Cute.(Kevin Hughes) Author’s note: The difference in Genetic Material between Humans and Chimps is somewhere between 1% and 4%, depending on what DNA you are studying. Some studies include Single Nucleotide Events, others include (or exclude) non coded gene sections. So there is much wiggle room over what the differences really are and how much they affect things like intelligence, imagination, and manipulation of tools. Still there is a general consensus that we are only a few percentage points different. A small change in one section might lead to a huge change in another…or vice versa.

Slugs have 70% of shared DNA with us, Bananas have 60% of their DNA in common with ours. So keep that in mind as you read this story.

*****

The Aliens have been here on Earth now for almost two years. While they have learned much about us…we seem to know little about them. Including their language. The fact that they “see color” a sound…and use color the way we might use pheremones (if we had noses like dogs) is a huge stumbling block. In fact, most of the Aliens find it mush easier to “talk” with dogs, squid, and some insects than they do with us. Our Scientists still keep trying to communicate.

I know, because I am one of them.

Yes. That one.

The one that everyone knows but no-one knows the real story.

Until …now.

*****

I guess it was because of my work on decoding Squid Skin Signals. You may, or may not know that Squids can change their skin color to more than 10,000 shades…most of which we cannot even see with our eyes. Squids can turn the side away from the female they are trying to meet with- into a raw angry red color, which means to the other males seeking to mate : “Back off dudes! She’s mine!”

And they do this while the side they are showing to the female is signaling: “I am the best, so kind, so thoughtful, so desirable…so sweet.” Some Humans try this same strategy with words and actions…we call them: hypocrites, or abusers. Not in the Squid world though. Perhaps it is because Female Squids can carry the males sperm in what amounts to a thermos bottle, and if she finds a better mate, with a much more colorful exchange…she can expel the previous suitors sperm without a second thought.

What I did my Ph.D on was: Squid Skin Signaling. I actually classified more than 10,000 skin color permutations into sort of an Alphabet. With the right sensors pointed at a Squid…I could literally read them…like a book. Instead of letters, they used colors for their alphabet. Think about all we have written and accomplished with just 26 letters in our alphabet. Then think for a second what a Squid could write in their language with 10,000 letters. Yeah, I know, mind blowing isn’t it. They might just be some of the best poets in the world, and we would never know.

Then the Aliens Showed up. They use light in their crystalline bodies, the way Squids use color on their skin. So I guess it was only a matter of time until someone read my Ph.D and made the connection. I was hired at my Interview. Nobody else on the planet had a better skill set. I worked with an Organic Chemist from Russia named Eugenia- she worked on the funny smells the crystal objects released as sort of a Pheromone language. She was also the first to realize why dogs took to the Aliens (and vice versa) so quickly.

In fact, it was because of Eugenia that I got my idea. By the way, how does someone as pretty as her, who started out as a Ballerina/Concert Pianist until she got arthritis, switch fields of study and become a Nobel Nominated Organic Chemist? She told me once that the patterns in dance and music, help her find the patterns in molecules. I know I am fairly bright, but her mind is truly a frighteningly intellectual object.

Anyways, since she got the dogs and their sense of smell to decode part of the Alien “language.” I thought maybe I could show the Aliens some Squid Signals…and see what happens. And boy oh boy, did a lot happen. The Aliens and Squids lit up like fireflies in a bottle. I filmed it all with high speed cameras. It turns out they were truly conversing.

The squids voiced concern about the pollution in the waters they live in…and managed to take a few swipes at the Stupid Humans who use nets to catch prey they don’t even eat. Not many Humans wanted my translation of that conversation.

I kept at it tho. I tried to expand the limited amount of color that the Human Eye can see - and by adapting some Astronomical Instruments, was able to increase the frequency level that could be added to our small understanding of the Alien Language.

The Aliens took notice.

They built a nice lab for me to move into. They made some minor tweaks to my equipment. Two of those tweaks resulted in me owning the Patents on both Molecular Medicine Cribs (basically chemical baths that removed all forms of disease) and the now taken for granted: “Sub atomic teleportation booths.” Which basically break you down to your constituent atoms, use quantum entanglement to get all the atoms to show up at another terminal far away, and reassemble your atoms in the correct order. They put surface and air travel out of business, and caught on faster than the SmartPhone did, back in the day.

I was, in Earth’s terms…a very rich man. But I didn’t care. I just wanted to learn the Alien’s languages. Finally, one of them spoke to me. Using some Artificial Intelligence algorithms, and a huge chunk of super computer time, I was able to converse back.

That’s why everyone knows my name. Just because of what the Aliens told me …about us.

They told me that we are somewhere between domesticated animals…and pets, as far as they are concerned. When I asked them what they thought of us…as a People. They laughed.

“People? You are not people. But…well, you are cute.”

All of our great thinkers, our achievements in technology, and our Science and Physics…reduced to one word: “Cute.”

Eugenia localized and separated out the complex chain of smells that the Aliens excluded when “speaking of us”. It roughly translated into:

“Cute puppy.”

I signaled them with my light display, and Eugenia with her Pheromone machine…both of us at the same time.

We caught their answer in both mediums. It made us both blanch. For now we know what they are thinking…when they think of us. We ran the combined Light/Smell combination on several hundred Aliens…and they all came back with the same answer:

“Isn’t that just adorable…they are trying to talk. So cute.”

So that is what we are…adorable and cute. A pet with a few neat tricks to show their Master.

Think about that... next time your ruffle the fur on your puppy.

---