16 years of war, wisdom, and growth(Trinity) This is the story of strength. From the start of my life things weren't going to plan my father had left when i was only two years old, my mother had done her best to provide for me even with a new father my unborn sisters biological father not mine and for eight years it was nice still rough i struggled to fit in i still do my mom says i was born to be an oddball. Growing up my self-esteem was crushed. I was told nothing I did would ever be enough. I could be a straight A student and it wouldn't be enough not for my new father at least. Now I had always struggled with my weight as a kid, eating had been the one thing I could control and I really took advantage of that and it made me an easy target for bullying. It didn't help that the year right before middle school the biggest change in my life would happen. My new father and mother would split and I found out about my real dad whom I didn't remember because I was so young when he left. That same year I lost my great grandfather. Now middle school was the worst thing, bullying got worse and I started my addiction of self harm. Something from that point on would be the biggest challenge for me to face. And as the years went by my mental health declined. I was about five or six when I was diagnosed with adhd and in my later years I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, a sensory processing disorder, and finally bipolar disorder. While in middle school things took a turn for the worst. I was only twelve years old and tried taking my own life. Now this would be the first of seven times i've tried. My mother has and had done everything she could do to help these thoughts go away yet no matter how much therapy or how many different meds she tried it never worked. I was probably around yet again twelve when i went into my first psychiatric facility i would be there for four long months this would be the first of two times for me going the last was when i was fourteen i spent that birthday in add that on top of multiple hospitalizations to short term versions of these places my home life became crap school life already sucked it was during this time everything was against me or that's how it felt. And there would be days where I'd think maybe what was happening to me I deserved it. Now this year just a couple months ago i had tried to take my life for the final time now the reason i say final is because i realized oh crap maybe there is something some reason why im alive that maybe i can change myself because at the end of the day i can't control others or my situation just myself and it was only then that i realized i'm not gonna keep doing this no the next time im close to death would be when it was truly my time. Now maybe my fights at home have cooled down and i finally have friends and i found that i really shouldn't care what people think about me because im perfect just the way i am, that i no longer care what bullies say because nobody can hurt me like they way iv hurt myself over the years now the other battles may be done but the battle against my own brain will never stop because i will never stop trying to live and be a carning, kind, loving person that i am. I've lived a hard life but so have a lot of people. I've learned it's how you grow from it. If you look at mountain orchids they live near volcanoes knowing at any time they can get burned yet they have adapted to live near destruction and still thrive with it. I like to look at my life like that all the bad things in my life just made me a better person if it weren't for my bullies i wouldn't be as kind, if it weren't for my mother i wouldn't be as strong, if it weren't for my father i wouldn't be as carning, if it weren't for my mental struggles i would never been as willing to help people so they don’t struggle alone like i felt i have so they never feel alone as i did. My life may have been tough but I'm a hell of a lot tougher. So as long as people don't pity me my life isnt bad it is what it is and there is nothing i would change about it because it just makes me stronger. I will be honest writing this made me realize how much I've been through, yet I didn't add it all that I am stronger than I ever knew looking at my past. I've always hated myself. While writing this I strive to be all of these characteristics to the max. I envy myself and I love myself. What's not to love about me? I found my reason just as I was writing this. My reason in life is to spread joy and care about the people who nobody cares for because I will never let anyone kill themselves on the inside like I let myself do to me. To end this in the words of Kelly Clarkson “ what doesn't kill you makes you stronger’’.

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