Congratulations !
You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Life Changing Decisions/Events
- Published: 08/07/2024
Promîse
Born 2006, F, from Lahore, Pakistan"Hey, did you hear about the new girl in school?" Alex whispered to Mark during math class.
"What new girl?" Mark replied, his eyes never leaving the whiteboard.
"Lena," Alex whispered back, his voice carrying a mix of excitement and curiosity. "She's supposedly from the other side of town."
"What's so special about that?" Mark shrugged, scribbling away at his notes.
"You know," Alex leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a murmur, "the poor side."
The room grew silent as the final bell rang, and the two friends packed up their books. They made their way out of the stuffy classroom into the bustling hallway.
Lena sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, her tray filled with a sparse meal. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for a familiar face. Alex and Mark approached her table, their curiosity piqued by the whispers of her mysterious background.
"Hi," Mark said, trying to sound casual as they stopped beside her. "I'm Mark, and this is Alex. You're Lena, right?"
Her eyes lit up with a shy smile, and she nodded. "Hi," she replied softly.
The conversation flowed easily, and the three of them found themselves sharing stories of their lives outside of school. Lena spoke of her love for painting and her dreams of seeing the world beyond the city limits. Alex and Mark talked about their latest video game conquests and weekend plans.
As the days turned into weeks, the friendship grew stronger, and a tension began to build beneath the surface. It was a feeling that none of them could quite put their finger on, a current of unspoken words and lingering glances. But amidst the school gossip and daily routines, the promise of something more remained unexplored.
One sunny afternoon, as they sat together under the old oak tree, Alex gathered the courage to confess his feelings. He stumbled over his words, trying to find the right way to express the emotions that had been growing inside him. But just as he was about to speak, a group of laughing students approached, interrupting the moment. Lena's eyes grew wide, and she quickly turned away, leaving Alex's heart racing and his confession unsaid.
Months passed, and the whispers grew louder. People began to notice the unspoken bond between Alex and Lena. They saw the way Alex would protect her from the teasing of other kids and how Lena's face would light up when he was around. Yet, she remained guarded, her secret weighing heavily on her heart. She knew that Alex came from a wealthy family and feared that her own poverty would drive a wedge between them if he knew the truth.
Then, one fateful day, a letter arrived in the school office addressed to Lena. It contained an offer for a full scholarship to an elite art school in the city. The anonymous donor had seen her talent and potential, and believed in her dreams enough to grant her this life-changing opportunity. The news spread through the school like wildfire, and Alex and Mark were the first to hear it.
Alex felt his heart drop to his stomach. He knew that Lena had always dreamed of escaping the confines of their small town and pursuing her love for art. But the timing was cruel. He had just found out that his parents were moving abroad for work, and he would be leaving in a few months. He had been planning to confess his feelings to her before the news of the scholarship, but now it felt like the universe was conspiring against him.
Mustering all his courage, Alex approached Lena as she walked home from school, her eyes focused on the envelope clutched tightly in her hand. He took a deep breath and blurted out, "Lena, I know about the scholarship."
Her eyes snapped up to meet his, filled with a mix of surprise and wariness. "How?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"It doesn't matter," Alex replied, taking another step closer. "What matters is that I know how much this means to you, and I want you to go for it."
Lena's eyes searched his, looking for any hint of insincerity. But all she found was a warm sincerity that melted the ice around her heart. "But what about you?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"I'll be fine," Alex assured her, trying to hide the ache in his own heart. "I'm moving away too, remember?"
Her eyes grew wide with realization, and she clutched the envelope even tighter. "But you haven't said anything about it," she said, her voice filled with accusation.
Alex took a deep breath, his heart racing like a roller coaster climbing to its peak. "There's something I need to tell you," he began, his voice shaky. "I-I love you, Lena. I've loved you for a long time, but I never knew how to say it. I didn't want to make things complicated, but now, with all this happening..."
Before he could finish, Lena's mother rushed out of their small house, her eyes filled with excitement. "Lena, come quick! We have to talk about the scholarship!"
Lena looked from her mother to Alex, torn between the promise of a future she had only ever dreamed of and the confession that had just been laid bare. "I'll be right there," she called over her shoulder, her gaze never leaving Alex.
"Lena," Alex tried again, reaching for her hand.
But she was already walking away, her steps quickening with each breath. "Meet me tomorrow," she called back, her voice barely carrying over the sound of her mother's excited chatter. "After school, at the park. We'll talk then."
