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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Personal Growth / Achievement
- Published: 01/07/2024
Surviving the teenage years!
Born 1965, F, from Australia, AustraliaThis is especially for the mothers of teenagers – girls to be more specific, who are on the brink of entering the twilight zone of teenage hood.
My first words of advice is to go straight to your doctor, demand large quantities of stress medication, kiss any ounce of sanity you thought you had goodbye and brace yourself for the ride of your life.
It’s not even as simple as ‘one day they are up and one day they are down’. It’s a case of one minute they are happy, sad, moping, frowning and then they are laughing, then they are crying, and all this happens in a matter of 60 seconds!
Impossible, it can’t be done I hear you say. You obviously don’t have a teenager, and yes it can be done, it has been done and will continue to be done for centuries to come.
Whatever you do, don’t feel bewildered and confused and wonder to yourself if you have experienced a Bermuda triangle moment? Surely you must have missed something or simply lost the plot. What else could justify such a flurry of unprovoked emotion?
I gave up trying to make sense of it, and just like my insanity, I simply chose to accept that this was normal behaviour for teenagers and embraced it.
Before long, I found myself preempting the order in which she would lose it, and patting myself on the back when I got it right.
Specialists blame this stage of their lives on hormones – the fact that they are totally unbalanced. Now I can’t talk for boys yet, but I do have first-hand experience with a daughter.
Some say its worse with girls. I would not know, as my son has only entered the outskirts of the ‘teenage zone’, and at this stage, his computer is my greatest rival, which quite frankly suits me, as I have the ultimate power. I am still in control, it’s called a gaming console, and unlike trying to reason with a teenager, it really does wield great power and it works.
As a parent you know nothing, understand less and are considered the meanest person on this planet.
“All the other mums allow them to do it” I would often be told.
“You are so mean” was another all-time favourite.
She would accuse me of being this old fashioned party pooper who has no clue what it feels like to be a teenager. Correct – I naturally evolved from a baby to adulthood and skipped the whole teenage thing.
Wrong! It’s for that exact reason that I am laying down the law like the new sheriff in town. I know what teenagers are scheming before they have even get to the second word of their sentence. Remember, I’ve been there, done that and burnt the T-shirt (aka: the evidence, a long time ago).
I was not permitted to ask what was wrong when she came home dragging not only her suitcase on the floor, but her bottom lip as well.
The reason is simple – "you just won’t understand!" she would hiss at me.
Teachers and friends know everything at this stage and what they say is as good as gospel.
However, don’t feel bad. It is only a matter a time, and the teachers will be joining you in the villain department. They too will know nothing, thus leaving the wisdom of the world in the hands of some very hormonally challenged teenagers, Scary thought to say the least. Welcome to the dark side!
After the age of great wisdom, comes the age of the great rebellion. This stage of their life is probably the most terrifying of all. It is the stage that they experience absolutely no brain activity and even less common sense.
They consider themselves immortal and thus live their lives as if they are indestructible and untouchable.
This is the age when you wish you could pack your bags and leave home, only to return when its all over, but you can’t, no matter what, you have to suck it up, put your big girl panties on and face the challenge ahead.
It will seem as if every rule you ever made will be broken, every boundary you lay down will be overstepped and every last nerve you ever had will be trampled on.
We are talking full on war. The important thing to remember though is that your teenager is not the enemy, but their actions are. It’s a bit like loving the sinner but hating the sin.
No matter what, never retreat or even give them the slightest indication they have the upper hand. Hold your ground, stand firm, be bold. Be the parent you wish you had.
As you find yourself in the rewind and replay stage of every conversation, you will suddenly experience a feeling of deja vu!
I am talking about those words your parents spoke numerous times over and over – the “wait until you have children one day”.
If I recall, my response was always “I will never be like you. I will let my children do what they want!”, yet here I stand as the parent I swore I would never be, and my past has come back to haunt me and knock me over the head with that proverbial ‘told you so!’
After endless argument with my teenage daughter, I happened to watch a show where a doctor of psychology suggested that as parents, we should try putting ourselves in our teenager’s shoes and see things from their perspective.
I sat there thinking that could be a slight problem – I am a size 7 and she is a size 5, so I am sure you can see the challenge – but yes, I know that’s not the point, so let’s get back to the real issue at hand, and try to see things from a teenagers point of view!
