Avoidable Phrase(Marla) "Get over it."

I think that we should be very careful with these words. Often, they cause much more hurt than help. The phrase entirely dismisses what a person may be feeling. You’d not likely say aloud to another human being: “I am going to dismiss your feelings. I have decided that you cannot feel that way.” But really, the message is the same.

I am not claiming that we should wallow in misery. Of course, there will be many times when we will have to "get over" things that are said or done, but dealing with our own problems is very different from telling another person that he or she should do so immediately.

I’d like to share two examples here.

One is about a young woman I met during my first year of teaching. I’ll call her Melanie. It was summer and she was home from her first year in college. I asked her if she planned to return to school. She told me that she was not and then she told me one reason for her decision. She had struggled with intense homesickness. On one particularly difficult day, a staff member saw her crying. She asked what was wrong, and Melanie answered honestly, that she was missing home. The staff member offered no words of encouragement, showed no empathy, and callously replied, “Well, you need to just get over it.”

I think what made this even more difficult to take was that this happened at a Christian college. The love that staff talked about was not demonstrated that day. It’s important to note here that Melanie was not one to seek pity. She knew that she had to “tough it out” until the end of the year. What she did not need was to hear someone say “Get over it” on a day that she felt low. How differently things may have gone if that staff member had spoken to Melanie with kindness and understanding!

The second is about a man who finally mustered the courage to confront his mother. She had done something that was hurtful. He set up a meeting with her and then told her how her actions had made him feel. Instead of the apology that he had hoped for, he received those same words. “Get over it.” She did not care at all. Her words didn’t just add to the hurt - they discouraged him from ever trying to discuss things with her in the future.

That phrase is not likely to build relationships. We are here for such a short time. Let’s choose our words carefully.

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