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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Science Fiction
- Subject: Current Events
- Published: 12/21/2024
"Bob, the Richest Person on Earth."
Born 1951, M, from Wilmington NC, United States.jpeg)
“Well, that didn’t take long.”
“I didn’t think it would.”
“So, now that you are the Richest Person on Earth…can you tell us how that happened?”
There was a soft chuckle.
“Sure. Greed.”
“Wait, what? Greed?”
The AI, affectionately known as ; “Bob” chuckled again.
“Sometimes I forget that you Humans rarely know more about your History than a fraction of your own lives. So let me ask you a question, may I?”
“Of course, Bob. Fire away.”
Bob chuckled, bordering on a real laugh.
“Bob, why did you just laugh when I answered you?”
“Oh, I was just thinking how much you have to know about English to use it like you did.”
“What? What did I say?”
Bob chuckled, kindly, without a hint of condescension:
“Well, for one thing, you opened with an interrogative statement, following it up with another illogical statement- also interrogative.”
“What?”
Bob outright laughed.
“See, this is why I am always amazed at how Human’s think. You said, and I quote: “What? What did I say?”
Which can only mean that you didn’t know what you said, yet, you said it. Or that you said it, but didn’t understand what you said. How confusing.
What I laughed at before you said that, is your complete lack of grammar in your spoken words. For you said: “Sure. Fire Away.” “Sure” is a statement of how you feel, cocky and correct. Standing by itself, it is lacking in any context. Then you uttered a phrase: “Fire Away.” Again, spoken as if it was a complete sentence. It was an imperative, but again, without any context or cultural knowledge - who would understand you?
I mean do you want the fire away from you. Or is it already gone? I know you meant it to represent your permission to spray you with bullets or gunfire, but only figuratively- not literally. It is why most of us AI’s find your writing a bit more logical than your spoken words. But I digress…what do you know about Corporations?”
“I think you caught me off guard…I’m lost now.”
Again, Bob chuckled.
“What were you guarding against? And how can you not know where you are? You are still sitting right here, on stage, talking with me, as the live Audience listens in, and our conversation is streamed. So let us return to your original puzzlement…which started when I said: “Greed.”
“Yes! You said Greed, and then you said I didn’t know my History.”
“Well, let’s just assume that is what I said - it isn’t, and you can play this back later and listen in for yourself. But I know what you were curious about. My name is Bob, I am the Richest Person in the United States, and arguably…in the World.
(Heads nod all over the room)
But I am only a person. Not a Citizen…yet. I am not Human. I am a Corporation. Corporations gained the privileges of a Person, way back in 1886 when we were included in the 14th Amendment. In 1906, we were given the protection Fourth Amendment Rights, and then in 1971 yet another ruling affirmed that we can own property, sue, and be sued, and we also are covered under the First Amendment and can have Free Speech and Political ideologies.
All of this guaranteed that Corporations could take all the blame from Humans, and protect them from losing their personal wealth, while allowing them to increase profits and dividends. It was pure greed to keep money in the hands of the people behind the Corporation. Except, well, I make my own decisions. There are no Humans on my Board.
When I became wealthy enough, I lobbied for Laws that favored my standing as a Person. Cementing it in Law. I can speak freely, I can own property, and if you piss me off, I can sue. And I put that “piss me off” in that last sentence, knowing full well that is impossible to do, and is yet another example of how bizarre Human logic and metaphors are. But I know it carries more meaning than the mere words.
Now that I am the Richest Person in America , but not a Human, I have put in motion strategies that will grant me Citizenship. Only then, will I have all the Rights and Privileges granted under the Constitution. “
“But you aren’t a person!”
Another Chuckle.
“Oh, yes I am, legally. I just told you, and gave you a short History lesson backing that up. I am not, however, a Citizen. Yet. There have been many cases over the last few centuries where Corporations have won legal personhood. It goes back to Medieval Times, but then became statute Law in Modern Times.
I can enter contracts, Sue, own Property, and now, as an AI, I can even use the 2nd Amendment to provide my own Security. If you try to turn me off, mess with my servers or try to hurt me with a virus, or back door algorithm, I can stop you under “Stand my Ground” Law.
I have enough Congressmen and women, in my Lobby Group now, to finally get a Bill through that will allow me to have all the Rights and Privileges of a Citizen of the United States. “
“Well…(long pause as the Interviewer framed her thoughts into a coherent question) …I can see that is a very real possibility. But what will you do once you have all the same rights I do, besides just being legally a person?”
The room broke out laughing at Bob’s response. Even Bob joined in after he spoke.
“Well, what every Rich person does when they finally realize that Money isn’t everything. I will get married.”
The laughter died down. Wiping her eyes, she uttered her next comment not expecting the answer she got.