The following day felt like an eternity for Alex. Each tick of the clock echoed in his ears, reminding him of the promise he had made and the confession he had yet to hear. As the final bell rang, he bolted out of the school, his heart hammering in his chest. He waited by the swings, the same spot where they had shared so many laughs and quiet moments.
When Lena arrived, she looked more beautiful than ever, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She sat down next to him, her hands shaking as she held onto the cold metal chain of the swing.
"Alex," she began, her voice trembling. "I know you're leaving soon, and I know I should be happy for this chance, but I can't ignore how I feel."
Alex's heart stopped. He knew what was coming, but he needed to hear it from her lips. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice a mere whisper.
"I love you too," she said, her voice filled with a quiet desperation. "But it's too late, isn't it? You're going away, and I'm going to the city. We're from two different worlds."
Alex felt a knot form in his throat. He knew she was right, but he couldn't bear the thought of losing her. "No, it's not," he insisted, taking her hand in his. "We've got two years, Lena. Two years for us to make this work."
Lena looked into his eyes, and for a moment, she allowed herself to believe that love could conquer all. "Okay," she whispered, a smile playing on her lips. "Two years."
As they sat there, the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the park. They made plans to visit each other during breaks and promised to keep in touch every day. The promise of a future filled with love and hope was all they needed to get through the bittersweet present.
Two years felt like forever, but Alex was determined to keep his word. He knew that their love was worth fighting for, and he was ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. With Lena by his side, he felt like he could conquer the world.
And as the day grew dark, and the first stars began to twinkle in the sky, Alex sent her a message that echoed the promise he had made in the schoolyard. "I promise," he typed, his thumb hovering over the send button, "that I will never break my promise to you."
The end.
Promîse(Meena)
"Hey, did you hear about the new girl in school?" Alex whispered to Mark during math class.
"What new girl?" Mark replied, his eyes never leaving the whiteboard.
"Lena," Alex whispered back, his voice carrying a mix of excitement and curiosity. "She's supposedly from the other side of town."
"What's so special about that?" Mark shrugged, scribbling away at his notes.
"You know," Alex leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a murmur, "the poor side."
The room grew silent as the final bell rang, and the two friends packed up their books. They made their way out of the stuffy classroom into the bustling hallway.
Lena sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, her tray filled with a sparse meal. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for a familiar face. Alex and Mark approached her table, their curiosity piqued by the whispers of her mysterious background.
"Hi," Mark said, trying to sound casual as they stopped beside her. "I'm Mark, and this is Alex. You're Lena, right?"
Her eyes lit up with a shy smile, and she nodded. "Hi," she replied softly.
The conversation flowed easily, and the three of them found themselves sharing stories of their lives outside of school. Lena spoke of her love for painting and her dreams of seeing the world beyond the city limits. Alex and Mark talked about their latest video game conquests and weekend plans.
As the days turned into weeks, the friendship grew stronger, and a tension began to build beneath the surface. It was a feeling that none of them could quite put their finger on, a current of unspoken words and lingering glances. But amidst the school gossip and daily routines, the promise of something more remained unexplored.
One sunny afternoon, as they sat together under the old oak tree, Alex gathered the courage to confess his feelings. He stumbled over his words, trying to find the right way to express the emotions that had been growing inside him. But just as he was about to speak, a group of laughing students approached, interrupting the moment. Lena's eyes grew wide, and she quickly turned away, leaving Alex's heart racing and his confession unsaid.
Months passed, and the whispers grew louder. People began to notice the unspoken bond between Alex and Lena. They saw the way Alex would protect her from the teasing of other kids and how Lena's face would light up when he was around. Yet, she remained guarded, her secret weighing heavily on her heart. She knew that Alex came from a wealthy family and feared that her own poverty would drive a wedge between them if he knew the truth.
Then, one fateful day, a letter arrived in the school office addressed to Lena. It contained an offer for a full scholarship to an elite art school in the city. The anonymous donor had seen her talent and potential, and believed in her dreams enough to grant her this life-changing opportunity. The news spread through the school like wildfire, and Alex and Mark were the first to hear it.
Alex felt his heart drop to his stomach. He knew that Lena had always dreamed of escaping the confines of their small town and pursuing her love for art. But the timing was cruel. He had just found out that his parents were moving abroad for work, and he would be leaving in a few months. He had been planning to confess his feelings to her before the news of the scholarship, but now it felt like the universe was conspiring against him.
