My friends are complicated(Ponyyeo) Its happened again. Am I not too mature enough? Why are they so serious about this? Its just a note, for goodness sake! I rolled my eyes inwardly as my friends fussed over a note.

"I am an idiot. Give this note back to me if you agree with me" the note read. "This must've been one of the boys! I know very well that they hate me!"Friend 1 announced. "But the note's really confusing...they seem to be...hating themselves...?" Friend 2 noted. "It's just a note! Nothing serious about it! Why are y'all thinking so deeply about it!??" I sighed. However, as usual, my words fell on deaf ears. Friend 2 had found the note wedged on the door of Friend 1’s locker and had passed it to Friend 1. Now they were closely examining it, the handwriting and the way it’s phrased. Just like smart alecs, I muttered under my breath.

“I think we should report this to our teacher!”
“Yes we should!”
“Guys…Its not that serious..Its just a note…”

We ended up going anyway. 2 against 1.

Surprisingly, our teacher took it seriously. Words could not describe how flabbergasted and embarrassed I felt at that time. I rubbed my fingers against my temples as my teacher, to my disappointment, joined my friends. What is this? Was I being too immature at that time? Why am I not getting this? Why Why Why… A whirlpool of thoughts clogged up my brain. The paper was just a prank from an anonymous person! Why did they have to make such a big deal out of it? I was on the verge of tears and disbelief. It’s probably just me being immature, I thought to myself. Yes, immature, I said again in my head.

This, as you could tell from the first sentence, isn’t the first time I couldn’t ‘fit in’ with my friends. They were being too mature. Here’s another experience.

Just listening to music on the bus, sharing earphones with my friend. Normal, isn’t it? Oh nothing could possibly go wrong! Well, as your subconsciousness has already predicted, of course something went wrong! As the song switches to my personal playlist which… basically is all nostalgia music, depresso (depressing) music, my friend made a comment. “You seem to like sad music” I could only shrug and laugh it off. “Well.. These are just songs I like…and I downloaded them…To be able to listen to them offline.. Hah…” But this is where it got next level. “Oh you have spotify premium? Well if I were you, I would download….blah blah…yada yada…” Well it was a long list.

Call me someone who always has a wrong idea of others but I kinda took it personally and saw it as her in a way offending my preference to sad nostalgia music. Your mind might think I shouted at her or something but noooooooooo I, unlike fictional characters, instead of embarrassing myself, took it in and just continued smiling although a piece of my heart had been chipped off. C’mon, what could you do in my situation? Though looking back now, I rather tell myself I was probably overthinking…sometimes…I just couldn’t fit in…

One more experience? Sure…Another one that kinda hurt me…
Playing the mafia game. It was my first time playing… so… I didn’t really know what to do… Well The game’s simple, theres a murderer who ‘kills’ every night and theres a doctor who could choose who to ‘revive’ later, but they wouldn’t know who the murderer ‘killed’. And finally, lastly, at the end of the night, there was the detective who could pick a couple of people to investigate and find out people’s identities which could be murderer, doctor, detctive or civillian.

Well the game was played during my first day of English drama with, of course, the whole English drama club. And…among the whole club, I was the detective. My mind shed imaginary tears. Oh no…I was going to flop this…I thought repeatedly…I’m going to fail this game. Fast-forward to later, when we were playing. I had found who the murderer was but…what was I supposed to do!? I thought I had already eliminated them just by finding out that they were the murderer… During ‘day’ in the game, I excitedly told my friend who the murderer is.

What I didn’t know was that I was supposed to raise my hand and vote them out. Because I didn’t do anything, of course the game ended with the murderers winning… After the game, my friend exclaimed, “Why didn’t you vote them out? You already knew who was the murderer!” I shrugged my shoulders and in my defense, said that I was new to the game and still didn’t know how to play.

You think that's the end? The paragraphs below say no.

A few weeks later, the game was once again played in my class. My friend announced to a boy in my class about the mistake I made the last time I had played the game and I heard the word ‘dumb’ in between her words. My heart pounded as my mind was in a mess. I kept on blinking my eyes while looking at the floor. You’re 13! Don't cry, don't cry, don’t cry, don’tcrydon’tcry the words melted into each other and became a chant in my head. And the boy LAUGHED. I was in utter disbelief. What? Why did he laugh? He’s just rubbing salt to my wound! Well I had no choice here. I couldn’t possibly make it awkward! I plastered a smile to my face and laughed along with them. “Oh, man, I sure was stupid at that time! Hahaha…”

Well laughing and admitting I was dumb was the beginning. It got worse during the game when I, once again, became the detective. I had flashbacks and trauma of my experience at English drama club. In my panic, I forgot what to do again as a detective and spent the whole session panicking. Well nobody could ever possibly make the same mistake twice could they? You’re WRONG! Ha! I exist! Of course I made the same mistake again. Once again, my friend scolded me for doing it again. “Haha…Sorry, sorry…” I replied with a bashful smile. However my friend didn’t seem to accept it and continued exclaiming to me about the game, my acts, what I did in the game that was wrong, what I was supposed to do the whole walk home. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and find myself some peace. Which was EXACTLY what I did. And it was what I needed to go back to a calm state.

Although after all these small clippers of experience I had with my friend makes her seem like a bad person, I assure you, no. These are just the few stuff she said or did that kind of had an emotional impact on me. Other than that, she and I actually have an ok relationship. And so its true… sometimes life on social media is better than real life.

:,)
(smile through tears)

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