The Prison of my mind.(Martha Hume) On September 7,2010 I was incarcerated by my fears. I awoke to the discovery my soul companion of thirty one years had been taken . It was as if a thief had entered our bedroom and took him. He had promised to be by my side untill eternity passed away. This day didn't look like eternity. Surely this wasn't the end of time. Why had the unseen entities taken him? Why had the darkness left me behind? Did the angels not know I wanted to go with him from here to eternity? " Until death do us part" wasn't long enough.

I'm here with my delusions. I sit by the window watching and waiting for his return.in the past he left for work and he returned within the expected time frame. This time he was delayed, exceptionally delayed.why wasn't a family member searching for him? Why were they not worried ? Why did they add to the Torture I am experiencing?

He has been hospitalized in the past. A family member came to our apartment and transported him to the doctor or to the hospital. Sometimes, I helped him maneuver his body onto the passenger seat. When the para transport transported him from our door to dialysis treatment I walked beside him from home to the van. When the ambulance came to carry him to the hospital I was beside him always until the last possible second. In the past he left but he always returned.what was delaying his return?

This was my recurring temporary insanity.I went to the bedside. I was the first to say " he's dead. I was the one who dialed 911. I was the voice that said " my husband is dead. That is my emergency. I answered the questions " are you sure he is dead?" Were you fighting with him? Did the altercation get out of hand?" These were questions no widowed wife should be asked, not at times like this.

Unknowingly that dispatcher added to my torment. I clutched the kitchen cabinets and walls. My knees were buckling beneath me. My eyesight was going. The. Early morning light radiated with the luminary effect of a brown out. My husband was dead. I knew that. I wasn't going to be able to wish it away. My fears were not enough to wash this torment from my mind, my heart, or my soul. This suffering was something I couldn't pray away.

This was my prison.i was a prisoner and destined to serve my sentence. I stood helplessly still and silent as an officer asked, " Should I have a separate car sent for her? This is a death scene. This man died a violent death. She was the only one in the house.

The County Coroner reprimanded the officer. He was empathetic to my emotional and mental pain still, he had a job to do. He had to question me about the plans, the after life care plans. I could not. Think. I instinctively blurted out Glenn's last thought on the plans.

There would be a Coroners inquiry. The proceeding was unpleasant and extremely legal. I endured, I survived, I was emotionally numb.and by my choice I was alone.

I knew I was innocent.I was mentally unable to defend myself. I was emotionally powerless to offer a defense. Physically I was too weak to defend myself. At that moment I didn't care if I stood trial for the murder of my husband. If they executed me,. My pain would end. Again, this was my death wish, it was my Insanity. It was my prison.

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