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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Life Experience
- Published: 06/08/2022
Am I Really Done?
Born 1957, F, from Mesick Michigan, United StatesAuthor's note: I went out on a limb with this one. I thought I would try something a little different. It is not really a story, but I thought it was pretty interesting. I related the read to marriage.
After a few years some couples begin to drift apart for many different reasons which may be financial, incompatibility, falling out of love, stress, infidelity or emotional, psychological, mental and physical abuse. But one common factor in all of this is that individuals fail to own up to their part of what caused the marriage to become brittle. Many of these people just want to throw it all away when those issues arise in their marriage. They don't want to deal with it. Or they don't know how fix what is wrong.
While subbing in a biology classroom, I glance over and see hanging on a wall a poster with the statement “Am I Really Done?” I thought 'wow' this can easily relate to marriages that are struggling to survive. There were six concepts expanding the original tittle.
1. “Is my name on it?”
In thinking of marriages, one could ask themselves did I take ownership of my mistakes in the marriage and not play the 'blame game', which is so easy to do? Looking deep inside myself can I see how I played a role in the demise of our marriage? How did my positive and negative contributions affect our marriage?
2. “Did I follow all of the directions?”
The directions for a strong union are put forth in the vows that all couples partake and agree to as they enter into a new chapter of their lives. Reflecting back on my marriage have I followed my vows to love, care, cherish, respect, trust, and forgive? Did I follow the directions of caring for you in sickness and in health to the best of my ability? If the directions get a little hard for me to follow, do I create my own directions and decide to do things my way? Or do I struggle through, and hope things will improve?
3. “Did I double-check everything?”
Did I do a deep and honest reflection of our marriage? Can I admit to myself how I took part in our reunion becoming fragile? Did I take a second and third look at everything in our marriage? What caused me to meander off on my own path with little to no thoughts of taking you with me? Did I treat you as a unique individual with your own personality, experiences, creativity, goals and passions or just as an object in our marriage? Did I follow directions?
4. “Is there anything I can improve?”
What changed in our marriage? Has the marriage stalled? Is it stale like week old bread? Have I become that week old bread set in my own ways no matter what? Am I not willing to compromise or to change as the marriage changes and grows over time? Can I look deeper inside myself and find the willingness to improve as a person therefore having the ability to grow in the marriage? Can I be a better active listener? Do I understand your feelings, and can I relate to them in a loving and caring way? Can I sincerely look at where I have made mistakes and make a commitment to fix those mistakes? Can I be a more compassionate person and be more empathetic towards your feelings?
5. “Did I do the bare minimum or go above and beyond?”
Am I just in this relationship? Do I expect everything from you and give little to nothing in return? Are you being taken for granted? Do our lives consist of just living day by day, getting by, settling into a routine (rut), where nothing changes? Did I insist on doing everything my way and not let you contribute to the relationship? Did I do anything to make you feel appreciated and needed? Did I take the risk and jump out of my comfort zone to make you happy? How many times did we go out for a nice dinner, a movie, a weekend away just the two of us, go out on a 'date' or just spend some quality time together. When was the last time I bought you flowers, a card, or jewelry? How long has it been since I rubbed your feet, washed your back, brought you breakfast in bed?
6. “Can I proudly say this is my best effort?”
We are committed to one another.
We laugh together.
We listen to each other.
We respect each other.
We are willing to grow together.
We take responsibility of our own actions.
Did I do everything I could possibly think of to make our marriage work?
When all is said and done can I say that I told you how much I love you, want you and desire you. You are my world. My everything. I cannot exist without you. You complete me, we are as one. Let go of any doubt in your mind of how much I love you. And fall into my loving embrace.
“Please give US another chance.”
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