"Earth Money."(Kevin Hughes) “Psst. Buddy.”

I almost dropped the bunch of bananas I was lifting out of the back seat. The voice that whispered scared the bejesus out of me. I banged my head on the doorjamb as my head started to swivel in every direction to find the source of that whisper. I heard it again.

“Psst, over here. In the Bushes by the bird bath.”

I looked over. Sure enough, there was a shadow lurking just in the edge of the bushes. I couldn’t make out its shape, or form, but it seemed to be someone crouching…maybe in fear. But that can’t be right. I am the one that is afraid. The Shadow Form must have read my mind.

“Don’t be afraid. I am not here to hurt you. I just want one of those bananas…I can pay. I have Earth Money.”

“Earth Money?”

The little man in my head was torn between screaming at me to get inside the house, or sticking around to find out what the heck “Earth Money” means. Earth Money won that battle. Curiosity might kill the cat, but it doesn’t do to badly with Humans.

“Yes. I have all kinds of Earth Money. Euros, Dollars,Kroner, Rubles - although I wouldn’t really pay you in Rubles right now…probably don’t have enough of them to buy a banana. I have a whole sack of Canadian Loonies…but just because I like coins. You tell me what Earth Money you want, and I will gladly pay you for one of those bananas.”

I admit, he didn’t sound scary. Just hungry for a banana. I couldn’t make out his form…just that shadow in the bushes. The guy must be an expert at camouflage. That thought poured cold water over my mind. The only people I knew who were really good at camouflage were Hunters and Snipers. Again, he must have read my mind…or she…or it…okay, whatever.

“I am not going to hurt you. My kind can’t hurt anyone. It’s how telepathy works. If I would hurt you, I would hurt too. Of course your species is sort of hard to understand. You have so many thoughts in your head at one time, it is like a hard of hearing person trying to listen to a conversation in a crowded restaurant. I can hear, but not distinctly. Right now I can “hear” your confusion…and there is a part of you that is thinking about how much to charge me for a banana.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

I almost burst out laughing again, when I heard a howling laughter come from the shadow form in the bushes.

“You don’t want to cheat me on a banana. That shows you have honor. So let me make an offering first. Is this enough?”

Well, if the shadow in the bushes whispering to me was a figment of my imagination, it was a very rich figment. Because a long stringy like shadow snaked out of the bushes and plopped a sack down right at my feet. Before my brain could even register what I just saw, it was gone. Just a sack at my feet.

“Go ahead, open it. Nothing in there but Earth Money.”

“Earth Money.”

I laughed again. And was rewarded with a quick chuckle from the shadow in the bushes. I opened the sack. I looked in it. I whistled.

I could almost feel the smile coming from the shadow form.

“What? A tad to much?”

I started counting. There was just shy of fifty thousand dollars in Hundreds in that sack. And a small sack filled with Loonies too.

“Whatever you are, wherever you are from, this is enough to keep you in bananas for the rest of my life…probably. “

I felt a tingle in my brain. I don’t know how to describe it. Ever stuck your hand in cotton candy? Well, that is the feeling I got in my brain…like soft feather like filaments had brushed up against my mind…and stuck. I am not telepathic, but I could feel that thought taking hold in my brain. I could make out the feeling if not the words.

It was a feeling combining “”Alright, we have a deal” with: “You really will get me bananas for the rest of your life?”

I said: “Yes.” Out loud.

That long spindly shadow arm (tentacle, whatever) shot out and shook my hand. Another spindly shadow took all my bananas right out of my grip. Leaving me holding yet another sack of money…and one banana.”

“Join me?”

This time I both heard the words, and felt them in my mind.

“Sure.”

So I sat on the hood of my car quietly eating a banana…as the shadow form ate his…er…hers…uh…whatever. We chatted…mostly about how hard it is to get a banana anywhere on Earth. Especially without being noticed. We decided that I could buy a bunch of bananas at different stores so no one would get suspicious why I was buying so many bananas. So five days a week, I drove to different stores to get bananas. Basically a box full each day. And each night, when the sun was just setting after spending the day illuminating all of us here on Earth…that time of the day when shadows were the longest, that is when I would hear from the bushes:

“Psst. Buddy. You have my bananas.”

“Sure do.”

And then one of those long spindly shadow would whip out so fast that my eye couldn’t track it. One uncoiled shadow would take all the bananas (always leaving one for me to enjoy on our nightly chats) the other would deposit a bag of “Earth Money.” I told him, er her…uh…it…whatever :

“I don’t need any more money. I have so many Loonies now, I could play every slot machine, vending machine, and Laundry Matt coin laundry in all of Canada. “

I would hear, and feel, the laugh in my head. Then the voice would be in my ears and mind at the same time.

“You have no idea what bananas are worth to me. I don’t pay you enough.”

He heard my thoughts and howled. I guess he must have not only read my mind, but saw the pictures that my thoughts formed too. Because he whispered back to me:

“Nice ride.”

I snickered. I don’t pick up the bananas any more in my old Chevy Volt. Nope, I drive up in my shiny new Electric Mercedes. The Dealer just thought I was eccentric when I told him I wanted the back seat to have a banana net in it. One that could hold at least a bushel of bananas. I have to admit, those great Engineers over in Germany didn’t even flinch.

Not only did I get my banana net, they set the back seat to the perfect temperature and humidity to keep bananas fresh. I wanted to pay for the Custom Work they had to do, but they refused. I got a politely worded letter from their Headquarters in Berlin:

“Dear Sir,

No charge for the modifications. Our Engineers were delighted with such an unusual and novel design challenge. You made their Day. We went through a lot of bananas until we got it figured out. So thank you very much. No charge. It was the most interesting modification we have ever made.”

Signed,

Wolfgang Mueller. Head of Design.

I read the note to the Shadow Form in the bushes as I leaned on the hood of my car (with a cashmere blanket spread over the hood…no scratches on my car!).

I felt that cotton candy sticky feeling in my brain…again.

I laughed.

“Of course! I think if you have one of your kind over in Europe approach Mr. Mueller…you might just get them a steady supply of bananas too.”

I laughed again at his next words.

“You think he would like some Loonies too? I have a ton of those left.”

Later, as I picked up the last of the peels from the base of the Bird Bath, we agreed that I should go to Germany and speak to Mr. Mueller on behalf of the banana eating creatures that live in the shadows. I filled my garage with a weeks worth of Bananas…and flew First Class to Berlin the next morning. Five Days later, I flew home in Mr. Mueller’s Private Jet.

There were only a few boxes of bananas left in my garage (which long ago had become more of a giant freezer for bananas). The other half of the garage was filled with sacks of Earth Money.

I would have to go to Canada soon. I have correct change.

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