A Letter to You Dad

A Letter to You Dad(ellie may) Dear dad,
I never thought I would have to say these words to you. I thought we would be best friends, or at least friendly. At this point I figured, you would want an explanation. Maybe to even figure out why I decided silence was better. I know that you have a new family, that you deemed to be better than the two kids that you already have. You crave that feeling though right? The feeling that people are longing for you, craving that attention you give them?
Here is the deal, dad. I don’t want that. I don’t want to fight for something, that isn’t even worth the fight. You want me to claw my way through to win a prize that is even obtainable. A never ending battle, where you lose nothing, yet I lose everything.
I found peace in the silence. Maybe you should too. It is a void that is filled, an all consuming silence. It’s like that giant pit got filled with water. It was needed after a long drought. Why would I want to empty the water all over again? You get what I am saying.
I never really wanted to say how you affected me. You always want to pretend that you never did anything. You act like, one day I just stopped talking. There are so many reasons why I stopped.
I don’t answer those non existent calls. How hard it is for me to ignore calls that never come. The very few and far between text messages, don’t forget the one solo text on my birthday. Who would care though, why would you fight for a child that was a placeholder to begin with. A child that was only there to entertain the one you truly wanted the most.
I know all about why I am here, don’t pretend. We all know, foolish of me to think otherwise. Right? Like you wanted a girl, why would you. Don’t worry though your new wife made it real clear, none of your children matter. Not even your favorite one.
Let’s be honest, we all know why I went silent. Like I ripped out every bit of vocal cords. You must tell everyone that I am sick. Just like everyone else in your life that doesn't fit in the tiny box you try to squeeze them into. Am I though ? Am I sick, or do I just want a father to care? My last straw was when you married your meal ticket. I know, how awful of me to call her that. But let's be real. That is what she is.
I thought you were going to leave her? I thought that she wasn’t even going to be here for christmas. I guess I am wrong though. You married her, a woman who called our only daughter fat, multiple times. Fifty two years old, telling a 20 year old fat. Can you believe it.
Oh let us not forget that she did call your son homeless. She has only evil in her heart. It is probably jet black and filled with venom.
Who would marry someone who would treat their kids like that? But I guess I have too high of standards. To believe you would actually leave someone who pays for your whole life. Who treats your children like they are just disposable, something you can get rid of. You never once did anything. You never even defended us.
I would like you to understand that this isn’t a punishment. This isn’t going to stop one day. There will be no happy running with hugs and tears. This is forever, you will never hear the sound of my voice. No ring through the phone, no voice mails. Slowly day by day you will forget what it even sounds like.
That is fine by me, I forgot what it meant to care. I have found a great deal of peace and happiness by cutting you off. This is the one thing that makes my life easy, even enjoyable. You want to know why? It is because now I don't have eight thousand separate events, because you can’t even be civil with mom.
I wish honestly to save us all the issues, you left and never came back. I tell mom all the time, you should have left. Just like how you got left. That void would be easier, easier than you pretending like I mattered. Don’t worry, I will help you out. I just cut you out, and it will be just the same. right ?
You never even tried though. You never fought to fix this between us. You never even asked what was wrong, or why I stopped answering. You just asked what was wrong with me. We would think that is progress, but it wasn’t to me now was it. No, you asked everyone else that didn’t matter.
So please tell your dogs to back off. That’s right, I said it.
Help me help you.
Here is why I will never talk to you again, a numerical list.
You said you would take everything away from your soon to be ex wife and make her and her children homeless
You never defended your children
You forgot to pick us up nine times out of ten
You request to have us from 7pm to 7 am every other weekend
You only ever called when you wanted something or to cause problems
You made fun of me when i was trying to do something you wanted to do ( you are the reason i quit cross country )
You didn’t invite me to the rehearsal dinner of your wedding that I was in
You married a woman who hates you children, and has always made you choose doing the wrong thing instead of helping your kids
You told me when i got my first apartment i wasn’t your problem any more

Goodbye forever, may peace fill your heart. You need all of it you can get
So goodbye.