she was flying herself. They were at the very top and looked up on a
hot, starry night. Conrad edged closer to Sarah. She blushed as he
tenderly kissed her smack on her moist lips. Sarah liked when Conrad
kissed her.

"Do you want to go to my house?" asked Conrad.

"Would we be alone?" replied Sarah.

His parents were playing bridge at some friend's house. "It will be just the
two of us," said Conrad.

Sarah squeezed Conrad's hand, hopped off the Ferris Wheel and headed for
the Model -T car. They skipped and laughed on the way to the house. Several blocks
away, the car reached the curb by the two-story house. The porch light was on.
Sarah figured this would be a magical rendezvous. She loved Conrad and
Conrad loved her.

"Is it true that your parents will not be home?" asked Sarah again.

"Positively, nothing to worry about," Conrad replied.

After Conrad unlocked the door, Sarah and Conrad entered the hallway.
They raced up the stairs and went into the master bedroom. Conrad
informed Sarah that a nightgown was hung in the bathroom.

Sarah changed into the white nightgown and went slowly into the
bedroom. Conrad was under the sheets while he looked at
Sarah. He reached his hand out towards her. She welcomed his
hand and proceeded into his arms to embrace his whole body. He
kissed her lips with passion. He pulled her nightgown down to her
waist. He cupped each breast with each hand and squeezed. He verbally
admired her body. They both started to pant like a couple of puppy dogs.
Both of their bodies were in ecstasy.

Afterwards, Conrad took Sarah home. They laughed about what
was accomplished and it lifted their spirits with pure pleasure.

The days after the romantic encounter brought sadness. Conrad had
to tell Sarah he was moving to New Jersey. Sarah and Conrad
were devastated. Of course, promises to write and keep in touch
didn't last very long.

Then, a young girl's horror happened. Her mother had
so many children, that Sarah knew when she didn't get her period, she
was pregnant.

In these times, pregnancy for unwed young girls was a disgrace for
them and their families. They were condemned and mistreated.
Even those prepared to tough it out were rarely read their rights.
They were treated like criminals and told they were not entitled to
any financial or material help. If they left with the baby, they
would be arrested as a moral danger to themselves and others, and
the baby would be taken away. So often young girls would
have to go to a Home For Unwed Mothers. After childbirth,
the baby would be taken away to be adopted against the young
girl's will.

Sarah would wear loose fitting, bulky sweaters to school to hide
her pregnancy. The winter months kept the pregnancy hidden.
A classmate Lillian, instructed Sarah on what to do.
Lillian had been pregnant, but lost her baby in childbirth. Sarah was
fearful so she took extra care of herself. Jane, another classmate,
became pregnant and everyone at school found out. The rumors
spread like wild fire. Other students ridiculed her, insulted the
fetus as a bastard, and called her a slut. The embarrassment caused
her to permanently leave school. Sarah was determined to make a
constant effort to keep her secret quiet.

Sarah had to tell her parents. They were sympathetic. Mama and
Papa, who were known as Russell and Bertha Jones, volunteered to
raise the baby as their own. Sarah wanted the best for her baby, but
wasn't sure she wanted to give it up. Again, in these times, it wasn't an
option due to the disrepute. Their family was quite large. There was
Elliot at 13 years old, Clark 11, Charles 9, Henry 7, Odie 5, and little
Louie was 3.

When the 9 months had passed, Sarah went to the Home for Unwed
Mothers and delivered her baby. It was an agonizing experience even
with the help of a midwife. After the delivery, Mama and Papa took
the baby. Sarah was crushed. Her insides felt like they crumbled away.
She sobbed and vomited a number of times. Shaky and weak, she
tried to cope by singing to soothe her soul. Then she screamed,
"Give me back my baby." She didn't even know if it was boy or
girl. No one heeded her pleas!

The next day, Mama and Papa were called back to the home because of
Sarah's hysteria. They came into her room with the baby. Sarah held
him and caressed him. She named him Lawrence Michael. Mama
and Papa reassured her that most girls have no choice but to give up their baby.
By having Mama and Papa adopt Lawrence, she could keep him in the family,
keep the secret, and be with him. He would know Sarah as his sister.

"Why does it have to be this way?" Sarah asked.
"It is the rules of our society," Mama said.
"It will be an adjustment for you, Sarah," said Papa.
"And an adjustment for Lawrence," added Sarah.

Sarah experienced grief watching her son being raised by her parents.
She treasured short encounters with him. Afterward, she wept, wondering
if she should have fought harder for him. Her parents were
doing a wonderful job, she told herself. It is hard to raise seven boys,
Sarah told herself repeatedly. She must be brave and just think
about Lawrence's well being.

Lawrence was now nine years old and loved baseball. Today he hit a
home run over the fence. Sarah didn't miss a game.

Sarah had nightmares of telling Lawrence that she was his mother.
She would wake up in a puddle of perspiration. All these years,
she had to bear the thoughts of not being with her son. She would
pace repeatedly, barefoot in her nightgown, from the living room to
her bedroom. Nightmares resulted in many sleepless nights.

