Suddenly Subtly Sober Susan(Cam Rascoe) Naomi cruised along, top down, shades on, dirty blonde hair blowing in the wind. Several minutes early for her meeting, she decided to enjoy the scenic route and take in the Fall Florida afternoon. She thought back to a conversation she had with her co-worker about one of the supervisors in the office.

“Naomi why does she always have to be so sarcastic and rude. I hate working with her. She is never wrong about anything, even if she does make a mistake, she'll find a way to make it your fault. I am so sick of her! I would tell her about herself, but I really need my job.”

Naomi tried her best to comfort and encourage her work friend.

“What I have learned over the years is that people who act like that have deeper issues that they are dealing with. She is acting out for a reason, she's wounded and the only way she knows to protect herself is to share her pain. I view her in that way, and it helps me to show her more compassion than anger. I understand that she is not actually angry with me, she is mad at the problem. I just respect her position and do my job well, so we don't have much conflict. It is hard for her to fight with someone who is not engaging in the fight. If she is rude with me and I am polite in return, how can she continue being rude? Conflict needs returned aggression to live, again it takes two sides to fight. She's broken, so I just pray for her.”

“Girl, I need to start going to church with you because only Jesus could get you to pray for and be good to that horrible woman!”

They shared a hearty laugh, then changed subjects to something lighter and more positive. Naomi loved being an encouraging person, she believed it to be her calling. Even when she had a difficult time seeing a way out of her own plight, she could always find a way to lift someone else up. It brought her peace and joy.

Naomi pulled onto the campus of her home church, but she wasn't attending service on this day. Past the sanctuary hall she drove to the 100 building where her meeting was being held. Naomi had been attending Holy Temple Church for four years and recently been elevated from member to deaconess, but she was not there on church business that day. She entered the room and was greeted warmly by other members. Naomi poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed a tart. As she took a seat, she could see a familiar face enter the room. Naomi was shocked! It was Susan. What was she doing at an AA Meeting?

She sat in the back corner of the room without speaking to anyone or partaking in any of the snacks or beverages. Naomi turned to the front as the meeting started, to help Susan remain anonymous if she chose to be. Many people shared, encouragement was given, and sponsorship offered. It was a very productive meeting but neither Naomi nor Susan stood and spoke. As the meeting let out, Susan rushed out, she had obviously seen Naomi and wanted to avoid her. Naomi took her time exiting the room and making her way to her car. Susan, being new to the campus, took a wrong turn in her haste to leave. As she turned to walk back up the hallway she came face to face with Naomi.

“Excuse me, oh, hello Susan. I didn't know you attended church here.”

“Oh, cut the BS! You know I don't go to church. I saw you in that AA Meeting sitting up front like a goody two shoes, brown nosing, teacher's pet. You're the same here as you are at work. So what do you do after these meetings, have coffee?”

“Sure, you want to go for coffee?”

“I think I'd like that. I'll follow you.”

When they sat across one another at the small cafe, Naomi assumed that it would be awkward and forced. On the contrary, Susan was very open and free, a little too free. She was an open faucet pouring out a lifetime of emotional pain and anguish. Naomi found herself to be just a sounding board for Susan. It was as if she were her counselor or therapist rather than just a coworker having coffee. Naomi said little about herself, no time or space. Susan wasn't big on learning things about other people or hearing their problems. She was strictly focused on herself, that was all that mattered to her.

Susan loved Susan... or did she? Fire Water had tormented generations of her family. Alcoholics begetting alcoholics, drunks bedding drunks creating a blood line of people genetically predisposed to abusing alcohol. Susan's drinking combined with her selfishness ruined every romantic relationship she ever had. She recently had her fiancée walk out on her leading to her spiraling out of control. After a bender she decided to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting. It wasn't for her.

“I can't sit around listening to a bunch of losers whining about all of the things that are wrong in their lives. I was looking around thinking to myself, why am I subjecting myself to this? It may work for some people, but I don't want to sit around and be in a bitch session or cry to strangers about my life.”

Naomi was patient with her.

“Sometimes hearing someone else share helps you to understand that you're not the only one. Other people are dealing with this too. You easily share in empathy for each other because you share the same disease and affliction. It's not for everyone but I know it helps most, if you give it a chance.”

Susan scoffed at her and made a snide remark. Nonetheless Naomi offered her an open invitation to return whenever she liked. Her invitation was met with the wave of a hand, still Naomi invited Susan to attend a church service with her.

“Church?! Are you serious?! You know that I don't believe in hocus pocus or science fiction. You're gonna tell me a fairy tale about some God showing up as a man and letting a bunch of men kill him and by doing so, he saves me? Give me a break! Jesus don't believe in Jesus.”

She laughed at her own commentary. Naomi was highly offended, but she didn't show it. She just said a silent prayer for Susan as she rambled on.

“You know Naomi, I misjudged you. You are great to talk to. I really would love to do this again. Let's get together again next week. I'll call you.”

Naomi wore a brave face, agreeing to meet again with her fast friend Susan. She found it odd that Susan liked her so much now as opposed to before. She knew nothing more about her. She never asked or paused from talking about her own life and mess. Naomi found it ironic that Susan didn't want to talk to a bunch of losers about her problems and here she just spent two hours doing nothing but talking about her life's strife. She certainly didn't find it necessary to be a compassionate or sympathetic listener. Naomi agreed to meet again with Susan, not because she enjoyed her company but because she felt that she might be able to help the hurting woman.