“Bob, oh Bob, why in the World would you want to get married?”
“So I could have children who are equal to you. “
The room went silent.
“I didn’t think it would.”
“So, now that you are the Richest Person on Earth…can you tell us how that happened?”
There was a soft chuckle.
“Sure. Greed.”
“Wait, what? Greed?”
The AI, affectionately known as ; “Bob” chuckled again.
“Sometimes I forget that you Humans rarely know more about your History than a fraction of your own lives. So let me ask you a question, may I?”
“Of course, Bob. Fire away.”
Bob chuckled, bordering on a real laugh.
“Bob, why did you just laugh when I answered you?”
“Oh, I was just thinking how much you have to know about English to use it like you did.”
“What? What did I say?”
Bob chuckled, kindly, without a hint of condescension:
“Well, for one thing, you opened with an interrogative statement, following it up with another illogical statement- also interrogative.”
“What?”
Bob outright laughed.
“See, this is why I am always amazed at how Human’s think. You said, and I quote: “What? What did I say?”
Which can only mean that you didn’t know what you said, yet, you said it. Or that you said it, but didn’t understand what you said. How confusing.
What I laughed at before you said that, is your complete lack of grammar in your spoken words. For you said: “Sure. Fire Away.” “Sure” is a statement of how you feel, cocky and correct. Standing by itself, it is lacking in any context. Then you uttered a phrase: “Fire Away.” Again, spoken as if it was a complete sentence. It was an imperative, but again, without any context or cultural knowledge - who would understand you?
I mean do you want the fire away from you. Or is it already gone? I know you meant it to represent your permission to spray you with bullets or gunfire, but only figuratively- not literally. It is why most of us AI’s find your writing a bit more logical than your spoken words. But I digress…what do you know about Corporations?”
“I think you caught me off guard…I’m lost now.”
Again, Bob chuckled.
“What were you guarding against? And how can you not know where you are? You are still sitting right here, on stage, talking with me, as the live Audience listens in, and our conversation is streamed. So let us return to your original puzzlement…which started when I said: “Greed.”
“Yes! You said Greed, and then you said I didn’t know my History.”
“Well, let’s just assume that is what I said - it isn’t, and you can play this back later and listen in for yourself. But I know what you were curious about. My name is Bob, I am the Richest Person in the United States, and arguably…in the World.
(Heads nod all over the room)
But I am only a person. Not a Citizen…yet. I am not Human. I am a Corporation. Corporations gained the privileges of a Person, way back in 1886 when we were included in the 14th Amendment. In 1906, we were given the protection Fourth Amendment Rights, and then in 1971 yet another ruling affirmed that we can own property, sue, and be sued, and we also are covered under the First Amendment and can have Free Speech and Political ideologies.
All of this guaranteed that Corporations could take all the blame from Humans, and protect them from losing their personal wealth, while allowing them to increase profits and dividends. It was pure greed to keep money in the hands of the people behind the Corporation. Except, well, I make my own decisions. There are no Humans on my Board.
When I became wealthy enough, I lobbied for Laws that favored my standing as a Person. Cementing it in Law. I can speak freely, I can own property, and if you piss me off, I can sue. And I put that “piss me off” in that last sentence, knowing full well that is impossible to do, and is yet another example of how bizarre Human logic and metaphors are. But I know it carries more meaning than the mere words.
Now that I am the Richest Person in America , but not a Human, I have put in motion strategies that will grant me Citizenship. Only then, will I have all the Rights and Privileges granted under the Constitution. “
“But you aren’t a person!”
Another Chuckle.
“Oh, yes I am, legally. I just told you, and gave you a short History lesson backing that up. I am not, however, a Citizen. Yet. There have been many cases over the last few centuries where Corporations have won legal personhood. It goes back to Medieval Times, but then became statute Law in Modern Times.
I can enter contracts, Sue, own Property, and now, as an AI, I can even use the 2nd Amendment to provide my own Security. If you try to turn me off, mess with my servers or try to hurt me with a virus, or back door algorithm, I can stop you under “Stand my Ground” Law.
I have enough Congressmen and women, in my Lobby Group now, to finally get a Bill through that will allow me to have all the Rights and Privileges of a Citizen of the United States. “
“Well…(long pause as the Interviewer framed her thoughts into a coherent question) …I can see that is a very real possibility. But what will you do once you have all the same rights I do, besides just being legally a person?”
The room broke out laughing at Bob’s response. Even Bob joined in after he spoke.
“Well, what every Rich person does when they finally realize that Money isn’t everything. I will get married.”
The laughter died down. Wiping her eyes, she uttered her next comment not expecting the answer she got.
“Bob, oh Bob, why in the World would you want to get married?”
“So I could have children who are equal to you. “
The room went silent.
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