Standing Firm

For some time now, I have been feeling not very upbeat. There are moments when I manage to be positive, but they are fleeting. More often than not, I find myself engulfed in anger, sadness, and a desire to shut myself away from the world. I prayed often, keeping my eyes and heart open for anything that might help me reclaim some positivity. Every morning, I would wake up and take time to read devotions from a Christian spiritual publication and then turn my attention to my bible app and read either scripture or devotional plan that caught my interests. And while sometimes this helped me to reclaim positivity. It was always be short-lived.

I finally had a breakdown. Tormented by the pain of my broken marriage and other related struggles, I began to shut down emotionally. Outwardly, I appeared fine—especially around my family. But when I was alone with my thoughts, the torment, insecurity, and sadness would resurface with a vengeance.

Today, as I watched a spiritually uplifting movie, my thoughts lingered towards God. I found myself asking Him questions, wrestling with my emotions, and even breaking down in tears several times. After the movie ended, I I decided to take some time and read over a scripture text what was shown at the end of the movie. I grabbed my bible and read that scripture text again and decided to have devotional time with God.

During that quiet moment, I wrote him a letter. I poured out my heart, asking Him to guide me, to walk with me, and to help me understand the things I was capable of grasping. For the things I couldn’t comprehend, I asked Him simply to stay by my side.

As I continued this devotional time, I found myself thinking about an essay I had written in the past. Rereading it, I felt a spark of inspiration. I realized that some of its insights still resonated deeply with me and decided to incorporate parts of it into this reflection. Here's what emerged:

I should not underestimate myself.

Just because I did not finish high school does not mean I stopped learning. Just because I am not outspoken does not mean I have nothing important to say. As I write this, I hear God in my heart saying, “Stand Firm! Do not be discouraged!”

Standing firm in my faith has never been easy for me. In fact, I’m not sure it ever will be. But I continue to turn to God for strength—despite my stubbornness, despite my fears, and despite my struggle to fully grasp how deeply I am loved. I choose to lean on Him because, deep down, I know the truth: God is walking with me. He is encouraging me to trust Him and to stand firm, even when the journey feels uncertain.