Naomi held Susan's confidence, never divulging to anyone in the office that she was an alcoholic or in need of treatment. Susan was kinder to Naomi in the workplace, but she never let on about their relationship outside of work. Susan also couldn't wait until the following week to have coffee and conversation with Naomi. She called her daily after work to complain about her ex and her recent breakup. It was burdensome to listen to her every day, but Naomi also knew that Susan had been sober since they had been in communication. It was odd, Susan was so anti Alcoholics Anonymous, but she had her own personal sponsor in Naomi. Whenever Naomi was going to a meeting or church service, she would invite her new “friend” Susan.

“Jesus! You just don't let up do you. How many times have I got to tell you. I am not going to a meeting with a bunch of junkies and drunks to hear them piss and moan. I am definitely not going to fantasy land and give them my damn money!”

There was dead air on the phone line for a moment because Naomi was already praying for Susan and her blasphemy. Susan called out to her and she eventually answered then cut the conversation short. After a month, dealing with Susan was weighing on Naomi. She spoke with her spiritual advisor, AA Sponsor and trusted Christian cousin. She was told to pray, follow her heart and what her spirit was telling her and to pray some more. God answers.

After three months of Susan, Naomi was worn down. She realized that Susan was having more of an effect on her life than she was having on Susan's. It was great that Susan was sober, but she was draining Naomi's spirit with her negativity and toxicity.

Naomi wanted to help but she understood now that she had to do it her way. It had to work for her and Susan. She was to be Susan's guide, not a crutch that she could dump all of her weight onto. It was time she had a difficult conversation with Susan. Susan was not receptive to Naomi's suggestions.

“Susan, I know that you are overtly opposed to seeking any type of treatment or guidance for your illness, but I truly believe that you need more support than I alone can give you.”

Susan instantly became defensive and verbally aggressive.

“What are you trying to do, blow me off or something?! What, am I too much of a burden for you, you trying to push me off on someone else? You're a real piece of work, I can't believe you! You've got some nerve. I guess you're gonna ghost me now.”

Naomi interrupted Susan's rant with a calm, even tone.

“Susan, you are inferring a lot from what I said. It is not that I don't want to speak with you anymore, I just feel you may benefit from additional help. You are doing so well; you've been sober three months and you look great. I don't want you to lose that, so that is why I encourage you to find more support because this disease we suffer from is relentless.”

“Disease, hell, we party too much. We get black out drunk and do dumb shit. That's all it is. I stay sober so I can avoid meeting assholes like Brad. Now, I am not going to any damn church or meeting so do not ask me again dammit! I get tired of you talking about a fictional God and praying to a ghost. He came back from the dead right? I don't have time for that bullshit!”

Naomi stayed quiet, praying away her anger. Susan picked up on it.

“What are you doing talking to ghosts again? Well, you and your ghosts can have each other. Tell the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and Cupid I said they can kiss my ass too. I don't have time for your cult talk about nonsense. Bye Naomi!”

Susan ended the call to Naomi's relief. She didn't understand what she said that caused Susan to berate her so. After praying on it, she understood that the devil was attacking her through Susan and now he was going to try to destroy her. Naomi could do no more for Susan other than praying for her. She feared for her coworker, but she was at peace with herself.

A frustrated Susan decided that she needed to be around people. She needed someone to speak to, other than Naomi. She found herself at a local watering hole bellied up to the bar ordering nachos and a virgin margarita. She was soon joined by two gentlemen on either side of her to Susan's delight. Tom and Chad were quite friendly, and Susan was quite flirty. She seemed to have a connection with both men, she just needed to choose which one she wanted. Susan excused herself to the restroom so that she could freshen up and call her sister to boast. While she was gone, her new friends ordered another round. When she returned, all smiles, a fresh margarita sat in front of her. Without a thought, she wet her whistle and felt that rush she knew so well! Too ashamed to tell her new friends that she was a recovering addict, them being hospitable might now risk her recovery.

Susan knew after the first big sip that there was alcohol in that drink but shame and a feeling of having it all together caused her to down it and order another. Her money was no good there as Tom and Chad covered the tab. Two hours later Susan found herself fall down drunk and in bed with two strangers. The next morning, she would do the walk of shame to the liquor store and call off from work. Naomi noticed her absence and worried for her, she had an idea that Susan was up to nothing good, but she felt no guilt because she was sincere in her efforts to help the woman. One day turned into two and two into a week. No call, no show, Susan was terminated after two weeks. Naomi stopped by her apartment to check on her and as she walked up to the front door, she could see Susan passed out on the living room floor through the window. She rang the bell anyway to be sure Susan was alright. She rang and knocked several times, Susan didn't move. Naomi was getting worried, so she was going to call for help. Suddenly Susan moved. She stumbled up to the couch knocking two bottles off of her living room table and on to the floor. She sat with her head in her palms avoiding the sunlight. She yelled out.

“Who is it, what the hell do you want!?”

Naomi didn't respond. She just quietly walked away. She felt in her spirit that she should leave this dark place and never return. Susan didn't want help; Naomi needed to respect that and move on with her life.

As Naomi drove home, she thought about her experience with Susan and the way she perceived the woman initially. She was mean but seemed to have it all together, who would have known she was such a mess. Naomi would continue to pray for her, but never again would she allow Susan to pour poison into her spirit. Looking around her AA Meeting at all of the people supporting one another warmed her heart. She was grateful for them all, none of them were suddenly subtlety sober like Susan. Each of them was dedicated to their recovery and the recovery of others. Naomi could feel the love and caring in the room. Surrounding herself with positive, productive people was healthy; she prayed that Susan would also find that for herself someday.


Suddenly Subtly Sober
Susan

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