From Complacency to Clarity(Kanesha Andrews) Author's Note: This essay was inspired by a video that I watched on YouTube where the young man who brought the spiritual message spoke about Trusting God in One's Relationship. I've written about heart break before, this is another first, revealing much more about myself.
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I am recently divorced. Before that, my ex-husband and I were stuck in a state of complacency. However, something changed in 2023—though, in hindsight, that change was likely building long before then. One day, my perspective shifted, and I began to see my ex-husband in a completely new light. I noticed his flaws—flaws I had always known about but had chosen to overlook. This time, I saw them for what they were: unchanging and unchangeable. It became clear that he and I had grown apart. Around this time, I also found my way back to God.

During this period, I struggled. I found peace and joy in reading devotional books my mother had given me (but which I hadn’t read until then) and in studying the Bible. Yet, I felt an overwhelming sense of discontent whenever my husband was around. Looking back, I believe this was God showing me the truth: “You’ve changed, but he hasn’t.”
As I grew more confident in my faith and in my identity through God, it began to show in ways that startled my ex-husband. He commented that he felt like he had to tiptoe around me. Ironically, I had always felt that way about him. I constantly monitored my words and actions to avoid conflict, particularly during arguments, because I prioritized his demands and moods over my own well-being.
Now, I can see that I had spent years ignoring his flaws while tirelessly trying to change my own to keep the peace. This approach wasn’t healthy for me, and it certainly wasn’t beneficial for our marriage.
Before we separated, I suggested several times that we return to attending church. However, my husband dismissed the idea after a pastor made a comment about violence in video games during a sermon. It put him off completely. Reflecting on that moment, I realize now that he didn’t want to hear anything that might challenge or convict him to change. Those of us who follow God understand that conviction, while uncomfortable, is a necessary step in transformation.
Over time, it became evident that my husband was not willing—or perhaps not able—to become the kind of partner I needed. Through prayer and reflection, I came to understand what God had been trying to tell me: “The person you need must allow Me to dwell within them, so I can be a source of comfort for you.”
Trusting God with our relationships is not always easy, but I’ve learned that He reveals the truth about the people we love when we are ready to see it. Sometimes, that truth can be heartbreaking, as it was for me. When God opened my eyes, it became clear that my marriage was no longer sustainable.
In closing, I have questioned whether I could have done more to save my marriage. But through prayer and messages like the one that inspired this essay, I feel reassured that there was nothing more I could have done once God revealed the truth to me. Without even realizing it at the time, I had been trusting Him all along, even with my broken marriage. He helped me refocus my heart and attention back on Him, where they belong.

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