SCARS OF THE PAST(mariz yabes) SCARS OF THE PAST

I was 5 years old when I saw and experienced the real challenge of life. I was born into a poor family. I am the youngest of all my siblings, we are the third family of my father who was a former policeman. Our lives were tough because we used to change places all the time. We didn't have a place to call our own home. At a young age, I knew that we struggled financially because using electricity was already a luxury for us. Having meat as a main dish would be considered a celebration. we are taught to eat what’s on the table.

My mother back then was a plain housewife who was very submissive to my father's decisions. I can say that He was not financially rich but easy to lend hands whenever someone needed help. He was very obsessed with helping others, especially those poor people like us who were lawfully abused. Sometimes he forgot that he had a family that needed his care and attention. Although I know that he was a loving and kind father to all his children, it was really hard for me to understand why he needed to always be out of the house just to help other people. Then one day, I got enough courage to ask him why he was always out of the house.

“Dad, why are you always getting out of the house? I miss you every time you are not around here with us," I said softly while sitting beside him.

He just smiled and hugged me, and said, “Please forgive Dad if he was not around every time, it's just that so many people needed my help and you don’t have to worry because you are safe here with your Mom and someday you will be proud of your Dad. Just remember when I’m gone that no matter what happens you will continue to be a good girl and always obey your mom. “

I just nodded and smiled at him.

My father was always out of the house, and the money that he gave to my mom was not enough. mom needed to work hard just to make ends meet aside from doing her motherly duty. I saw her wake up at dawn every day to prepare and cook “kakanin” a native delicacy made of glutinous rice flour and coconut milk to sell every day, aside from doing some laundry services for our neighbors. Because of that, I promised myself to study hard so that someday I would be able to give my mother a good life. It was a consistent first honor, and I feel so proud and content despite everything my family was experiencing.

Until shocking news came out. I was in fourth grade at the time, and my teacher asked me outside the classroom and talked to me,

“Dear don’t be shocked but I have very important news to tell," she said softly.

I was confused and felt nervous because of the tone

My father had a heart attack and died while attending a relative's wedding.

My heart was completely broken at that time. I love my father, and how I wish I had hugged him tighter and longer the last time I saw him. He was a great man and respected by many people. I was shocked and overwhelmed to see that so many people from different places came in to show their respect, saying so many good stories about his good deeds, and at that time I completely understood why He needed to be always out of the house to help other people.

After my father’s burial, my mother decided to work abroad and left us to stay with our relatives so we could continue our studies. I stayed at my father’s cousin's house who was a teacher in exchange for doing all the house chores. I was only 10 years old at that time. My other siblings stayed with different families and it completely changed our lives. I know it was painful for all of us to get separated, especially my mother, but we had no choice. Everything changed in just the blink of an eye, but life must go on. I continued to study hard and I graduated elementary valedictorian.

After graduation, my mother was able to get a stable job and was able to put up a small business, and she decided to take all of us and live in her hometown. We rented a small apartment and we lived like a whole family again. Finally, she was able to give us a comfortable life.

However, in my second year of high school, I got engaged to people who were badly influenced by my youth. I learned to drink alcoholic drinks, smoke cigarettes, go to parties, and enjoy my life to the fullest. I lose focus on my studies. The result of my immature actions led me to get pregnant at a very young age.

And worst of all, the father of my child denied his responsibility and turned his back on me completely. My mother was so heartbroken upon knowing the bad news that I felt so ashamed of what I did. Despite everything, my mother accepted me and took good care of me. I continued my studies, and thank God the school allowed me to even though I was already pregnant. Surely, I am not proud of what I did, but I believe that committing one mistake will not stop me from going on with my life. I gave birth to a very beautiful girl. She was my family's daily inspiration and joy.

Back then, I was so immature and complacent that my mother would still accept me no matter what I did. After my high school graduation, I got married, and that's when my miserable life started. I wasn’t thinking straight when I decided to get married young. I regretted every single day that I married an immature, irresponsible man. I needed to work hard just to make ends meet, while he was enjoying his life with his vices and engaging himself with different women. We had two sons and our relationship lasted only 4 years. At first, I thought staying with him would be the best decision because I didn’t want my children to experience a broken family, just hoped that he would change, but I was wrong.

Then one day, an incident happened that gave me the courage to get out. My youngest son got sick, and I don’t have enough money to put him in the hospital. I talked to my ex-husband about it, and I was hoping he could give me some money, but he just went off to work and told me to call my mom to ask for money. I was very upset at that moment, and it made me realize that he would never change and that he was a self-centered, selfish, disgusting creature. On that day, I decided to leave him and move on.

And because I didn’t have the money and means to provide for my children I needed to work and decided to go abroad and entrusted my children to my mother. Unfortunately, I had no luck, I was put to an abusive and awful employer. I experienced the worst, there were times that I wasn’t able to eat and slept only 2-3 hours a day. I wanted to go home but I had no choice because I needed to pay all the expenses if I insisted on going home and I didn’t want to give my mother another burden anymore. Days, weeks, and months passed and I needed to endure all the hardships praying to God that it would end soon.

Then one day, WAR was declared and there was a free repatriation. I told my employer nicely that I wanted to go home, but she decided to put me back in the agency. I thought they were able to help me but I was wrong, they locked me up in an abandoned building with no food and very little water for seven days. I was hopeless, hungry, and tired, I cried so hard every day and prayed to God to give me another chance. On my seventh day, I was crying silently, hopeless and I was about to give up when I heard “Farida” the Bangladeshi maid of my agency, outside and was trying to console me with her little English.

“Don’t worry, Allah is good”. She said.

I didn’t answer and sobbed silently.

