Messages in Music

Before I can get into the story I want to tell, I have to give you some background:

A few years ago I scheduled a session with a spiritual medium. I am very sceptical about mediums but do believe that some people have a gift or insight into certain spiritual connections. Other people have the gift to read body language and take advantage of other people. However, this medium convinced me that her talents are genuine. She told me things that I only kept to myself and no one else knew about me. When she mentioned details about events or experiences I had, it sent chills all over my body. One instance she mentioned my grandmother, who I was very close to, and the song that I use to remember her. I still keep this song close to me and have told a selected few about it. So forgive me for not mentioning it here. The message that my grandmother relayed was, “Continue to listen to your music!” My entire life revolves around my music and I have even complied a (so-called) soundtrack to my life. This list of songs is dedicated to people and events in my life that have deep meaning. I apologize for this brief story, it is not very descriptive, but it was necessary to give some background for the story I am about to tell you. Life can be hard and it tries to throw curve balls at you as well as sliders and knuckleballs.

The story begins on a chilly night, the cold November winds were banging against the bedroom windows. The wind would kick up and start to rattle the glass in its wooden frame. The only source of light was from the sliver of the moon outside my window. As I looked out and gazed at the night sky, the stars, the moon, and the dark backdrop was a porthole to another dimension. There was this feeling of gloom that whirled around me for the past year, it felt like a thick dark force was closing in on me. A sort of spiritual world that was reaching out to me, but this world was gloomy, obscure, foggy, and hellish. Sitting on the floor with my back pressed against the wall, tears started to form and I began to cry. My feelings were chained down by the sorrow that tormented me for the past year. Depression, which slowly crept into my life for months was now overwhelming me.
I thought I could handle anything that life threw at me, and for most of my life, I did. This however was different. As I glanced back and realized how much of failure and disappointment I have become in my life. The worst part was the feeling of anguish I felt because I embarrassed my family.
Was it worth it to continue with my life? Could I face my family and friends again? These questions and many more were racing all around my head. The more I thought about it, the more discouraged I became with myself. This feeling became stronger as I dug deeper into it.
In the background I could hear Elton John begin his song on the radio; “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”. How fitting, I thought to myself; A song about someone who seems to be going nowhere in life, just standing still and that everything is dark and grey and feels tired and depressed. Sitting alone in this darkened room, my mood just kept becoming darker and darker My eyes filled up and I began to start sobbing.
As Elton John continued to sing, my hand reached down a clutch the cold metal of the revolver that was on the floor. Slowly my hand brought the pistol up under my chin. I could feel the frigid barrel of the gun press up against the bottom of my jaw. Elton John was finishing his song and the room fell silent. I shut my eyes and began to squeeze the trigger. My mind and my body struggled with the thought of carrying this out. In the back of my mind was telling me to just wait and breathe. That brief moment there was stillness in the air. The silence broke with another song. I recognized the voice of Peter Wolfe from the J. Geils band. The song I never heard before. I faintly heard a whisper say “Wait!” I began to listen to the lyrics.

“Hold on real tight
It's gonna be all right
Don't get lost from sight
It's too long a night
To get lost again”

Slowly I lowered the revolver away from my chin, and my grasp on the gun began to relax, letting the trigger slowly back to its original position.

“Stay on track
Remember you came back
And don't fall behind
Don't be that blind
You gotta see again”

As thof song continued my memory of my grandmother started to fill my head. I remembered the message she had conveyed to me during my session with the medium. “Continue to listen to your music”. Of all the hits J Geils has had over the years, songs like “Center Fold”, “House Party”, “I Must of Got Lost”, and so many other hits, why was this song playing on the radio at this moment? The song was “Wreckage” and was not even a popular song among J Geils fans. It was also the last song on an album that was also not that popular. The more I thought about it the more I could feel my grandmother’s love overwhelm me. It felt like a warm shower flowing over my body on a cold winter day. The tears that were flowing from my eyes were no longer tears of misery, but tears of love.
I understood that what I was about to do was a dreadful mistake. This may have been a coincidence and a fluke but my gut feeling was telling this song came on intentionally. This was a deliberate message from my grandmother. It was more then a gut feeling, it was the irresistible sensation of love that convinced me. People can say what they want, but nothing will change my mind.
I placed the gun on the floor next to me. Resting my elbows on my knees my head dropped into my hands as I tried to gather my thoughts and feelings. A powerful surge of love came over me, a warmth of emotion soothed my mind and body. I am by no means a religious person and I have rejected any form of organized religion, but I consider myself a spiritual person. A human person, is a person who makes mistakes, a person who has made some bad decisions, in other words, a normal human being. But like another normal human being, I was receiving guidance from beyond. I realized the pain that was tormenting me would not have vanished if I carried this out, it would only transfer to the people I love the most, my family and friends.



The Best of Love to all of you