My first response was “their point of view my foot!” (yes, we are back at the foot subject, and no, I do not have a foot fetish).
It’s my house, my rules. I am the boss. What I say goes. (Never told my ex that – he always thought he was the boss, and who was I to correct him?)
Fortunately, common sense prevailed and I decided to give this concept a go with very interesting results.
Now before we go any further, let me state the following for the record. No, I do not hold a degree in child psychology. My only qualification is motherhood, a lot of sleepless nights and years of experience in head bashing to top it off with.
I clearly recall the first time I put this new concept into practice. My daughter had reached the stage in her life when it was totally uncool to be seen with your parents, so she asked me to drop her around the corner and not at the entrance of the school.
My first re-action was to get all defensive and book her a first class ticket on the ‘guilt trip express, followed by a very impressive pity party – sparklers and all!’.
“After everything I have done for you, and now you are ashamed of me – is this how I deserve to be treated?” - “Fine, if that the way you want it – then I will drop you off right her” – this was my very mature adult response (let’s not judge people).
I proceeded to pull off at a speed that would make a few formula one drivers blush, leaving my daughter confused and clearly very embarrassed.
After seething and moping around, grumbling about how my daughter no longer loved me, and woe is my life, I soon realised that her request was actually not unreasonable and that if handled correctly, in time, she would be okay with ‘hanging with her mum’ again.
With this new found wisdom, I gracefully composed myself and retreated into the background of her life, lurking in the shadows to catch her if she fell or pop up like a bottle cork if the need ever arose that she needed me.
I accepted that my place was to no longer drag her forward, but to gently nudge her from behind in the right direction and walk alongside her when the time arose.
The scary part about being a parent is that one day there is this sweet little girl who looks up to you as a princess from one of her fairy tales, and the next, you are the villain in the story.
You kiss your innocent little angel goodnight one day, and the next morning you walk into her room, only to find this ‘little madam’ with an attitude to boot, in her place!
Posting a ‘LITTLE ANGLE LOST’ poster won’t help either.
Simply hide the credit cards, haul out the baby photos and buckle up, because the days of Barbie is long over, and suddenly Ken looks a lot more interesting than Barbie ever did, and in order to attract Kens attention, one needs to look drop dead gorgeous.
It won’t take you long to realise that nothing and I mean nothing but brand clothing will do, so that little retirement nest you were working on, will have to be put on hold.
Without warning, you become so ‘yesterday’ alongside the brand new denims you just bought her an hour ago.
Actually to come to think of it, everything and anything becomes so yesterday. As a parent you know nothing and understand less.
Your life becomes a whirlwind of eyes rolls, foot stamping and a lot of huffing and door slamming.
My all-time favourite would be when her response to my annoyance or disapproval would be “whatever!” This word would literally feel as if she had got a hammer out and beaten up every last nerve that remained.
Most days, her bedroom would look as if a bomb went off leaving clothing strewn in every corner of the room, over the bed and desk, leaving little to nothing left in the cupboard.
I would have to hear how she had nothing to wear in her cupboard, which in reality was the truth, however she forgot the reason was because it was literally all over her room floor now.
In her eyes she was never as pretty as her friends or as thin as them. I chose to not even entertain this self-talk, and just changed the subject. Dealing with any conversation at this point was like navigating a mine field, and as I valued my life, I would just coast on the outskirts of that conversation, because no amount of reassuring her that she was indeed beautiful and not fat, would convince her. She needed to see her inner beauty first, before any amount of convincing from me would work. Remember, I was the mother who had time warped from the 16th century, so I would never understand what she was going through.
It was only later she came to understand that beauty was never about something external, but what came from within, and in realising this, that her external beauty would shine beyond her wildest imagination, but that is a story for another day.
So mom's, if you have a teenage daughter - don’t take anything personal for the next few years, and always keep in mind that her logical brain has been switched off and the emotional part has invaded her head like a virus from a zombie apocalypse movie.
Be brave, be strong and above all, be supportive, because if you can make it out of this stage, you will be so proud of the beautiful woman she becomes on the other side.
I know I am!
Part 2 to follow...........................
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