Alien Employment Agency.

I swore I would never go to the Employment Agency. I mean, heck, they are Aliens. What job could I do that they would want? I don’t know a parsec from a persimmon. I can’t just swallow a pill and speak another language, like the Aliens can. I can’t survive off of just sunlight, like the Aliens can. I can’t even tell one Alien from another…like some people can.

They all look like adorable purple cats to me. Sure, the News, Social Media, and Internet would all have you believe they have “Humanity’s” best interests at heart. Well, when you take over a world, that seems like something you would say. We never fired a shot. Heck, there weren’t even protests. Would you attack a bunch of four foot tall adorable kittens that purr in both perfect melodies but also in harmony?

Everyone just wanted to pick one up and squish it to them. Me too. But I understood the cute cuddly singing softly to me in perfect “purr”, with fur that you can’t resist stroking, was smarter than any Einstein we ever produced on Earth. It didn’t take them long to conquer Humanity. Not with weapons, not with ideology, not with some Cosmic Upscale Religion or Tech. Nope. They did it with Employment Agencies.

Even small towns had one. Big Cities had thousands of “Employment Agencies.” According to the Aliens, the biggest challenge on Earth was not Climate Change, War, or Over Population. Nope. According to THEM, the real problem is most Earthlings (and yes, that is what they call us)have no clue what job they are good at, or even which one they should apply for. The Aliens claim that without a real job, you are doomed to failure. Both as an Individual, and as part of a Society.

As one of their Employment Recruiters said in a Blog Post:

“Life without purpose has no direction, no need, no future. “Going with the flow” as you Humans so often claim, doesn’t tell you what river you are in, or where it will end up. Sign up with us. We know how to set you up with a career that fits you. We have been doing this a long long time. Come on in. All our stations are free. No charge. If we can’t put you in the right job…for you…well, we will let you live in luxury for the rest of your lives. Just bear in mind, we have never failed a Client. Not once is more than one thousand Flagarams. [ About seven hundred million of your years.] “

I thought it was all hype. Propaganda. Sales and Marketing. So I didn’t go to the Employment Agency. All my friends did. Not at first, but slowly. Michelle was the first to go. That surprised us all. I mean she already had a Ph.D in Chemistry, an mid six figure salary, and a beautiful house with a pool. She said she just wanted to check out what they would tell her was her “real avocation.”

She went inside the Employment Agency. She was in their for more than four hours. When she came out, she was beaming from ear to ear. All eight of us (her closest friends) rushed to see what job she got…or took.

She hugged us all, refusing to go get drinks with us. She just said:

“Amazing. I can’t believe how right these folks are. I have to go get started. I have wasted half my life. I will write you all when I get there. But I leave in just twenty minutes. I have to catch the shuttle. “

Amanda spoke up…bewildered.

“Michelle, A shuttle? What shuttle?”

Michelle laughed and then yelled back over her shoulder:

“The one taking me to Antartica. I have a job to do!”

And that…was that.

Thomas went just two weeks later. Just like with Michelle, he came out beaming. Had no time to talk. Told us he would write later. When I asked him where he was going …he practically sang out:

“Italy! I am going to restore old Statues and Paintings!”

“But…but…but you are not an Artist. You are a Graphic Designer?”

He laughed as he ran to his Apartment to gather up a few belongings.

“Not anymore. I am restoring Historical artifacts now. To their original condition. What a job!”

Pretty much the same thing happened with Amanda. Then Jessie. Then DeWayne, Sheng, Nina, Kim. Leaving only me as the last stubborn hold out. DeWayne took a job for “Boystown of America.” He makes barely enough to live off of, and he is the happiest I have ever seen him. Sheng is busy raising orphaned elephant over in Africa somewhere. Amanda makes pottery with different glazes…some of which are already showing up in Museums. And she used to be a Professional Soccer Player and Olympic Gold Medalist. Nina…well, she got a job as a Lighthouse Keeper over off the Coast near the English Channel.

She wrote a book about her first year there at the Lighthouse. It is a best seller. I am the last of our group to submit to the Alien Employment Agency. Today is the day. I shrugged. Straightened my shoulders and marched right in the Alien Employment Agency. A small purple cat sat behind a desk. She looked up as I came in. The purr made me want to pick her up and cuddle her. She waved me off:

“No cuddling until after the Interview. I am on the clock.”

I don’t know why, but that made me laugh…and disarmed me enough to say:

“Well, what do I do now?”

She purred back at me. A confident …just hold on for a minute and I will tell you kind of purr. So I waited. After about five minutes she told me to step into another room. I did. In it was a single chair. A recliner. She put a headset on me. It fit like a glove. Then she turned and left the room. Just before she shut off the lights she purred out:

“You can sleep if you want. It doesn’t matter. Just relax.”

Then…I woke up. The door opened instantly and this time, a different colored cat person walked in. Rose colored. All the Aliens I had seen were purple. The surprise must have showed on my face because she purred a laugh at me.

“I am Rose. (Moving one of her slender paws over her fur) As you can see, the name fits. “

“It does.”

I don’t know why I was so at ease with Rose…but I was. She must have read my mind.

“Oh, of course you are comfortable. You know I am giving you a job. The right job for you. “

I nodded. Must have been something the headset did while I was sleeping because I knew she had a job for me. And I knew it was the right job too.”

She handed me a small piece of paper. I looked at it. Read it again. I laughed out loud.

“Toy Tester? Toy Tester? You are kidding me?!”

She smiled at me.

“Nope. You better hurry. They are expecting you to start this afternoon. They want you to fire some kind of gun that shoots apples …and plants trees while doing that.”

“That’s not a toy!”

“Yeah, well toys just have to be fun to play with…right?”

I laughed again.

“Maybe it is a fun way to make Applesauce!”

She purred back at me.

“See, you have started already.”

I stopped by the Reception desk to give the purple cat Alien a quick cuddle. Her purr was magnificent.

“You said after the Interview.”

“Yes, I did. Now, let go of me and get off to your job!”

I gave her one last scratch behind her left ear.

I couldn’t wait to get to my job. I would write the gang later. Jessie said she would call me after I got settled in. Now that I have a job, I think it will be safe to let her know I have a crush on her. Besides, Jessie's job was in a Pediatrics Ward playing with kids who need time to heal. I think my job could help her in her job.

Those Aliens really know how to run an Employment Agency.