More years go by. Sarah met and fell in love with Albert, who was quite the
businessman. He had a restaurant, general store, and a two-story house by the
railroad tracks. Sarah's son and family thought the world of him because of his
friendliness and generosity. Working with Albert occupied Sarah's time, which
left less time to be obsessed with Lawrence. A small family wedding ceremony was
appropriate. Sarah discovered that she was pregnant not long after the
wedding. This time she need not worry about being condemned. There were
many flashbacks of what she went through with Lawrence. It would always
remain a nightmare in her life. She continued to keep her secret, but was
happy with having another baby.

Sarah gave birth to a baby girl named Abigail. At 12 years old, Lawrence was
enthralled with the new baby and came to the house everyday to see her.
Everyone would say Abigail looked like Lawrence. The more Sarah saw
Lawrence, the more she wanted to tell her secret. But she couldn't do it.

On a number of occasions, Sarah saw Lawrence looking up towards
the high tops of the trees and said, "Something is just not right.
I can't put my finger on it."

Sarah's heart dropped to her stomach and she sighed.

The years go by. Sarah postponed her decision to tell her secret to Lawrence. He
was grown up and had completed ten weeks of basic military training.
He came home on leave and saw the 8 year old Abigail. She was quite attached
to their relationship.

He said, "Hey, Kiddo, when are we going to play baseball?"

"You know they won't let girls play baseball," replied Abigail.

"We don't listen to what everyone says," said Lawrence.

He handed her a brand new ball glove and said, "Let's go play ball."

They walked to the ball park, hand in hand.

Sarah became obsessed with telling Lawrence that she is his mother. She
decided to talk to her parents. On hearing this news, Mama and Papa
raised their arms in protest. Mama pleaded, "Please don't disrupt Lawrence
with our secret! It could destroy his well being."

Mama and Papa announced at the same time, "Please don't do this."

"I can't live like this anymore," Sarah shouted and stormed out of
the screen door.

Several days had gone by when Sarah confronted Lawrence, after she
learned he would be going to France. She arranged meeting him for Cokes
at the Whiteheads Cafe in downtown Logan. They arrived at the cafe
at the same time and they sat down at a small booth facing each other.
Sarah's hands were shaking so she put them in her lap. Lawrence had
no idea what this was about. Finally, after some small talk, Sarah gave
Lawrence the news. He looked pale, but Sarah told him the story
of the past. She poured her heart out to him about her misery all
these years. He pounded his fist on the table knocking his Coke
over and onto the floor.

"I was taught never to tell a lie, but yet everyone lied to me." he cried.

They watched as the waitress cleaned up the spill in silence.
Sarah pleaded, "It was traumatic to be forced to give you up."

By this time, Sarah was in tears when Lawrence stood up and
said that he was sorry for her pain. He walked out of the cafe.
Sarah was numb and trembling. Maybe her parents were right!

Several days later, Lawrence was getting ready to take off for
the war. He visited Abigail and gave her a stuffed teddy bear.
He gave Sarah a hug and a kiss on the forehead with words
about appreciation for his life. Mama and Papa were given
long hugs and thank you for his cherished life with them.
The rest of the family were given handshakes and well
wishes.

On the bus to the airport to fly to France, Lawrence reflected on
the past days. He tried to control his anger over what transpired
with the family. It was difficult to process or to comprehend.
"My sister is my mother." he said over and over to himself.

"My Mama and Papa, who I love dearly are my grandparents.
Where is my father?" he said. But his father was a stranger.

Lawrence was dropped off at the barracks with several other soldiers.
The Sergeant introduced himself to the
platoon. Lawrence was uneasy and wondered if he
had done the right thing. But, he had been drafted, so there were
no choices.

During the next days, Lawrence got ready for war. They went by military
jeeps to a village in Meuse. They made sand bag barriers around
the village and camped out in tents. Lawrence was scared, but
did his job.

The German army ambushed without warning. A hand grenade hit him
on the leg and instantly blew up. Lawrence was killed in the
line of duty.

Back in Logan, a couple of military personal
came to Mama and Papa's home. They delivered the news
of Lawrence's death. Screaming and crying pierced the
neighborhood.

Mama went to Sarah with the news. She collapsed on the
floor. When she regained consciousness, Sarah held her
head and sobbed, "What have I done?"

Mama consoled her as best she could. Mama said, "It's not your fault,
it's God's will."

Abigail came into the room and was told what happened. She
had her teddy bear in her hands as she squeezed and cried into the
fur. There was a sense of doom for the Jones family.

The funeral was conducted in Sarah's living room.
The tombstone was inscribed, "Our Beloved Son,
Private Lawrence Jones Born: 1893-1918."
Russell and Bertha Jones were inscribed on the tombstone
as the parents.

The saddest part was that Conrad never knew he had
a son. It was such a disgrace that many girls never
revealed the pregnancy to the father. Nowadays,
the girls give the guys a chance to participate
in the joy of fatherhood.

The story about Sarah was passed on through
generation and generation regarding life's lessons
and what dictates choices depending on the times.

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