Mustering all his courage, Alex approached Lena as she walked home from school, her eyes focused on the envelope clutched tightly in her hand. He took a deep breath and blurted out, "Lena, I know about the scholarship."
Her eyes snapped up to meet his, filled with a mix of surprise and wariness. "How?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"It doesn't matter," Alex replied, taking another step closer. "What matters is that I know how much this means to you, and I want you to go for it."
Lena's eyes searched his, looking for any hint of insincerity. But all she found was a warm sincerity that melted the ice around her heart. "But what about you?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"I'll be fine," Alex assured her, trying to hide the ache in his own heart. "I'm moving away too, remember?"
Her eyes grew wide with realization, and she clutched the envelope even tighter. "But you haven't said anything about it," she said, her voice filled with accusation.
Alex took a deep breath, his heart racing like a roller coaster climbing to its peak. "There's something I need to tell you," he began, his voice shaky. "I-I love you, Lena. I've loved you for a long time, but I never knew how to say it. I didn't want to make things complicated, but now, with all this happening..."
Before he could finish, Lena's mother rushed out of their small house, her eyes filled with excitement. "Lena, come quick! We have to talk about the scholarship!"
Lena looked from her mother to Alex, torn between the promise of a future she had only ever dreamed of and the confession that had just been laid bare. "I'll be right there," she called over her shoulder, her gaze never leaving Alex.
"Lena," Alex tried again, reaching for her hand.
But she was already walking away, her steps quickening with each breath. "Meet me tomorrow," she called back, her voice barely carrying over the sound of her mother's excited chatter. "After school, at the park. We'll talk then."
The following day felt like an eternity for Alex. Each tick of the clock echoed in his ears, reminding him of the promise he had made and the confession he had yet to hear. As the final bell rang, he bolted out of the school, his heart hammering in his chest. He waited by the swings, the same spot where they had shared so many laughs and quiet moments.
When Lena arrived, she looked more beautiful than ever, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She sat down next to him, her hands shaking as she held onto the cold metal chain of the swing.
"Alex," she began, her voice trembling. "I know you're leaving soon, and I know I should be happy for this chance, but I can't ignore how I feel."
Alex's heart stopped. He knew what was coming, but he needed to hear it from her lips. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice a mere whisper.
"I love you too," she said, her voice filled with a quiet desperation. "But it's too late, isn't it? You're going away, and I'm going to the city. We're from two different worlds."
Alex felt a knot form in his throat. He knew she was right, but he couldn't bear the thought of losing her. "No, it's not," he insisted, taking her hand in his. "We've got two years, Lena. Two years for us to make this work."
Lena looked into his eyes, and for a moment, she allowed herself to believe that love could conquer all. "Okay," she whispered, a smile playing on her lips. "Two years."
As they sat there, the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the park. They made plans to visit each other during breaks and promised to keep in touch every day. The promise of a future filled with love and hope was all they needed to get through the bittersweet present.
Two years felt like forever, but Alex was determined to keep his word. He knew that their love was worth fighting for, and he was ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. With Lena by his side, he felt like he could conquer the world.
And as the day grew dark, and the first stars began to twinkle in the sky, Alex sent her a message that echoed the promise he had made in the schoolyard. "I promise," he typed, his thumb hovering over the send button, "that I will never break my promise to you."
The end.
- Share this story on
- 4
Barry
08/08/2024Very clear writing and story-telling. I taught myself to write when I was young by studying the great story writers of the past, people like the Russian writer, Anton Chekhov. Chekhov published in the russian newspapers and they demanded that he write very short stories. He used very simple, conversational language but with incredibly interesting plots and unforgettable characters. If you can find any of his shorts stories, you can learn a lot about the craft of writing.
Another trick that I learned in my writing was from the South African writer, Nadine Gordimer. Gordimer uses the five senses - see, feel/touch, hear, smell, taste - when fleshing out a paragragh. In one story sher paints a picture of a woman eating an orange. In her description she uses all the senses to describe the fruit, the taste, how it felt to peel the ring, the smell of the juice and so on. Any write can benefit from using this technique as long as they take their time and don't rush. It's also fun and a great challenge.
At any rate you wrote a great story. Five stars!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Denise Arnault
08/07/2024Yeah Meena. Possibly your best story yet! I'm so excited that you added the additional descriptions. It really helped with feeling the story unfold. I feel like I'm watching the wings of a butterfly unfold. Can't wait to see what you do next.
Reply
COMMENTS (2)