A moment of silence, and then I heard keys jangling from the door, she managed to unlock it and let me escape. I will be forever grateful for what she did.

Thankful to God that I managed to escape from that horrible situation, and get home safely to the Philippines.

After that horrible experience abroad, I decided to just look for a job in Manila, which is the capital of the Philippines. It was a 12-hour drive from home, so I needed to leave my children once again. My family doesn’t want me to go because they thought I would never get employed because of my educational attainment. I don’t have a college diploma and here in the Philippines, if you don’t have one it is hard for you to get employed regardless of the position you are applying to. They told me it was just a waste of time and effort, but still, I insisted because I knew that I could make myself employed. I promised myself that I would never go home unless I got the job.

My job-hunting journey was not easy, because aside from the fact that I lacked some requirements I was also ignorant about living in a big city. I don’t have any idea where to go, and where to start. To be honest, I don’t even know how to operate a computer. I stayed at a relative's house where I needed to sleep on a couch outside the house because they didn’t have enough space inside. I only asked for help from a friend to teach me how to do basic computers and that’s when I started to seek a job online. I applied for a job post as a Call Center Agent and the location was just a ride away from the place I stayed. I was called for an interview not knowing it was just a Call Center Training Academy, where they trained aspiring agents for 15 days for Free with a daily allowance that once you passed the exam they would give you some recommendation letters to be given to Call Center companies. I knew that it was a good opportunity for me since I didn’t have any idea about working in a Call Center, so I accepted the offer.

I managed to pass the exam and I thought it would be easy for me to get employed but I was wrong. I needed to wake up at dawn to prepare myself for job hunting. I even lost count of how many times I was lost because I was so confused about where to go that sometimes I ended up walking instead of riding a jeepney or a bus. But that wasn’t the most exhausting part because every time I got rejected by the company that I applied to, I felt so emotionally drained and felt that everything was just a mess. I was also running out of money, I almost gave up. It's been two weeks since I started seeking a job. I don’t want to ask for money from my family because I know they would just tell me to go home.

Then one day, after I got out from an interview with a company somewhere in Ortigas, I decided to take a rest in front of a fast food chain, where they put some tables with umbrellas and chairs for customers, holding the last copy of my printed resume, and counting the money that was left from my wallet, suddenly a transgender woman approached me.

“Hi, is this seat taken?" with a friendly tone and smiled at me

“No", I said with a soft voice, and I was about to stand and go away, but then she asked, "Are you an applicant?"
I answered, “Yes, but I had no luck.”
Then she smiled and talked to me again as if we knew each other.
“First timer?" I nodded and softly said “Yes".

Then she told me, if you are not picky and just want to get an experience you can try applying from my previous company. They were not hard on their applicant and they accepted the first timer, she said, however, the salary was low, but if you wanted a job then it would be great for you and just use it as your stepping stone. I instantly got interested and asked her more about it and she gave me the address and exact map location. She even gave me some tips for me to pass the exam and interview. We exchanged names and phone numbers and thanked her before going to the company she mentioned.

I was the last applicant to arrive and luckily I managed to pass the exam and interview. I was scheduled for training immediately. My heart was filled with joy, finally, my hardships in seeking a job ended.

However, everything was hard from the beginning. I struggled during training because there were a lot of things that were new to me. I had no friends from work because they saw me as ignorant. After all, I always asked questions because I wanted to learn and excel in this job that was given to me. My job was commission-based aside from the basic salary and the competition from fellow agents was tough. I was at the bottom rank for 2 weeks and got threatened by my team supervisor that she would terminate me if I were not able to hit the quota. that’s when I decided to observe the top agents and what they were doing. I silently learned and applied it and boom it worked. Eventually, all of my efforts and prayers will be answered. It was one of my best work-related moments, and I can still clearly recall everything that happened at that precise moment.

I went out because it was my lunch break since I was alone and still had no friends when I decided to take my one-hour break outside the company premises. When I got back, someone approached me from the elevator, asking for my full name.
“Hey, are you Jazmine?”

I am confused but I answered,” Yes “ softly.

She then said, " They are looking for you inside.” in a very mystified tone.

I got scared for a moment because of what she told me. I was so confused and nervous that I thought I made a mistake. That's why they were looking for me. I was about to enter the door of the company and the security guard asked me the same thing the girl on the elevator did, my nervousness and confusion arose. I was a bit hesitant to go inside, but the guard led me and told everyone that I was there already.

My team manager saw me with a wide smile. And everyone clapped saying their congratulatory messages to me. They told me that I got the highest sale and I was the top agent in just a blink of an eye. I was very happy and everyone wanted to be friends with me instantly. The outcast version of me suddenly became an instant celebrity.

After that, I kept doing well at work, and the company saw it, giving me a promotion to team leader. A few years later, I made the switch to operations management. I was successful in providing my family with all they needed and in giving my kids a happy life. I achieved all of my goals, including starting a small business.

I decided to go back home and focus on managing my small business and raising my children after I had enough money saved up. I can now say that I am at peace and am grateful to God for everything. I am standing in front of our new home, remembering the past. My kids have all grown up, graduated, started their own families, and are successful in their careers. I was in a tough situation, but I was able to get out of it. I thank God daily for enabling me to prove my value in this cruel world. I firmly believe I was among God's most formidable warriors, and I will always be grateful for all the challenging jobs He gave me. I felt a lot of hurt and pain throughout the process, and I learned a lot, but I didn't look back; instead, I used it as motivation to keep going and get better. I have become the person I am today due to both the successes and the scars in my life. And for that, I am so proud of myself.


AUTHOR: MarisOfLifeBLog / Mariz F. Yabes

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